Before I Do
AN: Hey all. I got the idea for this yesterday while I was travelling and I wanted to write it before I posted anything else. I wrote it in around 4 hours in case you think it seems rushed. That would be why, lol. Also I'm a lot under the weather so I'm not feeling myself. Hopefully this'll help me get out of my slump.
Quick note: Italics are the flashbacks. Normal text would be the present. Simple enough, yeah?
Enjoy and let me know what you think of this one-shot. Love you guys.
"Be honest, Kurt. Are you going back to McKinley because the New Directions beat us at Regionals or what? We won't judge you."
Kurt laughed at Wes's question as he and his friends walked through the halls of Dalton Academy. He could see Blaine smiling at him out the corner of his eyes and stuck his tongue out at him before replying. "That's not the reason why I'm going back. Don't get me wrong, it's a great perk to returning, but I know I belong there. I don't want to run and give any of those idiots the idea that if they torment an individual enough because they don't agree with his or her lifestyle that they'll win."
Blaine smiled at the answer. He forced the smile, though. All of his friends seemed to be happy for Kurt and proud of him for going back. Blaine's boyfriend Isaiah was saying something encouraging to Kurt right now. But Blaine, he wasn't there yet. Kurt had been his best friend at Dalton ever since he moved into his dorm and he honestly hated that he had to say goodbye to him now.
"If you don't keep in touch with us after you leave, Kurt," Thad began, "we're going to come to McKinley and kick your perfectly firm butt."
Jeff looked at Thad. "Isn't it wonderfully perky?"
"I'm still not convinced this isn't a gay school," Kurt mumbled under his breath. Isaiah laughed as he let go of Blaine's hand and wrapped an arm around Kurt.
"What everyone is trying to say is that we're going to miss you like hell. Please don't be a stranger, ok?"
Kurt stopped at his locker and nodded as he removed his backpack. "Isaiah, you've been one of the closest people I've had in the past few months. There's no way I could forget about you or Blaine or any of these guys. You have my word."
Isaiah smiled that brilliant smile of his and hugged Kurt tightly. Blaine stood there with both hands in the pockets of his gray Dalton slacks and smiled at the two of them. Their friends had wandered their way off down the hall, making their way to the cafeteria. As the two pulled away, Isaiah turned to Blaine and kissed him quickly on the lips.
"I'll see you in the café."
Blaine nodded to him. "See you soon."
Kurt opened his locker after watching Isaiah walk off. He slid his bag inside and smiled at Blaine, yanking at his blue and red striped tie. "What's wrong, Muffin?"
Blaine shook his head and leant against the wall of lockers. "Nothing." He looked at Kurt and watched the blue-eyed teen smile at him as if he knew he was full of crap right now. "I just miss you already. That's all."
Kurt checked his reflection in the mirror and turned to face Blaine. "I miss you too. But I'm trying my hardest not to get emotional. We're still going to see each other, right? Don't make me doubt that."
Blaine smiled. "We will."
Kurt looked away and then combed his hair a little more before closing the locker. He grabbed his best friend by the sleeve of his blazer and pulled him towards the lunchroom. "Think of all the bright sides. You'll have our dorm room to yourself. Isaiah can come up before he leaves for the afternoon and you can get lucky…"
Blaine laughed and fought the urge to take Kurt's hand. It was an urge he'd been fighting since the first time he did it—running through the halls of Dalton with a stranger's hand in his own and then eventually singing a Katy Perry song to him. He'd never admit out loud that he'd sung it to Kurt, but the guys probably suspected it anyway. Isaiah seemed none the wiser, though. "You think I care about that?"
Kurt scoffed and nodded obviously. "Yes…"
Blaine had to roll his eyes. Kurt clearly didn't know how much Blaine adored him. Kurt was the first guy he'd actually called a best friend. Up until they met, Blaine considered Cooper, his older brother, to be his best friend. Now, he was telling Kurt everything and actually caring what the boy had to say in response. The fact that Blaine was losing him to McKinley— even though McKinley had him first— it was still heartbreaking.
"Tonight is our last night together. Let's have a movie marathon or something."
Kurt let go of Blaine's sleeve and nodded to himself, a small smile on his lips. "I'm up for it. But I need to walk to the office before lunch and make sure all the transfer information is good to go."
Blaine sighed but eventually let him go. "See you later, Cupcake."
Kurt smiled. "Ok Muffin." He waved a bit and watched Blaine walk into the cafeteria. He stood there for a moment and shook his head, thinking about how much he'd miss this. But then he watched Blaine sit at the table beside Isaiah and saw the way they kissed and knew it would be for the best. Maybe it was pathetic that he was crushing on his best friend, or maybe it was pathetic being extremely close to your crush and his boyfriend, but Kurt knew he was doing the right thing in going back. It would be easier being friends from afar than it would be to watch the two of them every day for the rest of junior and then all of senior year.
Kurt straightened his tie before looking away and walking off.
…
Cooper was in charge of Blaine's bachelor party. That scared Blaine for several reasons.
Cooper was evil.
Blaine was going to put all of his trust in a man who got kicks off of being evil.
His wedding was the next day and Blaine had no idea what the hell his brother would do to him tonight. Or have done to him.
Yet, his friends told him to relax. Blaine knew he could trust his fellow former-Warblers. Also, his fiancé seemed to be ok with it. If Isaiah didn't mind Cooper spearheading the charge of this bachelor party when Isaiah knew Cooper pretty well, then maybe Blaine shouldn't worry as much as he was.
