THE THINGS WE HOLD IN INTEREST

hee! Enjoy!

I have always seemed like something less than human. I lived up to living down. And I didn't mind. I had a small business within my high school. Beat anyone, as long as I was payed to. I was a coward's calvary. But I was far from a savior.

If anything, I was the one who needed saving.

Before I beat anyone, or save anyone else from a beating, I study my target. That Friday, I had been asked to take my gang and harass some kid named Ichigo.

I'd heard his name before, but I've never seen him. I knew he had orange hair, and that alone was enough to allow me to pick him out of the crowd. But who was I to talk? I'd had a birth defect when I was first born, the result was having oddly colored eyes and white hair.

When I did see Ichigo for the first time, my eyes had dropped from his hair, which was shocking enough, to his beautiful body, those soft pink lips. Damn. Just the thought of fucking him made me hard. Not that I would ever get to, as much as that irritated me. I had one job. And money was money. It's not like I would ever do anything better with my life.

But for once, I decided to do something a little different than usual.

A couple girls near me giggled, loud enough for me to hear. "Uh-oh. Looks like Shiro's got a new target!" one quiet girl in the group shot me a glance. I think her name in Nemu. Rukia simply gave me a disgusted look, leading her posse from the door of the girl's bathroom. I headed upstairs, to the roof, where I knew Ichigo and his small group of friends hung out. I opened the door quietly, hearing laughter, but knowing none of the voices were his. He could be quiet, if he felt so inclined. And during recess was when he was quietest.

"And so I told the guy, what does it matter?! It's only one pot! He hit me, I flashed him the finger and told him to fuck a broom backwards!" everyone laughed as an energetic brown haired boy talked animatedly.

But Ichigo was farther away, reading a novel. His beautiful amber eyes roved back and forth, and skilled nimble hands flipped pages. He looked so interested in his book. And I needed to know everything about him. Maybe one day, if I ever decided to turn my life around, I could be an information specialist. Yea. That was a dream I'd had since I was a kid.

I sneak up to him. He stiffens a little when I stand beside him, so I can tell he knows I'm there. "Hey there. What'cha readin'?" I ask, sitting next to him. A couple of his friends stop talking and look at us, or me, to be specific. Ichigo holds up his book so I can see the cover. 'The life and times of a nullified God.' "Sounds controversial." that was probably the most intelligent sentence I'd ever said in my whole life.

And I'm not even being sarcastic.

Ichigo's eyes lit up, and he nodded, shocked that anyone else had the same opinion. "It is! Takahashi Akano is writing about Christianity and the views of the bible, saying that it's pointless. She provides good insight." he explains, his eyes trained on my face instead of his book. It makes me feel special. He doesn't even know me, but he gives me more time of day then his friends sitting so near to him.

"Sometimes I think people should leave their views on religion and culture alone. That's what starts wars." who am I trying to impress? Surely not Ichigo. But the red head smiled at me and nodded, silently urging me to go one. "When we think about it, all religions seem a little pointless. There's no point in singling one race out. Besides, things change, right?"

"Yea. One writer actually wrote a short reply to this. And he said 'religions is about believing in god. Buddha was a man. What does that say about buddhism?'" I nodded, as if I understood what he was saying, though I'd never prayed, never been religious.

"He has a point."

"But so does Takahashi Akano. But I don't know much about the history. I'm planning on borrowing the bible from the library so I can understand what exactly is going on." the bell rang, and Ichigo looked dejectedly at his book, pulling a flowery book mark from his back pocket. "Thanks for the conversation." Ichigo said with a wave.

I have never really been human. I live day to day, bloody my fist and pretend to give a fuck. But just then, I wanted to grab Ichigo and kiss him. I wanted him to stop looking at me like a friend and realize that there is nothing good about me. I'm just dirt.

Or so my mother tells me, everyday.

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that afternoon, before school closed I went to the library. I poured through the political and opinion section, until I found a title that interested me. 'Falls of stars, deaths of Angels.' seemed interesting, dark. I picked it up, not bothering to look at the back before I signed it out. I caught sight of Ichigo in the religious section. He was reaching for a book that was just beyond his reach.

What are fake friends for, other than to get each other's books? I went to him, pulling 'the holy bible' off the shelf and into his hands. He smiled at me. "Thanks...uh...?" I smirked.

"Shiro. I'm Shiro." he raised his eyebrow, glancing at my hair, as if to say 'I could have guessed that' he smiles coyly, and I simply smirk. "It's a nickname."

"Cool. I'm Ichigo." he turns back to the shelves, bending down a little to look for another book. I resist the temptation to touch the flesh that had just been revealed to me.

"I know." is all I say. "Bye." he waves distractedly over his shoulder. Back in his book world.

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"Where the hell have you been?!" Kaa-chan shouts at me. I dodge a beer bottle that's thrown at me. "Take out the bloody trash you fucking slut!" Kaa-chan is still in her works clothes, dragging deeply on a cigarette and downing a glass of vodka. I obediently take out the garbage, if only so I can escape them smell of smoke, alcohol, vomit and sex.

Maybe I'll go find a prostitute when Kaa-chan is safely passed out. Would relieve the tension. I mop up the floor of the kitchen. Then the bathroom. I clean the carpet of Kaa-chan's bedroom, and take soiled sheets from her bed, replacing them with new ones. I hear a crash downstairs.

Thank god, Kaa-chan must have had a lot to drink already, before I got home. I carry her up stairs, and put her in her pajamas, like the wonderful, useless, slutty good for nothing son that I am. Can't cook, can't clean. Nothing is ever to her liking.

Kaa-chan wasn't always like this. No. I can barely remember a dark face, the way the face smiled, and the way the eyes wrinkled. I can only barely remember the man my mother was in love with. Not my father. HELL NO! Not my father. Kaa-chan had forgotten about that good for nothing a long time ago.

Hey daddy! Look what I grew up to be!

But Tou-san was different. Tou-san made Kaa-chan smile. Made her laugh and blow raspberries on my stomach and kiss me all over the face. Made her cook dinner. And then, when she was feeling tired in a good way, Tou-san would put on music, and Kaa-chan would put on a pretty party dress. And we would all dance together until I fell asleep, pressed against my mother's warm bosom.

But who cares for memories? I'm too old for that now.

But I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to go back in time and stop Tou-san from getting on that plane. I'd be lying if I said I wanted Kaa-chan to stop detroying herself, destroying me.

Good thing I'm such a wonderful liar.

OWARI

alright. So what'dya think? Interesting enough. I know it might seem a lot like book of black walls, but it's not. It's a lot longer, more dramatic, more characters, and they don't fall in love that quick.