Disclaimer: Well obviously I don't own Harry Potter otherwise I'd be in Milan right now blowing all my earnings on impractical shoes.
THE UNHEARD TALE
Flesh; the stinking smell of flesh. It's something I could never get over. It's a choking smell, not cleansing like blood. Blood is honest, it's real, it's pure. But the suffocating smell of skin, I still have nightmares about it.
Now it doesn't consume me as it used to. The animals here mask my imagination, and the noise of tapping on glass, squeaks, shrill cries and squeals of joy drown out my thoughts. But the nightmares, I don't think they'll ever stop. I think I'll always be choking to death. I just can't block them out of my memories.
We were friends. Best friends. All of us. I was so young and stupid. We all were. Laughing at the childish stunts we pulled. But for all our stupidity, we were strong. We each had our own weaknesses but together we were unbreakable. Always together, always invincible, as long as we had each other.
I don't really know when it happened or how. Maybe it started the moment I sat down in our room on the train, maybe not, I'll never really know. But it started to change. I hate change. Change is dangerous in every form it takes. Now I know it wasn't change but my destiny beginning to unfold, but back then it felt like the whole world was spinning and swelling while I was shrinking away to nothing.
To nothing! Like I wasn't important! I was important, I mattered. Maybe everybody else didn't see it but my friends did. They protected me, and treated me like their equal. They helped me; they helped me be strong like them.
I knew the rumors. How could I miss them? Stupid ignorant kids, saying that I didn't belong, my friends knew better! They knew how strong I was on the inside. We helped each other.
Sirius would never let me watch when Remus would change. He knew how I was about that. I could hear it and smell it but at least I didn't have to see my friend in pain.
So I helped them. I helped them into the shack. I nicked keys to the teachers' offices. I scared the girls in the bathroom while they laughed. They always laughed for me. I made them happy.
Then it happened. She happened. She took James away from us! He seemed happy, but I knew, I knew he wanted things the way they used to be. Girls are always the problem. Tricking you into thinking they love you before they rip your heart out. That's what girls do, they lie.
I couldn't let that happen to James, to us. I wouldn't lose him to some tart that would shame him and his reputation with her family.
That's when I got mad. I knew I would have to be the one who led us now. Sirius and Remus didn't believe me How could they? They were too distraught, even if they were too strong to show it. Well I was going to do something. I would be the strong one. I would show them all that we could be together again, we could be invincible again.
The Order. A sorry excuse for an army. I knew going in that it wouldn't be enough to bring us together again but I hoped. I hoped we could rally together, just like the old times. We would be unbreakable against our common enemy, just like it used to be. But I knew it wouldn't work. Dumbledore wasn't enough to fix it. If Dumbledore couldn't, I would find somebody who could.
I knew that it would hurt. Everybody tried to tell me I wouldn't feel a thing, but they weren't my friends. My friends would have been honest. They would have told me to bite my tongue because it's going to burn like hell, but I had to do this alone. I had to do this for us.
It did burn like hell, my friends had been right. It felt like my whole arm was being ripped apart, like molten lead was being poured over my arm. But the smell. I couldn't breathe from the stink of searing flesh. After it was done and my admittance was sealed, I ran out into the forest. The air out here was clearer, but I still couldn't breathe. I touched my fingers to my still burning arm, catching a drip of blood. Bringing it close I breathed in its smell. The pure, sweet, slightly metallic scent of blood. I could breathe again.
Now all I needed was a chance. A chance to show my friends that we could be together again. Me and my comrades extended the first invitation to James. It was my idea; James had always been the leader. But he said no. He fought against my master. How could he do that? Didn't he see we were trying to help him? Why did he refuse?
I knew it was pointless to ask the others, they never did anything without James. They needed him. But why? Why did he reject the chance to be with us again?
A baby, my master said. A baby of enough power to tip the scale of the war. A baby? A baby? Then I knew. She had trapped him. She had gotten pregnant so he couldn't leave! She didn't think I was strong enough to take James back! I would show her. I would make sure when my master destroyed her and triumphed that I was the one who brought the Marauders back together.
I knew the baby was the key. If there was no baby, James wouldn't have to stay. Luckily, my master also shared my vision. He also wanted the brat taken care of.
I was there when he was born. It felt like old times when we were waiting, I even stole the keys to the room so James could see his son be born. I gave him his chance to say goodbye. I cried knowing we would be together soon. Harry was so fragile; his skin couldn't even cloud my thoughts. The smell of her blood everywhere kept me focused on what would happen soon.
Then I was made Secret-Keeper. I knew it! James was trying to tell me he wanted to be all together again. He was too weak to do it himself but he knew that I was strong enough to bring us together. As we waited outside the house, I spoke with my master. I asked him to spare the woman. I wanted to be the one to break her. Make her scream. Watch as those beautiful emerald eyes turned glassy. Her head lying in a pool of scarlet indistinguishable from her soft sweet hair. And her skin. Her white soft skin would never choke out my friend and me again. My master graciously agreed. I thanked him profusely as he strode to the house.
When he was inside I heard shouting and then the shock of a bright green light. He was dead. The hateful child of that traitorous weakling was dead. Then suddenly another green light and another. I was confused was she actually attempting to destroy Voldemort?
Then suddenly the house erupted with a piercing scream, green light igniting the night sky, blowing out the windows. The other hooded figures cried with triumph and ran to destroy the house, rocketing our mark into the sky. We knew our leader had apparated back to the stronghold, and I knew he had the girl waiting for me. I held back until they were finished when suddenly, one's head shot up and shouted frantically and they all disappeared.
Before I could move, I heard the all too familiar roar of Sirius' motorbike. He threw it to the ground and began searching the remains. I was overjoyed, now he could see! I had shown him how strong I was, he would be so proud. But he didn't seem to understand. He knelt down by a pool of blood, and ….a body. Her body.
She was dead. What had happened? Sirius leapt up, scrambling through the rubble, until he fell to his knees once more. He was crying. Why was he crying? Couldn't he see? We would be together again. Then as he sobbed on the ground, a looming figure approached. That half-wit Hagrid! What was he doing here, sorting through the rubble like he mattered? He and Sirius spoke briefly, when he suddenly climbed onto Sirius' bike. As he started the engine I heard the sound that will always be in my nightmares. The squall of a baby. Harry was still alive. As realization dawned on me, I saw Sirius apparate. I crept out, and scurried to the still smoking remains where Sirius had been kneeling.
He was there. His eyes were still open, his glasses cracked on one lens. Suddenly I knew that it hadn't been Lily who had changed James, it was Sirius. He was the one who said we should tear around with some god-awful werewolf, he was the best man, and he gave Harry to Hagrid! He betrayed us! I would teach him. I would make sure he knew what he had done to us. How he forced me to sit here in the smoking remains of my friend's house suffocating on the smell of his flesh.
I found him in a little street in London. I shouted so the whole world would know what he had done. I couldn't breathe remembering the smell of my friends burned skin. I needed blood, something to clear my head, anything. In desperation I cut off my own finger, the smell cleared my mind and I blew apart the street, knowing Sirius would die. He would die after he saw how strong I was and how he was too weak to save our friends.
Now I wait. I wait for the right moment. The animal's smells and sounds keep me sane but my dreams….I will always be choking to death.