A Circle Never Ends

This was written for the 'most unforgivable' challenge by The Infamous Dollface. My character was Astoria Malfoy/Greengrass, the unforgivable curse was 'Imperius', and the prompt was ''battle scars'. I also had a quote, "I had nothing to do with your father's death. But that does not absolve me of my other sins." which I kind of used :)

It's been so long since the war ended, but I still have the scars. They serve as a reminder of all that was lost, on both sides. Unlike what I was brought up to believe, there is good and evil. But that doesn't matter anymore, no-one cares what side you fought on; all that matters is that so many people are gone.

The war took so many lives, and ruined so many others. Even now, it's easy to differentiate those who fought in the last battles from those who didn't. They are the weary ones, who seem to have lived a thousand lives, those whose eyes are blank and empty, after seeing so many horrendous acts. Those who barely look alive, as if they have been subjected to the dementors kiss. These people still carry their scars; the scars of losing friends and teachers and families.

Some carry them proudly, like the boy-who-lived; for some they show how they were willing to give their lives for the cause.

I carry my scars neither ashamedly or proudly, but my scars are nothing compared to his.

Draco Malfoy. Those two words are everything to me. His scars run far deeper than I could imagine, the war has changed him so much. He had to live through so much, the Dark Lord using both him and his parents like puppets, his father being sent away to Azkaban, his life almost lost on innumerable occasions. After this, he still doesn't know what to think. Everything he lived through during the war went against everything he was brought up to believe, went against his very being. But the worst thing was seeing his parents fall. To this day, we still do not know who cast the final curse, or whether it was accidental of a purposeful shot. But it's killed him inside.

He is no longer the boy I knew as a teenager, a somewhat reserved, yet fun-loving and happy boy. He has fallen into nothingness; he lives like he's already dead, like he's with them again. It's awful to watch him, day after day, fall further into this void. There's nothing I can do but watch him waste away.

Occasionally, he manages to break through the barrier keeping him from the world, as if he's checking he is still alive. It is during these brief periods that his emotions come tumbling out, magnified after being pushed down and denied for so long.

It became somewhat of a rhythm, I would tend to him when he was down and then we'd argue when he broke free, he would try to blame me for everything he felt – or rather, everything he didn't feel. We both knew it was really himself he was getting at, it lay unspoken between us, although neither of us said it, and the arguments passed, he would sink back into himself again, creating a full cycle to start again. Neither of us knew how or when exactly it started; for a circle does not have a beginning, or an end.

Or so I thought.

"You could have done something!" He shouted at me, and I replied with the same thing I had every time this argument came up.

"I couldn't have done anything, Draco; it was in the middle of a battle. I couldn't have saved him." He was referring to his father, to the fact that I was barely feet away from him when it happened. He thought I could, should have saved him, but as much as it hurt me, I was unable to. Like him, he had been frozen in shock, able to do nothing but stare as Lucius Malfoy crumpled under the green light.

"You could have!" he roared, leaving the room and slamming the door behind him like a hormonal teenager.

I sighed, deciding whether or not to follow him back into our room. Deciding to leave him alone for a little so he could cool off, I summoned some fire whisky.

I finished the glass and was about to go and find him when the door slammed open once again. Draco was standing there, a large backpack in his hands and a thick travelling cloak fastened around him.

"I'm leaving."

Those words pierced me like a physical wound. Even after all the times I thought I'd lose him, both during the war and after, it never come close to this. Even though he was never really here, never really with me, I still pretended he was. Even though I knew he long ago lost the capability to love, perhaps to feel anything at all, I still clung on to the hope that one day, he might. That was why I'd stuck with him after all this time, even though his current state hurt me, I never let go, I never forgot my dream that one day, everything might be alright again. That one day, we can be happy again.

He turned to walk away, he had already reached the door when I managed to regain control over my body again. He didn't look back as he slipped out the door, he didn't see my raised wand shaking in my hands. He didn't hear me whisper the unforgivable word. "Imperio."

He doesn't know why he decided to stay, he doesn't know that he's trapped. He doesn't know that the coldness he feels is not only because of his parents and his battle scars, but because of me. He didn't know that I'd even do the unforgivable to prevent him from leaving me, to prevent him from shattering my dreams.

And thus, the circle began again.

Review please!

I've never written anything involving Astoria before, so please tell me how you think it was :)