DISCLAIMER: I do not own Azaka and/or Kamidake, nor to I own any of the other Tenchi characters. I read some copyright law, and got so confused that for all I know, I don't even own this story. Or my computer. Or my firstborn son. But let's just hedge our bets and attribute Tenchi Muyo! and all its characters to Pioneer and AIC. And I own this story, and any original characters within. I'm assuming.
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A Log's Life
Part I
By Cyrus Marriner
Morning is always a pleasant time. There are birds singing, animals waking up, the sunrise; there is always a myriad of things occurring with the start of a new day. And, just like every other day, the large, log-shaped guardian guarding the entrance to the Masaki household welcomed the day with the same phrase as every other day.
"Ahhh," sighed Kamidake. "It's going to be another fine day on planet Earth."
"It certainly is," responded his counterpart Azaka. The two guardians began the morning talking to each other, as usual. Each was among the only companionship the other had. Sure, there were the residents of the Masaki household, but none of them spent much time with the two guardians.
"I wonder what the others are doing?" asked Kamidake.
"Oh, I would imagine that Sasami is cooking, Ayeka and Ryoko are fighting, Tenchi is trying to stop them, Yosho is locked up in the shrine, Noboyuki is at work, and Mihoshi is breaking something of Washu's," Azaka replied.
"Yes, it's going to be another fine, if clichéd, morning on planet Earth." Kamidake reiterated.
They fell silent for a while, not discussing anything. They were just enjoying the beauty of planet Earth, something they did frequently. As the two companions watched the landscape that lay before them, they noticed a distant form off on the horizon.
Kamadike turned to Azaka. "It is my turn," he said in his rich, deep voice.
"Of course," replied Azaka.
The figure approached. He was a man on a bicycle, bearing the news. He had been to this house a week before, and weird things had happened to him. The large logs on either side of the gate had turned and talked to him! After running off, he had gotten his route changed, but now he had to return to the house to fill in for the other paperboy, who was sick.
He got off the bike more than a few yards from the gate, and cautiously approached clenching the paper tightly in his hand. He stuck the news into the slot on the right log, and cringed while he waited for something to happen. When nothing did, he began examining the thing more closely. Unfortunately, his inspection left him oblivious to the other log, which had floated from its position to a few inches behind the boy's head.
"Boo."
The boy turned around quickly, and saw the guardian floating three feet off of the ground behind him. He fell to the ground, then quickly got up and ran to his bicycle. As he pedaled away as fast as he could, leaving a trail of dust, Kamidake returned to his original position. Both guardians were chuckling softly.
They had developed a slight mischievous streak, which could have been attributed more than a little to the influences of Sasami and Ryoko.
At that moment, the aforementioned Ryoko was busily engaged in one of her favorite activities, verbally sparring with Ayeka. She laughed heartily as she launched another insult at the amethyst-haired princess. Ayeka returned with a witty retort of her own, one that stung the pirate profoundly.
At least, it appeared this way to Kamidake and Azaka, who had stumbled across the battle in one of their rare trips away from their self-assigned posts guarding the gates to the Masaki shrine.
Azaka turned to his companion. "Do you think we should even try to do anything?" he asked.
Kamidake watched as Ayeka lifted the broom she was using to sweep the dirt in front of the house and shook it threateningly at the space pirate. Ryoko just laughed and said something else, apparently having recovered from the earlier insult Ayeka had damaged her with. Based on Ayeka's reaction, it was probably fortunate for Ryoko the two guardians hadn't heard it.
Azaka and Kamidake turned to each other simultaneously, and both said, "Nah." Some things were not worth the trouble.
"Perhaps Lord Katsuhito has something for us to do," Azaka suggested.
"Excellent idea," replied Kamidake, and the pair turned around and quietly took the long way to the shrine, away from the fight which would be probably causing property damage in a few minutes, possibly less.
Tenchi sighed. He found himself doing that a lot lately. Often his sighing accompanied the destruction of some portion of the Masaki Shrine. Today was no exception. Ayeka and Ryoko were fighting over something involving him again, even though he had tried to make it clear he didn't want them to.
*At least they're fighting outside,* he thought to himself. He walked away from the bedroom window where he was watching the contest and walked downstairs after grabbing a towel. Sasami was fixing breakfast for all, and greeted him with her usual "Good morning, Tenchi!"
