Title: the sole of our shoes are all worn down
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Gen(ish), Morgana/Merlin friendship, minimal shippy overtones for them, Arthur/Merlin, and Gwen/Morgana. The show multiships and so do I.
Summary: It makes sense that Morgana finds out first. Of course, it makes it messier when Arthur does.
the sole of our shoes are all worn down
So it starts like this:
Morgana, unsurprisingly, looking back on it, finds out first.
It's not like Merlin can help it, not really, especially with the fact that Arthur pushes him back towards Morgana, so the lady can protect Merlin. He's fairly sure he should be insulted. Actually, Merlin's fairly sure he is insulted, but the Chimera, with its three heads, is growling, hissing and even braying at Arthur, so he pushes the feelings back. Also, Morgana is possibly a hundred times better than he is with a blade, so really, there are worse people Arthur could shove him at.
The problem is that the chimera is even larger than the griffin had been and it has three heads: one of them is a lion, teeth bared, and the snake takes a swipe at Arthur, just as the goat's head unleashes a breath of fire. No, really.
Morgana's warning yell to Arthur comes at the same time Merlin feels his heart seize up.
Then, there really was only one thing to do.
He tries to whisper the incantation quietly, but he needs to be closer and Morgana, curse her, is actually doing an admirable job of keeping him out of harm's way.
Why didn't he protest along with Arthur when the lady announced she would be joining them on their ride out to the woods today? Oh right, because Gwen asked him to agree for despite being having skill with a blade and bow she is not as keen on hunting as her lady is. That and Morgana is actually nice to Merlin more often than not.
Now, of course, Merlin's initial excitement about having someone along on their hunt to talk to and that Arthur properly fears is doused because he can sense Morgana's shock as he finishes the incantation to stop the chimera's fire-breath and actually allow Arthur to have a chance to slay the beast.
As soon as he finishes he turns to Morgana, their eyes meeting and lowly murmurs, "Please."
She looks to where Arthur is delivering the killing stroke to the creature's chest and back to Merlin. Merlin's not sure what's going on behind her all seeing jade-green eyes, but it can mean life or death for him. He can't help but think about a million things, the top two on the list being: I hope mum doesn't cry too much and I should have told Arthur.
Speaking of, he's peripherally aware of Arthur running towards them and time running out when Morgana takes a step forward, her hand curling over Merlin's arm, and nods.
He lets out a breath he hadn't been aware that he was holding, "Thank you."
"We will be speaking later," she whispers and Merlin suddenly understands just a little bit more why Arthur fears her.
By the time Arthur reaches them Morgana's hand is still on his arm, Arthur's eyes flick to it, before asking, "Are you two all right?"
Morgana strides forward and hits him rather hard on his chest plate, "Never push me like that again!" Both men know it's her way of expressing her concern, but while Arthur laughs, teasing back, Merlin can't help but feel the shift in the wind.
----
The conversation goes something like this:
Merlin is standing the middle of Morgana's chambers, realising how odd it feels without having Arthur or Gwen around. Those times with the Druid boy had felt different, because even then they had to worry about the scared child in the corner. Now it's just Merlin and Morgana's cool stare.
He's really understanding why Arthur fears her.
"How long have you been protecting Arthur with magic?" The question isn't what Merlin expects, at all. He expected anger, in any form, but all he can hear is deep worry and affection in her voice.
He doesn't even think to lie.
It's not like he could. She had been right there next to him.
"Since I've arrived." Because, really, he has.
Her nod is slow, eyes never leaving him. "How long have you been doing magic?" Again, Merlin is surprised. This should have been her first question, he thinks, but he's not about to complain.
"I was born with it." The admission is quiet, but he doesn't waver.
They stare at each other for a beat, blue and green, and for a second Merlin feels the string of magic that only he knows exists between them being pulled tight. He considers telling her about the dreams and what they really mean, but he has a feeling this isn't the moment for that revelation. Besides that he has the suspicion that he isn't the only one feeling this conversation isn't just about his secret.
