It was a hot, hot, horrible day for the cast of Gravitation. They were on a boat, heading towards the typical location for a season of "Survivor" (a remote, pretty island that nobody knows the name of and has a lot of parasites in the water). Looking around, they wondered how they were going to Outwit! Outlast! and Outplay! each other.
Jeff Probst was standing and holding onto a pole with his typical holier-than-thou expression. Suddenly, the boat stopped. All of the Gravi cast froze in horror, realizing that they were going to have to hurl themselves off the side of the boat and do some degrading thing to get on land, where they would have to search for hours and hours for their campsite with night vision cameras in their faces.
'Why am I here again?' Eiri Yuki asked himself. 'Oh yeah.' He turned to glare at the horrible, horrible author who had put him in this traumatizing position. His hateful thoughts were interrupted, however, when Jeff Probst began to yell at the camera.
"The Survivors have made it to (INSERT REMOTE ISLAND HERE)! They have NO IDEA what's in store for them. Stay tuned for the next few months to see which one of them will be the SOUL SURVIVOR!"
The camera faced the new Survivors, who were looking either pissy, confused or nervous. I'm sure you can figure out which adjective applies to who. And, because it's funny to watch this occur, Jeff announced that the Survivors would be using a "school yard pick 'em" to form their tribes.
Somehow, the people picking the teams were Eiri and Tohma. Don't ask how, I just think Eiri makes a good "team captain" and I felt like torturing Tohma by making him automatically not be on a tribe with Eiri.
"Okay! Let's play rock paper scissors to see who picks first!" Jeff said, beaming.
"Seriously?" Eiri asked, looking disturbed.
"Yes. You get to pick first if you win. Isn't that worth playing for?" 1
Eiri shrugged and played the irritating game with Tohma. Tohma won, because he is Tohma Seguchi and Tohma Seguchi always gets what he wants! Except Eiri Yuki. But that's not the point.
"Uhhh," Tohma said, looking at the bunch of people who were staring at him innocently. Popularity contests are hard if nobody knows each other. (Yes, I realize that they all know each other them and half of them are coincidentally connected by either Tohma or Shuichi, but Survivor is better if nobody knows each other, kay?) "I pick…you."
Ryuichi giggled gleefully and glomped Tohma, screeching something that sounded like "I was picked first! I was picked first, na no da!" Tohma smiled creepily and sweatdropped.
Meanwhilst, Eiri Yuki was over-analyzing this decision. 'Who will leave me alone so I can angst in peace?' He wondered. 'Hm. That kid's almost asleep.' He pointed. "You." Ahh, Yuki no baka, Yuki no baka.
Shuichi jerked his head up when he realized Eiri was picking him. "Ahh! Arigotou, Yuki!" he shrieked with the passion of a thousand burning suns. Eiri slapped himself mentally, wondering how a smart person like himself could be so incredibly stupid.
Tohma's freakish smile was ever present as he chose Sakano. Sakano threw himself at Tohma's feet.
"Arigotou, Seguchi-sempai!" Tohma just continued to smile freakishly.
Eiri decided since his luck was horrible he would point to somebody random. He didn't realize how bad his luck was until a booming laugh pierced everybody's eardrums and K stomped up to the tribe of misfits in all his glory.
Okay, I'm really sick of typing this out, so let's call Tohma's tribe "Na No Da". It consists of Tohma, Ryuichi, Sakano, Mika, Taki Aizawa, Yuuzi, Noriko, and Ayaka (blech).
Eiri's tribe is called "La Li Ho" and consists of him, Shuichi, K, Hiro, Suguru, Tatsuha, Maiko, and Tohru Honda. (Yes, I realize that she's from Fruits Basket, but you can't write a story like this without a character from another anime. Plus, Gravi doesn't have enough girls.)
Everyone instantly forgot who their tribe mates were as they hurled themselves off the side of the boat and began to swim quickly. Ryuichi was having trouble.
'I wish mom would've taught me how to swim, na no da! She said she would when I was old enough…'
Somehow, they managed to make it to the shore without drowning. (What fun would THAT be? It's only fun if they're eliminated with an adequate amount of drama for a combination of Survivor and Gravitation. Oh, lordy.) Jeff laughed at them in the background as they stared at their maps. Somehow, Shuichi had managed to get a hold of the map to Na No Da's camp. Hiro snuck up behind him and replaced it with the right one. Shuichi frowned in confusion, trying to remember when he had turned the map right side up.
Eiri, figuring having Shuichi lead them to their lovely little prison was a really stupid way to start off, took the map from him and began to lead his fellow La Li Hos without even bothering to look at it.
MEANWHILST, Taki was yelling at Tohma.
"GIVE ME THE FUCKING MAP, SEGUCHI!"
"Now, now, Aizawa san…" (cue creepy smile) "I'm sure we can settle this without screaming uselessly…"
Ayaka snorted in disgust. "Would you two stop arguing so we could get going!"