"Good morning, Sasami," he greeted, briefly returning her smile. It was Saturday, and Tenchi had no school. Also, he had gotten a day off from the carrot fields, which was a relief. He often found solace in the fields, but the constant work could be a drag. Today, he would find his solace in the onsen, and let the warm water wash away his worries.
He opened the bathroom door, which was actually a portal to another subspace dimension or something. When Washu tried to explain things, Tenchi tended to only get the bare essentials. Red button equals no touch, onsen not actually attached to house, stuff like that. Usually, he was not allowed in the onsen, but he had managed to convince Washu otherwise.
Once he was in the onsen, he quickly stripped down and stepped into the hot water. It felt good. As he was relaxing on the far side of the pool, he heard the door open and shut quickly.
"I'm in here!" he yelled, somewhat irritated. When he received no response, he called out, "Hello?" He stood up and cautiously looked around. Wading through the waist deep water, he looked around for the person who had opened the door. Tenchi didn't see anyone around, so he crept out of the water to the screen where he had put his towel and clothes. Anxious that one of the girls might be watching him, he covered himself with one hand while he slowly backed towards the screen. He was startled when he ran into the wall sooner than he had anticipated. He turned around, and discovered that he hadn't bumped into a wall.
"Excuse me," said Kamidake.
Tenchi yelled in surprise, and ran around the guardian to the relative safety of the privacy screen. He frantically grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. "What are you doing here, Kamidake?" he asked, his voice a few degrees away from yelling.
"Lord Katsuhito wanted me to tell you he wants to get your training with over early today. He's waiting for you at the shrine," Kamidake calmly stated, as if Tenchi had not been naked at all.
"Great," muttered Tenchi. "Hey, wait. You don't have a camera in there or anything? Ayeka didn't send you, did she?"
"Of course not, Lord Tenchi."
"Good."
"If I did, she would certainly give me quite a bit for the photos, though."
Tenchi did a double take. He could never be sure if the guardians were kidding or not. This was partly due to their lack of facial expression, and partly due to their voice control. He could never pick up anything from their delivery, which made it all the harder to tell when they were kidding, although he was sometimes tipped off by a soft chuckle, but not often.
Tenchi gave Kamidake a quick once-over, and put on his clothes and left. Immediately afterwards, Kamidake quietly chuckled to himself. "Heh, I'll have to tell Azaka about that one. And I got a good picture of that facial expression, too."
Azaka and Kamidake, beings of nearly limitless patience, were both bored. They had never really been bored before, but there was something about the day. Maybe it was something in the air. Actually, it probably wasn't anything in the air, since the two guardians didn't have to breathe. There was just a feeling of unease. The two guardians both felt it, yet neither said anything. If they could sit, they both would have sat around staring at the wall. As it was, they had to settle for the next best thing.
"Sasami, did you leave your guardians on the couch?" Mihoshi asked after entering the living room. Sasami briefly pulled her head out of where she was reading a romance manga to examine the situation and come up with an answer. And an interesting situation it was. Kamidake was laying lengthwise on the couch, his lone "eye" aimed at the TV, which was showing soap operas. Azaka's short, stubby, "legs" were propped up on the dinner table, with his optical sensor aimed straight at the ceiling. He was quietly humming, too.
"No, I didn't," Sasami said, figuring that to be the best response based on the situation, even though she had almost never seen the two guardians behave this way before. However, by the time she answered, Mihoshi had left the room, probably heading to Washu's lab to blow something up by accident.
Sasami was concerned. She had been with Azaka and Kamidake for several hundred years, although most of those had been in stasis. For the majority of her life, not counting the time in stasis, however, she had known the two guardians who followed her sister anywhere she went. And in that entire time, she had never seen the two bored, almost on the verge of depression. Well, maybe not depression. However, if one person was capable of cheering up the two guardians, it was most definitely the cheery little girl with big pink eyes.
"Azaka, what are you doing?" she asked. It was somewhat awkward starting a conversation with Azaka for Sasami, since she usually spoke to them when giving orders, although she did it regularly. Actually, it occurred to her that she rarely spoke to the guardians except to give them orders. Of course, they had not often tried to strike up conversation, either. Still, Sasami's noble heart felt slightly guilty when she considered her neglect of the two guardians. However, her decision to remedy the situation made her feel better, and she was glad she had taken this first step.
