To say that Carlos was nervous would be… more than an understatement. In less than twenty minutes, he'd be going on a date, a first date, with Cecil. Cecil, who thought he was perfect and his hair was beautiful. Cecil, who told anyone who would listen about his feelings for him. Cecil, who had just spent the last hour on the radio saying things that scared him.
In a bid to keep at least slightly professional, Cecil had dedicated tonight's radio show to dating etiquette and tradition, even if he constantly used Carlos as an example. It started off quaint; make sure you show up on time, pick a place everyone will enjoy, keep conversation to lighter topics you both share interest in ("For instance, Carlos is so very fascinated with science. Let him talk about his theories on just what makes our little town so special."). But then it delved into a set of ideas that were so incredibly Night Vale that, even after being here a year, they made Carlos squirm and shudder.
"Now, everyone knows that malicious spirits are attracted to desirable hosts. If you have a date with such perfect, enviable hair as Carlos, you should be sure to stock up on a variety of salts and minerals. Make sure you cover your bases. How embarrassing would it be to only show up with sea salt, but have a level three ecto-being, which we all know requires rock salt, over take your date? They certainly won't be calling you up again any time soon."
Things hadn't gotten better from there. Cecil outlined how to use chants and bloodstone circles together to get the most out of the date, how to choose an outfit (when in doubt, go for casual, but with minimum bloodstains) and which animals could be sacrificed to terrible, ancient gods to curry their favor. There were signs to look for to tell if your date wasn't into you ("If your date falls out of their chair and begins convulsing, luck is probably not on your side tonight, listeners"), as well as warning signs ("If your date offers to show you their collection of Druidic rune stones, you might want to watch out. This is a first date after all, not a wedding night!").
The broadcast had ended a few minutes ago, and Cecil was currently making his way to Carlos' house. Cecil had been adamant on picking him up, despite the fact Cecil didn't have a car (He preferred to walk or use public transportation to support Night Vale. Besides, cars tended to disappear in hazy blue clouds of fog on full moons if the tire pressure wasn't just right). This gave Carlos enough time to work himself into a state of panic over the increasingly awful possibilities of this date. He just wanted nice and simple, and Cecil had promised him that; a light dinner at Big Rico's, followed by a trip back to Cecil's. Apparently Cecil's neighbor had made a wheat-free pie that was so good, Carlos would just die. Maybe literally; Cecil had sounded a bit ominous, and Carlos has seen that neighbor before and she always looked a tad homicidal.
It had sounded nice, if a bit too nice, and now Carlos wondered if he missed something and his fears were justified. Cecil really was sweet and, as far as Night Vale residents go, pretty normal. But the man had grown up in Night Vale, somehow surviving over thirty years of nightmares in this town. Things that seemed normal to him were nowhere near palatable to Carlos. And sometimes Cecil forgot that. Okay, he forgot a lot, but he did seem to be trying more since that night at the Arby's.
A text from Cecil saying he was there pulled Carlos out of his thoughts. He made his way down the stairs slowly, palms sweating, heart racing. This was it. Whatever was ahead of him that night, he was going to have to just pray for the best and face it.
He opened the door to a surprisingly normal looking Cecil, noted there were no mysterious packages or strange cloths present, and let out a shaky breath he didn't know he had been holding. Cecil grinned brightly at him before taking his hand and pulling him down the street.
"I just know you'll have a good time tonight", Cecil said. And for the first time that day, Carlos thought he really might.
He should have kept his guard up, he was so stupid. But everything had been so nice. The gluten free pizza at Big Rico's was much better than last time, and the member of the Sheriff's Secret Police that had been trailing him all week finally walked away with a curt nod. The pie at Cecil's had been actual pie, really good pie, and Cecil's neighbor finally gave him an entirely non-predatory smile. Conversation was nice; Cecil only said two things that worried Carlos, and Carlos had managed to make Cecil laugh at something normal. It was everything he hoped for. Until Cecil dropped him off at home.
What Carlos thought was going to be a good night kiss turned out to actually be some weird ritual. Quickly and wordlessly, Cecil pulled out a small dagger and pricked both their fingers before saying a prayer to a god that Carlos couldn't pronounce the name of, in a language that Carlos still isn't sure actually exists (Cecil assured him it does, or will, really time travel is so difficult to keep up with). A flash of light and a terrible roll of thunder rumbled above them. The lights on Carlos' watch turned on for the first time in weeks, blinking rapidly before shutting off with an unearthly hiss. He couldn't help the look of terror on his face, but Cecil just smiled serenely at him. Then Cecil leaned in and kissed him gently before whispering good night in his ear. He walked off into the night, whistling joyfully, leaving Carlos to stand frozen outside the door to his house.
He woke up the next morning to a dozen unrecognizable and deadly looking flowers of great, but terrible, beauty on his bedside table. This time, Carlos couldn't help a small smile at Cecil's thoughtfulness.