Disclaimer: Disclaimers are lame b/c I wouldn't be here if I did own any of this stuff or if I was making any money from any of this.
A/n: Technically my first Princess Bride fic, though I did write a Pirates of the Caribbean/Princess Bride action/adventure fic a while ago (called Saradon's Revenge). This is just a random wee one-shot written off of the prompt "Queen". Also wanted to mention: The Princess Bride is the best movie in creation. (And I have read the book – and it was great – but in this case I like the movie better).
Queen
"Good morning, sir."
"Good morning."
Count Rugen entered the room where Prince Humperdinck sat at his desk scribbling out some tediously long letters to people he could care less about. He seated himself on a rather cushy chair nearby and began to peruse over the day's schedule (this was after schedules).
"Tyrone," began Humperdinck. "I've been thinking."
"Yes, my lord?" said Rugen without looking up.
"I grow more and more weary of all our petty squabbles with Guilder. It would be so much easier to just go to war with them and be done with it. You know, wipe them out."
Rugen was interested now. "How do you propose to do that, sire? One cannot just simply go to war with anyone he pleases. What kind of state would the world be in if that were the case?"
"Of course." said Humperdinck with a smile. "That is why I feel it is about time I take a wife."
Rugen carefully raised an eyebrow. "I fail to see the connection."
"You see, if I find a perfectly wonderful girl from Florin, marry her, and then some evil soldiers from Guilder kidnap and murder her, I will absolutely have to go to war to avenge her death."
(This was after avenging.)
"How are you going to get some soldiers from Guilder to perform such a heinous act?"
"Who said they actually needed to be from Guilder?"
Rugen finally understood and shared a wide, conspiratorial grin with the Prince.
"You're wife, then," said Rugen. "She will have to be very beautiful and charming."
"Oh, the most beautiful, I think, if we want her to win the hearts of the people." agreed Humperdinck.
"Where shall we find such a woman?" asked Rugen (this was before Directories of the Most Beautiful Women in the World existed).
Humperdinck shrugged. "Ask around, I suppose. Scour the countryside."
Rugen stood and bowed. "Of course, sire. I shall gather some men and begin searching at once."
"Please do." Said Humperdinck. "I can't wage war until I'm King, and father won't let me have the throne until I have someone to become Queen. So you see it all goes quite hand in hand."
"Indeed, my lord." Rugen smiled. "We shall find you a Queen."
-End-
A/n: Thanks for reading! Reviews are always appreciated. :)