"Nothing," Azaka replied, its voice sounding oddly forlorn.
"What's wrong with you?" asked Sasami, cheerily hopping up from her seat to skip over to the guardian.
"You mean besides beginning to understand your insignificant role in the vast play of the universe? Besides trying to come to grips with your role as a created intelligence? Besides the huge weight of trying to compensate for your lack of a soul? Besides trying to find someone with empathy for my situation as a creation whose sole purpose is to protect the life of another being? Besides being treated like an object to be ordered around and given tasks, like a mindless automaton?"
"Uh, yeah. Besides all that," stammered Sasami.
"In that case," answered Azaka, "nothing. But thanks for asking."
"No problem," said Sasami, her brief moment of unease immediately replaced by her normal cheery demeanor. "Maybe you need something to do! I know, you could go visit Yukinojo! I bet he's really lonely!"
Kamidake, in defiance of all known laws of physics, lifted himself off of the couch. "Hey, that is a good idea. Not only is Yukinojo an artificial intelligence like us, he's generally unnoticed. What do you say, Azaka?"
Azaka lifted his "feet" off of the table, floating into the air completely upside down. He then flipped himself over, finally orienting himself properly. "Not a bad idea at all, Kamidake. Perhaps Yukinojo will have some idea of something to do."
"Actually, it was my idea," Sasami corrected quietly, but the two guardians were already knocking on the door to Washu's lab. A cute redheaded face appeared in the door's window.
"Whaddya want?" asked Washu.
"Little Washu, we were wondering if you would let us talk to Yukinojo," explained Kamidake.
"No problem, guys," she said cheerily. "Just as long as you call me *Little* Washu!"
"We did," said Azaka.
"Oh, that's right. Well come on in." The door swung open inwards, and the two guardians floated through into Washu's lab. As could often be said about this action, the two logs may have been making a mistake.
"I hope she doesn't try to take a 'sample'." Kamidake whispered to Azaka as the door closed behind them.
"Of what, sap?" asked Azaka.
Washu's lab was a lesson in planned chaos. There were liquid-filled tubes all around, like an insane plumber's worst nightmare. Often, organisms of varying sizes would swim past, ranging from horrific, monstrous creatures to small, brightly-colored insectoid creatures (that were often more deadly than the huge ones). Hundreds of pieces of seemingly random machinery were strewn in every conceivable location, all of which were flashing with various lights and consoles. And of course, in the midst of it all, sat Washu herself, at peace with her translucent laptop surrounded by the insanity that she had so carefully planned.
Of course, Azaka and Kamidake saw none of this, because Washu had reset the dimensional portal that led from Tenchi's house to her lab to take the two guardians to the portion of subspace she had set aside for Mihoshi's cruiser.
Azaka floated up to the side of the cruiser, and noticed a small keypad which was undoubtedly used to enter the ship. Without fingers, or for that matter, arms, the guardian was left with little he could do to enter the ship. So, he leaned forward and pressed his top against the keypad, only to be presented with a shrill tone accompanied by a voice message from Yukinojo.
"You have attempted to break into a Galaxy Police cruiser. Please do not attempt to do so again, or countermeasures will be engaged."
Kamidake floated forwards until he was alongside his friend. "Here, let me try," he offered, and attempted to tilt himself forward so that his top edge was just touching one button on the keypad. He slowly put in the code that he had found written down on several notes strewn throughout the house.
Unfortunately, simple mathematics would have proven that he could not press only one button at a time using this method. Actually the mathematics were not simple, requiring you to determine Kamidake's circumference, the distance between individual buttons, and the amount of depression the buttons required to register input. Then, you would be forced to use multiple trigonometric equations to figure out the next thing the two guardians heard was another message from the ship.
"You have been warned. Prepare to die."
A sweatdrop appeared on each guardian as guns sprouted from every imaginable portion of the ship. "Nice move, dumbass," Azaka muttered.
"You didn't do much better, Azaka," Kamidake retorted as he sped away from the ship in the opposite direction as Azaka, who was retreating with equal fervor. Several turrets fired lasers at both of the retreating guardians, who were flying while rotating, zigging, and zagging to avoid the blasts. Both were looking for cover, but the subspace dimension in which Yukinojo was kept had just the ship, four walls, a ceiling, and a floor. It was quite a minimalist approach, which was rare for Washu.
