watching a tragedy unplay

Disclaimer: These characters are the creative property by the writers of The Vampire Diaries and CW. No copyright infringement is intended. Only the plot belongs to me.

Author: TLC

Rating: nc-17/ Explicit

Summary: Everyone, everyone has their own ideas about this relationship, they all say the same things, and Bonnie couldn't care less. They have no idea.

"He's not good for you."

Bonnie looks up towards the deep voice, local real estate listings spread around her, and it actually takes her a second to get past the fact that Stefan is even talking to her.

Three months of silence.

He rolls his shoulders, adjusting the plastic bag of groceries in his hand to the other, looks for all the world like he's about to sit down and be Stefan, her friend again, but Bonnie isn't interested, not at all, and maybe he sees that. Maybe that's why he doesn't sit.

"We um," he shifts from foot to foot. "I was on a date with Caroline. We didn't mean to spy. We were by Fogarty Park? On Saturday night?"

And now Bonnie knows what he's talking about. She can still feel that low burn inside, down deep, as Kai held her still by her jaw, or the back of her neck, one hand up under her shirt cupping her breast, can still hear how loud they'd both been breathing, how Kai's stubble had felt on her neck when he'd ducked down to suck a mark there, and lower. Lower.

Because Fogarty Park isn't a known spot to many and was actually a spot Bonnie used to go with Grams on special occasions, so it'd been safe. Even now she can still feel that burst of nerve that had made Bonnie swing herself into Kai's lap in the driver's seat, how Kai's fingers had dug into her thighs, all the things he'd said in Bonnie's ear as his hands played under her skirt.

And she thinks, Stefan saw. Actually Stefan and Caroline, her best friend she'd been ignoring since Bonnie and Kai started becoming Bonnie and Kai. They'd seen something that wasn't any of their business, only now Stefan apparently thinks it is his business, thinks he has any right to tell Bonnie what is and isn't good for her, and yeah, okay, she knows that what she and Kai are doing is probably the worst idea ever, but screw him. Why is she the only one not allowed to make reckless, stupid decisions?

"Hey," she says. "You know what else isn't good for someone? A man who is over a century old, unemployed and still living with his brother lecturing me on my life choices. Not to mention his history with blood and women."

Stefan has the nerve to look betrayed.

"Bon, Caroline -" he tries.

Bonnie stands, starts stuffing everything into her bag messily, and she'll regret that later, but right now she just wants distance between her and him, as far as she can get. "You know what, don't even try that card with me. Just don't. She stopped answering my calls first."

And she doesn't say, how he was the reason she has no family left. You and your brother ruined my life, she almost screams at him. And she doesn't say she died because of them, for them.

And she doesn't say my best friends chose you over me. And not everyone has immortality to live their lives.

/ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo/

"Do you know why witches were born?"

"To keep the balance in nature. To protect innocent people." Bonnie says repeating her grandmother's words.

Kai smiles, turning his head, as he looks Bonnie in the eye.

"Close."

He kisses her. A short, soft, sweet kiss against pouty confused lips. Moments went by and he feels her hands creep underneath the sheets between them and onto his stomach. He nips her lips when he feels her tug on the hair there. This, he never thought he would enjoy. This soft intimacy, but like so many nights they find themselves in his bed, tangled limbs sticky from his lust and her fury.

"Kai?" Bonnie asks when the kissing stops, annoyingly curious.

"Yes?"

"Why were witches born into the world?"

"I'm glad you asked."

He's smiling, he couldn't help it. Slowly, he slid the sheets away from them, exposing their warm flesh to the colder air outside the blankets. Bonnie shivers, Kai chortles, the low guttural sound that always sends shivers down to Bonnie's knees.

"You see, Bon-nie, what you will never find in any book…" Kai slowly raise himself up and over her body so that she's enclosed underneath him, each one of his arms on the side of her head. "Is that magic wasn't meant for everyone. And it wasn't meant to be controlled."

In one swift movement, Kai thrust himself upright, straddling the petite girl and slips his hands underneath hers, cupping her breasts. Bonnie lets go a whimper and Kai's eyes begins to glow.

Not because the moonlight beaming through the half-drawled curtains nor is it created by the lit candles flickering on and off all across the room but because they are actually glowing. Pale blue eyes now unwaveringly black and shimmering, because in this moment, with Bonnie, in Bonnie, Kai is alive.

/ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo/

Kai pushes, always, pushes and pushes, until he has Bonnie pinned down, and Bonnie has never felt more secure than when Kai is pressing her down and holding her in place, butterfly to a pin board.

