Disclaimer: I don't own anything
A/N: So I know it's been done before, but I needed to write my own version of why PP3 ended the way it ended. They really deserved better.
Their lips finally meet and for one blissful second Chloe is happy. Then the reality comes crashing down, taking away the happiness and leaving a bitter taste of disappointment behind.
Because as much as she doesn't want to admit it, everything about the kiss feels wrong. The lips pressing sloppily into hers are too demanding, hands gripping her waist are too big and rough, even the smell is a bit off. Not unpleasant, but too musky for her liking. She tries to convince herself that it's fine, that she can get used to it and deepens the kiss. The man responds eagerly, dipping her in an entirely too theatrical way. This is what I wanted, Chloe repeats to herself behind tightly closed eyelids. Ever since she laid her eyes on the handsome soldier she's been hoping that he could be it. Her escape. Her happy ending. How foolish she was, thinking that it could be that easy.
And it's not Chicago's fault. Maybe, if circumstances were different, he could make her happy. Except, deep down Chloe knows that is not true. Because, despite all his charms and chivalry, he's not who she really wants. He is not Beca Mitchell.
Chloe breaks the kiss, slipping out of the embrace. Chicago looks confused, mouth open as if he's about to say something. But Chloe doesn't let him, muttering a quick 'sorry' and walking away. She can hear him calling after her, but she doesn't turn around, power walking towards the hotel the Bellas are staying at, feeling the sting of tears trying to escape her eyes.
She locks herself in her room, having thankfully avoided bumping into any of her friends along the way. She doesn't want to talk to anybody, and with the state she's in now, the questions would be unavoidable. The questions that she has no strength to answer, because the truth is too painful.
The truth being that she is in love with Beca Mitchell. She has been for almost seven years now. And that Beca doesn't love her back. Not in the way Chloe needs her to.
Chloe is a firm believer of the notion of love at first sight. And that's because she's experienced it herself. The first time her eyes locked with stormy blue ones, across the busy quad at the activities fair, she knew she was a goner. She didn't even know the tiny brunette's name, but she felt some kind of pull towards her and she resolved to get to know her. The girl's careless brush-off didn't deter her. When the opportunity presented itself, Chloe took it without a second thought, totally unconcerned with her own nudity or any kind of social norms. Looking back, Chloe recognizes that she could have handled that better, at least wait for Beca to put some clothes on. Still, she doesn't regret her actions, as she had successfully managed to recruit Beca to the Bellas and the brunette never held it against her. The fact that she got an eyeful of her very attractive friend is a nice bonus. From there, the two quickly become fast friends. But apart from that, Chloe soon found herself falling for the tiny rebel. She was feeling optimistic though. Beca was a very closed off person, with many walls built specifically to keep other people out. But she was slowly beginning to open herself up to Chloe, telling her small bits about herself. Chloe was patient, happily taking every new information, never pressuring her friend into sharing, cherishing every time she did. And Chloe was quite sure that she was the closest person to Beca. Well, there was this Jesse guy, which worried her for a while, but her friend never talked about him much, so Chloe decided he wasn't a threat. After their amazing pool remix of 'Just the way you are' and 'Just a dream', when they were basically singing love songs to each other, Chloe was becoming quite confident about her chances. Until the ICCA finals.
Chloe was making her way down the isle, hyped up after their performance, buzzing with nervous excitement. After a long talk with Aubrey the previous night, she decided to confess her feelings to Beca. Initially her blond friend had been disapproving of the alt girl, as she called her, but in time she's warmed up to her, however slightly. Having realised that Chloe's crush didn't pass with time, instead developing into much stronger feelings, she finally encouraged her to go for it. So there Chloe was, searching through the crowd for the familiar figure of Beca, when she spotted her standing in a row behind the one occupied by the Trebles. In a passionate embrace with none other that Jesse Swanson. That's when Chloe's heart broke for the first time.