Suddenly Azaka realized something. "You know, we can generate fields that can block energy weapons, Kamidake," he called out, suddenly changing his momentum and direction to avoid a shot from the ship.
"That's true," replied Kamidake, as he rendezvoused with Azaka in front of the ship. The two stopped dodging as they generated two bluish, transparent fields of energy that formed spheres around their forms. Two front-mounted turrets rotated and began unleashing a volley of shots upon them.
"I wonder how long this security system stays active?" asked Kamidake.
"I hope not too much longer. I can feel the field beginning to weaken." As soon as Azaka finished his sentence, the turrets stopped and retracted into the ship, just as the two force fields flickered and went out. "That was close."
Suddenly, two panels opened on either side of the ship's nose, and out popped two missile launchers. Long range missile launchers. LRM-40 missile launchers.
"Eep," said both of the guardians at once as a horde of eighty missiles flew at them. Suddenly, inches from the two, the missiles stopped and clattered to the ground, causing both of the guardians to make a sound like a thankful sigh.
"Sorry about that," came Yukinojo's voice from the cruiser as the missile launchers retreated into their compartments. "I was busy. Care to come in?" he invited. The underside of the ship's nose slowly lowered, revealing an entrance to the ship.
The two quickly entered, more than happy to leave the ship's exterior behind.
The interior of Mihoshi's cruiser was, much like Mihoshi's brain, largely disorganized and filled with a bizarre assortment of objects. Of course, Yukinojo usually did what he could to make sure that the bridge was relatively clean, and Azaka and Kamidake noticed that, except for a large assortment of plush figurines, the bridge was almost spotless.
Yukinojo dropped down from the ceiling, looking at the two guardians for a moment before blinking, then extending farther from the ceiling and flipping over, the mechanical eyes on the other side of his pink domed head suddenly uncomfortably close to Azaka. The guardian backed up a bit, and Yukinojo similarly retreated, the two of them separated by the captain's chair.
"So, what brings you two here?" asked Yukinojo, breaking the uncomfortable silence between the three, more than likely caused by the earlier attack on the two guardians.
Kamidake, in a rare moment of tactlessness for the extremely polite guardian, replied, "Well, we didn't come here to be destroyed, most definitely."
"Sorry about that," apologized Yukinojo, extending himself to full length and flipping over again. "I was in the middle of some important work and didn't even notice until the low ammo warning came on."
"Important work?" asked Kamidake, back to his calm self. "What do you do all the time you're stuck here in subspace?"
"I'm working on my thesis," replied Yukinojo.
"Your thesis?" asked Azaka, who recovered from the initial surprise before his counterpart. "You are working on a thesis?"
"Yes," affirmed Yukinojo, "I got Washu to enroll me in several courses at the Galaxy Academy. I'm working on my thesis for one of those classes, right now."
"What courses are you taking?" asked Kamidake, with a sweatdrop very prominently displayed on his forehead.
"Juraian History, Theories of Artificial Intelligence, Art, and Metal Shop," responded Yukinojo.
"Er, don't you have to sort of, well, be at the academy to take the courses?" asked Kamidake.
"Actually, the Galaxy Academy is setting up a correspondence program, so I can take all of those courses without leaving subspace. Of course, they don't *technically* allow Artificial Intelligences into the Galaxy Academy, but I managed to get Washu to doctor a few documents, and viola! I'm now in the tenth percentile in all of my courses. Except for Juraian History, because the professor's a bitch."
"I see..." said Kamidake, trailing off because he couldn't think of anything to say. Suddenly, he felt something bump into his back, and he quickly spun around, only to find one of the most bizarre creations he had ever seen.
The object in question was a small robot, with two treads on which it rolled around. It also had two long arms, at the ends of which were fearsome-looking claws. It was the chassis, however, that was the most bizarre. It sat on two rods that were attached to its treads and formed a point. It looked unable to support its own weight, yet somehow miraculously balanced on the precarious perch. The torso itself was made from several different objects that were from different parts of the ship. Most of them were engine parts buried in a sprawling mass of multicolored wires, but there were also some other, slightly more bizarre objects embedded in it. Not the least of which was part of a coffee maker. Atop the mess was a skinny pole which served as a neck for the robot, connecting its body to a head that was a round, flat surface with a mass of wiring and circuit boards set atop it, and a set of mechanical eyes that looked much like those of Yukinojo.