"I'm bad for you," he whispers against her cheek, his hot breath bringing moisture to her skin.

"I don't care."

In this moment she really doesn't, she doesn't care about anything and all she wants is to come and feel herself drift off.

Then, "Look at me." She does.

"I'm right here." Bonnie knows, his presence just hovering above hers, could feel it whenever she walked into the same room as him.

"Take control." Yes.

And then a kiss, another and his fingers stroking her clit, then Bonnie was gone. No more pretending, no denying Bonnie's attraction to Kai and how he is everything wrong for her. Kai is sadistic, greedy and monstrous, and not as a metaphor. Kai isn't human at all, a predator masquerading behind a pretty face, but maybe that's what Bonnie has always needed, a predator to hunt her down and give her purpose. Except she's not running from the sociopathic serial killer, she's not. She's dressing up in lace lingerie, tight black dresses, wandering off to dark allies behind thumping clubs waiting for her own prey. Bonnie knows what they're doing is no game. Although, honestly she's playing for keeps, so is Kai (in a way) - he's drawing Bonnie in and saying Bonnie is his and maybe Bonnie should mind more than she does.

/ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo/

"I can smell him on you." Damon says, spinning in Bonnie's desk chair. "I can smell him on you, in here." He hitches his chin at Bonnie's bed. "Bon,"

"Damon?" She raises her eyebrows, prompts him to keep talking when it's clearly the wrong course of action, not at all what Bonnie wants. What she wants is for Damon to say he gets it, that he gets Bonnie and how everything that happened to her would inevitably draw her to Kai. It's understandable. She wants Damon to back off and say he'll trust Bonnie knows what she's doing, that he thinks Bonnie can make good choices.

But what he says is, "its Kai Parker." Like his name is an insult, like Bonnie should get why she's so fucked up and wrong to want this just from that, because Kai isn't their friend, or frenemy. And Bonnie loves Damon so much, but he's never been able to see that just because someone isn't right for them doesn't mean they're not right for Bonnie. The irony almost makes her laugh.

When Kai grabs her, pushes her down on the bed, cage her in with his body, making it hurt in that way that goes straight to Bonnie's marrow, pushing and pushing and pushing, until Bonnie is all in one space, thinking about only one thing, pinned and whole and owned. Couldn't Damon get that? After everything.

While Bonnie has always known who she was but then she came back and everything, everybody that grounded her was ruined, gone and so was Bonnie. Her sense of right and wrong and good and evil is still the same, but she just doesn't care anymore. How can she? No good deed goes unpunished they say, and she thinks she's suffered enough.

Kai gets that, not because he's like her but just the opposite. He knows about pain, and death, he knows how to hurt people and he knows how to break them. He is comfortingly cruel about reality, especially theirs.

And Bonnie can crawl into Kai's lap, and she doesn't have to say, "Please make me stop thinking for a few minutes," and Kai doesn't read minds, but he knows what it feels like to be vibrating out of her own skin, for her brain to be turning over thoughts about different spells and possibilities, and to just want someone to anchor her, keep her there forever and ever. Or until she feels like she makes sense again. Until she can face the world and everything it entails again, it's so much easier when someone had reminded you how to stay still, how to stay in control, how to live life as if nothing happened, because who knows better than Kai how to pretend to be normal?

Bonnie just looks to the side, looks to the door, where Kai is waiting for Damon to leave, to take her back to his place and selfishly keep her to himself.

"Yeah, it's Kai."

And Damon has somehow become her new best friend, someone she can talk to and he loves Bonnie.

So he drops it.

/ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo/

Bonnie says, "I've never wanted anyone like this,"

She's never felt such an engulfing and overwhelming feeling. It's as if she's drowning and going up in flames at the same time. He's at the centre of her mind, almost every day, every hour and every minute. Sometimes she's lost in the memories, of him in the prison world smiling at her, being playful drawing her to him without realising it. But then flashbacks of Kai grabbing her, siphoning her magic, stabbing her sends her into a panic attack, and when Bonnie sees him in the real world, her real world, she hurts him back. Again and again, and he lets her. He holds her afterwards, whispers apologises into her ear, almost forcing her to listen and it gets better.

With him, she feels safe, he's already hurt her to have Bonnie expect the inevitable betrayal like she did with Jeremy and even Damon.

Bonnie gets her control back, over her magic, over her life. When he kisses her, she lets him. Then she's the one that invites him to her bed, she pushes him down first, strips him and when she rides him and he looks up at her with something akin to adoration that makes Bonnie feel worshipped.

The pattern just keeps repeating itself. She finds herself searching for him, and he always reaches back.

/ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo/

"I don't want to sound unsupportive but if Kai is holding anything against you – "Elena starts softly, her posture open and welcoming as she sits down across from her at her lunch table like this is where she belongs, like they've flash backed to 3 years ago.

"Are you serious?" Bonnie interrupts, her eyebrows arching. "Do you really want to talk questionable partners because I know all of Damon's secrets, probably more than you do. And Stefan is just as guilty."

"This isn't about me," She whispers, a hurt expression on her face and in her voice. "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay."

"A bit late for that, don't you think Elena." Bonnie snaps, she's angry, after all this now they decided to express their concerns. What about the months she spent after breaking out of the prison world just drifting along until Kai broke through and gave her some control back. Then Bonnie strikes out again, "Why are we even talking about this, did Jo say something?"

Elena hesitates, shifting in her seat before she replies, "Maybe. I've been meaning to get you alone to talk for a while now. I know Damon said that you're fine, but he doesn't know you like we do. You would never fall in love with someone like Kai, you're better than that." The doppelganger takes a deep breath then looks down as she speaks, "You're better than me."

"Well it's a good thing that we're not in love."

Elena's head snaps up, confusion scrunching up her soft, round face.

"We're not. I don't love him, he doesn't love me – and I'm glad cause I've been in a relationship where I gave all my heart if it got stomped all over. I died, Elena, not once but twice. I don't want love, I just don't want to be alone. And… Kai understands, none of you will ever understand. That's not your fault. But don't you dare judge me for being with Kai. He's a murderer, no excuses, but so are you. You have blood on your hands, innocent blood – my blood." Bonnie hisses into Elena's face, whom has tears in her eyes, and Bonnie's heart aches. She didn't want to hurt her old friend but she's part of her old life and she was no longer the old Bonnie.

Elena nods, evading Bonnie's eyes & clears her throat. "I'm sorry."

"I don't want sorry Lena. I just want to live my life – on my terms, okay?"

She doesn't. Bonnie muses, but doesn't say anymore. The irony that Elena found it in herself not to just love one monster but two yet can't understand why Bonnie likes Kai is baffling. But what they have, what Bonnie and Kai share is better than love for Bonnie. And he's hers, all hers.

/ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo/

"I'd give you the world, you know, all you have to do is ask." it's said into her neck, Kai on top of him, like she likes, like Kai likes, holding her down and caging her in and making her real. "You'd be mine,"

Bonnie laughs, "Pretty sure you already think I'm yours," and now Kai stiffens.

"Aren't you?" He asks, and he suddenly sounds very vulnerable, not at all like the unhinged or blood thirsty (no pun intended) or threatening. He sounds like someone asking a question they're not sure they'll like the answer to, not sure they're on the same page here.

Bonnie pulls him down, loves it, the weight of Kai on her, wanting her and keeping her, "Calm down, alright? Yeah, I'm yours, okay, and most definitely not in the sense you own me – got it?" His lips purse momentarily, "But whatever you want to call this, we're exclusive." Kai snorts into her skin, it's not attractive but he's smiling and he's beautiful. Bonnie hates that. Lately he is happy, as far as she could tell, because apparently now he's gotten everything he wanted. His freedom and his magic and Bonnie. Maybe, in the corners of her mind she thinks she would be okay – being his.

"I'd bring you the rarest grimoires, the strongest spells; you'd never have to doubt your abilities again."

And god if that doesn't make Bonnies' stomach twist and transform into a thousand birds in her chest, fluttering and fighting to break free and making her laugh. It's Kai, who looks at her like he's confused and amazed by her in the same instant, and god. God. "I'll ask when I want it."

That's all she can offer, all she can say, because she's not sure she'll ever want it, maybe she'll always be content playing house and being normal.

But maybe she will. Maybe one day she'll be ready to take that step, be willing to let go of her old self, life and friends as long as he knows Kai is waiting on the other side.

/ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo/

"So what's this, like, the fourth night in a row?"

Kai startles, almost dropping the glass of water he held. He swears, sensing Damon with his magic on the couch in the next room, reluctantly he walks towards the vampire.

"How long have you been there? Better yet, why are you Bon's apartment at eleven in the morning?"

Damon shrugs, "Checking up on her."

Rolling his eyes, Kai places himself opposite of Damon on the lounge chair, "Really? Conveniently when I'm around."

"Well I guess that's a good reason."

"That's funny, cause out of the two of us I doubt it's me who has put her life in danger the most."

"No just the reason she almost killed herself in your prison world." Damon snipes back, leaning forward, looking ready to pounce on Kai.

