Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kimimoto and therefore I own nothing, nor am I making monetary gain from this story's conception.
Note: This will be an AU Ita/Saku pairing, will involve language and adult situations and a little romantic heat, hopefully. This story is intended as either a two or three chapter story, so let me know what you guys think. I'm rating it Teen for now due to language and for the adult situations....So thanks for stopping by. :)
A Cutting Loneliness by nlightnd
Alone in the dark she lay, wishing for something which made her heart ache. She wished for a lover. So simple and straightforward, but alas, foolhardy. She wished for a lover to take away the ache in her body, in her heart, in her soul. She longed to burn; wanted someone to burn for her, as she did for him. To feel a love and companionship so strong, like no other. To one day marry, their days caught up in love along with the joys of a family. That's all she wanted. All she needed.
There was one man in particular that she wanted- that she burned and longed for, but he was unaware of her feelings. He greeted her everyday the same as everyone else: a small platonic smile, eyes as dark as night. His tall, lean, muscled body perfect in her eyes. His very presence intoxicated her, filling her lungs and seducing her will, yet reminding her of what she could never have. Him.
He was none other than Itachi Uchiha, brother to Sasuke and the first pride of the infamous Uchiha clan, Sasuke being the second. Itachi was meant for greatness, as was Sasuke. Both of them destined to wed heiress', beautiful and powerful in their own right.
That brought her to another reason Itachi would never want her, much less be with her. Even if he'd noticed her in that way.....his family would never approve. She would be deemed unworthy, penniless, unable to bring anything promising to such a match. It didn't help matters that he knew nothing of her feelings. He wasn't cold by nature- not to her. In fact, he was rather cool to some, and at times she swore that when his eyes fell on her, they glanced her way with a slight warmth, however reserved. He spoke to her on occasion, his deep voice welcoming and comforting; not to mention sexy as hell. His voice made her think erotic thoughts in which the fantasies left her breathless and wanting.
She never really considered herself beautiful, but she knew she wasn't ugly, either. Her family possessed little money. However, she did have power, in a sense. She was one of the most powerful medic-nins residing in Konoha, aside from Tsunade-sama and Shizune. Yes, she was powerful, but she was lonely, very, very lonely. So her mind drifted, hoping for a way to break this chain of endless nightly torture. She thought of the singular person who was able to help her. The one person aside from Itachi who could soothe her, his presence relaxing, easygoing. He was closer to her than Naruto or Sasuke. He'd been her first mentor, the first one to show her she was only as weak as she believed; that a strong kunoichi lived within. But damn....he was also one of the biggest perverts in the village, always reading that infernal Icha, Icha series in public. Some things never changed. He was none other than.......
Kakashi Hatake. His name made her smile. He was a true friend, and if she wanted.....he could be more, or so he said.
Kakashi, her former sensei, had offered on more than one occasion to ease her loneliness and pain while under the guise of friends helping one another through difficult times. She knew he'd meant every word, and while he did care for her, she'd been unprepared. Uncertainty struck deeper on this subject as she wasn't sure if that kind of relationship was healthy, or if it'd destroy what little they had together. Maybe she should go. Seek him out, see if his proposition still stood. The older Jounin had promised her come what may....he'd always be there for her, as a friend, as a protector, whatever she needed.
Sakura knew he cared for her and she for him. Only she needed to be honest with herself. Kakashi was only a friend. However, currently, a friend with benefits sounded, and felt, better than nothing at all. Better than a life devoid of love. Better than being alone.
Throwing back the white sheet from her slender frame, she rose and showered. Putting on her red cut-off shirt, which bared her pale, flat and toned abdomen; she slid on her matching thigh-high skirt followed by her knee-high black boots. Checking her reflection in the mirror, she ran her fingers through her shoulder-length pink hair and frowned. There truly was no help for her. None at all.
Hurrying along the familiar streets to Kakashi's, sounds of sparring reached her. Curious as to its participants, she immediately changed course, finding herself at group seven's training grounds. Their old training grounds. The sight which greeted her caused a flurry of emotions and a dramatic increase of hormone levels.