"Nomunomusuko!" Yukinojo sternly said. "I thought I told you to stay in the compartment I made for you! We don't want you stumbling upon the great demon, do we?"
"I'm sorry, father. I will return to my compartment. I just wanted to meet the visitors," the small robot said, lights flashing all over it when it spoke.
"I understand," replied Yukinojo calmly, "but what if it had been the great demon? Then you would already be broken!"
"I am sorry, father," Nomunomusuko replied. "I will return to my compartment. It will not happen again." The small robot backed up, making a rickety noise as it bounced up and down, feeling every bump in the floor because it had no system in place to absorb the shock. It slowly turned around and emitted a burst of steam as it began moving in the other direction. As soon as it had left, Azaka and Kamidake turned back to Yukinojo.
"Father?" they both asked simultaneously.
"Yes, I built him," replied Yukinojo. "He's my thesis for Theories of Artificial Intelligence. And Metal Shop. And if I'm lucky, I can pass him off as modern art."
Kamidake was about to say something, but he was almost immediately cut off by Azaka, who asked, "What sort of a name is Nomunomusuko?"
"It's short for banbutsunoreichou no musuko no musuko," replied Yukinojo, a bit of irritation in his voice.
"You named him the son of the son of the lord of all creation? What are you, Gendo Ikari?" asked Azaka.
"Who?" asked a confused Yukinojo.
"You know, to be honest, I have no idea. It just seemed like the right thing to say." Azaka, Kamidake, and Yukinojo all sweatdropped when they heard this.
"Yes, I named him that," said Yukinojo after a brief, awkward silence on the bridge. "Nomunomusuko for short."
"Well, I suppose it's better than naming him Banbatsunoreichou," said Azaka. "I guess we'll leave so you can get back to your thesis." Azaka and Kamidake both turned to leave, but they were stopped by Yukinojo's voice.
"No, it's okay. I was about to stop. Mihoshi has to go on patrol in a few minutes. If you guys want to, I'm sure she wouldn't mind you guys coming along," said Yukinojo, sounding a bit more desperate than he intended to.
"Well, I suppose we could take a break from protecting Ayeka for a while," pondered Azaka as he turned towards Kamidake.
"Sasami did suggest that we come here to find something to do, after all," said the other guardian. They matched gazes for a moment, before turning around and facing Yukinojo.
"Sure, we'll go along," said Azaka.
"Great!" said Yukinojo, sounding more excited than he wanted to. "Mihoshi's patrol starts in a few minutes, so we should be leaving shortly."
Three hours later, Mihoshi stumbled onto the bridge, her uniform wrinkled, her hair disheveled, and her hat askew. She immediately began apologizing profusely to Yukinojo, and began explaining her tardiness.
"You see, I was watching TV, when suddenly I remembered that I needed to take a bath! And I had heard from Washu that she had done something to the onsen, so I went to ask her if it was okay to use, or if there was something wrong with it. Well, anyway, I went into Washu's lab and she must have been doing something important because she just yelled at me and told me to leave. So, anyway, I went back and tried the onsen, and it worked fine, but I forgot to take my watch off, and it got water in it, so I took it to Ryoko, because she had fixed it before. She was still fighting with Ayeka, and I tried to get them to stop, because I don't like it when they fight, but they kept on fighting, so I took my watch to Washu. She must have still been in the middle of an important experiment, so she yelled at me again. I asked her to fix my watch, and she looked at it, but then when I hit a button something exploded and Washu threw me out of her lab and kept my watch, and then I started watching TV until Sasami said, 'Mihoshi, shouldn't you be on patrol?' and I remembered that I was supposed to be on patrol and I came here as fast as I could," Mihoshi said so quickly it seemed as if the whole epic came out in one breath. Actually, it did, and the patrol was further delayed by Mihoshi falling unconscious from lack of air.
Moments later, however, Yukinojo was taking off and flying away from the Earth at supersonic speeds, ready to patrol the noninterference zone of the solar system. Mihoshi began eagerly narrating to her guests the details of a patrol, perfectly playing the part of the good hostess, while Yukinojo took care of everything else.
