The Call to Forgive
by BlackGoddess
A/N: I'm not too sure when this takes place but I am thinking somewhere between the end of Season 2 and the beginning of Season 3. Buffy is still in possession of her Claddagh ring and Angel hasn't returned yet.
____________________________________________________________________________ ___
It had been so long. She'd grieved for so long, been unable to heal her broken heart for so long. She knew it was time to move on, time to get past the pain and the guilt. But she just didn't know HOW.
There was so much to hate, so much to remember, so much to cry for. She had not known that pain like this existed. She had not known how much one person could make her hurt.
He had terrorized her. He had tried to kill her and her friends. He had tried to kill her mother. He'd stalked her, watching her while she slept, leaving drawings just to torment her. He tried to throw her off her guard. He knew this girl, this Slayer; knew her inside and out. He'd loved her once, more than anything in this world.
And that is where the good memories lay. The memories of his tender kisses and caresses, her early infatuation with him, the love that had grown in her heart. Their love had been pure and strong, though strange, overcoming even the obstacle of the call of the darkness and the call of duty. Until they made love. Until Buffy created the monster she had had to kill.
That morning still haunted her dreams: the fight, the temporary truce with Spike, the blood and the swords. But most of all, that moment, that instant when the world had hung in the balance. The true test of her strength. She had looked into Angel's eyes and for one moment had believed with all the love she still possessed that she could not kill him.
But she had had to. There had been no choice. It was either that or condemn everyone on Earth to burn forever in a literal Hell.
The guilt had been unbearable. She had walked away from that place, tears streaming down her cheeks and a heaviness in her heart that still had not subsided.
Now she gazed down at her finger, the one the Claddagh ring still graced and she felt the hot tears brimming. She twisted it, touching it tenderly, so many memories welling inside of her it was deafening. She stood up slowly and she knew what she must do. She had to let go of him, of their past, of their love, of all they had once had. The ring symbolized that. The ring showed his love for her and that was an impossibility now.
Chest heaving, pained sobs escaping from her lips, she walked towards the old mansion. She felt the sunshine on the back of her neck but she never once took her eyes off the ring. She didn't really see it; all she could see was him. But she knew the way to his old haunt; she'd been there many times.
When she reached the place, it was dark and deserted, just as she had known it would be. That was good. Nothing had changed there. She pushed open the door and it squealled slightly, but Buffy did not hear it. There was a thick layer of dust on the floor and she left a trail behind her. For the first time she looked around and her eyes were suddenly locked on the room where the battle had taken place. Where her betrayal had taken place.
She pushed those thoughts away. It hadn't been a betrayal; it had been a duty. A necessity. Though it pained her down to the core, killing Angel had not been optional.
She knelt down there, in that room where her whole life had collapsed, and she lovingly removed the ring. She gazed at it a moment, hearing his words in her mind: "If you wear it with the heart pointing towards you, it means you belong to someone." SHE BELONGED TO HIM. Their love had bound them together and she knew that, in order to learn to forgive him and learn to move on, she must sever that bond.
The ring clattered to the floor. She hiccuped loudly, for a moment unable to breathe. The world around her blurred with tears and pain, she felt as though she was surrounded by fog, she could see the confusion in his eyes and then the moment passed and suddenly she felt freer.
She would always love him, deep down in her heart. But now she was moving past that, for if she wanted to live, that was what she had to do.
END
Ok, I can't really figure out how to get italics and stuff in there, so if anyone can help me, I would really appreciate it! :)
A/N: I'm not too sure when this takes place but I am thinking somewhere between the end of Season 2 and the beginning of Season 3. Buffy is still in possession of her Claddagh ring and Angel hasn't returned yet.
____________________________________________________________________________ ___
It had been so long. She'd grieved for so long, been unable to heal her broken heart for so long. She knew it was time to move on, time to get past the pain and the guilt. But she just didn't know HOW.
There was so much to hate, so much to remember, so much to cry for. She had not known that pain like this existed. She had not known how much one person could make her hurt.
He had terrorized her. He had tried to kill her and her friends. He had tried to kill her mother. He'd stalked her, watching her while she slept, leaving drawings just to torment her. He tried to throw her off her guard. He knew this girl, this Slayer; knew her inside and out. He'd loved her once, more than anything in this world.
And that is where the good memories lay. The memories of his tender kisses and caresses, her early infatuation with him, the love that had grown in her heart. Their love had been pure and strong, though strange, overcoming even the obstacle of the call of the darkness and the call of duty. Until they made love. Until Buffy created the monster she had had to kill.
That morning still haunted her dreams: the fight, the temporary truce with Spike, the blood and the swords. But most of all, that moment, that instant when the world had hung in the balance. The true test of her strength. She had looked into Angel's eyes and for one moment had believed with all the love she still possessed that she could not kill him.
But she had had to. There had been no choice. It was either that or condemn everyone on Earth to burn forever in a literal Hell.
The guilt had been unbearable. She had walked away from that place, tears streaming down her cheeks and a heaviness in her heart that still had not subsided.
Now she gazed down at her finger, the one the Claddagh ring still graced and she felt the hot tears brimming. She twisted it, touching it tenderly, so many memories welling inside of her it was deafening. She stood up slowly and she knew what she must do. She had to let go of him, of their past, of their love, of all they had once had. The ring symbolized that. The ring showed his love for her and that was an impossibility now.
Chest heaving, pained sobs escaping from her lips, she walked towards the old mansion. She felt the sunshine on the back of her neck but she never once took her eyes off the ring. She didn't really see it; all she could see was him. But she knew the way to his old haunt; she'd been there many times.
When she reached the place, it was dark and deserted, just as she had known it would be. That was good. Nothing had changed there. She pushed open the door and it squealled slightly, but Buffy did not hear it. There was a thick layer of dust on the floor and she left a trail behind her. For the first time she looked around and her eyes were suddenly locked on the room where the battle had taken place. Where her betrayal had taken place.
She pushed those thoughts away. It hadn't been a betrayal; it had been a duty. A necessity. Though it pained her down to the core, killing Angel had not been optional.
She knelt down there, in that room where her whole life had collapsed, and she lovingly removed the ring. She gazed at it a moment, hearing his words in her mind: "If you wear it with the heart pointing towards you, it means you belong to someone." SHE BELONGED TO HIM. Their love had bound them together and she knew that, in order to learn to forgive him and learn to move on, she must sever that bond.
The ring clattered to the floor. She hiccuped loudly, for a moment unable to breathe. The world around her blurred with tears and pain, she felt as though she was surrounded by fog, she could see the confusion in his eyes and then the moment passed and suddenly she felt freer.
She would always love him, deep down in her heart. But now she was moving past that, for if she wanted to live, that was what she had to do.
END
Ok, I can't really figure out how to get italics and stuff in there, so if anyone can help me, I would really appreciate it! :)