The following holiday Chloe spent in her childhood home, eating unhealthy amounts of ice-cream, listening to sad songs and crying herself to sleep. She felt pathetic, crying over loosing a girl she'd never had. She couldn't stop the hurting though. Everyone knew her as a human ray of sunshine, always happy and smiling. While that was partially true, she was a generally happy and optimistic person, there was much more to her than that. Under that shiny exterior hid her vulnerable side, easily hurt by others. And seeing the girl she was in love with kissing someone else hurt. A lot. It wasn't Beca's fault, the girl was rather oblivious, she probably wasn't aware of Chloe's feelings towards her. It didn't make the situation any easier for Chloe though. Especially when the topic of Beca's new boyfriend came up in the text conversations the girls were sharing over the summer. Chloe understood that Beca was new to the whole relationship thing and was feeling a bit insecure about it, so she was trying her best to be a supportive friend. She wasn't sure she'd succeeded though, as Beca started mentioning Jesse less and less until she eventually stopped altogether.
Upon returning to Barden, Chloe dreaded to see the happy couple, not sure if she would be able to keep her jealousy at bay, but she needn't have worried. Apparently her grumpy friend wasn't one of those people who would be all over their significant other, doing all this cutesy stuff couples usually do. Beca was fully committed to the Bellas, treating the rehearsals more seriously now as a co-captain. Chloe also didn't have problems convincing her to hang out in their free time, the two spending long afternoons coming up with set list, drinking coffee and talking. Still, she would sometimes spot Beca sitting with Jesse on the quad or dancing with him at a party. She'd hoped she would get used to the sight, but it hurt every time.
Over the next summer Chloe resolved to distance herself from Beca. She figured they were too close, which made things all the harder for her. If they spent less time together, it would be easier for Chloe to get over Beca. Then they would return to their easy friendship, without the complication of unrequited feelings.
Her resolve crumbled soon after they moved to the newly acquired Bella house. Being forced to share the living space with the object of her affection, running the singing group together and staying away from her at the same time proved to be impossible. Beca quickly realised that she was acting strange whenever they were alone together and confronted Chloe about it. She made a weak excuse the brunette clearly didn't buy judging by the look on her face, but Beca let it slide and things returned to normal. Only not really, as there were slight changes in their dynamics. They started to spend even more time together, their friendship becoming deeper than ever before. Beca confided in her more, telling her about her family issues among other things. She also became more affectionate towards Chloe. Off course, she was still her grumpy, socially awkward self, but she didn't shy away from Chloe's touch anymore. Not that she had in the past, not a lot at least, but she always used to tense at first, before slowly relaxing. Now she wasn't tensing anymore, and she even initiated contact herself. Sometimes, Chloe would catch Beca staring at her with an unreadable expression on her face. Chloe didn't know what these looks meant, but Beca usually blushed afterwards, shyly averting her gaze, and it made butterflies swarm in Chloe's stomach every single time. It made her hope, that maybe there still was a chance that Beca would return her feelings. But Jesse was still around and it served as a cold shower. A painful reminder that Beca loved someone else.
Their final year at Barden was a roller coaster of emotions. Beca was acting so hot and cold towards her, that it was giving Chloe a whiplash. One day she would be all sweet and caring, making Chloe laugh like no one else could, only to act moody and distant the next day, barely speaking to Chloe at all. There were days when Chloe would barely catch a glimpse of her friend, sneaking out of the house with no explanation. She knew Beca's schedule by heart, her classes didn't take that much time, even if the brunette were to attend all of them. Chloe tried asking, but Beca only gave her half-assed excuses, so she didn't pry further. She was too afraid of what the answer could be– that Beca was spending all this time at Jesse's. Which would be an obvious one, they were dating after all, but Chloe didn't feel like hearing all about that.
Then, there was that German woman. Chloe couldn't understand how the DSM leader could make Beca so flustered, but she certainly didn't like it. It pissed her off and made jealousy swirl within her every time her friend melted into a puddle at the sight of the tall blond female. It also stung, seeing that Beca was obviously attracted to a woman, and still saw Chloe only as a friend.