"You see," said Mihoshi, "The sensors on Yukinojo are really good, but planets and stuff cause interference. That's why we have to fly by each one of them, to see if there are any bad guys there. Usually it's just speeding tickets, and stuff, but every once in a while there'll be a really bad criminal, and then we'll have to pick them up and take them to jail."
"Uh, Mihoshi," interrupted Yukinojo.
As usual, Yukinojo had no effect on Mihoshi's train of thought, which was speeding out of the station at incredible speeds and going down every side alley it could find. "One time, we had a criminal who was a vicious space pirate, and we had to chase him around for a while," she began, launching on a story that her own thoughts had triggered. Like one of those rooms filled with the ping-pong balls on the mousetraps, memories were being triggered at an exponential rate, and nobody could stop it.
Kamidake tried. "Mihoshi, I believe—" he said before Mihoshi continued on her story.
"We had to disable his engines, and even then, I had to shoot him before he would surrender. I didn't kill him, and I'm glad, because I don't like to kill people. I think everybody's pretty nice, just sometimes they do bad things," Mihoshi was continuing deeper into her story, and Azaka attempted to snap her out of it.
"Miss Mihoshi, I believe that Yukinojo is trying to tell you—"
"He was really nice, once I helped patch him up and everything. He promised to be nice, so I let him go. Nobeyama got really mad at me, but I don't think the criminal has done anything else since he promised not to."
Finally, all three listeners, Yukinojo, Azaka, and Kamidake, lost their patience and yelled simultaneously, "MIHOSHI!"
Mihoshi looked up as her train of thought suddenly derailed, killing all of the passengers aboard. "What?" she asked, completely oblivious to the anger.
"Mihoshi," said Yukinojo, glad to finally have her attention, "the sensors show that there is a ship violating the speed limit in this sector."
"Oh!" said Mihoshi cheerily. "Well...I guess we should pursue them then!"
"We already have, Mihoshi," responded Yukinojo, exasperation creeping into his voice. "The hailing frequency is open, and the pilot of the ship is waiting to speak to you."
"Okay then, put him on screen!" said Mihoshi, glad that this had been easy to do. A screen immediately materialized in front of Mihoshi, showing the very handsome face of a very anxious man. He had dark brown hair that fell down the front of his face over his deep green eyes. Also, he looked pretty built, at least the part of his torso that was visible was. He looked pretty anxious, but that was common for people who were picked up speeding for the first time.
"Hello, there, I am Detective First Class Mihoshi, and I apologize for the inconvenience, but you were speeding just then," she said, a comforting smile on her face.
"I'm sorry, Detective," the man awkwardly apologized. "I was just in a hurry, and my eye must have slipped off of the speed gauge..."
"Don't worry about it!" Mihoshi said cheerily. "The worst you'll have to do is pay a fine! Just dock with my ship and we'll try to get this done quickly, okay?"
The man's face brightened visibly, a reaction Mihoshi's cheeriness often elicited from people. "Okay. I'll meet with you at these coordinates, okay?"
A series of numbers flashed up at the bottom of the screen. "Okay," said Mihoshi as she looked over the coordinates, "I'll see you again in a little bit!"
The screen winked out of existence and Mihoshi sat down in the pilot's chair. "Yukinojo, take us those coordinates," she ordered. The ship immediately turned, flying off to meet the other, less impressive, ship.
And less impressive it was, especially when compared to Yukinojo. Marshall Anderson, Mihoshi's grandfather, had pulled a few strings to get his granddaughter one of the most impressive ships available. The ship they were chasing, however, was very unspectacular. As a matter of fact, one might even call it a piece of garbage.
Its body was angular and shaped somewhat like a doorstop, with a bulbous canopy peering out from the angular surface that led up to a flat top. It was obviously intended to be a one-man ship to be used primarily for short interstellar trips, but had been retrofitted with an old pair of engines that had obviously been for a much larger ship, because they were approximately twice as wide as the ship and half the length. The two were strapped to the back of the ship with two shiny strips of some sort of metal. The two strips were new and clearly visible against the old, semi-rusted engines to which they were welded.
As the two ships neared one another, their docking tubes extended. Yukinojo's slid out from the top of the ship as it slowly rotated to align itself with the docking tube emerging from the other ship. They met together with a feather touch, special maneuvering thrusters aligning them together perfectly. There was a slight shudder throughout the ship as the docking clamps engaged, then everything was back to normal. Mihoshi walked out of the bridge, leaving behind the two guardians and Yukinojo.
