I felt my eyes burning with the rapidly gathering tears I was desperately trying to push back.

Stupid Raph! Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!

I wanted to go to him so that I could yell at him, but I was too mortified to face anyone right then. I just had to get away unnoticed and fast.

Too bad it was easier said than done when dealing with ninjas.

Instead of entering the kitchen as I had first intended, I started sneaking away. The tears blurring my vision had other plans, though. There was something on the floor, probably some kind of training equipment, I couldn't tell.

Whatever it was, I tripped over it. Not too loudly, but again, I was living with a bunch of ninjas and for them, it was loud enough.

The conversation I'd been listening to halted, both Raph and Donnie without a doubt noticing my presence. I decided to run before they would come and see who it was.

"You don't think…" I heard Donatello's hesitant voice and knew they had just guessed it was me. Wiping my eyes quickly to prevent any further accidents I darted to the lair's exit.

Oh, how I wished I hadn't heard that conversation. How was I ever supposed to face them again now that they knew? Now that Donnie knew…

I probably should've guessed this would happen. Eventually Raph had gotten tired of keeping my secret while I was trying to hide my depression. I had arrived to the scene just in time to hear him loudly scolding Donnie for not seeing what was right in front of him.

At that point my mind had frozen in shock and I could only stand there with my mouth gaping as Raph bluntly blurted out my feelings for the purple-masked turtle.

It went against everything I had told Raph. I had specifically explained that there was nothing I would do when Donnie clearly had feelings for April. Why couldn't he have respected that?

I made it out of the lair without hearing anyone come after me. The temptation to go up the first ladder I saw was great, but even in my current state of mind I remembered that surfacing so near to the lair was not wise. I didn't slow down until I reached a safer ladder, pretty much jumping the first steps up.

The sudden clank above my head scared me so bad I nearly screamed.

My head spun back and I saw the all too familiar bo staff going over my shoulder and between the ladder rungs above me. Interestingly enough, I felt my blood run cold at the same time my face turned red hot.

I waited, hands glued to the ladder, for Donatello to say something. I could have continued my escape, but I didn't bother kidding myself. If he wanted to talk he could easily keep following me.

"Is it true what Raph said?"

I couldn't look at him, I was stubbornly hanging onto the ladder and wishing that somehow he would go away.

"Look at me."

There was something in the tone of his voice that felt strange, uncharacteristic to the gentle and patient turtle. Like there was a strong trace of urgency and discontent. I knew I would have to say something, but nothing came to my mind.

Unexpectedly, it became quickly clear that Donatello wasn't going to let me off the hook until he got something out of me. While I was still hesitating, he put away his bo and reached for my elbow. The urgency was there too in his touch and I started suspecting that he would simply pull me down soon if I took any longer.

I bit on my lip hard and complied, stepping down from the ladder and turning around with my eyes on the ground.

"Why can't you look at me?"

"Don…" my voice sounded strange, but I forced myself to continue as calmly as I could. "It's not… you shouldn't take everything Raph says so seriously."

I sneaked a peak at Donatello's face, flinching from what I saw. He was angry. Not a common sight.

I couldn't understand why he was angry. It would've made more sense for him to feel uncomfortable or downright pity me for my stupidity. "Just… forget about it, okay?"

"I don't believe it!"

My head snapped up, an involuntary reaction, caused by the shock of Donatello shouting at me. "W-what?"

He stared at my confused expression for a moment, by the looks of it, seething inside. "Raphael was right. You would just unnecessarily keep tormenting yourself, wouldn't you? Do you think that's what any of us wants?"

"I- I… I'm not…"

I was speechless again, but this time I couldn't turn my eyes away from Donatello's. Something changed in his expression. He took a step closer, wrapping his fingers around my shoulders and bringing his face closer to mine.

"Please. Tell me the truth."

Everything was starting to feel unreal, my head was spinning. I tried to take a step back, but there was no room. I was trapped there, so close to him and nearly panicking.

"The truth?" I heard the barely audible words leave my mouth, his focused eyes somehow drawing them out of me. "I love you."

There it was. The truth that would ruin everything. I gave up right there, looking away again. My chest felt heavy, constricted, like I couldn't get enough air in them. I started pulling away, but the large hands held me tightly in place, not letting me move.

"Donnie, please", I struggled harder now, trying to push him away, but not even making him budge. "I know how stupid this is…"

"How would you know that?!" the rare anger flared again. I felt Donatello's fingers pressing into my skin tighter. "Raphael was right to yell at me. Shell, he should've smacked me upside the head after every sentence. Keeping this to yourself and hurting yourself… it's crazy, but the more I started thinking what Raph said, I realized that it's me who's been a complete idiot for not noticing anything."

The grip eased a little bit and there was anguish under the quickly fading anger. "My point is… how could you assume that telling me would be stupid? What were you thinking?"

"Donnie…" another subject that I had wanted to avoid, but what was the use now? "It's pretty clear that you and April… that you…"

I didn't want to finish that sentence and luckily, I didn't need to.

"Clear? April?" the disbelief was evident in Donatello's voice and expression. Then slowly, his face relaxed and he let out a sigh, shaking his head. I could've sworn there was even a hint of a smirk. "You have to check your definition of clear. This is clear."

Before I realized what was happening, his hands were holding my face gently upwards and he was kissing me.

At first there was only the shock as my brains tried to comprehend the unlikely scenario I had sometimes dreamed of. Then my hands began moving on their own, blindly finding his chest and sliding up from there, closing around him.

This encouraged Donatello to forget any caution he had started with. He closed the last bit of distance between our bodies and deepened the kiss until it was making my blood boil and heart ache with the speed it was pounding.

I had no idea how long it lasted, but afterwards I was left breathless and leaning my back against the ladder to keep myself standing. Donatello lowered his hands on my hips, a sly grin playing at the corner of his mouth.

"Or would you like to disagree?"

"Umm… what?" It took me a while to remember what we had been talking about.

His grin got wider. "Never mind."

As another mind-blowing kiss messed with my head, I began losing track of my thoughts again. With some effort I managed to make a mental memo about maybe not killing Raphael for this after all.