"Stop worrying so much."
Blaine rolled his eyes.
"Squirt, listen," Cooper began. "You know I love you, bro. I've got your best interest at heart. I won't let you do anything you regret."
"Alright."
"I'm serious, bro." Cooper drove towards the Italian restaurant Blaine was meeting Isaiah at and smiled at his younger brother. "You're in good hands."
"I trust you, Coop."
Cooper grinned.
Blaine took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Only for a moment.
…
"The guys are trying to throw some huge party for Kurt. A going away type of thing. But it's his last night here and even though I know the Warblers love him too, I just wanted to take it easy." Blaine started to pack his books away as he spoke to his boyfriend. "We've thrown so many idiotic parties as of late. I kinda want to do something one-on-one."
Isaiah nodded at that. He smiled at his boyfriend. "I know you're going to miss him, honey."
Blaine nodded back. "It sucks that he's leaving but it is what it is. Anyway, do you want me to walk you to your car? If you're not in a rush to get home I'll take you out for coffee…"
"No, mom and dad are having an important dinner party tonight and I've got to help." Isaiah led the way out of their Chemistry class towards the first floor lobby. Blaine took his hand and listened. "I would've invited you but I know it's going to be the most boring thing ever to take place ever. Enjoy your last few hours dorming with Kurt, ok?"
Blaine nodded. "Alright baby."
"I've already hugged him a million times today so he's probably sore," Isaiah joked. Blaine smiled and walked with him hand in hand to his Toyota. They said a quick goodbye and kissed as quickly as they always did in public before Isaiah pulled away. He was weird about PDA. Blaine understood.
"Call me if you get too bored."
Isaiah laughed but nodded. "I promise I will."
Blaine watched him pull off, and Isaiah couldn't help but wonder how sincere his boyfriend wanting to take him out for coffee was. He knew that it was ridiculous for him to be jealous of Kurt—Kurt was one of their closest friends and he'd always supported the two of them. Kurt was probably one of the sweetest human beings Isaiah had ever met. But at the same time, he couldn't help the thrill he felt at the news of him going back to McKinley. Ever since he'd gotten to Dalton, it felt as if he'd been sharing Blaine with his new best friend. Maybe that was terrible to think, because Blaine definitely deserved a new friend that he cared about, and Kurt deserved someone that made him feel safe, but Isaiah didn't like that how out of everyone at Dalton, Kurt had to attach himself to Blaine. It was dumb and he knew it, but insecurities were so easy to come by when you were dating a guy as beautiful and as popular as Blaine, and his new bestie happened to look the way Kurt did.
"Grow up," Isaiah told himself. He drove off after waving to his boyfriend one more time and drove towards his Westerville home.
-x-
Later that evening, Blaine found himself rushing to finish his homework as Kurt lay on his bed across the room, singing to himself. He smiled at his best friend after he was finally done and said a quick cheer to himself.
Kurt looked up at the noise and clapped excitedly. "Finally! Now we can watch Enchanted! Don't try and convince me to pick something else because it ain't happening."
Blaine smiled as he stood up and stretched. "Tonight is your night. I'll watch whatever you want."
"I'll pretend you actually mean that. Go use the bathroom first because I'm not going to pause it."
Blaine shook his head no. "I don't have to. Can I lay with you?"
Kurt smiled and pushed the sheets away. "Of course. Since when do you have to ask?"
Blaine ran over and plopped on the bed, lifting Kurt from the bed and making him bounce on the mattress. He laughed when the teen hit him and rolled over. "Press play."
Kurt did so and got comfy, propping pillows beneath his head and resting his legs over Blaine's. He was lying on his side and Blaine on his stomach as they looked up at the screen. Cuddling like this was always a bit complicated because the dorm room beds weren't the most spacious, but they made it work.
"It would kill me if you didn't keep in touch."
Kurt stared down at him and shook his head. "The fact that you think I'm going to up and forget about you hurts my feelings."
Blaine turned to face him and shrugged a bit. For some reason, Blaine felt justified in his thoughts. He'd never felt about someone the way he did Kurt. Well, in a friend way of course. This was scary. They were going to be going from spending 90% of their time together to being apart—two hours away. That was a big difference to Blaine.
"Do you want to be big spoon?" Kurt asked.
Blaine smiled and nodded. They switched their positioning and Kurt rested back against Blaine's chest—the younger teen holding him closely. They were quiet for a while, and Blaine wondered if it was because Kurt was thinking about how much he'd miss this too.
"I feel a bit bad that we aren't sharing my last night with all of the Warblers, you know?"
Blaine nodded as he stared at the TV. "I know, but they know you're my best friend and they've been parading you at parties all week. I wanted some time alone before your dad shows up tomorrow. They respect that."
"That's sweet of you," Kurt said.
The movie began and Blaine listened, eventually singing along. Kurt smiled. After the opening number, Blaine asked something that had been on his mind for a while now.
"So what happens when you get back?"
Kurt turned in his arms so that they were eye to eye. Blaine had to swallow. "What do you mean?"
"I mean," Blaine forced himself to look at the movie. "In terms of Karofsky and whoever else."
Kurt nodded. "Oh. Well my dad and I are supposed to have a meeting with him and his dad, and the principal."