Just before the retreat Beca got into a huge fight with Jesse and Chloe couldn't help but feel a bit hopeful. She hated herself for it, she never wanted to see her best friend hurting or destroy her relationsdhip, but she knew she could make her happier than Jesse could. If only she was given a chance...
After the spontaneous confession in a tent, a fight and finally rediscovering their sound again, the rest of the year went by quickly. Before Chloe knew it, they were all graduates, heading to Copenhagen for world championships. Which, against all odds, they won. The afterparty was wild, the euphoria from the win combined with an approaching goodbye had all the girls feeling emotional, drinking and dancing as if their lives depended on it. Chloe had just taken a break for the bathroom where she bumped into Beca. The girl gave her a wide, genuine smile that made Chloe feel all warm and tingly. Soon they were talking and laughing together, enjoying each other's presence. Chloe didn't know how it happened, or who made the first move, but one moment they were standing close, grinning at each other, and the next they were kissing. The time seemed to freeze around them, making it impossible for Chloe to tell how long they stood there, lips pressing into each other with growing desperation. Suddenly, however, Beca broke away from her, mumbling a quick apology and fleeing before Chloe had a chance to react. The first coherent thought in Chloe's head was that she was screwed. Somehow she knew that having had Beca's lips on hers, however briefly, no other lips would feel right anymore.
They never talked about the kiss, apart from Beca apologising once again the next day. Apparently she was still with Jesse, so Chloe let the topic go, however much it pained her. Whatever feelings Beca may have had for her apparently weren't enough. She was not going to beg Beca to love her, as much as the remaining part of her broken heart was screaming at her to do just that.
Over the last three years, living together in a small Brooklyn apartment, Chloe has slowly started to accept the fact that Beca will never return her feelings. The last spark of hope appeared when Beca broke up with Jesse, shortly after moving in to NY, but that didn't last long. Beca still hasn't shown any interest in her, so Chloe tried dating other people in an attempt to get over her. That didn't work out either, as she unconsciously compared every person to Beca. No one could ever match.
When she first saw Chicago at the USO tour, she immediately thought that he looked exactly like she'd pictured her future husband would look like when she was imagining her wedding as a little girl. Later he proved to be charming, loyal and brave, all the qualities that a woman would want in a man. Most of all, he was clearly interested in her, making Chloe feel wanted. She really thought that he could be the person who could finally make her forget about her feelings for Beca. Unfortunately, it only proved to be another disappointment.
Chloe sits up on her bed, feeling the swirl of emotions brought on by her reminiscence, annoyance, anger and resignation being the most prominent ones. She can't go on like. She decides that it's time to finally give herself a closure in order to at least start to move on.
She quickly goes to the en-suite, fixing her ruined make-up and messy hair, and leaves the room in search of Beca. She stops at her friend's door, hoping to find her there. After a few knocks the door swings open, revealing Beca, standing in her sweatpants and a tank top, hair loose, looking at her with a visible surprise.
''Can I come in?'' Chloe asks quietly, and Beca nods, stepping back to let her in. Chloe notices that Beca's eyes are slightly reddened, as if she was recently crying.
''Everything okay?'' She asks, immediately concerned.
''What? Yeah, I was just...yeah I'm fine. Didn't expect you here to be honest.'' Beca is acting weird and if Chloe didn't come here with a specific purpose in mind, she would get the truth out of her friend. As it is, she decides to let it go for the time being.
''So, I came here to tell you something. It's important, so just let me finish first, and then you can ask questions if you want to. Okay?'' Beca only nods, seemingly confused, but that is enough for Chloe to start talking.
