I want to thank for sarita alex for betaing this for me.

I Write The Songs. CONTEST ENTRY

TITLE: My Immortal

CHARACTERS: Pam & Sookie & Eric & Bill. Others also present.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Southern Vampire Mysteries or any characters; it all belongs to Charlaine Harris. I also do not own 'My Immortal' or anything by Evanescence

PEN NAME: Drumbjo

BETA NAME: sarita alex

VIRGIN WRITER: NO

TEASER: What will Sookie do if Eric ever became finally dead? Will she be able to go on without him?

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I never imagined that I would be alive longer than Eric Northman. I didn't think I would be the one to suffer from the breaking of our bond. I'd always selfishly thought that Eric would be the one to suffer that particular pain. Now I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

It seemed strange to hold a funeral for a vampire, but it was oddly fitting. Pam was by my side, dressed in her designer black outfit. Even in mourning, she managed to look like a million dollars. We were clinging on to each other for all we had and if I hadn't been a vampire as well, she easily would have killed me with her grip.

The room was packed full of mourners of all breeds: vampire, human, shifter, were, dwarf and daemon to name but a few. There was even a token fae presence in Claude and Dermot who had crossed over back into our world to show their support.

The service was carried out by Stan Davis, the vampire King of Louisiana and Texas. What I managed to take in of the service was perfect. Eric was an ancient and well-respected vampire and would be sorely missed by all. Me most of all. Stan had given Pam Eric's title and she fully intended on carrying on his legacy.

Me? I just wanted to meet the sun.

Eric had never wanted the additional bullshit of being King when Victor Madden met an untimely final death at Eric's hand and Felipe de Castro was forced back to his hole in Nevada. Instead Eric asked his friend Stan to take on the role. He remained Sheriff of Area 5 and was unofficially the leader of Louisiana and the one that reported direct to the King. Eric enjoyed his piece of power, but never wanting the additional hassle and vulnerability that came with being king.

It seemed that that despite not being king, he was much more vulnerable than he originally thought.

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Eric had been on official business in New Orleans with Area Investigator Bill Compton when it happened. It was early in the evening and Pam and I had been enthralling the vermin at Fangtasia when both of us were hit by a searing pain. I knew instantly that it was Eric; his ever-present life force no longer connected to me. I collapsed onto the floor in pain, the fangbangers and tourists looking at me strangely as blood red tears slid down my pale face.

I wanted to cry out loud for him, but I could not find the energy to do so. I tried desperately to block out the thoughts of the humans and shifters in the bar, but I failed. I could see in their minds what I looked like. None of them had ever seen a vampire in such pain and were shocked by what they saw. I saw in their thoughts that I was curled up in a ball, my hands clutching at my chest, my cheeks red from the tears I had shed.

"Sookie!" I heard Pam yell from across the bar. She sounded as pained as I felt. The humans around me moved as Pam staggered closer. She curled up on the floor facing me. "He's gone, Sookie."

"I know," I said, my voice unrecognisable to my own ears.

Pam barked out an order to Thalia and Felicia to clear the bar while Pam and I remained holding onto each other while lying on the floor. Her bloodied red face matching mine. I must have been laying there for hours as Pam told me that we needed to go underground as daylight was fast approaching.

"I can't," I croaked. "Let me burn, Pam. I can't do this without him. He was my bonded. I love him. I loved him." I corrected.

"No. He would not want you to meet the sun."

"Why not? He always told me when I was still human that he would do the same when I died. Why should I not?"

I could see that Pam was struggling to come up with a valid reason. "Because I need you. We will get each other through this."

"No. Let me meet the final death. There is no undeath without him."

"I will not let you. He would not want this."

"So you keep saying."

Pam got up off the floor and picked me up. If I'd had the strength, I would have fought her but I couldn't. Instead, I allowed her to carry me into the basement of Fangtasia where we curled up together on the large bed and I silently begged for the sun to take me under.

