Note: This story takes place before my story "Mutant Histeria".

Miss Madness

"I don't believe this!" Magneto stormed out of his private office. "All those fools had to do was mount the base's new smoke and carbon monoxide detectors. Not install, just mount. A child could do it. A monkey could do it! A monkey child could do it! But could they? NO! Instead those lunatics spent three hours arguing about the best designed snack food before deciding to settle the issue by using the detectors in a demented game of curling crossed with three-dimensional pinball! Now not only do I have to get new detectors, I'll have to install them myself while rebuilding the electrical system along with half the base! And I thought the Control Room was a wreck the last time they destroyed it!"

Magneto flew down the hall before bursting into the recreation room. "Alright you idiots! You fools are going to clean up your mess or so help me…!"

"Hey boss! Keep it down, will ya?" Sabertooth waved at him. "You're gonna miss the show."

"Don't tell me to keep it…huh?" Magneto blinked taking in the scene. Mastermind stood behind a small podium wearing a preacher's outfit while Remy, Pyro and Piotr faced him dressed in choir robes.

"Fellow mutants, the time of our salvation is at hand!" Mastermind spread his arms wide. "We may have traveled down a long, twisted road of pain, misery, suffering and despair, but now we are ready to step into the light!"

"Yay!" Remy, Pyro and Piotr cheered.

"Whaaaaaa?" Magneto gaped at the sight in shock. "What the devil…?"

"Bonzo finally lost it during the last curling-pinball match," Sabertooth explained. "So he decided to stage an intervention to teach the Three Stooges how not be all wild, wacky and insane."

"Huh?" Magneto was stunned. "Is he crazy?"

"Well yeah, but he's determined to try anyway," Sabertooth smirked. "I'm just here to watch him fail."

"The past may be lost, but there is still hope for the future!" Mastermind thundered pounding the podium. "We must all band together to rally against the most powerful, alluring force plaguing mutant kind today!"

"What's that?" Pyro asked.

"Madness," Mastermind declared passionately. "Miss Madness."

"Miss Madness," Remy, Pyro and Piotr echoed.

"Miss Madness," Mastermind repeated. "Miss M-A-D-N-E-S-S."

"That spells Madness!" Remy, Pyro and Piotr chimed in unison.

"And here we go," Sabertooth grinned.

"Oh no," Magneto groaned. "Not again!"

"You will wind up causing others stress if you mess with Miss Madness!" Mastermind proclaimed.

"Don't mess with Miss Madness!" The three robed mutants shouted. "Don't mess with Miss Madness!"

"Talk about a field day for irony," Sabertooth snorted.

"Don't try M-A-D-N-E-S-S!" Mastermind pointed at his small congregation. "If your will to live has gone and died! You'll feel better once you testify!"

"If only," Magneto groaned.

"Testify!" The younger Acolytes waved their hands in the air. "Testify!"

"Oh yes!" Mastermind urged.

"I want to testify!" Piotr waved his hand. "I want to testify!"

"So do I," Sabertooth chortled. "I'll testify that when I kill these idiots I did it to preserve the public's mental health!"

"When can you start?" Magneto groaned.

"Well then cleanse yourself, brother! Cleanse yourself!" Mastermind indicated Piotr. "Give us your testimony!"

"Well, I used to have a simple life working a farm while hoping to be an artist," Piotr began. "Now I draw on people with greasepaint while they are asleep, play with anteaters and engage in week-long prank wars."

"So that's why I woke up looking like a clown last week," Magneto glared. "And why I still hear the forbidden name 'Snuzzles' whispered around here!"

"Who's to blame?" Mastermind asked.

"Who's to blame?" Remy, Pyro and Piotr echoed.

"What's her name?" Mastermind pressed.

"We know her name! Her name is…" Remy, Pyro and Piotr whipped out a trio of tambourines. "Miss Madness! Miss Madness! Miss M-A-D-N-E-S-S! Nuts in excess!"

"No kidding," Sabertooth snorted.

"Scattered minds and doom but I digress!" Mastermind caught himself. "So don't flirt with Miss Madness!"

"Like that's gonna stop the Cajun," Sabertooth quipped. "He's been flirting with her and Lady Luck for years!"

"If your brain feels like it's 'bout to fry!" Mastermind warned. "You'll feel better once you testify!"

"Wanna bet?" Magneto groaned.

"Testify!" The younger Acolytes waved their hands in the air. "Testify!"

"Oh yes!" Mastermind urged.

"Oh no," Magneto groaned. "Where's a bottle of aspirin when I need it?"

"I want to testify!" Pyro cried. "You gotta let me testify!"

"Well, come forward, dear brother! Come forward!" Mastermind gestured. "Give us your testimony!"

"I was cold. And I was sad," Pyro began. "A lonely, misunderstood tacker. Then I found comfort in the warm, seductive company of fire!"