Blaine stayed quiet. He continued to look at the movie. Kurt could feel how tense he was and honestly he hated it, but instead of dwelling on the conversation, he ended it on a high note. "If I ever need you to come to my rescue, I'll let you know."
Blaine smiled. "I'll be there."
Kurt turned again and did his best to ignore Blaine's hands on the small of his back. "You and Isaiah have been amazing to me. The Warblers, too. I couldn't thank you all enough."
Blaine nodded to him. "We love you, Cupcake."
Kurt chuckled a bit and tried to get more comfy. Blaine would always tease him for his tossing and turning. He felt his friend poke him in the side and smiled. "Blaine, stop it."
Blaine smiled and poked him in the ribs, a little higher this time.
Kurt rolled his eyes. "You can't keep your hands off me. It's really pathetic."
Blaine began to laugh and pulled Kurt closer into him. He knew the only way to get him to stop fidgeting so much was when they actually cuddled like this. It always made him wonder how ok his boyfriend would be with it if he knew, and he wondered if Kurt ever thought the same thing, but it wasn't that big a deal. Friends cuddled all the time. They weren't doing anything wrong or out of the ordinary.
After about twenty minutes of quiet, Blaine shook Kurt a little bit. "If you think you're going to sleep you've got another thing coming."
Kurt laughed softly and opened his eyes. "I'm not going to sleep."
"I know."
He rolled his eyes. "I was just enjoying this."
Blaine hummed sarcastically. "Enjoy it with your eyes opened." He heard Kurt laughing and smiled to himself as he continued to watch the Disney film. After a while, it was too quiet. Blaine smiled and flipped them over so that Kurt's back was against the wall instead. He smirked at the surprised reaction and continued to stare at the freckle-faced boy.
Kurt smiled and he felt his cheeks going red. He shook his head and looked at the pigeons and rats singing on TV. "Stop looking at me and watch the movie. Enchanted is one of my favorites."
Blaine didn't look away. He only continued to observe Kurt and smiled when his eyes fell on blue ones. They were beautiful. Kurt sighed after another moment and Blaine tried not to laugh. "Blaine."
"I want to watch you."
Kurt felt a pang in his chest but forced himself to ignore it. He also forced himself to ignore the butterflies soaring through his stomach. "Okay."
Time passed throughout the evening. Blaine had mumbled something multiple times about ordering something to eat since they didn't bother going down to the cafeteria for dinner, but when Kurt began to play in his hair, the last thing on his mind was leaving their dorm room. He hated that tonight would be the last night that it was their dorm room.
"You make me feel like I'm living a Teenage Dream, the way you turn me on…"
Kurt smiled to himself as he played in Blaine's curls. The boy sang softly with his eyes closed and it was hard not to get emotional. Why should he though? They were best friends. They were definitely going to see one another again. Often. "That was definitely one of the top 5 moments in my life."
"Yeah?"
Kurt nodded when Blaine opened his eyes to see if Kurt was being genuine. "Yeah."
Blaine smiled. The news of that seemed to make him feel really good, and Kurt was happy about it. He leant over and kissed Kurt on the shoulder before closing his eyes again. "What're we going to eat, cupcake?"
Kurt thought for a moment. "I could go for some Chinese. Sing a little bit more, though."
…
"I don't get why you're acting as if you're not excited for your bachelor party," Isaiah said. He took a bite off of Blaine's plate and smiled as his fiancé tasted the mojito. "I'm thrilled about mine."
Blaine smiled and placed the glass down. His brown-eyed fiancé was literally glowing. It was great seeing him like that. "I don't know. You better not have any strippers…"
"You have Cooper in control of yours, Blaine." Isaiah said with the roll of his eyes. "I know you'll have strippers. Besides, as long as we behave ourselves at our respective parties, I don't see a problem."
Blaine hummed. "True. But I don't know. I don't trust Cooper as far as I can throw a bus."
Isaiah laughed. "Your brother is trustworthy."
Blaine ignored him. Cooper and Isaiah pretended to respect one another, but they'd always had problems ever since Isaiah's parents talked badly about the Andersons, specifically Blaine, and Isaiah didn't stand up for him. That was a rough Christmas dinner. "What're you doing for your party tonight? I know Amanda told you something."
Isaiah smiled. "Like I'm telling you."
Blaine laughed. "Fair game."
His fiancé brushed back through his dark hair before taking a deep breath. "We're going to be married men tomorrow. Isn't it crazy?"
Blaine nodded after swallowing his food. It was really crazy considering all the things he'd left out of conversations for years now. He had kept secrets and he'd betrayed his fiancé's trust. Blaine shook his head and looked away. "It's crazy. But a good crazy."
Isaiah smiled at him.
…
"Fuck me deeper…"
Blaine pushed in harder; his hands pulling at the end of the mattress. "Say my name, Kurt. Say it…"
"Blaine… please…"
Blaine bit his lip. The feeling of Kurt's nails digging in his back made him fuck the boy harder. "Is this good for you, beautiful?"
Kurt could only moan—
"Blaine!"
Blaine shook his head out of his thoughts. He smiled at his older brother. "Sorry, man. My head was elsewhere."
Cooper smiled at him. "Don't worry about it. My head was a lot of places before I got married, too. Anyway, Mom and Dad have finally landed. I figured we could have dinner with them before we head over to the party."