''I'm in love with you.'' She decides not to beat around the bush. She has to make sure that Beca understands her, and the sooner they have this talk behind, the better. Beca inhales sharply at her words, but Chloe doesn't wait for her to say something. She needs to say it all before she's allowed to break down, which she will probably do afterwards. ''I've been since your freshman year. And I thought that maybe you felt something for me too, but then you got together with Jesse. All throughout college I tried to bury my feelings, but it was just so hard.'' Her voice breaks a little, but she forces herself to continue.''And when we kissed...that was the best kiss in my life, but it made things all the harder. I tried dating other people, but I was too hung up on you to feel anything for them. I thought that maybe Chicago would help me to move on, but he's just...well, he's great, but he's not you. And I can't even be mad at you for ruining my life, it's not your fault that you're so amazing that it's impossible for me not to love you.'' Chloe's vaguely aware she's starting to ramble, tears streaming down her face. But she can't seem to stop now, as Beca is staring at her, face wet from her own tears.''But I'm going to try Beca. Maybe now that you know, I'll be able to get over you. I'll understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me anymore, but please...''
She's suddenly interrupted by soft lips pressing gently into hers. Chloe is stunned for a moment, not knowing what is happening, but after a moment she returns the kiss fervently. Her hands are weaving through brunette locks, holding Beca close, fearing that their moment will soon be over like the last one. But Beca doesn't break away this time, instead putting her hands around her waist to press them even closer. A whimper escapes Chloe's lips as she feels Beca's tongue tracing her lower lip. She opens her mouth and Beca accepts the offer eagerly, her tongue entering Chloe's mouth, making them both moan.
Chloe can't help but marvel at how everything about the embrace feels right. Beca's lips match perfectly with hers, moving tenderly and confidently. She uses her tongue in a way that makes Chloe's head spin. Her small hands are moving against her body gently and lovingly. And she smells amazing, the perfume Chloe bought her for her birthday last year mixing with her natural scent. Chloe thinks she could stay that way, in Beca's arms, forever. But, apart from Beca, breathing is another necessity, so Chloe reluctantly breaks away, looking at the smaller woman questioningly.
''I love you too, Chloe. I love you so much. I'm so sorry that you had to wait so long for me to say it.'' Beca looks at her so earnestly that Chloe doesn't doubt in her truthfulness, but she still has trouble comprehending what is actually happening. Beca seems to sense that, as she kisses her lips tenderly once more, and then takes her hand, guiding her to sit on her bed.
''I think it's my turn to do some explaining.''
Beca Mitchell doesn't believe in love at first sight. She thinks it's some romantic bullshit promoted by the movie producers to have better sales. Yet, she definitely felt something when she caught sight of a beautiful redheaded girl across the quad. She didn't know what it was that she felt in her stomach then though, it could have easily been the lunch she'd had earlier, so she ignored it. She felt it again when the same girl invaded her shower later on, but was too distracted by the hot, naked stranger to analyze her feelings at that time. Somehow, true to the girl's declaration at hood-night, they indeed became friends. It was a new revelation to Beca, as she didn't really have close female friends before, so she didn't recognise that her feelings towards Chloe were always a bit more than what she felt for her other friends. Then again, things were always 'more' with Chloe.
Jesse was a funny guy, goofy and at times annoying, but he made her laugh and she really liked him. Her decision to kiss him was spontaneous, spurred on by the excitement of the performance. However, they didn't get to spend much time alone afterwards, and when they parted for holidays, Beca was left with doubts. She wasn't sure if it was what she wanted, or how to behave now that she was in her first serious relationship. She tried asking Chloe for advice, but the girl seemed a bit off through her texts every time Beca tried to breach the subject, so she let it go.
Things were a little awkward between her and Jesse for a while when they returned for their second year at Barden, but they eventually fell into place. Beca sensed that he probably wanted a bit more attention from her, but she didn't feel the need to spend all her time with him. She was responsible for the Bellas now, and between them, Chloe, and the radio station, the time she spent with her boyfriend was limited. He seemed to understand that, and things between them were good. Meanwhile, her friendship with Chloe deepened, Beca learned to trust her and she really enjoyed her company. Jesse sometimes commented on how the two seemed to be joined by the hip, but it was all in good fun.
