Disclaimer: I own no one with the exception of the international assassin.
Warning [With big ass flashing lights and alarms]: First fic ever, please
be gentle (considering I've never written with an accent before).
Chapter 1
"That tears it, Toad!" yelled Avalanche at the top of his lungs, "I'm going to kill you and then nail your slimy hide to my wall as a trophy!"
"Whoa, take it easy, man! I just drove your truck around the block, it's not like I took it to Tijuana and back!" yelled Toad in retort bounding through various rooms of the first floor.
"Then why is the backseat and all four tires MISSING?!"
The ground began to vibrate, then to shake and finally the floorboards in the main hall. Toad lost his footing and went down for the count. In a split second Avalanche was on top of Toad choking the life out of his gross, little slimy carcass.
"Say 'hello' to my dog when you get to the other side!" growled and enraged Avalanche.
Just at that moment Wanda rounded the corner leisurely flipping through a volume of Crime & Punishment.
"Sweetems . . . ack . . . Help!" Toad managed to choke out before Lance's grip tightened.
"Pietro, your friends are being weird, again!" fumed Wanda without looking up from her book.
Pietro sped to the doorway and leaned against the door frame casually, "Do you two need to be alone?" he asked with a smirk.
"Aren't you going to attempt to stop them?" questioned Wanda, looking up, inquisitively, from her book.
"Na, better to just let them settle it on their own." said Pietro giving his sibling an omnipotent glance.
"Hey, what's going on?" asked Fred, who appeared in the doorway behind Pietro.
"Nothing important and where is my sandwich?!" yelled Pietro.
"Oh, not this again!" groaned Wanda, rolling her eyes.
A whole new fight was on the verge of beginning when the front door flew open and one of Buckethead's newest jackals (AN: jackal=henchman) walked in, you know, the one famous for his calling cards.
"What de HELL be goin' on in 'ere?" asked Remy in disgust as he dropped his duffle bag on the floor.
"Wanda . . . baby . . . please . . . (cough)" said Toad as the room began to spin and darken.
"I bl'eve dat'll be enough for one night, non?" said Remy as he pried Lance's hands from Toad's throat and stabled him on one hip, parallel to the ground and in mid air.
"Hey, put me down!" yelled a rather annoyed Lance.
"Dey not payn' Remy enough for dis," he said as he rolled his red and black eyes.
By this time Toad was coming around and quickly backed against the wall as soon as he saw Remy, not wanting a repeat of last time when he nearly became a roman candle.
"What are you doing here?" asked an indignant Pietro.
"Mags, sent me," explained Remy as he pulled a white envelope from his back pocket as Lance continued to struggle using every curse he could think of.
Pietro seized the envelope and pulled out a letter. It read:
Pietro,
News of your discrepancies reached me all the way at HQ. This is unacceptable and in no way, shape or form can continue. Therefore I have issued Remy your new leader until all of you can behave as the future royalty of the world.
Shape up or ship out,
M
"You've got to be kidding me!" exclaimed Pietro discarding the letter like a piece of filth.
"Remy not thrilled 'bout dis new set up either, so start getting your acts together, non?"
"This is an outrage, I'm calling him," said Pietro as he dashed off to find a phone.
"Put me down you mother . . ." Lance began before receiving a hard shake from Remy.
"Merde, pup din' your ma'ma teach you not to use dat kind a language in fron'a de fillies?" said Remy scowling at Avalanche then glancing up at Wanda.
"If you would put me down I wouldn't have to!" shouted Lance.
"Dat's it! Chère could you tell Remy where de nearest bar of soap be?"
"Sure, upstairs, first right (AN: I have no idea where the bathroom is.)," said Wanda still a bit in the dark.
"Merci, chère," said Remy as he headed for the stairs.
"Wait, why are you here?" Wanda felt she had the right to know.
"To baby-sit, ma chère, to baby-sit," Remy explained, "and you" he turned to glare at Toad, "bring that up to my room," he looked pointedly at his duffle bag.
"Dis gonna be a lon' night," thought Remy.
The poor little SOB had no idea. After just two days, school days mind you, of playing referee, Remy was ready to hang himself by his shoelaces.
"Tank God dis Friday," thought Remy as he got ready to go out for the evening.
He did one final inspection in the bathroom mirror and smirked as he glanced at the bar of soap resting beside the sink (it still had Lance's teeth marks in it). Then Remy walked downstairs and into the TV room where everyone had congregated to watch an Indiana Jones marathon on AMC (AN: American Movie Classics). He walked over to the television and promptly unplugged it.
After the initial groans and death threats Remy made his announcement, "Remy's goin' out for de evenin' and by de evening Remy mean 'till dawn. Dis house bett' be standin' when Remy return, non? An' tomorrow ya'll best find somewhere da go because Remy's gon' be in no mood to do de talk'n, hear?" with that Remy plugged the TV back in and went on his merry way.
"Did anyone understand a word of that?" asked Wanda.