"Alright then," Morgana breaks the silence that has filled the room.
"You won't tell him?" Merlin asks, nervous.
Her smile is slow and just a little edged, but something in it makes Merlin relax. "We couldn't very well do with Arthur charging into trouble without his protector, now can we?"
The sound that escapes him is a cross between a wheeze and chuckle, and he bows his head. "Thank you, my lady."
Morgana lays a hand on his shoulder, drawing him up to his full height. It's her now who lowers her voice, "Please, Merlin, take care of him. I fear a darkness coming into our lives and he will need us--you."
It's the closest he knows she can get to admitting what she barely even suspects her dreams truly mean. But Merlin does, and he takes the warning for what it is.
"I promise you, I'll try. He makes it rather hard, after all."
Morgana's sad laugh is followed by a smile, "That he does."
Merlin knows a dismissal when he hears one and he steps back, bowing. "My lady."
She nods and turns back to the window. Merlin leaves the room, closing the door behind him and leans against the castle's wall.
That could have gone worse.
----
This is actually how it gets worse:
Merlin almost dies. (Again.)
But before that happens, lots of other things occur first. Which, yeah, they are kind of important as well.
----
First he and Morgana have come to a strange truce, which mainly consists of Morgana covering for Merlin when he's a little too careless with his magic. And he is, a lot. Thankfully Morgana is much better at coming up with plausible excuses and explanations for his actions, and really, Merlin is grateful, because he, honestly, is rather horrible at lying. Something, it has to be said, Morgana finds utterly amusing in the worst way. On the other hand, she is really good at lying (for Merlin), really good, and more often than not Merlin curses her skill.
Some of her excuses are just unflattering. Really, he could have lived without the one about the stablehand who fancied him.
Especially after the mood Arthur was in for the whole day afterwards.
She does make it up to him, though. Covering for him when the magic exhausts him to the point of death, distracting Arthur with verbal sparring or "stealing" Merlin's services, in which she lets him sit in her quarters and makes him tell her about magic.
Merlin has always seen Morgana as a true lady, a noblewoman with a warm heart and sharp tongue, generally a distant figure in Merlin's life, but now that she knows he's magic, she asks him questions. Lots of them. He doesn't always have answers for her, because he can tell she feeds on what he imparts. Her face is rapt with attention and whenever she asks him to demonstrate her eyes are focused on his every movement like she's recording the information for later. Given what he knows about her too, that might not be too far off.
She's not scared of magic, not the way he expected her to be. She entranced by it, but wary, probably because it lurks in her.
Still, the tentative friendship they're forging causes problems. Arthur is snappish and fills Merlin's days with random chores that Merlin really didn't need to do.
When Merlin complains one afternoon, holding some cloth for Morgana as they walk the castle corridors, she tells him, "Arthur doesn't share well."
"That's because he's a spoiled prat."
She only laughs and Merlin thinks, girls.
----
But it's not just that. Other things happen too.
Like the sweating sickness that strikes the kingdom. It starts out quietly, like a viper in the grass striking out when you expect it least, with a wet cough many mistake for fever. After the first fortnight, when more than ten people fall prey to it, it can't be ignored anymore. It hasn't hit the castle by then, but no one can miss Uther's stony attitude.
It isn't any sickness the kingdom has experienced before, Gaius has no name for it, and the word magic is whispered between the servants.
Merlin listens to the whispers and speaks with Gaius.
"It cannot be ruled out, Merlin. If you remember, the water sickness started out very similarly."
"But that was Nimueh, and she's gone." Merlin moves around the room, grabbing the bottles Gaius requires, his movement jerky with nerves.
Gaius' eyebrows are doing that thing that means he's thinking Merlin's too young, too naive. "Nimueh wasn't the only person with magic that Uther angered."