Blaine nodded, staring out the passenger side window of the rental car.
"You ok?"
Blaine cleared his throat and turned to smile at his brother. "Yeah. I'm good."
Cooper hummed. "Is it all sinking in?"
Blaine exhaled. "You could say that."
Truth be told, his thoughts about Kurt were haunting him the closer and closer he got to his wedding day. He didn't know what was bothering him more—the fact that Kurt hadn't contacted him back after leaving for McKinley or the fact that Blaine didn't tell his boyfriend at the time that he'd had sex with best friend. Isaiah went on to believe that he was Blaine's first, and Blaine never told him otherwise. And Kurt went on to talk to everyone else but Blaine and Isaiah. Maybe it was just small talk so it shouldn't have counted, but it mattered to Blaine. And Isaiah suspected that something was up between the two of them but he never knew that Kurt and Blaine took each other's virginities that night. Blaine hated himself for it. Had they not done it, they'd more than likely still be friends.
Cooper glanced over at his little brother every few moments. He could tell by the look on Blaine's face that he had a lot on his mind, and being the genius he was, Cooper knew exactly what it was. Blaine came clean to him about what he'd done in his junior year and he knew how much he missed Kurt despite only spending a few months with him. He felt for his brother. "Listen Squirt, tonight is going to help you relax. I promise."
"If you say so."
Cooper plucked him in the head, just like he used to do when they were growing up. His brother rubbed the sore spot. "Stop being such a negative Nancy. You'll be fine."
Blaine sighed. If only it were that easy.
…
The first couple hours of the bachelor party weren't so bad.
Though the guys complained about Blaine's wedding being all the way in Southern California, they all quickly moved on because of the opportunity to be on the beach and meet girls. David especially. Blaine did make sure to tell them that his fiancé planned everything so the former Warblers could complain to him.
It was great to catch up with everyone, too. Nick was doing well. He was considering proposing to his long time college-sweetheart. Wes was a high school teacher just like Blaine was. Wes lived in Michigan now, though. Blaine and Jeff seemed to be the only two left in Ohio, but they loved it there.
What was weird was the fact that Cooper seemed to be well behaved the whole evening. Blaine definitely was waiting for his older brother and best man to make a mockery of him. Nothing yet, though. There were no strippers jumping out of cakes and no "police officers" showing up trying to hand cuff him.
The liquor did come out before long, though. With the liquor came the games. Blaine laughed with his friends as he noticed how tipsy they were getting. It was going to be fun. He refused to drink too much because he did need to get married the next day and all.
But then came Cooper.
He grabbed his little brother and laughed as he pushed him into a chair in the middle of the large room. He told the DJ to pause the music and thanked him once he did. Blaine rolled his eyes and smiled as everyone wolf whistled. He figured this would be the part with the stripper. If it was a woman, he would definitely murder his brother.
"Attention everyone! I need your attention for one moment," Cooper began. "As you know, we're gathered here today for my younger brother's nuptial ceremony tomorrow. He's marrying a great guy he's been with since high school… about seven years now, correct?"
Blaine smiled as everyone clapped. He nodded while ignoring Trent's wide smile. "Close to eight, yeah."
"True high school sweethearts," Cooper said to the party. He looked at a few of his friends and they'd raised their beers. "So you know that tonight is the last night you can have any real fun. Take it from me, B. I've been married long enough to know."
The room laughed.
"So…" His brother turned to him and grinned the 'I got you a Stripper!' face. "I'm going to blindfold you and we're going to watch you have your last bit of fun before you sign your life away."
"Cooper—"
"Shut your mouth and thank me later," Cooper whispered in his ear. He tied the blindfold tightly around his brother's gel helmet and smiled, patting him twice on the shoulder. The guys in the party shouted drunken applause.
Blaine shook his head as he slouched down in the chair and listened to his idiotic friends clap. He smiled to himself. This was really ridiculous.
"Can you see anything?" his brother asked him.
Blaine shook his head no. "Can we get this over with now?"
"Your wish is my command."
Music started to play and Blaine rolled his eyes as best he could beneath the blindfold as a hardcore rap song began. It was very explicit. His friends shouted and wolf whistled some more and that was when Blaine reckoned the stripper walked in. He felt someone sit on his lap a few seconds later and he knew he made a weird face by the laughter surrounding him. Then the person started to dance.
It wasn't any sexual dancing like he expected. It felt like it looked goofy if he could see it. It also felt as if the person had clothes on. They wrapped their arms around his shoulders and slid forward, and Blaine admired the smell of their cologne.
No boobs. Wearing cologne. Obviously a guy. Thank you for that much, Cooper.
Blaine tried not to laugh when the person turned around and started to dance in his lap. There was no way they weren't being this terrible on purpose. The guys were cheering whoever it was on though, and Blaine smirked when they landed in his lap again and leant in close.
"You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream, the way you turn me on…"
Blaine's heart dropped.
He hadn't heard that voice since it was telling him goodbye all those years ago. Since fucking high school.
Now fingers were undoing the blindfold tied around his head and slowly dropping it. Blaine kept his eyes closed even once it was lowered, but then slowly let them open.
It wasn't like his nightmares all those years back after losing Kurt when he dreamt that the boy was there and he'd opened his eyes to discover Kurt was still gone. It was the opposite. He saw his best friend (yes he still considered Kurt his best friend even though they hadn't spoken in about seven years) sitting there on his lap, a smile covering his beautiful face, and those gorgeous blue eyes staring back at him.