At the beginning of her third year, Chloe started acting weird. She clearly avoided Beca, and when she did spend time with her, she was colder than usual, limiting her touches to the minimum. Beca noticed, because she admittedly missed her hugs. They weren't making her uncomfortable anymore, instead leaving her feeling warm and content. She decided to confront the redhead about her behaviour and the answer she got confused her. Apparently Chloe thought that she should give Beca more space, given that she had a boyfriend. Beca knew that was bullshit, it wasn't like she'd just started dating, but something about the answer made Beca suspicious. She'd noticed last year that Chloe acted weirdly subdued whenever Jesse was around. The thought that maybe Chloe was jealous stuck in Beca's mind, making her examine her feelings for the redhead more closely. She found herself staring at Chloe more and more often, admiring the redhead. She was truly beautiful, her melodious laughter became one of Beca's favourite sounds, and the way she smiled at her made Beca feel special. She didn't want to compare the two, but she couldn't help but notice that Jesse never made her feel that way. Sometimes she had a feeling that he loved the idea of her rather than her real self. His relentless attempts to make her like movies or romantic dates started to irritate her, which led to their first fights. He also accused her of spending too much time with Chloe, which irked her even more. She started to wonder if she had made a mistake when she first kissed him almost two years ago. If maybe she should have kissed someone else.
She realised she was in love with Chloe during her senior year. It wasn't a sudden revelation, it crept up on her slowly and finally one day she just knew that she'd probably loved her for quite some time now. It still made her panic though. She recognized now that Chloe possibly returned her feelings, but there was Jesse and she didn't want to hurt him. They've been together for almost three years now and she really did love him. She just wasn't sure if she was still in love with him. If she ever was. Maybe if she focused more on him, she could figure it out. But her feelings for Chloe only grew, fights with Jesse were more and more frequent, and along with the internship she was too lost in her own head to make sense of the situation.
The biggest fight she'd ever had with Jesse was, as they often were lately, about Chloe. He accused her of wanting to wreck their relationship, which made Beca absolutely livid. How dare he suggest that Chloe was anything but supportive towards them. By now Beca was pretty sure that Chloe had feelings for her too, but the redhead had never tried anything with her. And Beca was too afraid to act on her own feelings.
Chloe bringing up experimenting nearly made Beca jump her right there and then. But even though she was still mad at Jesse, she couldn't do that to him. Most of all, however, she couldn't do that to Chloe. Because she deserved better than that. Beca didn't ever want her to feel like she was a second prize.
Standing in a hotel bathroom, with Chloe smiling widely at her, looking more carefree than she ever did over the last year, Beca felt a strange mixture of guilt and happiness. Guilt, because the girl had a rough year and Beca knew she was responsible for at least part of that. Happiness, because that's what she always felt around Chloe. Even when it was hidden behind other feelings, it was always there, like an underlying current. Her control weakened by alcohol, she closed the small distance between them, kissing the girl she was desperately in love with. In that short moment everything was right in the world. But then her phone vibrated in her pocket, harshly brining Beca back to reality.
She spent the rest of the night thinking. The kiss only further proved to her that what she felt for Chloe was real. But she was terrified that, if she were to pursue anything with her, she would end up ruining that. She was a Mitchell after all, they weren't exactly masters of relationships.
She found Chloe the next day and apologised for kissing her. She knew that the redhead wanted it too, but Beca felt like it wasn't fair to her. She told her she was staying with Jesse and the hurt she saw in her eyes broke her heart. It was nothing compared to the look Jesse had when she'd gone to him earlier to tell him about what she did. He didn't even seemed surprised, just sad. He forgave her though, and Beca felt like she owed it to him to try her hardest to save their relationship. To not quit when things got tough.
Unsurprisingly, they broke up three months later.
They were growing more and more distant, and when one day Jesse asked 'Do you love her?', Beca told him the truth. In that moment, she'd finally understood why her father left. He fell in love with someone else, and though he still loved her mother, the best thing he could do was to let her go.