Kai grins nastily, ready himself for a fight, "I would also say you and that flighty girlfriend of yours should share the blame as well."

Surprisingly Damon doesn't respond straight away. His face expression anger, he lets out a sigh and settles back on the cushions then Kai notices the blanket.

"Did you sleep on our couch?"

"No!" He blurts, face pinking up, "Well I slept on Bonnie's couch which was surprisingly comfortable; I wanted to make sure I saw her first thing in the morning."

"And people say I have no personal boundaries." Kai chortles, kicking his feet on the coffee table with personal glee.

Damon scoffs, "Bonnie's my best friend." He argues, as if that some get out of jail for free card.

"And my girlfriend."

"For how long, I wonder." The vampire ponders aloud, looking almost excited at the question.

"Sounds like you're jealous." He replies tersely.

"Course not, just concerned over my bestie in her fragile state sleeping with good ol' American horror story." Damon narrows his eyes at him then he says, "But you and Bonnie just slept too. Not even a little hanky panky."

It's the way he says it, like he's a little confused, a little put off & suspicious that makes Kai frown. He wonders what the fuck is going on that Damon feels the need to comment on his and Bonnie's sex life, which is just frickin' awesome, thank you very much. He doesn't say anything though, knowing it will probably get back to Bon, and he knows how much she values her private life and he still wants to be a part of that.

Damon shifts, and he's talking again, "This isn't about sex, is it? This thing you and the judgey witch have."

Kai looks at him carefully, and then looks over Damon's shoulder, there's Bonnie, in the hallway, leaning on the wall, eyes on Kai, and he realizes Bonnie is waiting for his answer too. For all that she distances herself from him emotionally; he knows that what she wants and needs from him above all else is loyalty. A different kind of love, he supposes, one he would appreciate.

So he says, "No. It's not."

And he kind of loves the way Bonnie smiles at him, and the way it disappears as soon as Damon looks over his shoulder. Because that smile is just for Kai right now, just for him, no one else.

/ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo/

"What the hell are you doing in my apartment, Damon?" Bonnie finally says.

Damon whines high and annoying like a cat, "I missed you! You better have pancake mix and whipped cream, I'm hungry."

"Just make sure you clean up after yourself."

"Yeah, yeah bossy pants."

Kai whispers in her ear as they make their way to the kitchen, "Do we really have to eat with him?"

"He makes good pancakes, aren't you hungry?" Bonnie replies and hopes, cause there is no way that she can eat pancakes ever again.

"I was until I saw his pasty face."

Bonnie's throaty laugh puts a small smile on both men's faces.

/ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo/

"Magic is an extension of what humans are capable of."

A flood of liquid heat permeates through Kai's hands and into Bonnie's skin. She let out a long, drawn out moan as the waves of warmth wash over her.

"Magic is an explosive, violate, powerful collection of the spirit manipulated by the … host."

Kai leans forward; pressing his hips further into Bonnie, and begins tracing her collarbone with his lips and tongue. She gasps for air. Not that she couldn't breathe but her whole body feels on fire from the intense pleasure that he's sharing with her. This is a completely, new experience, she's never felt so uncontrollably aroused before.

"Our magic funnels our soul's essence, filters it, and waters it down to a substance that is commanded with spoken words."

Kai slowly draws his hands from Bonnie's breasts and towards her hips, his nails digging in far enough for her to feel the resistance. She lets out another whimper when his hands stopped outside either of her thighs.

"Magic is genetic and it isn't. It's not a gene found in some and not in others but passes on from generation to generation."

Lifting himself up again, he moves further from her while still holding her legs, slowly pulling them apart. Another spark of heat and electricity enters her, this time seemingly from the back of her knees. She lets out a shaky languishing moan.

Kai blows kisses to the tender flesh in between Bonnie's thighs while stalking closer and closer until his lips finds themselves at the very top of her pelvic bone. His eyes roam up to her stomach, chest, and eyes that feel heavy-lidded and are glazing over. She knows there's a lazy smile on her face, she would be embarrassed but at this point she could melt into the bed.

Kai smiles smugly, "Magic was created for balance – control. Something I lose when I'm with you."

/ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo/

"Bonnie,"

She stops, only a couple steps in from the door.

Caroline and Matt are sitting in her apartment at her kitchen table, and it's obviously an intervention. It's six in the morning; Bonnie just got dropped off by Kai after a weekend out in New York. An almost romantic weekend of good food, good wine and chasing after Kai on his eccentric ideas. It was spontaneous; she only gave Damon a quick text before she left, now obviously she knows he let it slip to the rest of the gang.