"Hi Muffin!"
Blaine knew all eyes were on him as the music went from the ridiculous rap song playing to something more top 40. He shook his head and started to smile, and at the action he could feel Kurt deflate. Kurt was definitely happy by his reaction. His arms were surrounding Kurt quicker and harder than he'd ever hugged anyone in his entire life.
The old Warblers and Blaine's college friends and Cooper's buddies were all applauding. Kurt laughed and didn't bother trying to wipe away the tears falling down his cheek. He smiled and let Blaine spin him around a few times before pulling back to look at him.
It'd been so long since they'd seen each other. This was everything.
Cooper smiled at the two of them before returning to his beer with his buddies. They high-fived him and it took a lot for Cooper not to pat himself on the back. Now, he'd let fate handle the rest of it.
"I've missed you, Blaine."
Blaine's hands were so tight on Kurt's back that the blue-eyed man was afraid he'd have marks there. He laughed a little and wiped at Blaine's face, even though he had tears of his own to worry about. Blaine shook his head and smiled. "I'm supposed to be mad at you. You told me we'd never lose touch."
Kurt smiled but it was a bit sad. Blaine knew why, but it didn't change the fact that he reserved the right to be pissed off. "I said that before everything happened. You know that, Blaine."
Blaine knew that but it still fucking hurt.
"Isaiah sent me a wedding invite in New York. I don't know how he found out where I was staying, but it must've been easy because Cooper found me too. Anyway, I don't know," Kurt trailed off momentarily as he stared at Blaine. It looked as if he was trying to drink him in. Blaine knew because he'd been trying to do the same. So much about Kurt had changed, and his memories didn't do the man justice. "I honestly didn't know if I could come and be a part of this. I felt like showing up would be the worst thing I could do after how I betrayed him…"
Blaine was quiet.
"But I wanted to be here for the both of you. We're not kids anymore and I can't keep running."
Blaine loosened his hold a bit when he noticed the old Warblers approaching. "I've missed you, Kurt."
"I've missed you too— Woah!" They were tackled by the other Dalton guys and Kurt laughed as he turned to hug them all. Blaine stepped back and watched with a smile as the guys jumped Kurt. It looked like they were warned he'd be there at the party and it was hard for them to keep it in, because now they were unleashing all this love that had to have been bottled in. Blaine smiled and watched the guys bother Kurt with the whole catching up thing. He was dragged off by his older brother and Cooper sat him at the bar.
"So? I didn't do anything bad, right? No strippers, nothing I knew you'd hate. It's a good party so far, right?"
Blaine smiled to himself. "Yeah. It's a good party." He turned to his brother. "Thank you, Cooper. I love you, man."
Cooper ruffled his hair. "I'm here to help, B."
…
The bachelor party continued without a hitch. Blaine had fun with the guys and it was almost as if he and Kurt hadn't missed a beat. They hung out with everyone and shared a couple drinks and laughed like it was high school all over again.
It was hard to get him alone at first. Everyone wanted to catch up which was understandable. He'd listened to Kurt's conversation with Nick and Jeff. He told them he was doing well in New York as a photographer for Vogue. He said he'd lived in Brooklyn with Rachel and Santana in college before getting his own place in Manhattan after graduation. The rest he wasn't able to linger in on because it was time to open gifts, and Blaine loved how he could hear Kurt's laugh over everyone else's each time he opened a brand new dildo. Straight guys were really stereotypical when it came to gift giving, it seemed.
Eventually, Blaine found Kurt alone at the bar. He honestly hoped he was there waiting for him but didn't want to get his hopes up. He sat beside him and smiled when Kurt looked over and smiled back. "I hope you have a ride to where you're staying…"
Kurt laughed a little. "I'm only drinking club sodas. I promise I'm fine."
Blaine smiled and nodded. "It's so good seeing you."
"Likewise." Kurt said, laughing a bit as he nudged Blaine in the shoulder. "And I'm… I'm really sorry for everything."
Blaine waved him off. "Don't do that. We're going to be happy tonight."
Kurt was quiet.
"Can I have your number and email… and everything? I'm not interested in letting you walk away again. I mean it."
Kurt bit his lip into a smile. "Is that a good idea?"
Blaine hadn't answered him.
"Have you told him what happened between us, Blaine?"
Blaine looked down at his folded hands on the bar. He wanted to so many times. Even before they left Dalton, specifically after it had happened, but for some reason, he couldn't. "I… didn't. I wanted to but I didn't. I think… I don't know. If you would've kept in touch with me I know I would've—"
"So this is my fault?"
"Not what I'm saying," Blaine answered quickly. "I think what it is, is that I didn't want to lose the both of you."
Kurt looked away from him and back down at his glass. "I guess it's a good thing. If you did, you probably wouldn't be marrying him right now. Maybe my going MIA was for the best."
Blaine smiled sarcastically and shook his head. "I doubt it. But ok."
Kurt didn't answer him. He knew what Blaine meant but he refused to think about it. It was much too late to do that now.
"I'm not losing you again. You were my best friend and you know that. I… I hate not knowing who you are. You're a brand new guy now."