I was woken the next morning by the searing pain tearing me apart. I looked at the electric clock on the bedside table and could see that it was still daylight. Pam was still dead to the world, so I stood up lethargically and walked over to Eric's closet where he kept spare shirts. As soon as I opened the doors, I could smell him; his distinct musty scent that had always been so appealing to me, even in my human days.

I pulled out one of Eric's blue shirts and pulled it on, allowing his scent to envelop me. It was the most beautiful kind of torture. I smiled as I looked at Pam, I knew that she would hate me for doing this, but she knew my tie to Eric had been stronger than hers since we were bonded before he turned me.

I slowly walked up the stairs, entering the nineteen-character code to leave the basement and walked up into the corridor that led to the main bar. I felt increasingly lethargic, as I got closer to my goal, the daytime sun. It would be the first time I had seen the sun in twenty years.

"Where are you going, Sookie?" I turned to see Alcide Herveaux sat with a silver chain in his hand. "Don't make me use this, Sookie."

"What are you doing here?"

"Suicide watch," he stated simply.

I tried to make a run for it, but in my daytime state, I could not outrun the werewolf. I should have gone to the back door. Alcide wrapped his strong arms around me and I started to shake with bloodied tears. Alcide carried me over to one of the booths and placed me down, leaving me momentarily to pop a bag of human blood in the microwave to warm. If I'd had the energy I would have made another attempt at escape, but I could not.

He brought back the blood for me and poured it into a glass for me. "Drink, Sookie. I'm not letting you starve as well."

I looked at him. Even in his late fifties, he was still an attractive man, and as the long-standing leader of the Shreveport pack, he was an important one as well. When I was human, I used to wish that I could have fallen in love with a good guy like Alcide, but it was too late for me. I had already met Eric Northman, and no matter what Bill said, I always knew that I was Eric's.

Alcide pushed the glass closer to me. "Drink, Sookie."

I did as he asked, but as soon as the blood hit my stomach, I found myself retching back up the blood; being sick for the first time in over twenty years. I instead curled up on the bench, burying my head in my hands and resenting whoever had asked Alcide here to keep an eye on me. My guess was that it was Pam. I pushed the glass away from me, the smell making me feel nauseous.

"Are you okay?" he asked after a time.

"No, Alcide, I'm not. I don't want to be alive, or undead, or whatever the hell I am."

"Northman's really dead then, huh?"

I lifted my head up and gave him a look. "Yes, my husband is fucking dead." Just saying those words were enough to set off another round of sobs. Alcide came and sat next to me placing a searing hot hand on my back. It was strangely comforting, but so different to the cool touch I was used to.

When night had fallen Pam came up into the bar looking like hell. I wasn't sure that I'd ever seen Pam look less than glamorous, but she looked strained, her pain evident on her face and eyes rimmed with unshed red tears.

"I got worried when you had gone. I thought you'd be ashes."

"I would be if you hadn't got wolf-man here to babysit."

"He wouldn't want you to meet the sun –"

"Stop saying that!" I yelled at her, surprising myself with my own energy level. "I loved him, Pam. He's the reason I'm still here now anyway. If he hadn't saved me from being killed by Quinn I'd be dead anyway. So by that logic I might as well be dead. What you do is up to you, but do not dictate to me how I should be."

"I'm not going to let you do it Sookie. If I have to chain you every night in silver, I will do so."

I scowled at her. "Bitch."

"If I have to be, yes. You should feed; you'll need to keep feeding if you plan on crying out all your blood."

"She can't," Alcide answered for me.

"What do you mean, 'she can't'?"

"I gave her a glass of blood earlier and she threw it back up."

Pam narrowed her eyes at me and I nodded to confirm Alcide's story. "This isn't good. I should call Ludwig."

"Or you could just let me rot into dust?" I suggested sarcastically.

She ignored my comment, calling the dwarf doctor straight away while heating a blood for herself. It was ten minutes later that Dr Ludwig arrived into the room in her usual style.

"What now, Pamela, doing Northman's dirty work again?"