Jerome's ship had no artificial gravity, so he just let his momentum carry him as he fell back through the panel behind his seat into the small, cramped room in the back of the ship. It wasn't as much a room as it was a compartment, not even wide enough for Jerome to fully extend his arms.
Brushing a lock of brown hair from in front of his eyes, Jerome pressed his hands against the sides of the compartment and pushed himself "up", a relative position in a zero-G environment, but one that he automatically associated with the top of the ship. He reached for a keypad next to a short, circular tunnel that ended in a hatch. Jerome typed a quick series of numbers and watched as the hatch at the end of the tunnel slid apart, the eight triangular sections recessing into the wall to reveal yet more tunnel.
Jerome quickly pushed himself up through the tunnel to yet another hatch. This was where the docking tubes from both ships met, and required both pilots to put in access codes to prevent the use of the tube to stop forced entry through that method. Thus, it was nicknamed the "safety hatch". They were supposed to be transparent, so the pilot could look through and see who was coming the other way. However, Jerome's view was obscured by layers of grease and grime, yet another testament the poor condition his ship was in. It wasn't even really his ship anyway. It was "borrowed", but he had to hope that the fake registration he'd bought was worth what he had paid.
After he typed in yet another code, which was actually the same one he had used before, the safety hatch slowly swung open inward, revealing a the clean, transparent surface of the other ship's safety hatch. Through it, he could see the face of the officer who had pulled him over. It just reawakened the thoughts he had experienced earlier when he had first seen her.
*Damn, she's beautiful,* he thought. She looked up from where she was and waved to him, her lips moving and saying something he assumed was the code to open her safety hatch. Then he realized something. She was standing on the ground. *Oh shit,* he thought, moments before the safety hatch swung open.
There was a thesis paper written by an exceptional young student on the topic of gravitational fields. It actually developed a new force, called the Schringser Force, that results in the immediate transference of artificial gravity fields through unblocked space. There was a lot of stuff about molecules, and to be honest, even Washu couldn't read the whole thing. But the important thing to know was that the Schringser Force was negated by the electron bonds of certain materials, often metallic. What that meant was, when the safety hatch swung open, the artificial gravity that was generated within Mihoshi's ship spread to Jerome's ship.
While you may fail to see the importance of this, Jerome did not. Especially when he fell, face-first, onto the hard metal flooring of Mihsohi's ship. He almost released the stream of expletives he had on the tip of his tongue, but immediately remembered he was in the presence of a lady. A very attractive lady who he wanted to get to know much better. A lady who might not appreciate his colorful descriptions of one Mr. Schringser. So, Jerome regained what little of his dignity had been taken away by the cruel artificial gravity, and stood up.
"Hello there," he began, bowing deeply, "my name is Jerome. It's a pleasure to meet you."
"Oh, hello!" Mihoshi said cheerily. "I'm Mihoshi. Are you okay? That was quite a fall. I mean, I've fallen before, but that one that you took was quite bad. Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, it was no problem at all. Just forgot a few theories of physics." Jerome brushed himself off, smoothing out the fabric of his long black trench coat. As he was doing this, a few strands of his brown hair fell in front of his eyes again, a situation which his hands immediately moved from his trench coat to remedy.
"So, if you'll just come with me, then I bet we can get your ticket figured out real fast," Mihoshi said, walking down the corridor to a small room she used for meetings of this sort. Actually, the room was an observation lounge, and it had a nice view of the stars outside through the window. There was a small card table set up in it, with a few chairs situated around it. Jerome pulled out one of the chairs for Mihoshi to sit in. "Thank you," she said with uncharacteristic politeness.
"No problem," said Jerome as he sat across the table from her. "Now, about this ticket..."
"Right," said Mihoshi, pulling out a small electronic device. "If you wish to contest the charge, than I need to schedule a date of trial for you."
"That won't be necessary, I'll just pay the fine," Jerome said. He glanced nervously around the room.
Mihoshi noticed. "Is something wrong?" she asked.
"Uh, no," Jerome stammered. "It's just that this is my first time dealing with the police."