Kurt nodded. "You were mine too, Blaine. And you have no idea how sorry I am about everything. I really… I shouldn't have…"
Blaine simply stared at him though Kurt refused to look up now. It was evident that simply being around Kurt brought back those same old feelings. No matter how many years he'd been with Isaiah it couldn't compare to this, and that destroyed Blaine.
"Give me your phone."
Blaine dug into his pocket. He handed it over to Kurt and sighed as their fingers brushed. Same feelings from years earlier. It sucked. He watched Kurt enter all his information in and rubbed at the nape of his neck as his phone was handed back to him.
"I hope this is your real info."
Kurt smiled and stood up. "I need to get going. I'll see you tomorrow, though! Big day and all." He smiled and opened his arms for a hug. Blaine pocketed the phone and stood up as well, pulling Kurt closer.
"Yeah. Thanks for coming. I mean it."
Kurt smiled sadly as he pulled away, hoping the tear he felt on his cheek was imaginary. "I love you, Muffin."
Blaine's hands remained on the man's waist before he dropped them.
After Kurt had walked off and eventually left, Cooper smiled and stood beside his brother. He was a bit tipsy himself like most of the guys present. Blaine turned to look up at the blue-eyed Anderson.
"You ok, Squirt?"
Blaine stared at him. "You invited him on purpose, didn't you?"
Cooper smiled as he nodded. "Sure did." He walked off after ordering another beer and Blaine sat back down at the bar, staring at the place Kurt previously sat.
…
"I can't believe we did that."
Blaine slowly pulled out and looked down at Kurt. The boy's face was red underneath his fingers. Blaine lay down beside him on the small dorm bed and took a few deep breaths. He'd just lost his virginity to someone who wasn't his boyfriend and he hardly felt bad about it. Kurt on the other hand looked as if he'd just committed murder.
"Are we going to talk about it?" Blaine asked.
Kurt was quiet. He pushed the sheets off of himself and sat up a little. "Blaine… I'm sorry—"
"Don't be," Blaine said, grabbing his hand. "Come here… please."
Kurt was still. Blaine moved over and tried to kiss him again but his best friend pulled back.
"Blaine you are with someone—"
"I know that but right now I'm with you." Blaine pulled him down against him and held him close. "Please don't be like this…"
Kurt smiled but there was nothing funny to him. "Don't be like what, Blaine?"
Blaine didn't answer. He tried to kiss Kurt again and though Kurt kissed him back this time, they knew nothing was in it. Kurt pulled away and shook his head.
"I'm sorry. We can't do this. What are we doing?"
Blaine let him get up and watched as his friend walked across the dorm to the bathroom.
He took a deep breath and looked down at the number on his phone. He couldn't stop thinking about Kurt and now after seeing him, it was so much worse.
Just a goodnight text, right? Just to give him his number.
To Kurt:
Hey cupcake :P I just wanted to give you my number. And I know that it's like 1 in the morning but I was thinking about you so… yeah.
He lay back in his hotel bed and flipped through channels. Anxious was the best word to describe his mood.
From Kurt:
Go to bed. You're getting married in a matter of hours, ya dummy.
Blaine smiled.
To Kurt:
I can't sleep.
From Kurt:
Because you're texting me. Lol. Everything ok, Muffin?
To Kurt:
IDK. What are you doing.
Amazing how after sharing a few texts, he was already feeling a bit at ease. It wasn't anything crazy—Blaine was still aware he was getting married to a guy that he'd spent many years with even though he knew he wasn't his happiest, but at least he was talking to Kurt.
Nobody would know how much he missed him. How much he missed this.
From Kurt:
I'm at this bar in my hotel. Apparently the club sodas weren't enough for this stallion. But I'm just doing some thinking. Pretending to watch whatever sports event they're playing.
Blaine read the message and smiled.
To Kurt:
Where are you staying?
From Kurt:
The Beachfront. Cooper got me the room. He's a great guy.
When Blaine realized that was the same place he and his family were staying, he quickly smiled to himself. Maybe he and Kurt could talk some more because the little conversation they'd shared at his bachelor party was hardly enough.
To Kurt:
Is it ok if I come down? I'm here as well. I can keep you company.
It was a long time before a reply came in, but eventually Kurt told him yes. Blaine didn't fault him for being unsure. The last time they were seriously alone together, they'd ended up being each other's first. Blaine still didn't know how they went from kissing to doing what they did, without a condom on top of everything else, but they did. Now he was hardly friends with his once best friend.
This time around he'd be smarter, for sure.
It wasn't long before he'd walked down to the bar and spotted Kurt. He'd changed too; now wearing a lounge shirt and a flannel pair of pants. Blaine smiled before joining him at the bar and looking up at the sporting event as well.
Kurt turned and smiled when he saw Blaine beside him. Not much had changed. He did get a little taller, he thought to himself with a smile, and the scruff covering his face was very flattering. His hair was still in the same slathering of gel though, and he still dressed to impress even in their hotel. Kurt always appreciated that—a guy who always looked good no matter the occasion. Kurt looked down at the ring on his left hand and bit back the bitter taste in his mouth.
"It's beautiful," he said.
Blaine turned to look at him and saw Kurt staring down at his ring. He looked down as well and shook his head.
"I'm sorry."
Kurt lifted an eyebrow. "About?"
Blaine gave him an obvious face. "What happened between us."
Kurt was quiet.
"If I would've stopped, we'd probably be best friends still. You don't know how much it pains me that I lost you."
Kurt shook his head. "I think I do, Blaine."