Two of her favorite, older shinobi fought each other. Both of them shirtless, their chests glistening with sweat as they kicked, punched, spun, flipped and used various weaponry in their serious, but "friendly", spar. They were different as night and day.
Slivers of moonlight touched numerous strands of silver hair, entrancing her as he moved, gleaming hypnotically. Black mask covering his nose, lower face and throat, as always. Not that that much had changed. Trim, taut muscles slid underneath his skin with the slightest movement. Man, she mused as she ogled her friend, he's got the body of a god! Strange, in all her years with him, this was the first time to see him bare chested. Maybe that's why most of the females in Konoha swooned whenever he passed by. Of course, most shinobi kept their bodies in peak condition due to rigorous training and missions.
An errant thought shot through Sakura. If she were to spend the night with him, would he allow her to see his face? To really see it? No one had ever seen it to her knowledge, and curiosity was still killing her. She remembered the pranks that she and her two team mates had pulled during their Genin period; how they'd eventually given up trying to see his face, every attempt to unmask their former sensei a failure. Kakashi had found them all amusing, good thing, too. At times, their former sensei possessed as much a devilishly teasing temperament as did his former students. They'd grown up quite a bit since then, yet she knew Naruto and Sasuke still held onto a terribly wicked, mischievous streak.
Watching Kakashi's opponent, Sakura nervously licked her lips. Just being here, so close in proximity, caused palpitations, her insides trembled. Almost all sense of confidence melted away, leaving behind a young woman unsettled, but excited, watching the two fierce warriors clash. Their foreboding chakra flooded the training ground in waves, sapping Sakura's strength and her resolve. Such power, she thought, I'd hate to have either of them furious at me. More so, I never want to face either of them in battle conditions, she thought anxiously. That's when her attention returned back to him.
There he was. The object of her affection. Itachi Uchiha. Darkly gorgeous with long, ebony hair tied at his nape; black eyes observing his adversary, sizing up every opportunity to strike. His lean, muscular body tense, yet the angular, masculine planes of his face appeared relaxed, no tension apparent. Power flowed throughout his entire body, caressing his pale skin as a lover. Oh! How she wished to be that bright, powerful energy touching him, flowing throughout him, joined with him.
Jade eyes widened in amazement as she watched them. They were wonderful! So good at what they do. It's no surprise why they were paired often on missions. Their team work legendary, their abilities and fighting styles complimented one another perfectly. As the lethal dance continued to unfold, she was held tight, her attention raptly gazing at the duo performing various jutsu's and fighting hand-to-hand.
Some time later Kakashi and Itachi ceased fighting. Their tired figures sat down slowly on the ground, laughing and having a good time. The two of them hadn't a care in the world,so it appeared, although Sakura knew differently. Both of these shinobi bore burdens, some of them growing heavier all the time, but they refused to allow others to witness it. They refused to let others see what their burdens cost them. Typical males. Typically proud. Yes, they were proud, but what male wasn't?
Sakura was kneeling behind a bush, never moving, silent in her vigil. Her place, hidden in the tree line where neither could physically see her, perfect for an unobstructed view of both men. She frowned as the wind blew and Itachi smirked while saying something. If only she could make it out. What the hell were they talking about? Did they know? Had they sensed her, caught up in their own actions? If only she could get closer.....if only she could hear what they were saying.
Itachi smirked, adding to his impressive looks. "Seems we're not alone."
"Yeah", Kakashi replied. "Haven't been for some time." He stared at the very spot where Sakura was hidden. "I know you felt her chakra the very second I did." He smiled, amused by her boldness, yet curious towards her purpose. "I wonder what she's doing out so late."
"I have a feeling you're the one she came to see, so I'll give you two some breathing room." He stood to his feet in a graceful, fluid motion, his long, dark hair swinging gently with the movement. "Later, Kakashi."
"Later."
As Itachi neared the tree line Kakashi called out, "Come back later for a rematch. I might just let you kick my ass next time." He laughed loudly.
"Oh, please." The elder Uchiha brother snorted in disbelief. "Your ass was already handed to you. I bet by the time she's done with you", he nodded towards Sakura, "you won't be able to move, much less spar, old man."
"I'm not that old", Kakashi protested.
Itachi chuckled and in the blink of an eye was gone.