Just hearing his name was enough for another stake to feel like it had been driven through my long dead heart. "No, Eric is finally dead, we felt it yesterday. The problem is that Sookie cannot feed."

The doctor turned to look at me before turning back to Pam. "And you can?"

"Yes."

"You are both sure that he is finally dead?"

"Certain," Pam told her. "We both felt the bond rip."

"And you are both his child and bonded?" I nodded and watched her as she turned back to Pam. "Then there is nothing I can do. She will die soon enough through grief and loss of blood. Or earlier if you are kind enough stake her."

I let out a wry smile. "There is nothing you can do?" Pam asked.

"No. It is what happens when one of a bonded pair meets their final death. She is very unlikely to feed again. It is a known phenomenon. Northman should have told you that."

"How long does she have?"

"A week, two at the most. It would be kinder to end her now. I am sorry for your loss, for both of them. I'll send you my bill this time."

With that, the doctor picked up her leather case and left in the same manner as she had entered the room. Pam came over and sat next to me, pulling me onto her lap in the same manner Eric always used to.

"I don't want you to meet the final death. Can you not just survive?"

"I don't want to survive," I admitted. "Don't make me live longer than I have to."

"Will you live as long as the funeral?"

"If I have to. Or you could cut your costs and hold a joint funeral for both of us?" I said with attempted humour.

"I'm not doing anything until I have his remains. And I have a stake with Bill Compton's name on it."

"Staking is too good for Bill. You can be more creative than that, Pam."

"We'll see what happens when he gets here." She placed a kiss on my forehead and left me with Alcide to go into Eric's office to make the required phone calls to the king and to call Compton back to Fangtasia.

It was a few hours later that Bill arrived in Fangtasia escorted by Rasul, the Sheriff of Area 1, having being summoned the by Pam. Pam had been installed as sheriff in Eric's absence, something Bill was furious about considering the rant he gave on the phone. I didn't want to see Bill, but since he was the one that had been with Eric, I needed to know what happened.

"Compton," Pam hissed in a very Eric-like tone. "Want to tell me how you have come back alive but my Maker is dead?"

Bill's brown eyes met mine and I could see his shock in my appearance. "Sookie, are you not feeding?" He turned back to Pam, "She needs to feed. She is too young to go without blood."

"She cannot feed." Pam told him. "It is their bond. She woke during the daylight early this afternoon and tried to go outside. She cannot go on without him."

Bill's face was a picture and if I had the inclination, I would have laughed at him. What it did make me think was that Bill was somehow behind Eric's death. The vampire had always carried on with his ridiculous notion that I was his. He had no idea.

"You're lying," Bill challenged.

Pam was on him in an instant, her fangs drawn and her hands tightly around his neck. She had support from Thalia and Felicia as the three female vampires descended on him. "Does it look like I am lying, Compton?"

I could see the fear in his eyes; he knew how badly Pam wanted to kill him. "What happened to Eric?" I asked in a small voice.

"It was De Castro. We had taken to ground as we didn't have the time to get back to the hotel. When we woke, we were surrounded by De Castro's werewolves. Northman was captured and staked."

"But you came back alive?"

"Obviously," Bill stated arrogantly.

"Is that the best you can come up with?" I asked. Pam gave me a querying look. "He's lying. He's behind it."

Using all the strength I could muster I pulled myself off the bench and moved closer to where Pam had him pinned against the wall. Even moving hurt, my whole body beginning to ache like I was human again.

"I know you're behind Eric's death. Where are his remains?"

"De Castro had it cleaned up; it was nothing to do with me, Sookie." I still hated the way he said my name.

"It's all for nothing, Bill. I will never be yours. All you have done is kill me. I hope Pam has fun torturing you."

"No! I didn't do anything! Wait until the king hears about this!"

"I already have, Compton. And I also know that de Castro was not in Louisiana since he was visiting me in Texas." I looked over to see Stan's geeky but somehow imposing frame stood in the doorway to the club. "And I leave Ms Ravenscroft to arrange your torture and final death. Or you could make it easy for yourself and tell us what really happened."

