Disclaimer: Characters borrowed with respect from JKRowling. They are hers – I just play with them on occasion.
A/N: Written post-GOF in response to a Lupercalia challenge. And, yes, it's one of those mate-for-life fics, however trite the thought has become. Italics indicate thoughts.
Chosen
Home. Finally.
Sirius Black stood just inside the front door of his flat, swaying on his feet. He was so tired. It was a minor miracle that he hadn't splinched himself while apparating home. He had spent the previous five days, no, six days or was it seven? A whole week? Whatever. He had spent too damned much time up to his eyeballs in Death Eaters.
That reminded him. Make sure the security wards were strong. You never knew when a Death Eater would come calling.
Constant vigilance.
Sirius could live without hearing that for a while. He could also live without that fucking lunatic Moody sending him out on missions that lasted too long with too few allies fighting too many of Voldemort's supporters. They were lucky no one had died on this mission. As it was there had been three uncomfortably close calls. All five of them had been injured, one of them quite badly during the last fight.
Sirius leaned against the door, his exhaustion plainly interfering with his ability to make life or death decisions. Like trying to decide whether to veer right to stumble towards the chair near the window or veer left to wobble into the bedroom towards the bed. The bed would be more comfortable; he knew from experience that he always woke up with some sort of ache when he slept in the chair. It was not built to accommodate sleeping six-footers. On the other hand, the chair was a mere three or four steps away. If he went for the bed there was a distinct possibility his legs would give out before he completed the trip.
With a groan he pushed himself away from the door and took a tentative step towards the chair. God, he was weary to the marrow of his bones. He suddenly realized that, in spite of having no clear memory of the last time he had consumed food and drink, he had to take a leak.
Bugger.
The bathroom was farther away than either the bed or the chair. Well, it had to be done. At least he could lean a hand against the wall on the trip down the hall.
After relieving himself Sirius made the mistake of looking in the mirror above the sink. The red rimmed, bloodshot eyes staring back at him seemed to belong to a stranger. His lips were cracked and split from the nights in the cold. His cheeks were sunken. His hair was lank and dull. His skin under the stubble of beard was ashen, making him look sickly as well as unsavory.
You certainly are a handsome devil, Black. It's no wonder Moony never wants to make it permanent.
Sirius walked shakily back into the living room, moving like a drunken sailor on shore leave, whose legs still followed the rhythm of the sea. With one last, desperate lurch he finally collapsed into the chair. To be able to rest his head, to not have to support his own weight on his own legs was heaven. He was just so tired.
Yet, his brain refused to shut down. Moony. Why did he have to think about Remus now? They hadn't seen each other since Christmas and it was now February. Hurt pierced Sirius' heart like an arrow. It wasn't supposed to be like this. They should be together. That was what they had planned during their last year at Hogwarts. Once they had graduated, gone out in the world, started their careers, then they would see if their love was deep and true. Or whether it only existed while they were boys at school, still protected from the real world.
The real world just now was a living nightmare. Death, destruction, torture, maiming. All because some megalomaniac with a messiah complex wanted to proclaim himself the supreme ruler. It was no wonder that they had trouble finding time to see each other. But, Sirius didn't really grasp why that prevented Remus from taking the final step. Other people didn't put their lives on hold. The Longbottoms got married. Lily and James got married.
Still, Remus hesitated. He would not mate Sirius. Oh, they had sex. Wild, soul-searing, jungle screaming sex. Comfortable, slow, dreamy sex. Sex that went on for hours. Sex that was playful, inventive and sometimes downright silly. Sex that was so consuming they lost the ability to speak coherently. Yet, still, Remus-Moony would not take Sirius-Padfoot as his mate for life. It hurt.
He keeps waiting. I'm the one who's selected a mate. I've chosen. Makes no sense. He says he loves me, wants me, needs me. I don't understand. But I'll wait. For as long as it takes. I've chosen.
Exhaustion finally won the battle over rational thought, and Sirius fell deeply asleep.
Sometime later….
Sirius recognized that feeling, that taste. Those firm, full lips exploring his own. He let his lower jaw drop slightly, silently encouraging that agile tongue to reacquaint itself with his mouth. The tongue eagerly complied. Opening his eyes, Sirius' view of the room was blocked by a head crowned with light brown hair, reflecting gold in the candlelight. Letting his eyes drift shut again, Sirius gave himself up to the pleasure of kissing. He felt somewhat bereft when Remus pulled away to look down at him. "I'm sorry I woke you, Sirius. Isee how tired you are, but I just had to kiss you."
"S'alright. You're a brave man to want to come anywhere near me in the condition I'm in."
"It's time. You're right. We shouldn't wait any longer."
Sirius looked up at him blankly, thinking that maybe he had drifted out of consciousness for a moment and had missed a vital part of the conversation. The part that would explain to him just what the hell Remus was talking about.
Seeing his confusion, Remus smiled. "It's February 15th. Lupercalia. If we make love tonight, then I will be claiming you as my mate. My life's partner. If you still want me…"
"Of course I still want you. Now and always."
"I want you, too." Remus quickly bent and slid one arm behind Sirius' knees and the other around his upper back. Then, as easy as lifting a child, he straightened and carried Sirius into the bedroom. "And I love you."
A rather surprised Sirius said, "If you give me just half an hour to clean up…" But Remus deposited him on the bed, shaking his head, his hands already removing Sirius' clothes.
"No. Now. I love you for many reasons that are so much more important than how beautiful you are. I can easily overlook the remnants of a week in the field." Sirius watched appreciatively as Remus shed his own clothing. "Besides, it's been a while since you've given me a beard burn. Let's make love and then we can share a bath." Remus smiled down at his lover. "The night is passing and we should mate now."
"I'm yours, Remus."
"And I'm yours also, my Sirius."
END