"Oh, oh." Merlin blinks, "I'll take a look in the book."
"It would be wise."
It ends up being that the sickness is magical in origin, but Merlin and Gaius don't find the cause of it before it reaches the castle wall and not only does Uther fall to its deadly grasp, but Gwen and half of Arthur's knights.
Arthur stalks the corridors near his father's rooms, fear and worry etched on his face. When Merlin goes to drag him back to Arthur's room, Arthur is pale and shaking under his skin. He does not want to leave, but Merlin manages demonstrating a fair, and surprising, amount of strength.
"Arthur, you need rest. And to eat. Have you eaten?" He pushes Arthur through the door and into a chair.
"I do not care to eat, Merlin. If you haven't noticed there is a sickness killing the kingdom."
Merlin's eyes narrow at the spoiled prat in front of him, but he reminds himself Arthur's being more of an arse than normal because he's scared and counts to ten, in the Old Language. "Because I know you're scared, I'm willing to let that incredibly insulting comment pass, as you well know that that I've been working with Gaius to find a cure and Gwen, my friend, is currently suffering as well. So shut it and eat, so I don't have to worry about you too."
To Arthur's credit, he does look properly chastened and sinks in his chair. Merlin nods and goes to leave the room, when he hears Arthur, his voice so quiet that Merlin almost can't believe it's Arthur speaking.
"I don't want be king yet. I'm not ready." A shuddering breath, "My father… he… he isn't a perfect king, by far, but I don't want him to die." His voice drops off before whispering, "I don't want to be left."
At those last words Merlin's spine freezes and he feels something new pushing him to find an answer to what they're facing. He half-turns to Arthur, "You won't."
He doesn't wait to see Arthur's face and rushes to Gaius' workroom.
He doesn't sleep for the next two days and they find the answer: magically shrouded foul crops, with a fever spell to boot that takes Merlin and Arthur out to the first village by the river where the sickness started. They find the farm and the husband and wife, both who lost parents, siblings, and family to the Cleansing, who have cursed the crops of the kingdom. Merlin feels sick when they have to stop the couple, because he can feel the sadness in their bodies, in their magic, but he and Arthur still must stop them.
He reverses the spell on the crops, eyes flashing gold with tears while the woman's accusations to Arthur as the son of a murderer make the other boy tense as he restrains her husband. Arthur calls his knights forward to take the couple and he calls out to Merlin, making sure he's okay.
He nods, it's a lie.
The husband and wife are executed, burned by Uther's command, a week later and he and Arthur can't look at each other.
----
Then Merlin almost dies.
It happens like this:
Magic doesn't always react well to other magic.
There are plants that should not be mixed, for their medicinal as well as magical properties can counteract each other and that's exactly what happens. Merlin faints, right in Arthur's chambers. He's not poisoned, Gaius reassures, "He just mixed the wrong the ingredients together, stupid boy." His words are affectionate, but heavy with worry.
No, it's not that Merlin is poisoned, it's that Merlin is simply dying. Life energy leaving him in waves, entering the world around him. Every plant in the castle grows greener as Merlin grows pale.
They all hover around him, trying to help, when it's Morgana that goes up to Gaius and speaks the words that the old man had always feared, "Is there anything I can do?"
She feels Arthur's and Gwen's eyes on her, but she does not look at them. "Magically, I mean."
Behind two pairs of eyes are widening almost comically, and if Merlin were awake he would be (once again) in awe about how Morgana can render Arthur speechless.
Gaius sighs, heavily. "Child, how long have you known?"
"About myself or Merlin?" She speaks with no fear, and Merlin were he awake would be envious at the fact she didn't stutter.
"Some time now." She says nothing more on that subject, "Now what I can do?"
Gaius explains that he can reverse the effect the potion has on Merlin, but it's dangerous because Merlin is weak and has nothing to tether him to the world. He needs another sorcerer, sorceress in this case, to keep his magic in check lest it completely turn against him and leave him. Morgana agrees with only a little fear in her eyes.