Finally. An opening.
Gathering her courage she leaped up from her hiding spot, landing silently on the balls of her small feet. Rushing across the grassy expanse which separated them, she greeted him breathlessly. "Kakashi."
"Sakura." An obsidian eye watched her approach, his head tilted as he asked, "What brings you here this late at night? Trouble sleeping?" Obviously something was bothering her. He could easily tell from her expression, which spoke of conflict and other emotions. He gestured to the grass beside him, "Have a seat. Take a load off." His words reflecting the tones of a double entender, and she instantly knew what he meant.
Staring at him, her tone serious she said, "Kakashi, I need to speak with you and I didn't think it could wait another minute."
"Well.... here I am, and there you are. I'm ready whenever you are." He crossed his arms and patiently waited, for once letting one of his precious orange books sit in his pocket untouched, his attention solely on the young woman at his side.
She prayed that her words wouldn't make her a fool in his eyes. Out of all the shinobi she knew he was one of the most important to her. His opinion mattered. If he refused her now she wasn't sure what she'd do. Worse comes to worse I can always go to Genma, she thought jokingly. However she didn't think Kakashi would appreciate that joke too well. He knew all too well Genma's insatiable appetites and would never allow her to approach the senbon master with her request. He'd give in first.
The air between them thickened with tension and unspoken words. Kakashi looked at her, concerned by her silence, knowing there was something of great importance on her mind. She looks so exhausted, he thought worriedly. What was going on? He wished she'd hurry up and alleviate his concern. It was so unlike her to be hesitant in speaking her mind, so whatever she needed to say must be weighty indeed.
"Kakashi", she began and licked her lips, once again anxious, "Some time ago you offered to help me out should the need arise." Sakura didn't think she could continue further. She felt embarrassed just for mentioning it, as Kakashi would probably think her an immature virgin, unprepared for life and for him. How could something be so damned difficult to speak about? The butterflies in her stomach felt akin to elephants stomping. So much queasiness. Her palms felt warm and slightly sweaty and she swallowed hard.
Ah! So that was it! The young woman stood on the brink of womanhood, feelings of sexual frustration coupled with loneliness was taking its toll. That had to be the reason behind her exhaustion, her palor. She was finally ready, so it seemed. Instead of interrupting her, he listened quietly, ready to offer his services again. But only if that's what she really desired.
Tears welled in her eyes. "I'm tired of being alone, Kakashi", she cried. "Most of my friends have someone to go home to at night, or at least someone to show their love to. I don't. It's so unfair that I'm alone! Have I done something so wrong in my life to deserve this? What do I have", she questioned rhetorically, "I have nothing. No one." She was forlorn. Her facade collapsed and he saw straight through her.
He pulled her close and hugged her tight. "You have me", he whispered fiercely. "You have Sasuke and Naruto, as well."
Sasuke and Naruto. Thoughts of them laughing, talking, arguing, fighting, attempting to best each other as they grew in strength and stamina, sprang to mind. Stamina. Sakura's eyes shot open in awe and wonder touched by a healthy dose of respect and fear. Naruto. Stamina.....Kami help Hinata! How could such a fragile woman endure such a freakish stamina in bed? Hinata never recounted the details but she always wore a smile. Not that everyone wasn't aware why.
And Sasuke would have to be just as bad. She'd never met any two males who were more actively, and aggressively, competitive than those two, not to mention stubborn as hell. At every turn, there was essentially a pissing match with almost everything they did, and Naruto and Sasuke never did anything in halves. Never. That's what made them, well, her team mates, her friends. She couldn't imagine being paired up with any other two guys, except for maybe Kakashi and Itachi. That'd be a hell of a trio, inner Sakura mused with a smirk and a snicker. Down girl, she chided herself. Those two...well.....damn, I'd better not finish that thought, she groaned quietly.
She remembered their Genin days....Sasuke and Naruto hated each other with a passion, each dedicated to kicking the other's ass on top of carrying out their dreams, their reason for existing. The two of them had become not only the best of friends but the worst of adversaries, always trying to surpass the other in technique and power. The many pranks they'd pulled slipped into her memory and she couldn't help but laugh over their childish mischiefs.