She looks at her friends; can she still even call them that? So she sits opposite for them, and waits.

"Where have you been?" Caroline blurts out, always too eager in every aspect of her life. Bonnie cocks a brow in response, and she wonders if this is a test or not.

"New York, with Kai."

"The whole weekend?" Matt asks, this time, his expression purposely blank.

"Yeah, it was impulsive."

"You've been like that a lot lately." Caroline snipes quickly although Matt turns to glare at her outright.

Bonnie's hands clench into fists, her anger flares up the magic in her body, lighting up every cell but she doesn't act on it, "So it's okay for you or Elena or even Tyler to go have some fun but I can't. I have to be the responsible one all the time?"

Matt cuts in as Caroline opens her mouth to respond, "That's not what we're trying to say…"

"Well it sure sounds like it so why don't you guys just say what you want to say and get out."

"It's just you've been different. You've changed, and we're worried. Bon, you've been through a lot-"

"Don't." And Bonnie hates this, hates that she can't come home and talk to her friends without feeling angry and resentful.

Matt pleads, "Bon-"

"No." She quickly interrupts, nearly shouting, "You guys don't get to do this after months of silence."

"We just thought-"

"It was a fling. Maybe it was but now it isn't and you'll just have to accept that."

"Do you love him?" Caroline asks, again unable to help herself.

Bonnie stiffens in shock. She doesn't know if she loves Kai, she doesn't thinks so but Bonnie knows she cares about him, more than she thought was possible but love? "That's none of your business." She replies, her voice hard as steel.

Caroline flinches as Matt blushes, not use to being against Bonnie. She's always been their rock, someone they knew would stand strong & still by their side.

"Sorry." Caroline murmurs, ashamed and guilty for making her best friend so upset.

Bonnie stands up from her seat in agitation, "Why can't you just accept this? You don't have to approve or even like him but accept that he's part of my life now."

"He's a sociopath, Bon. He murdered his own siblings - Luke, he tortured Elena, tried to kill Liv & Jo." Matt argues confused as how someone so good like Bonnie is with someone like Kai.

Suddenly Bonnie wants to scream, "Do you really want me to go through the list of people we lost because of Damon and Stefan or Klaus? How about Elena? How many lives have been lost because of the doppelganger curse?"

"That's not the same. They feel remorse."

"That's bullshit and you know it. They claim its cause they turned their humanity off, or extenuating circumstances but they're psychopaths, murderers, killers. They're fucking monsters." Bonnie steps forward, her hands outward in deference manner, "I'm not saying Kai isn't, I can't ignore or forget what he's done and if he takes another life tomorrow, I will stop him." She pauses, gathering her strength, "For now though, I just want to be selfish and happy. I want to be the one going out having fun, I don't want to be alone anymore and Kai makes me feel that way. He understands me. And he cares about me. So if you still want to be my friends stop the hypocrisy and just be there for me. If not, leave but don't you dare come back when you need me for some miracle spell."

The stunned silence is deafening but Bonnie feels like the heaviness in her heart has lightened if only by a bit.

"Okay." Caroline finally says; Matt snaps his head at her in shock but doesn't disagree. "I'm sorry for being such a selfish friend, you deserve to be happy but if Kai hurts you any way I won't hesitate to rip his heart out."

Bonnie chuckles, in relief almost. She looks at Matt, nervously, because if anyone who's been taken for granted more than her it's Matt and she hopes he understands.

He lets out a deep sigh, "I'm not happy about this but you're right. I had my three months of supernatural hook up with Rebekah so I can't really talk either but Bon, whatever you feel for him it's not gonna lead to the domestic, normal – happy – life you need and deserve. You know that right? It's not long term."

"I know, but for right now, it's what I need. He's what I need. And to be honest after dying for the second time, domestic and normal is just too scary."

"Okay, okay so does that mean we don't have to leave? Can we hang out, like old times?"

Bonnie sighs, tired and not really in a social mood but nods nonetheless, smiling as Caroline beams and dashes to the kitchen for breakfast.

/ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo/

"I want you to ride me," Kai orders, and no, no, that's not what Bonnie wants at all, she wants Kai above her, holding her down and keeping her still, but it's too late, she's straddled across him, and Kai is in her, and god, it feels so good, and Kai groans, blunt nails in Bonnies' hips, and that hurts in such a good way. "You're always mine," Kai says, hisses almost. "You're always mine,"

And Bonnie rises, falls, feels every inch of that ownership.

/ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo/

And Kai asks, "What do you want?"

And Bonnie says, "You,"

And that's it.