The bartender walked over and Blaine asked for a scotch. Kurt looked at him. "It isn't your fault, and I feel like an asshole because I know you've been spending the last few years blaming yourself but I couldn't… I couldn't come in between you and him again. I couldn't."
Blaine smiled. "It is my fault. I lost you and it was my fault."
"It isn't your fault. If I would've told you to stop you would've. But I wanted you so bad and that makes me a terrible person. …I won't say I regretted what we did because you being my first was… god," Kurt trailed off and dragged both hands down his face. "I sound terrible saying that it was great. But you'd always be my choice, I think, and that scares me, that I could be that selfish—"
"Kurt—"
"I betrayed Isaiah and he was a great friend to me, Blaine. All of you guys were."
Blaine didn't reply at first. He looked over and watched the bartender pour his drink before placing it in front of him. "I think about you so much, Kurt. It's been seven years."
Kurt watched Blaine take a long swig of his drink before rubbing at his eyes. He wasn't going to let him get drunk on top of all of this. "I do the same. Cooper has been keeping me in the know. He told me not to tell you but I just wanted to know how you were doing and… he and I keep in touch."
Blaine tensed at that. "You mean to tell me you talk to my brother but you won't talk to me?"
Kurt looked away. "If I would've contacted you earlier, I'd probably ruin Isaiah's life even more than he doesn't know I did. That wouldn't be fair."
Blaine wanted to say he didn't give a damn about any of that but he stayed quiet.
Kurt apologized now. "I'm sorry."
Blaine nodded. "How's everyone?"
Thank goodness. A change in conversation, Kurt thought. "Dad is doing well. We had some health concerns… he had cancer but he's doing fine now. Healthy. He misses you too."
Blaine laughed a bit at that. "I'm happy to hear he's doing fine but I know that man doesn't miss me. He's hated me since he found me in your bed after Rachel's party."
Kurt smiled a little. "I wouldn't say hate."
Blaine laughed again. "Okay liar."
Kurt nudged him. "Everyone is doing fine, though. I keep in touch with the McKinley gang. Puck and Quinn have another little one on the way."
"Aww," Blaine cooed, smiling a little. "That's amazing."
Kurt nodded. "Yeah. And I'm just enjoying NYC. Finally got my own place. It's a bit weird being on my own after living with two loud and dramatic girls for four years but I think I'm making it work."
Blaine hummed acknowledgment. "Isaiah and I were discussing buying a home in New York City. Well, I wanted to but he would rather stay in Ohio."
Kurt looked around the quiet lounge and smiled to himself before his eyes landed on Blaine again. "Why would you want to go to NYC? You're doing amazing in Columbus from what I hear."
Blaine blushed. He looked down at his glass and shrugged. Kurt stared at him and decided to leave it alone. He instead called for the bartender and asked for another drink.
"Can we keep in touch, please?" Blaine asked, rubbing the nape of his neck. "Please."
Kurt nodded as he placed his hand on the man's shoulders. "I've grown up. I promise. You have my word."
Blaine looked at him. "So that's a yes?"
"Yes," Kurt said with a smile. "It's me swearing that I won't shut you out."
Blaine watched the bartender come over to refill each of their drinks. They both thanked him. He turned to his friend. "So are you seeing anyone?"
Kurt shook his head. "Not at the moment. I'm afraid I've been chasing the feeling I had with you and I haven't found it yet so I've just… I've been falling short. It sucks."
Blaine didn't comment, but he did stare.
"I just got out of a relationship with a guy named Sean and he was sweet. He was funny."
Blaine nodded. "How long were you two together?"
Kurt smiled. "Not seven years, that's for sure," he laughed, and Blaine smiled a bit. "Five months. I couldn't let it go on because he deserved better. I didn't feel what he felt or how I think I should've been feeling after five months. I didn't feel like we were together, really… I had to cut it off."
Blaine nodded. "How you felt when you were with me."
Kurt hesitated to answer, but eventually he nodded. "Exactly."
Blaine took a drink and then looked over at Kurt once more. "You mean when we were together, or after we made love?"
Kurt laughed and shook his head, taking a drink next. He looked at Blaine. "Made love? You were with another guy and I gave you my virginity while taking yours. That's hardly making love."
Blaine looked down at his engagement ring. "Just because I was with someone else doesn't mean we didn't make love, Kurt."
They were quiet. "I am proud of you though," Kurt continued. "I will say that."
"Why?" Blaine asked him.
"You grew up. You're settling down. You're happy."
Blaine laughed out loud and Kurt looked over at him. "If I was as happy as you think I am, I don't think I'd spend so much time thinking about you, Kurt."
Kurt took another drink.
They hadn't spoken in a while. Blaine looked up at the tennis match on TV. He took a deep breath and tried not to think, but it wasn't as easy as he wanted it to be. After a moment, Kurt stood up and placed his glass down on the bar.
"I think I'm going up to my room."
Blaine nodded, trying not to let his frustrations get the best of him. "You and I are too much for you to think about, huh?"
Kurt scoffed as he asked for the bill, intending to pay for Blaine's drinks too. "It should be too much for you. You're the one getting married soon."
Blaine shook his head. "I know that, Kurt. I know that and it's fucking killing me because I love him. I do."
Kurt didn't look at him.
"But I'll never feel for him what I feel for you Kurt and it's killing me—"
"I shouldn't have come."