She giggled tearfully. "The point is....Sasuke will one of these days be married and Naruto has Hinata. Ino has Shikimaru, Neji has Tenten, and even Chouji has someone. I want to be held at night. I want to be held close to another, feeling the heat of his body as it touches mine. I want to love and be loved in return. I want to make love with someone I love, someone gentle, someone who wants to please me as much as I want to please him", she admitted wistfully, "There's so much I want and can't have.... including the one I truly want!" Damn it! She'd sworn she wasn't going to cry, and here she was opening her soul, revealing her weakness, the pain, the reason behind her coming.
"Sakura", he said with a smile, his hand reaching for hers and holding it lightly, trying to console her. "If it's me you want, I'm still here for you. I'll be the one to hold you, the body that warms you, the one that loves you, if that's what you wish, if that's what you need." He held her as she calmed, her jade eyes misty at his offer. "I know I'm not the one you want, but I can be the one you need for however long you need."
"You would give it all to me, wouldn't you, Kakashi?" She genuinely smiled as the moonlight kissed the uncovered portion of his face, illuminating the mystery that he was and always would be. He was being uncharacteristically talkative and sweet tonight, not that he didn't ever talk, and not that he wasn't ever nice to her. Maybe he'd been affected by her mood, and maybe he was tired of being lonely, too.
He nodded. "If you're truly prepared for this, I won't hold you back. I just want to ensure that this is what you want." He sighed, wondering if she'd answer his next question. "Who is this man that you want? The one who doesn't see you for the beautiful woman you are. He doesn't deserve you", he added angrily.
"He doesn't know", she whispered, her eyes staring at the ground, her fingers absentmindedly stroking the grass between them. "I've never been able to tell him, and even if I did....we'd never be allowed to have a relationship because his family wouldn't approve."
Kakashi found himself furious on her behalf. Who the hell was so stupid that he couldn't see her affection; the love that shone in her eyes as she talked about him? Who couldn't see that? Who wouldn't kill to be the object of her desires? As her friend, he'd do whatever it took, give whatever he had to give to help Sakura achieve her dream, this great love she desperately needed. Yes, he was one of her best friends, but if it took him sharing his body with her, sharing his love with her to ease her pain and frustrations, he'd happily indulge her. If only for a while. Even if it meant the ultimate sacrifice.....
Taking her hand, he implored her, "Tell me. Who is he? I swear I won't breathe a word. You can trust me."
Taking a deep breath, she realized she was going to trust him with the answer to her heart. She trusted him with her life, so why not her heart? Pain evident in her eyes, she opened her soul, revealing a deeper layer. "Itachi", she exhaled, feeling somewhat relieved admitting it aloud.
Itachi? Holy shit! No wonder she was so despondent about the relationship taking place in real life. Knowing his friend as he did.....Itachi was indeed clueless as to Sakura's feelings, but he had a gut feeling that was going to be changing really soon. Kakashi felt an approaching chakra signature. He had to get Sakura out of here; keep her secret safe, just between the two of them. His thoughts returned to Sakura's statement about Itachi's ignorance of her feelings. Had Uchiha had known, he would've acted on it. He wasn't the sort to lead a girl on; if the interest was there he'd reciprocate. Simple and straightforward. Just like Itachi. No subterfuge in relationships.
"Sakura, why don't you go back to your house, wait on me there." He grinned boyishly underneath his mask. "I need to shower and clean up, so I'll meet you at your place. Alright?" He caressed her cheek and squeezed her hand gently.
"Promise you won't say anything to Itachi? Should he already know and approach you about it....I won't hold you to our promise."
Sensing the nervousness in her, he leaned over and lightly kissed her cheek. "The moment this conversation began it was a promise.....Itachi included."
His one revealed eye widened in surprise as she suddenly threw herself forward and hugged him tightly. "Thank you, Kakashi! "You'll never know...."
"I do, Sakura. Now go on", he urged with a slight jerk of his head.
She never witnessed the huge smile under Kakashi's mask, as she was already gone. His smile transformed into a smirk. "How much did you hear?"
"Just the end", the dark haired newcomer admitted. "I never knew."