As Gaius prepares she turns to Arthur and Gwen. "We didn't know how to tell you."
Gwen tears up more, but nods and Morgana gives her a small smile that means they'll speak more later, when Merlin isn't dying.
Arthur is more difficult. His eyes are on Merlin, sharp, angry, and realising. Morgana lays a hand on his shoulder, not shrinking back as he shrugs her off.
"Arthur, it's not evil."
Arthur snaps at her, "Are you so sure? Look at him!"
"It was an accident."
"Because of magic!"
"He is magic!" Morgana yells back, hating how Arthur makes her temper so short.
"You and him…. I can't believe you." He glares at her, at Merlin behind her, and slams his way out of Gaius' workroom.
Gwen and Morgana share a worried look and Gaius sighs as the door closes.
"Do you think he will tell the king?" Gwen whispers.
Gaius walks over to the table, setting up. "He cares too much to do so."
Morgana looks to Merlin's pale skin. "I'm counting on that."
----
Merlin doesn't remember much of the ritual, only the feeling of a power other than his own — cooler, visceral, sweeter — wrapping around him and a voice, calling him back.
He's in light, and it's draining. He's heavy in light, bright like the sun and deadly.
But the power now surrounding him shields him and pulls him back.
----
Golden eyes snap open to meet green and gasps escape both Merlin and Morgana. The second Merlin is conscious, Morgana slumps forward, head falling to the lumpy mattress that Merlin calls his own and Gwen rushes to them.
"Lady!"
Merlin thinks he must be dreaming because Morgana is sitting on his cot, well, really she's more half bent over him, but details, and Gwen is crouching down by them, her gentle hand pushing Morgana's dark hair back.
Yes, definitely dreaming.
"You stupid, stupid boy, never do such a thing again...," comes Gaius' voice from just behind Gwen and Merlin frowns.
Maybe not so much of dream then.
Morgana laughs tiredly, chin lifting, "No, not a dream, Merlin."
As she says the words Merlin's attention snaps back to her. She looks tired, but there's something about her, something he can recognise in her eyes. Magic. Pure, untouched, raw magic. Like in his dream.
Her smile disappears, lips pressing together, as she's coming to the same conclusion as he is.
"You didn't say anything."
"I didn't say that out loud."
Can you hea—
Yes.
"My lady? Merlin?"
Gwen is looking at them like they've gone mad and Merlin can't says she's wrong because this has to be madness. Morgana's thoughts are tickling the edges of his and he can feel her magic heavy with his in the room.
"We're fine, Gwen." Morgana moves away, turning to Gwen, a bright smile to reassure the other girl stretched on her face. She rises and Merlin feels the movement of her magic within her. It's an odd feeling and one he's not sure he'll get used to soon.
Gaius moves closer, checking over Merlin, when Merlin really takes notice of the room. He swallows, "Where's Arthur?"
Three sets of eyes answer him and he doesn't even need to read Morgana's thoughts to know what's happened.
Arthur knows.
He's so screwed.
----
And that's why Merlin doesn't argue too much when Gaius forces him to rest.
Arthur knows about Merlin and Morgana. Merlin only wishes he had taken the news like beautiful, lovely, ever-calm Gwen had. She looks between Morgana and Merlin, cries a bit before she smiles then shares a hug with each of them. After she and Morgana retire to Morgana's chambers, Merlin extending one last thanks to the lady. Morgana's smile had been tired and cautious, making Merlin wonder what she had seen during the ritual.
But he decides he can worry on that later, at the moment he has bigger problems.
Arthur knows.
He wants to speak to him right away but Gaius pushes (pushes!) him back to the bed, telling him that he is to rest for the rest of the day. His eyebrows tell Merlin that if he finds out that Merlin has left the room the last things he'll need to worry about are Arthur or Uther.