"Maybe you shouldn't have," Blaine told him. "But you did."
Kurt shook his head and signed his name at the bottom of the bill. He watched the bartender go to charge his card.
"You can still run like you did before. It isn't too late."
"If I didn't run you wouldn't be marrying Isaiah and you know that."
"And that isn't as bad a thing as you're making it out to be, Kurt! God…" he stood up now and pinched the bridge of his nose before looking away. Kurt tried his best to ignore him as he refused to cry. The other patrons looked over at the noise but didn't say anything, only returning back to their conversations. Once the bartender gave him his card and wished them a good night, Kurt nodded and led the way out of the room.
Blaine continued once they were outside. "I'm sorry I raised my voice but you can't be that naïve."
Kurt remained silent. He pressed the button for the elevator. Blaine stood beside him.
They got on a minute later. Blaine pressed number '9' and then looked at Kurt. "What floor are you?"
Kurt gestured to the lit button. "Nine as well."
Blaine nodded.
The elevator arrived and the both of them walked in the same direction. Blaine wasn't even a little surprised when his room was across the hall from Kurt's. He said goodnight and was about to slide in the keycard when Kurt spoke.
"I can't get a hug, Muffin?"
Blaine smiled a little before turning to face him. "I don't know, Cupcake. I'm a little upset with you right now."
Kurt smiled sadly and nodded. "I understand. I think you know this is for the best, though."
Blaine smiled. "Is it? To me it seems like you're just putting Isaiah before yourself and I don't understand that."
"You told me you love him, Blaine. It's been seven years. You're high school sweethearts and probably went to college together—"
"I'm sure Cooper told you we went to college together."
Kurt stopped for a moment and smiled. "I'm sorry about everything, ok? You know that I've missed you like crazy, but I can't do this to him and I can't be another regret of yours."
"You were never and will never be my regret." Blaine said simply. "No regrets. You know that."
Kurt tried not to cry, forcing himself to take a deep breath. "Go to bed, handsome."
Blaine seriously wanted to punch the wall. "Just… tell me you don't want me. I'll drop it if you tell me you don't want me."
Kurt laughed and turned back to his door. "I can't tell you that because it isn't true. But we can't always get what we want, Blaine." He turned around and smiled as he stepped into his room. "I'll see you in the morning, ok?"
Blaine sighed. He wiped at his eyes before moving forward. "I want my hug now, Cupcake."
Kurt smiled as Blaine wiped at his freckled cheeks with the pad of his thumb. Blaine's touch was always his safe haven. He hated that he wanted to forget that. "You can't just decide you want to hug me whenever you want."
Blaine smiled and pulled him forward, enveloping his friend into a warm hug. "You'll be here in the morning?"
Kurt nodded. "I want to run. I won't lie to you. But I'm not going to do that to you again."
Blaine held him tightly and Kurt kissed him on the cheek before they pulled away. "Get some rest," Kurt told him. "I know you'll look amazing tomorrow. I can't wait."
Blaine tried his best not to roll his eyes at that lie. "I'll see you tomorrow, Kurt."
The door was closed a moment later. Blaine stared at it for a while before about-facing and going into his own room. His cell phone screen was lit from where it had been charging on the dresser, and he noticed he had a missed call from Isaiah and a voicemail. Blaine dialed the number to listen to it.
"Hello my soon-to-be husband! I guess this means your bachelor party was a success if you're already asleep! I'm with my sisters now and we're about to go to bed. I just want… I wanted to tell you I love you and I can't wait to be your husband. I also want all the dirty details from your party! I'm a wee bit drunk right now so we'll have to talk about it later. Love you!"
Blaine smiled to himself. Isaiah was shit-faced wasted. He pulled off his shirt and sat down in bed, sending a quick text to his fiancé.
To Isaiah:
I love you, too.
…
"Can I lay with you?"
Blaine stared at Kurt for a moment before a smile spread across his lips. "Of course. Since when do you have to ask?"
Kurt smiled and entered his hotel room. God, he knew he was doing the wrong thing. He did. But he couldn't stay away.
He turned on a movie and lay in his best friend's bed, staring at the screen. Blaine watched him for a while before joining; his engagement ring on the table beside him. They moved in close and Kurt was the first to sleep. He pretended that his heart wasn't racing the way it was and pretended that tears weren't falling as Blaine sang in his ear.
"No regrets. Just love…"
Isaiah stared at Kurt from where he stood at the altar of the church they were in. Kurt hadn't noticed he was being glared at until Nick started to fidget next to him.
"Where the hell is Anderson?" he asked Jeff.
Jeff shook his head no. "Haven't seen him since the party."
Kurt felt Isaiah staring at him but he looked everywhere but at the handsome groom. His eyes landed on Cooper who stood at the altar as well, blatantly texting on his cell phone. Kurt assumed he was trying to get in touch with Blaine.
He closed his eyes and shook his head. If he hadn't shown up, Blaine would be making his way to the altar right now.
People began to stir. Kurt noticed Isaiah still glaring at him and he looked away, over at Mr. and Mrs. Anderson who seemed a bit annoyed. They probably caught on to the fact that their son was elsewhere and their time was being wasted.
He stood up and quickly left. Wes and David watched him before looking at one another. Isaiah watched him leave and turned to look at Cooper who returned the look.
"Fate can be a bitch, Isaiah."