"I am telling you the truth! Sookie, please."

"You have done nothing but lie to me since we first met, why would I expect anything different now?"

I could feel my body weakening again and Pam shot to my side, leaving the other two to tie Bill in silver. "You are suffering as a result of the bond breaking?" Stan asked, but obviously already knew the answer.

"It hurts. I can't go on without him."

"You are not designed to. In a bond like yours you are only as immortal as the other. I am truly sorry, Sookie. I promise you that justice will be served for yours and your Bonded's deaths."

"That's all I can ask."

Pam and Stan excused themselves, leaving me with Alcide, Thalia and Felicia in the bar to keep me away from wooden pointy things. If I had the energy I would have, but without Eric's life force flowing through me I simply could not find the energy.

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I remembered waking up as a vampire in the bed I shared with Eric for the first time. His scent instantly hit me and I looked around for the source. I could feel his love and relief flooding through the bond that I had made the transition to vampire without a hitch. I had lost a lot of blood following Quinn's attack on me, and Eric was delayed in getting to me.

I instantly pulled Eric to me, pinning him to the bed with my newfound vampire strength and trying to devour him whole. He laughed at my enthusiasm and indulged my needs. In fact, Eric had always been very good at indulging my needs. I remembered that first time with the clarity of my vampire mind.

It was so much rougher than vampire-human sex had ever been. He threw me onto the bed, all of his weight on me, the clothes I was wearing ripped from me. It was nice for once that I was able to do the same to him; easily ripping away his denim jeans and the t-shirt he had been wearing.

He ran his fangs along my skin, leaving a pink scratch in his wake. I was desperate for him to bite me and I felt my own fangs run out for the first time. Eric leaned it and ran his tongue along my fangs causing stirrings in a much lower place. I let out a growl and allowed Eric to puncture his tongue on my fang.

The resulting kiss was bloody and desperate as I tried to get every last drop of his blood before the wound closed. I pulled him closer to me, his very gracious plenty rubbing along my thigh and grazing my centre. I hissed at the contact and Eric chuckled.

"Are you hungry?"

"Only for you. Stop talking and fuck me."

He did as I asked. Pushing deep inside me in one swift movement. It was harder than he had ever thrust into me before and I let out a roar of satisfaction, feeling him filling me so completely. He pinned me to the bed as he continued to thrust violently in and out of me, his thumb moving at vampire speed over my clit and his fangs scraping along my neck.

The orgasm I had then had been the first of many that night. My hunger for Eric had always been stronger than my need for blood. Our connection was strong and we developed the ability to communicate through our minds.

We were as one, but that was no more.

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It took Bill being tortured by Pam three days before he finally admitted what happened to Eric. And the answer was witches. We couldn't get much more out of him than that, but it was enough for us to be able to draw our own conclusions.

I had to give Pam credit with some of the inventive methods she used to torture him. Feeding him his own penis was particularly amusing as well as replacing his finger and toe nails with silver replacement ones, and painting his body with a silver nitrate solution.

We were to finish him off by slowly feeding him to vampire infected piranha fish, a new species that Pam and Eric had been dallying with for a while as a means of torture.

It seemed fitting that Bill should be the one to benefit from the new method.

I had barely survived to the funeral, which was to be held a week after Eric's final death. I was in constant pain and moving became hard work. I'd still not been able to keep any blood in me and I could tell Pam's concern. I knew that she'd been hoping that Dr Ludwig would be wrong, that I would be able to pull through. However I couldn't go on without him. I wished I had alcohol on my side, something that could make me forget. But my damned vampire memory meant that I could remember every last thing about him.

I was unable to sleep and was kept on constant suicide watch, Alcide or one of his pack watching me during the daylight hours when I barely had the energy to open my eyes and Pam, Stan, Felicia or Thalia watching me during the night time hours.