"No," was the unanimous answer.
"I'm gonna go make some more popcorn," said Blob.
Chapter 1
"That tears it, Toad!" yelled Avalanche at the top of his lungs, "I'm going to kill you and then nail your slimy hide to my wall as a trophy!"
"Whoa, take it easy, man! I just drove your truck around the block, it's not like I took it to Tijuana and back!" yelled Toad in retort bounding through various rooms of the first floor.
"Then why is the backseat and all four tires MISSING?!"
The ground began to vibrate, then to shake and finally the floorboards in the main hall. Toad lost his footing and went down for the count. In a split second Avalanche was on top of Toad choking the life out of his gross, little slimy carcass.
"Say 'hello' to my dog when you get to the other side!" growled and enraged Avalanche.
Just at that moment Wanda rounded the corner leisurely flipping through a volume of Crime & Punishment.
"Sweetems . . . ack . . . Help!" Toad managed to choke out before Lance's grip tightened.
"Pietro, your friends are being weird, again!" fumed Wanda without looking up from her book.
Pietro sped to the doorway and leaned against the door frame casually, "Do you two need to be alone?" he asked with a smirk.
"Aren't you going to attempt to stop them?" questioned Wanda, looking up, inquisitively, from her book.
"Na, better to just let them settle it on their own." said Pietro giving his sibling an omnipotent glance.
"Hey, what's going on?" asked Fred, who appeared in the doorway behind Pietro.
"Nothing important and where is my sandwich?!" yelled Pietro.
"Oh, not this again!" groaned Wanda, rolling her eyes.
A whole new fight was on the verge of beginning when the front door flew open and one of Buckethead's newest jackals (AN: jackal=henchman) walked in, you know, the one famous for his calling cards.
"What de HELL be goin' on in 'ere?" asked Remy in disgust as he dropped his duffle bag on the floor.
"Wanda . . . baby . . . please . . . (cough)" said Toad as the room began to spin and darken.
"I bl'eve dat'll be enough for one night, non?" said Remy as he pried Lance's hands from Toad's throat and stabled him on one hip, parallel to the ground and in mid air.
"Hey, put me down!" yelled a rather annoyed Lance.
"Dey not payn' Remy enough for dis," he said as he rolled his red and black eyes.
By this time Toad was coming around and quickly backed against the wall as soon as he saw Remy, not wanting a repeat of last time when he nearly became a roman candle.
"What are you doing here?" asked an indignant Pietro.
"Mags, sent me," explained Remy as he pulled a white envelope from his back pocket as Lance continued to struggle using every curse he could think of.
Pietro seized the envelope and pulled out a letter. It read:
Pietro,
News of your discrepancies reached me all the way at HQ. This is unacceptable and in no way, shape or form can continue. Therefore I have issued Remy your new leader until all of you can behave as the future royalty of the world.
Shape up or ship out,
M
"You've got to be kidding me!" exclaimed Pietro discarding the letter like a piece of filth.
"Remy not thrilled 'bout dis new set up either, so start getting your acts together, non?"
"This is an outrage, I'm calling him," said Pietro as he dashed off to find a phone.
"Put me down you mother . . ." Lance began before receiving a hard shake from Remy.
"Merde, pup din' your ma'ma teach you not to use dat kind a language in fron'a de fillies?" said Remy scowling at Avalanche then glancing up at Wanda.
"If you would put me down I wouldn't have to!" shouted Lance.
"Dat's it! Chère could you tell Remy where de nearest bar of soap be?"
"Sure, upstairs, first right (AN: I have no idea where the bathroom is.)," said Wanda still a bit in the dark.
"Merci, chère," said Remy as he headed for the stairs.
"Wait, why are you here?" Wanda felt she had the right to know.
"To baby-sit, ma chère, to baby-sit," Remy explained, "and you" he turned to glare at Toad, "bring that up to my room," he looked pointedly at his duffle bag.
"Dis gonna be a lon' night," thought Remy.
The poor little SOB had no idea. After just two days, school days mind you, of playing referee, Remy was ready to hang himself by his shoelaces.
"Tank God dis Friday," thought Remy as he got ready to go out for the evening.
He did one final inspection in the bathroom mirror and smirked as he glanced at the bar of soap resting beside the sink (it still had Lance's teeth marks in it). Then Remy walked downstairs and into the TV room where everyone had congregated to watch an Indiana Jones marathon on AMC (AN: American Movie Classics). He walked over to the television and promptly unplugged it.
After the initial groans and death threats Remy made his announcement, "Remy's goin' out for de evenin' and by de evening Remy mean 'till dawn. Dis house bett' be standin' when Remy return, non? An' tomorrow ya'll best find somewhere da go because Remy's gon' be in no mood to do de talk'n, hear?" with that Remy plugged the TV back in and went on his merry way.
"Did anyone understand a word of that?" asked Wanda.
"No," was the unanimous answer.
"I'm gonna go make some more popcorn," said Blob.