I stare at you while you sleep. You're still asleep, but I woke up an hour ago. It's not strange that you're still asleep, though. You're relaxed. You're in peace.

So am I. We are in peace. I would ask you how you feel only to see that pleasurably satisfied look on your face before you tell me you've never felt better.

My coffee tastes so good today. I feel like everything tastes a hundred times better since you're with me, since I'm with you. And the weather is wonderful, the sun hits my face just like I feel my life has gotten an extra amount of light.

I thank God that you came that night. I've thanked him every night; when I pray before falling asleep, looking to the side to see your eyes closed. Thank you for bringing him to me, I say. I wouldn't have been capable of going to you myself; I was feeling powerless. A person without power is a person with no will, you once told me. Then you kissed me, and I felt… crumbling down. My walls crumbled down, my fears did too, my guilt, that evil little feeling that slides through the tiniest cracks of your soul. My guilt faded away, my reasonable thinking did too. Then you touched me, and the flashes of our only night together from more than a decade ago came to me in a hurry. For so long I condemned myself for revisiting that memory in my mind; for desiring it, for craving it, for using it for my lustful self-satisfying activities at night. I felt guilty for wanting you, even when you were in a relationship with some woman. Zoe, Dana… I felt like I wanted to apologize to them for being everything I was to you. Like I owed them an explanation, a reason as to why we couldn't disengage from each other.

You're here. I am here. My sheets cover your shirtless body, and your shirt covers my bare chest. The steam of my coffee warms the tip of my nose when I take a sip… admiring you. You stubborn, proud, unbearable thing. How many years have I dealt with your insecurities? Your fears, your complexes? How many years have I lifted you up as if I was your mother? How many years have you lied to my face when you saw me putting my heart out in a plate for you and you got scared?... How many?

And all I did was because of love. Because I love you. I've gone through those self-destruction spirals that we both jumped in because I couldn't lose you. The few times that I pretended to leave you, I felt just as paralyzed and lost as you did. The only difference was that I've had more practice in hiding my feelings from you, but not the opposite. You can't hide yourself from me.

You idiot, I wish you had come to me sooner. I guess you weren't ready until that night you knocked on my door; but we lost so much time. So many good memories, so many good moments and opportunities.

I've had a few guys in this house before. There were some I called when I needed to feel better, or feel less like trash, or feel enough. Or when I wanted to fuck someone and I couldn't have you. None of them did me as good as you do me, for what it's worth.

We've reached a finishing line, finally. I've been waiting for this. In my heart, I always kept my hopes that someday, life would find us this way. We would build what we always wanted together. And nothing could break us, because we've been through every single test there is in life for two people.

Home. Heaven. Whatever the name is.

Last night, in the middle of our rendezvous, I remember staring deep into your eyes while you rubbed my abdomen with your hands. That gave me a thought, one I've always dreamed of but never shared with anyone. I smiled, then you asked. I told you about my most intimate wish. Yes, you said. Let's do that, let's try. Worst thing that happens, we don't make it, and that's it, you said. You told me I'll look beautiful with thirty or fourty extra pounds.

After everything we did, we ended up falling asleep at three or four in the morning. I don't remember quite well.

What a great weekend, darling.

I love you.