The funeral itself was the most painful thing I could ever imagine. I begged Pam to not make me have to go, but she was right in saying that I needed to say goodbye to him. I found myself wondering what kind of funeral he was given the first time he died, whether his Viking human family mourned him in the same was we were 1,050 years later.

I kept on imagining him walking into the room wearing dark jeans that hugged his ass and one of his black tank tops, his pale skin strained by the strong muscles underneath. His pale blue eyes dancing with humour at something Pam did or staring at me in lust. I loved how he never had eyes for anyone else, whether human or vampire. Once I had become vampire myself I understood his possessiveness and I welcomed it. It was the same feeling I felt for him, after all.

It was after Eric's funeral that we attended to Bill's torture, all of the funeral guests attending this as well. Call it the after-funeral party.

Pam was kind enough to allow me to be the one to lower him slowly into the pool. I did so at an excruciatingly slow pace and watched with amusement as the fish jumped out of the water to bite him. As soon as he was lowered far enough the water instantly went red as the starved fish devoured his lower limbs first. His screams reverberated around the packed room; many vampires in the room stepping up to take a closer look as the vampire fish ate him.

I made sure that Bill's attention was on me as I lowered him the last amount into the water, and I told him that it was for Eric that I was doing it. Once he was fully submerged a cheer went up around the room, but I simply collapsed to the floor.

Pam knew that I had carried on for as long as I could; I had promised her that I would hold on until the funeral, but I could not do it any longer. Pam helped me up and led me back to Fangtasia where a private party was going to be held for close friends of Eric and I. It was partly further remembrance for Eric and a goodbye send-off for me.

I had a date with the sun as soon as she came, after all.

Pam and I sat in the booth that Eric always used whenever he was in the bar and looked around, gazing at the seat he used to occupy, wishing he was still sitting there.

"What are you going to do?" I asked Pam as she held me in her lap.

"Find and kill those fucking witches for a start." I smiled knowing that she would do everything she could to avenge Eric's death.

"Just be careful, okay?"

"I will do. Do you think Amelia would help?"

I hadn't seen Amelia since she left Bon Temps following Tray's death thirty years previous. We had exchanged the odd email and I knew she was a very powerful witch. She worked with Rasul quite often and he used to give me progress reports on her. It seemed that she never was able to forgive me for Tray dying defending me, no matter how much she told me at the time that she had.

"You should ask her, she'd be a good place to start. Rasul will be able to put you in touch with her."

A few of the invited vampires and werewolves started to fill into Fangtasia following Bill's torture, Stan and Rasul joining us in Eric's old booth. The mood was sombre, many vampires I'd met over the previous thirty years coming up to me and wishing me condolences. It was an odd thing to have a funeral before death, but that essentially was what it was.

At half an hour before dawn after saying my goodbyes to those who remained inside the club, Pam and I strolled out into the Fangtasia parking lot. I could think of many more poetic and beautiful places to die than a lot outside a club, but since it was the first place I met Eric as a twenty-five year old human, it seemed oddly fitting.

I felt a peace coming over me as the minutes ticked by, an acceptance of what was to come. I could see that Pam was fighting to stay awake as dawn was so close.

"Stay safe, Pam. I need you to keep on going in his name. Live on in his memory. I love you, Pammy."

"It's a good job that you are meeting the sun, as I should stake you for calling me that. But I love you too, Sookie. Thank you for loving my Master."

"Go inside, Pam. The sun is nearly up."

She gave me one last hug before walking inside the club. I watched as the club door shut behind her and I turned to face east, the sky lightening on the horizon in preparation for the sun to burst over. I remembered how as a human I used to worship the sun to keep my tan in place the whole year around, and it seemed fitting that I should go this way.

Sunrise was scheduled that morning for 5:07. I looked down at the watch Eric had given me for our twentieth anniversary and saw that I had only three more minutes before I could be at peace. There was very little traffic around at this time of the morning, but I could hear the loud engine of a sports car approaching.