"And insanity," Mastermind prompted.

"That too!" Pyro nodded eagerly. "Since then things have never been the same! 'Cause now I never go anywhere without being able to make a flame!"

"Not to mention a mess," Magneto groaned as Pyro made a large fireball over their heads. "The water suppression system's storage tanks still have tapioca pudding in them!"

"That's a flame!" Mastermind blinked at the fireball

"What a flame!" The three younger mutants yelled.

"Who's to blame?" Mastermind asked.

"Who's to blame? Her name is…" Remy, Pyro and Piotr roared. "Miss Madness! Miss Madness! Miss M-A-D-N-E-S-S! Don't acquiesce!"

"Too late," Sabertooth quipped.

"Sense and reason will be in distress if you embrace Miss Madness!" The rest of the Acolytes sang and danced around while playing their tambourines.

"They aren't the only ones," Magneto winced at the noise.

"If you feel you're on a sugar high!" Mastermind cautioned. "You'll feel better once you testify!"

"Testify!" Remy, Pyro and Piotr waved their hands and tambourines in the air.

"Oh yes!" Mastermind urged.

"Testify!" Remy, Pyro and Piotr shouted.

"So much for practicing what you preach," Sabertooth growled watching Mastermind sing and dance along with the younger mutants.

"I'll testify to that," Magneto moaned. "Oh great, now they have me doing it!"

"I want to testify!" Remy spoke up. "I want to testify!"

"You don't have to," Mastermind attempted to brush him off.

"Oh, but I wanna!" Remy pressed.

"But you don't have to," Mastermind tried again.

"Oh, let him testify!" Pyro shouted.

"Very well," Mastermind complied. "Let us lead you on the path to sanity! Well go ahead and tell us your story, oh empty-headed one!

"I used to charm and flirt with any good-looking femme who had a pulse," Remy began. "I was the man of every femme's dream! But then I met my chérie who not only resisted my charms, but became the woman of my dreams! Now I can't stop thinking about her even though everyone says we may never be together!"

"What?"" Magneto blinked. "Who is he talking about?"

"Don't ask," Sabertooth growled. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Crazy thoughts tie a mind in knots leaving a sore and empty brain!" Piotr shouted.

"Yeah!" Everyone except Magneto and Sabertooth shouted.

"Wacky acts create chaos tracks which will drive everyone insane!" Remy grinned.

"Yeah!" Pyro and Piotr yelled.

"Vis-à-vis non compos mentis makes for a poor and lonely flame!" Pyro cried.

"Yeah!" Remy and Piotr cheered.

"You're touched in the head, mayhem has spread and there's only one gal to blame!" Mastermind declared.

"But there are three guys to blame!" Magneto glared at his subordinates. "On second thought, make that four!"

"Ohhh! Miss Madness! Miss Madness! Miss M-A-D-N-E-S-S! Block her access!" Remy, Pyro and Piotr sang and danced around while using their powers.

"Look out! Aaahhh!" Magneto and Sabertooth dived out of the way as flames and charged cards filled the air.

FLOOOM!

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"You'll be wearing a wild, loony dress, if you dance with Miss Madness!" Mastermind warned.

"Don't mess with Miss Madness!" Remy, Pyro and Piotr roared waving their arms in the air.

"Oh Miss Madness!" Mastermind cried.

"Don't mess with Miss Madness!" The younger mutants wailed on their tambourines.

"Oh Miss Madness!" Mastermind raised his hands to the heavens.

"Don't mess with Miss Madneeess!" Remy, Pyro and Piotr trailed off as flames and charged cards hit the ceiling.

"Don't hug M-A-D-N-E-S-S!" Mastermind sang slowly. "That spells Madness! And she's nothing less than Pure Madness!"

"Ohhh yeah!" Remy, Pyro and Piotr bellowed deeply.

"Dooon't mess arooound with Miss Madness!" Mastermind finished with a flourish.

"Don't mess with Miss Madness!" Remy, Pyro and Piotr yelled.

"Oh Miss Madness!" Mastermind cheered right before part of the weakened ceiling collapsed and fell on top of him.

CRAAACK!

CRUNCH!

"Don't mess with Miss Madness!" Remy, Pyro and Piotr ignored Mastermind's plight and continued to happily sing and dance around. "Oh Miss Madness! Don't mess with Miiiiiiss Maaaaaad-neeeeeesss! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh Miss Madness! Don't mess with Miss Madness! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!"

"Great, one more thing for me to repair," Magneto groaned. "Along with what's left of my mind."

"Ohhh," Mastermind moaned lying beneath the rubble. "That hurt…ow…"

"So much for teaching those lunatics to not be crazy and insane," Sabertooth grinned.

"Maybe the snack food argument wasn't so bad after all," Magneto sighed.

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "Mr. Booze".