Yuuzi rolled his eyes. Sakano quivered in fear. Mika glared at Ayaka.
"Don't even-"
"Shut up!" Noriko snitched to nobody in particular. Miraculously, everybody complied. "Just follow Tohma. Aizawa, if you don't want to follow, I'm sure nobody will mind leaving you standing here."
With that, she gave Tohma a hard shove and he began to lead the way to their campsite. Everybody followed in silence, afraid of Mika, except for Taki. He stood his ground for a moment, protesting Tohma Seguchi, but when nobody called out to him he began to chase yelling "Minna! Wait!"
Now, when you separate people into groups in a story, you need something to cue a scene change or something. So, since it's easiest, I'll just use their tribe names. If you want, you can imagine Shuichi and Ryuichi yelling cutely. Then again, that really isn't necessary.
LA LI HO
Tohru beamed as she watched Eiri and Tatsuha argue over which way to go. It was so nice to be around so many people that weren't Akito Sohma or the Prince Yuki fan club! 2
K suddenly whipped a gun out and pointed it at Tatsuha.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" Hiro yelled, suddenly disturbed at the idea of spending up to 39 days and 39 nights with K. (Or is it 38 nights? Whatever.)
K laughed maniacally. The author laughed with him. Somewhere, Jeff Probst was having a martini and laughing as well.
"My luxury item!" K yelled proudly, stroking his magnum. (ha ha ha ha haahaha)
Suguru decided that everyone he was with was completely insane. He wondered if he could request to be voted off.
Eiri gave everyone the Eiri Yuki Death Glare™. Everyone froze and Liquid Brain began to play as Eiri mentally smirked in victory and lead his silent minions to their camp.
NA NO DA
"Tohma, are you SURE you know where you're going?" Mika looked apprehensive.
"Of course, Mika-san! We should be there in no time!"
"YOU SAID THAT SIX AND A HALF HOURS AGO!" Taki yelled.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" screamed everybody but Tohma, Ryuichi and Sakano.
"Seguchi-san, maybe you should let me look at it," Yuuzi, who will be the voice of reason for this segment of the story, suggested. I don't know anything about Yuuzi except that he's Hiro's brother and he's a struggling actor. Does anybody else know? What's he like? Is he really a voice of reason? Is his name really Yuuzi?
Tohma, never one to argue, gave Yuuzi one of those "I don't like what you're doing and that is why I am smiling at you" smiles and handed over the map. Yuuzi scowled when he realized that Tohma had somehow managed to lead them a mile in the opposite direction of their camp. We can guess with much certainty that Ryuichi was at least partially responsible for this.
Yuuzi turned to his new "family". "Okay, we've got a little ways to go. Everybody shut up or I'll tie your hands behind your back and gag you with your buff."
Too tired to complain, everyone nodded silently (except for Ryuichi. They gave up silencing him before they started their little exodus.) and followed Yuuzi to what they hoped was safety.
IMMUNITY!
We can assume that once they reached their camps they fainted as they always do. There's usually somebody who bitches and moans and wants to put up a shelter, but when you look at Gravitation, can you think of anybody that would?
So the next day, feeling tired and thirsty since nobody can ever start a fire without extra materials and if they don't boil the water they'll get parasites in their intestines, they made their way to the immunity challenge.
"Come on in, guys!" Jeff called happily. The crabby survivors and Ryuichi made their way to their tribe mats.
Shit, I forgot to give them colours. La Li Ho is neon orange and Na No Da is Kumagoro pink. Kay? Kay.
They all stared at Jeff as he tried to explain their immunity challenge to them.
"Over there are some floating things with ropes attached. You'll have to dive into the water and pull out a Pokeball where there is a talking stuffed Pikachu hidden. Each of the Pokeballs is at a different level in the water, from the bottom up. The first team to have all eight Pikachus wins immunity."
A/N: Survivor challenges tend to be really confusing. This is based off of one where they have to get hooks or some shit like that. I don't know. It's one that causes people to whine a lot.
Everyone made their way to their floating wood things and waited for Jeff to say:
"Survivors ready - GO!"
Tohma and Eiri dove into the water to retrieve the annoying red and white balls that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Eiri emerged first (duh) and hurled his Pokeball onto the mat. A toy appeared.
"PIKA PIKA!"
"PIKA PIKA!" Ryuichi echoed, delighted.
Shuichi jumped in next. Eiri held his breath, afraid that Shuichi would float. (Tohma's already come up, by the way. I just don't feel that I need to type everrrrything out.) Anyway, Shuichi didn't float (thankfully) and he dove for the Pokeball.
Ryuichi was next. He looked confused.
"Ryuichi-san, just untie the Pokeball at the bottom, okay?" Tohma said. "It's easy."
Ryuichi nodded dumbly. Shuichi 's pink head poked out of the water. Taki, frustrated, shoved Ryuichi in. He shrieked and somehow managed to figure out what he was supposed to do on the way down.