"Nor did she want you to, not yet anyway. Sakura's a very private person, at times, just as much as you or I", Kakashi stated.
Brushing aside a stray lock of dark hair, he asked, "Why didn't she ever tell me? Was she afraid of me? Did she think I'd tease her or treat her maliciously, unlike another in our acquaintance?"
Sighing heavily, Kakashi felt so conflicted. He refused to betray a confidence, especially one such as Sakura's. With everything she was going through....she desperately needed a close friend. And since that was him, he wouldn't dare hurt her, or give her reason to think her trust had been misplaced. Nor would he allow anyone else to hurt her, either. Gripping his friend's shoulder he said, "She's on her way home now. If you hurry you can either meet her or beat her there. Then, you can ask her your questions. I promised her I'd say nothing. So, go on....if you hurry you can catch yourself an angel", Sakura's former sensei teased while pushing him in her direction.
Itachi nodded, his form blurring with his rapid movement. He knew exactly where he was headed. Countless times he'd been there and she'd never known. Many a sleepless night he'd watched over her, peering down at her as she slept, standing sentinel beside her bed or standing outside her window. That alone was a secret he carried, not even his closest friends or even his brother knew.
For some time now he'd harbored feelings for the pink haired medic-nin. It all started one night when he'd returned from a mission severely injured and she'd been the strongest medic available to heal him. He chuckled as he remembered arguing with her over stripping out of his uniform for his examination.
Sakura had argued it was best to heal with bare skin. Itachi countered that it was best for her virginal eyes that he stay covered. Precious moments wasted as she yelled and he calmly argued his point. Finally Itachi's wishes prevailed, leaving Sakura rather peeved. Every second they'd discussed it, her cheeks grew redder, her eyes averted. It seemed despite her occupation she still had trouble adjusting to the male form; it was obvious- painfully so.
To this day Itachi couldn't think on that night without a smile. She'd removed the kunai buried deeply in his chest, healing him without so much as a scar. He'd been amazed at her skill level. She was powerful. Almost as powerful as their Hokage and her healing abilities. It was then his eyes opened to the woman that was Sakura.
Sakura entered her house, her heart somewhat lighter than before, nervous at the irreversible step she was about to take. She took several deep cleansing breaths, trying to ease the butterflies fluttering furiously in the pit of her stomach. Abruptly, her keen senses told her something wasn't right. Eyes scanning the shadows she spotted a area seemingly darker than its surrounding shadows, exuding a sense of danger; her heart picked up the pace, adrenaline flooded her system, ready for anything.
Before she could move or make a sound the shadow was gone. What the hell? Was her imagination going wild? Stepping forward, she ran into a solid, muscled wall and she immediately turned to run when a pair of hands grabbed her wrists, and a voice deep, calm and familiar called to her.
"Sakura, calm down. It's me, Itachi." He pulled her close to him as she tried to back away. "I won't hurt you, I promise."
Obviously she didn't believe him as she struggled, fighting against him, though every movement was futile. He was taller, stronger, possessed more experience, conditioned for battle and used to winning. He opened his eyes and muttered a word so low Sakura couldn't make it out over the sounds of her struggling. He heard her angry gasp as he opened his eyes. He believed this was the only way to calm her, make her listen.
"Sasuke, this joke's not funny, you asshole! You and Naruto pulled this shit before, remember? Do you know how long it took me to get over the last one? How many nightmares I endured?! I won't be fooled again!" Infuriated, she drew upon her chakra, jerked her right fist free and punched him square in the gut, smiling, satisfied as her attacker went flying; the sound of a grunt and splintered wood pierced the silence.
The shadow moved past her to stand bathed in moonlight. Oh no! Sakura was unsure if this was one of her friends' pranks or not. If so, they were doing a really good job. Too good. She felt angry and afraid as she took in Itachi's handsome face, lean physique and dual red eyes with black swirls amidst the red. He held her within his gaze. She, the frightened prey before him; the predator whose gaze held her firm and still. She knew he'd never really hurt her, but seeing those eyes scared her. She knew exactly what they were capable of and now they were aimed at her. Oh, where the hell was Kakashi? He could easily deal with this. Just what was Itachi after?