Beca wanted to ask Chloe for a second chance, but every time she was close to saying something, she would stop herself. She knew she didn't deserve Chloe after what she'd put her through. Chloe deserved the world, and Beca didn't feel like she was worthy of her. So she tried to make it up to her by being by her side, being the best friend she could be. And when Chloe started seeing other people, Beca encouraged her, wanting nothing more but happiness for her. Even if every time Chloe went on a date with some guy or a girl it felt like someone was twisting a rugged knife in Beca's heart.
Seeing Chloe in a passionate embrace with a soldier boy was too much for Beca. What's his name, Michigan? Whatever. Beca knows she technically doesn't have a right to be jealous, but she can't stop the green monster from taking over. Having been forced to witness Chloe falling over herself for some man was painful enough, but seeing him kiss the woman she loves overwhelms Beca. And the timing was impeccable too. Right when she was ready to beg Chloe for forgiveness and see if maybe she would still have her. The events on the boat made Beca realise that she couldn't imagine her life without Chloe anymore. It was too late though, Chloe found someone else and Beca couldn't stand there, watching as the love of her life slips away from her.
So she locks herself in her hotel room, unsuccessfully trying to stop the tears from falling. She knows she'd fucked up. All this time she's thought she was doing the right thing, trying to make decisions that would be the least painful for others, but she failed nonetheless. She failed Chloe, and now she is going to have to watch her fall in love with someone else, marry him, have his children...
Her inner rant is interrupted by the knocking on her door. She isn't in the mood for socialising, but if it is any of the Bellas, she knows they won't just leave her be, so she hastily wipes her eyes and goes to open the door.
She's surprised to see Chloe. She expected her to be with Cleveland, but she's definitely not going to complain. So she lets her in, awkwardly dodging the redhead's concerned question, and lets her say whatever she came here to say.
'I'm in love with you' is the last thing Beca expected to hear. She listens in a stunned silence, hating herself more and more with every word coming out of Chloe's mouth. She wasn't aware just how deep Chloe's feelings for her were, and she definitely didn't know that they remained that strong throughout the years. She was sure that Chloe's moved on at some point, so hearing how much she's been hurting and how much she still loves her breaks Beca's heart. When Chloe starts talking about Beca not wanting to speak to her again, Beca has to stop her. It's the most ridiculous thing she's ever heard, and she's been friends with Amy for seven years, so that's saying something.
Chloe's lips taste like coming home. They are so soft and sweet, almost making Beca forget her own name. So she holds the woman close and kisses her, trying to convey all the love she has for her.
When Chloe ends the kiss, Beca finally tells her she loves her, feeling the relief wash over her. She's been holding the words back for far too long.
Then she sits Chloe on the bed, kneels in front of her and takes her hands in hers. She tells her side of the story, explaining her actions and apologising for, however inadvertently, causing her pain. Chloe listens her attentively, single tears rolling down her cheeks from time to time. Her eyes are warm though, looking at Beca with fondness.
''...So I know it's a lot to ask, but if you let me, I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. Will you forgive me?'' Beca asks, ending her explanations.
''Only if you will forgive me.'' Chloe's reply takes Beca off guard. ''Becs, don't put this all on yourself, we've both been idiots. I've had plenty opportunities to tell you how I felt, but I was too afraid, just like you. We can't change the past, but we can make the best of the future.''
''I love you.'' Beca whispers before capturing Chloe's lips with her own.
''I love you too.'' Chloe mumbles against her lips. ''It feels so good, finally being able to say it. And hear it.''
''Took us long enough.'' Beca agrees, deepening the kiss.
''Let's not waste anymore time.'' Chloe says before tugging Beca up on the bed, discarding her shirt in the process.
They still have a lot to talk about. Beca is going on tour with Dj Khaled the next day and Chloe starts vet school in a few months. But they have no doubts they are going to figure it out. Together.
A/N: I love those idiots so much, we all know they belong together. Let me know what you think, I'd like to get some feedback.