Merlin stays in bed, the eyebrows are fearsome and he is exhausted. (Gaius explains that it's his magic and energy slowly recovering.)
As he stares at the ceiling of his little room, he wills his heart to calm.
But Arthur knows.
Merlin curls on his small cot and for the first time hopes the Dragon was right.
----
That conversation goes something like this:
"You're a sorcerer." He spits the word out like a curse. Merlin tries not to flinch. He's sure he's not very successful from the look Arthur gives him. "Scared, are you?"
"No." Merlin straightens.
"And why not?"
"Because we both know that you won't tell Uther." Morgana is cool as always, but Merlin can feel the fear in her magic. It's a small fear, but it's feeding into his, not helping. At all.
"I was not speaking to you, Morgana." Arthur glares, but Morgana only seems to grow strong under it. Merlin really needs to have her teach him that.
"I was speaking to you. Now, ask what you want."
Merlin braces himself for it.
"Why didn't you tell me before?" Once again, they have surprised him. Arthur has a bad habit of acting contrary to what Merlin expects of him and it's really not good for his heart. Worse yet, Arthur sounds hurt. Bugger.
Merlin swallows, "I… it's not that I didn't want to. I wasn't sure how'd you react and with your father…"
"I wouldn't have told him. About either of you." He turns to Morgana, who stays quiet at the exact time Merlin wishes she wouldn't. "And how long have you been hiding your magic, Morgana?"
She looks towards Merlin for a beat, then faces Arthur. "If what I suspect is right, then like Merlin, I was born with it-- but I've only become aware of it recently."
"Oh, really?"
Merlin is getting tired of Arthur's tone, and rolls his eyes at Arthur. "Yes, really."
"Coming to the sorceress's defence, are you?" Arthur shifts his weight and Merlin is reminded of how Arthur gets before a fight. Finally, something familiar.
"She's a Seer. There's a difference."
Merlin is aware of the curious look Morgana is giving him and remembers: she didn't know that detail yet. Hell.
"Come now, Arthur, what do you think my nightmares have been all these years?" Merlin will be eternally grateful for Morgana's quick mind.
"Not magic!"
She walks forward, slowly, deliberately. "Well, neither did I. And I'm sure Merlin didn't ask to be born with his magic, did you?" Merlin shakes his head. "But we were and none of us can help it. So what will you do about it now that you know?"
For several minutes they stand in silence, which Arthur breaks.
"I won't tell my father."
"Thank you." Morgana smiles almost victoriously and Merlin can feel the relief flowing through her, glad he wasn't the only one worried. She walks over to Arthur and presses a kiss to his cheek. Merlin watches as Arthur stiffen and Morgana smiles as she separates from him — she did that on purpose, he realises with some amusement and gets his confirmation as she walks over to him and does the same. Behind her Arthur's eyes narrow.
"I bid you good night. Arthur. Merlin." She leaves the room in a swirl of rich blue, skirts swishing softly against her legs.
And it's just him and Arthur now.
"Shall I leave?" Merlin asks, more than aware that his relationship with Arthur has shifted. All the liberties the prince had given him might have just disappeared the minute he found out about Merlin's unique skill set.
Arthur looks at him. Really looks at him in a way Merlin doesn't think he's ever witnessed before. Part curiosity, part awareness, wonder and fear. The last one sits coldly in Merlin's stomach. He hopes he hides it well.
From the look that flits too quickly across Arthur's face he hasn't.
He meets Merlin's gaze, the first time he's done so since everything happened. Merlin's not sure how long they stand there, muscles unmoving, it's probably no longer than a minute, but the moment stretches (unmagically aided at that).
Until Arthur breaks it. "No, do not leave."
Merlin almost wheezes in relief but manages to hold it back. Barely. He nods instead.
"All right, I won't."
"Good." Arthur makes no move towards Merlin, instead gestures to the chair opposite the one he takes. Merlin sits.
They stay like that for while.