As with the actual Survivor, I'm not going to describe everything, so let's just say that Suguru took a long time (seems plausible) and it got tied at Tohru and Ayaka.
Tohru, always wanting to help, wasted no time jumping in. Ayaka, however was a different story.
She looked at the water apprehensively, then at her tank top and skirt. 3 Mika, annoyed, yelled at her again.
"Ayaka! Just g-"
Before she could finish, Tohru had reappeared and the last "PIKA PIKA!" of the day was heard.
"LA LI HO WINS IMMUNITY!"
Tatsuha, Shuichi and Tohru jumped around excitedly. K fired a shot of victory. Maiko beamed. Hiro, Suguru and Eiri looked relieved.
Meanwhile, Na No Da looked more pissed than forlorn. Ayaka ignored everybody, refusing to acknowledge the fact that this was all her fault.
NA NO DA
There was a noticeable gap between Ayaka Usami and her tribe mates as they walked back to their little hutlike thing. Mika was the first to look at her.
"I should tell you that you're going to be voted off."
Ayaka smirked. "We're voting off Taki."
Mika shook her head. "Taki may be an assBEEP, but he's not afraid of water." With that, she walked away. 4
Ayaka could be seen retreating (probably to sunbathe) as the rest of the Na No Das sat around their sad excuse for a fire. "So," said Taki, "are we still getting rid of me?"
"Nah, you did pretty well today," Noriko answered. "Just try to be less annoying."
Taki's droopy eyes lifted somewhat. Ayaka had been so horrible that they forgot how horrible he was!
Tohma sighed. "This really doesn't need to be discussed; I think we all know the answer." He turned to Ryuichi. "When you get to the table with the pieces of parchment, write 'Ayaka,' okay? A-Y-A-K-A."
Ryuichi bit Kumagoro (his luxury item!) and nodded.
There was a dramatic shot of the Survivors carrying their torches, on their way to -
TRIBAL COUNCIL
They sat on the bleacher type things as Jeff grinned at them. Tohma smiled back. Jeff began his typical questioning.
"Ayaka," he began, "do you think you should be penalized for your performance at the challenge today?"
"Everyone makes mistakes," Ayaka answered. "I just hope everyone can see that."
Mika rolled her eyes. Naturally, Jeff caught it. "Mika, you obviously don't agree?"
"I wouldn't call that a 'mistake' as much as directly fucking the challenge up," Mika answered. Jeff shifted uncomfortably and decided to take the questioning in a different direction. (Bad Jeff, bad! Don't you know what people like on television these days? Drama!)
"Ryuichi, is it tense around camp?"
Ryuichi shrugged. "I dunno. I don't pay attention to the un-shiny people."
Jeff was unsure how to respond to this, so he figured it was best to start the voting. "Tohma, you're up."
Tohma voted. Ryuichi voted. Sakano voted. Mika voted and showed her vote: Ayaka (no shit). "You're completely useless," was all she had to say. Bravo, Mika. Bravo.
Noriko voted. Yuuzi voted. Taki voted. Ayaka voted last, also sharing her vote: Mika. She had a scowl on her face. "Must you be so rude?" She shoved her vote in the container thingy and sat with her tribe.
"Once the votes are read, the decision is final; the person will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediately." Jeff stared at them. They all stared back. "I'll go tally the votes."
He returned with the urn thing and took out the first vote: Ayaka. Second vote, Mika. Third vote, Aiyachka. (Guess whose that is.) Fourth vote, Ayaka-san. Fifth vote, Ayaka…you get the picture.
Ayaka stomped up to Jeff who looked at her seriously. "The tribe his spoken." He put out her torch. SNUFF! "It's time for you to go." Ayaka's retreating backside was shown.
Ayaka's "reject" interview: "I'm so glad to be out of there. Those people were SO RUDE! I hope someone from the other tribe wins."
-
1 This is always asked right before a reward challenge. I hope someone says no someday and marches off to go tan. That would make my day.
2 YUKI! YUKI! WEEEE LOOOOOVE YUKI! NANANANANA! NANANANANA! Ahem. Sorry. This is a GRAVITATION fan fiction. I'll remember that from now on.
3 A skirt on Survivor. Ha, ha. If you haven't picked up on it, I hate Ayaka, even more than I hate Taki Aizawa. Not because she slapped Shuichi (though that was pretty bitchy), it's mostly because of how she treats Hiro. I intentionally made her a little OOC. She's also completely useless, which is why I got rid of her so quickly. Taki's fun to torture, so I'll be keeping him around for a while.
4 assBEEP: It always amuses me on reality shows when they censor the "hole" instead of the "ass". Don't know why.
I know that there's a language barrier here, especially on Shu-chan's part, but I'm not going to worry about it because it will be way too annoying. So, for the sake of this story, pretend either they all know English, or Jeff Probst knows Japanese.
Ja!