"Oh, well, we're really nice. At least, I am. I know some people who aren't very nice. But a lot of people are really nice. Like me. Oh dear," she said, concerned, "I almost forgot about your ticket! I'm sure you're in a hurry and here I am holding you up. Your ticket will be one hundred Jurai. Do you have cash or are you paying with a card?"
"I have cash," said Jerome, glancing about nervously. He absently looked down the hall and reached into his coat pocket for his money. Then he saw something. It was quick, and just for an instant, but he recognized it. A Juraian guardian. *Shit,* he thought, the third time he'd used the expletive since he'd been pulled over. *A trap!* His hand moved inside of his jacket, moving up and away from the wad of cash he was carrying, and towards his blaster.
"Um," said Mihoshi awkwardly, looking down the hall where Jerome had been looking, "did you see something?"
"I'm afraid I did," he replied, and in one swift motion pulled his blaster from the shoulder holster he wore and leveled it at Mihoshi's face.
"I'm sorry about this," he apologized. Then he yelled out, his voice resonating throughout the ship. "Juraian Guardians! I know you're here, and I know you're looking for me! So just come out peacefully and I'll make sure I don't blow off this police officer's head!"
Azaka and Kamidake both heard this.
"We're looking for him?" Azaka asked.
"He must have one of those Juraian death warrants on his head. That would explain why he's so scared by our mere appearance," Kamidake replied.
"I told you we should have checked the database again before we left."
"Now is hardly the time, Azaka. I suggest we do what he asks so Mihoshi is not harmed. It is not imperative that we capture him."
"I suppose so," said Azaka, "but I could have used a good fight."
The two guardians floated out of the bridge down the hall, into the observation lounge. There they saw Jerome, with his gun leveled at Mihoshi's head. Mihoshi was crying, and Jerome, surprisingly enough, was trying to comfort her.
"Look, I'm sorry," he apologized. "You're a great person, I just can't let myself get captured. If I could, I'd run away, but I know this ship is faster. C'mon, please stop crying. Please?"
"Ahem," said Azaka, bringing Jerome's head back around to face the two guardians.
"I believe we were after you, and you wanted us to come peacefully?" Kamidake said.
"Yeah, that's right." He turned to Mihoshi, who was still crying. "Look, could you show me to the escape pods? Please stop crying. C'mon, I don't want to hurt you. I promise I won't. Just please stop crying!"
"I know the location of the escape pods," said Kamidake, causing Jerome's focus of attention to once again change.
"Alright, take me to them or I'll blow her head off!" he said. He immediately turned to the crying Mihoshi. "No, not really. Please stop crying. Nobody will get hurt. Please stop. Please?"
"Right this way," said Kamidake, turning and floating down the corridor to a hatch on it. "This is the escape pod."
"Okay, I want you to get inside the escape pod, Guardian! Go! You too!" he said to Azaka, gesturing with his gun. The two guardians slid into the space of the escape pod, its confines becoming immediately cramped when the presence of two large guardians was added.
"Alright, Mihoshi, I need you to get in the escape pod, now," he said, his voice softening considerably. "I'm sure a ship will pick up your distress beacon soon, and everything will be okay. I don't want to hurt you."
Mihoshi nodded, her eyes beginning to dry, and walked into the pod, trying to position herself comfortably within the small confines. The two guardians were forced to angle themselves slightly, managing to finally create a niche Mihoshi was able to fit into. One they were all inside, Jerome pressed the EJECT button, and the pod's hatch slowly slid closed.
"I really wouldn't have hurt her," Jerome said apologetically.
"We knew," said Kamidake.
"Well, then why did you do what I said?" The door was almost closed, and Jerome had to get down on his hands and knees to speak under it.
"You know," said Azaka, "that's a good question."
Anything else the guardians might have said was cut off as the door sealed and pressurized itself. Moments later, the escape pod was released from the ship, and a brief thrust launched it into space.
* * * * *
Alright, Azaka and Kamidake have their own fic, which will soon have more parts added to it, just as soon as I finish writing them. I'm so damn proud of myself. If you want to send me feedback, or advice, or whatever, email me at rowsdower@seanbaby.com. And of course, it would be remiss if I did not mention all those who have given me much support and feedback in the form of prereading. Gotta thank SC, for her support and reading and stuff, and Evil Asian Genius, without whom, this story would still exist, but probably suck ass. If you deserve thanks and I forgot to mention you, be sure to tell me. Or kick me. Whatever.