I thought nothing of it until it pulled into the Fangtasia parking lot.

"Sookie!" I heard a female voice yell that sounded strangely like Amelia. "Get inside, now!"

"I can't," I tried to explain, turning to face in her direction. "Eric is finally dead. I cannot go one without him, I ph–"

"He's not dead, Sookie. Look!"

I looked behind her and saw the large form of my husband pulling himself out from behind the steering wheel of the car, obviously lethargic from the sun's pull. I couldn't believe it was him and I wondered whether I was seeing things in my delusional state.

"Help me get him inside!" Amelia screamed at me.

I did as she asked, running to my husband and holding him in my arms. I knew at that moment that it really was him, our bond somehow reigniting from the contact. Amelia and I managed to make it inside Fangtasia with literally seconds to spare before the sun came over the horizon and fried us both.

I didn't understand.

I could not comprehend how certain Pam and I had been that he was finally dead, yet here he was.

"How?" I asked as I looked down at him.

"No time to explain. We need to get you two underground."

Alcide and a few remaining werewolves helped Eric and I into the private chamber beneath Fangtasia where Pam, Stan and Rasul were already resting.

And for the first time in a week I felt like sleeping. I laid down next to Eric, his large frame moulding around mine despite him being in a deep slumber.

I woke the next evening and discovered an additional person on our bed since Pam had placed herself on top of Eric, his arms wrapped tenderly around her.

"Hey," I said to him as soon as our eyes met.

"Hey yourself," he sent back.

It was strange to see him there in front of me, but not be able to feel him or speak to him in my head.

"Why is it that I always miss everything?" Pam asked. "What the fuck happened after I left? One minute Sookie's about to become barbeque ribs and the next thing I know you're both down here asleep!"

"I have no more idea than you do," I told her. "I think Eric and Amelia have some explaining to do."

Eric shooed Pam off him and picked me up in his strong arms, burying his nose into my neck and inhaling. "Have you not fed at all?"

"I couldn't," I told him.

"I'm so sorry, Sookie. I should have got back here earlier."

"What happened?"

"We'll discuss it upstairs."

When we reached the bar, Pam, Stan and Amelia were sat at one of the tables, a warmed blood waiting for Eric and I. Eric drank his but I was a little reluctant to drink, not wanting to be sick again. However I had noticed for the first time that I did at least feel thirsty.

Eric and I sat down to join them and Amelia started to explain what had happened since Eric was unable to remember part of it. It seemed that Bill had set Eric up with witches, paying them to curse Eric to his death. But the curse they performed meant that he had no memories of his former life and would sever the bond on Pam's and my end, but not his. Essentially meaning that where Pam and I were convinced he was dead, he would feel everything from us, but not remember who we were.

It wasn't the curse that Bill had asked the witches to perform as he simply wanted him finally dead, but what they had done was so much crueller. What the witches hadn't banked on was Amelia knowing who Eric was. She managed to give back Eric his memories, but he was almost unable to move from the pain he was getting from Pam and I. He realised that I was close to death and made Amelia drive back with him.

Ultimately they had only just made it in time.

"Can the bond be restored?" I asked Amelia.

"Your bond, yes. Whether the maker-child bond can be restored is a trickier question and one I need to look into, but for you two a blood exchange should be all it takes."

I didn't need our bond to know what Eric was thinking when he looked down at me with smouldering eyes.

"If you two can keep your hands off each other for long enough, would you not like to know what we did to Bill?" Pam asked him.

I gave him a grin and his eyes lit up. "You fed him to the vampire-fish? Brilliant!"

Eric and I managed to stay in Fangtasia for an hour before we could keep our hands off each other no longer. The moment we exchanged blood we felt our bond spring back into life, and we could hear each other again. We made love into the early hours of the morning, stopping only for me to feed since my hunger had come back once we'd exchanged blood.

"Don't ever do that to me again, Eric. I nearly gave up many times before you came back. I cannot live without you. You are my immortal."

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The End.