Her head felt strange, vision fuzzy, her body weakening; her will of iron softened, giving way to Itachi's control. Try as she might to fight, his will was quickly overpowering hers. The surroundings gave way from her comfortable home to a world splashed with red- bloodred. The ground was black and trees were gray, but the sky was red, an endless sea of red. Its color made her sick, made her long for the safety of her living room when his voice spoke to her. What was he going to do to her?
"I'm sorry, Sakura. This was the only way you'd listen." His voice filled with regret, tantalized her emotions, teased her heart. "I am the one and only Itachi Uchiha. If need be...I'll resort to more drastic measures to earn your belief." He pulled her closer to him; their bodies so close that mere material buffered closer contact. "I have questions that I need answers to, and only you have those answers. He frowned as tears gathered in her eyes. "Sakura?"
No reply. Nothing but silence.
He turned the light on and released her from his genjutsu. She stumbled back but kept herself from falling, though Itachi reached out for her. "Sakura, the night is short and we must talk." His obsidian eyes grew fierce and he scowled as he said, "Now, what's this about my brother and Naruto deceiving you? What have those idiots done to inspire your fear of me?"
His calm anger frightened her almost as much as his Mangekyo Sharingan. She couldn't deny that she was angry for using it, however, when it came to being close to him....common sense took flight. She shook her head to clear the remaining fog his powerful technique had caused. "I can't talk about it, Itachi. Give me time and eventually I might." Gesturing to the couch she said weakly, "How about we have a seat? It seems since there's much to discuss the least we can do is make ourselves comfortable."
"Agreed."
Following her to a plush, red couch, Itachi sat with his back against the arm, facing her. "Don't be nervous or scared, Sakura. It'll be okay. I won't harm you, I swear." Slowly he reached forward and touched her hand, testing the waters. She didn't jerk her hand away, so that was good. Without a negative reaction, his long, elegant fingers enveloped hers and she gasped in surprise. "I want to know how you feel about me."
"What?"
"How you feel about me. What do you feel; what do you think?"
"Why are you doing this now, tonight? You've never shown me any kind of inclination like this, so what's going on?" Her light green eyes tinted with worry showed every emotion that flew through her head. Kakashi wouldn't have.....she knew the man's word was gold, and he never went back on his word, not without a damned good reason.
Reaching across the space which separated them, he swept an errant lock of her hair behind her ear. "Your faith is justified, Sakura", he answered mysteriously.
"Stop your vagueness. Just say what you mean! You're as much a mystery as your damned brother", she huffed. Her eyes narrowed as he gave a small laugh.
"I've already told you what I want from you", he reminded her patiently. "Tell me what I want to know and I'll do the same. I promise."
"You want to know how I feel, huh?"
"Yes."
The sinking feeling in her stomach gave way to an all out plummet. Feeling so nervous she might throw up she said, "I care for you. Very deeply. More than I should", she confessed hesitantly. Head bowed, strands of hair falling in front of her face, she gave in. "Truthfully....I love you. Always have. I've loved you ever since Naruto and I came over to train with Sasuke and you'd observe us. There was nothing you could've done wrong, still can't. I know I'm just a silly girl with unattainable ambitions when it comes to life and love, but I'll be damned if I let a dream die because someone else thinks it's stupid, or that I'm wasting my life! I know you're out of my league. Hell, I know I'll never be invited to play, but at least I had the chance to watch! That's better than nothing!"
Feeling she'd run off at the mouth again, Sakura promptly stopped and cursed herself for her honesty, and for tearing open a wound that'd been festering, now free to infect her with further poisonous pain. She glanced at him, wondering if she'd see any hate or anger or pity, yet none of those occupied his beautiful face. There was no expression on his face at all, blank and empty of emotion. What was he thinking? Would he condemn her for her thoughts, her feelings?
Still holding onto her small hand, Itachi shocked by her words, blurted out, "Well, we really do have things to discuss."
A/N: This is it for now. This was just to give me a break from my multitudes of other stories needing updates, which I don't really have any ideas for currently, but I hope to be back on track soon. If there's any you'd like to see updated just send me a pm and let me know. :) Btw, I know the characters are OOC....that's how I write them.....