You see, a long time ago, I decided I wanted to be
a good person.
I don't know where I first thought of that, although
I guess it's a good thing. I probably learned it from my mother.
About half of what I know I learned from my mother, I think. All
of the important little things you have to learn as a kid, like tying your
shoelaces or not telling lies or being nice to other kids.
I always thought I knew what a good person was.
Good and bad were easy to understand. A good person was someone who
helped other people, a bad person was someone who hurt other people.
That's pretty easy, right? Maybe things are a little more complicated
than that, but not too much more complicated. I don't understand
things like how paopei work or molecular science or the origin of mankind,
but I know when I'm doing something right or something wrong. Usually.
I think I'm a good person, too. I don't think
I'm a bad person, which isn't exactly the same thing, but... well, what
I mean is that I don't feel bad about myself. Telling if something
was wrong was sort of a feeling inside... knowing if something felt off.
I was always good at judging people as a kid. Maybe not all the time
right from the start, but I could tell before long if someone was trustworthy.
I knew I could trust Oshisho-sama, and he never let me down, either.
Even when things were at their worst or I thought everything was over he'd
come back and think of a way to fix everything. So he was the kind
of person I could trust entirely, more than anyone else. If he told
me to walk off a cliff, I would, because he'd catch me or Suupuu'd be there
or it wouldn't be such a high cliff after all or something.
There was always a little trick he wouldn't tell you about, but that was
okay, because he knew what he was doing. So even if everyone else
thought he was crazy, he'd turn out right in the end. It was easier
to follow him in the first place instead of waiting to figure out what
he was doing. That's called blind faith.
But Outenkun was definitely not a good person.
He worked for Dakki and he hurt a lot of people and he killed a lot of
people. For a long time he was just one of the bad guys, not like
Dakki who was The Bad Guy (or Woman) but one of the followers that we'd
have to take care of sometime along the way. I guess I never really
thought about him. I didn't think a lot about Bunchuu or any of the
other Juutenkun or Dakki's sisters, so I didn't think a lot about Outenkun
either. I did hate Choukoumei, but that was because he killed Oshisho-sama.
Or I thought he killed Oshisho-sama. Since Fukki is sort of Oshisho-sama
but sort of not, and I don't think I'll see the original Oshisho-sama again,
maybe I should hate him too, but I don't.
I just don't understand. Everything turned
strange. I trusted Oshisho-sama and I thought he was dead but there
he popped up again, and with Outenkun too. He always had some little
trick hidden away so I knew I could trust this even though it seemed weird.
But the trick was defeating Joka, and after that, he didn't turn back.
The trick wasn't over. It's like he has another trick, and that's
just being Fukki forever. I don't like this one, but I have to trust
him. That this is what's best after all.
When I first started following Oshisho-sama, I kind
of thought that I'd learn to be a good person who didn't just take care
of his mother but who helped stop evil people like Dakki. I guess
that's kind of like what Raishinshi said once about being a big hero, but
I didn't want to impress anyone, I just thought it'd be nice if I had these
powers and I did something helpful. I didn't know where the powers
came from back then. Now I know that it's because I have the sennin
bones and I should probably live in the new sennin world with everyone
else. So I can't go around in the human world doing a whole lot of
saving people because too much of that is bad for the human world.
I don't really understand it all, but it's what Oshisho-sama believed,
and I believe him.
That's okay, because I got to help along the way,
and it's also okay with me if I'm just a person being good on an individual
basis instead of going out taking care of villains like Dakki. If
I'm just friendly and helpful, I'm still doing good things. I think
that's part of growing up, seeing how you fit into the big picture and
knowing you're not any smaller just because the picture is really, really
big. Maybe it's the biggest picture ever made, and a lot of people
didn't even get to see it at all. I'm a lucky person.
I don't know where Oshisho-sama is now or what he's
doing. I hope he's happy and not too lonely. When Suupuushan
and I went looking for him, I kept hoping because I knew that he was there
somehow, I felt him or smelled part of his scent, but we never saw him.
Like he was watching us from a long way away, but we could never quite
catch up to him. So he doesn't want to be found. I didn't understand
at first, and I'm still not sure I do, but I think it's kind of like sennin
and humans. Oshisho-sama thought that sennin were bad for the human
world because they were so much stronger and it wasn't fair. So now
that Oshisho-sama's more than a sennin, it might be bad for the sennin
world if he comes around and starts telling us what we need to do.
Joka was controlling everybody or something like that, so now that we're
on our own, we have to figure out how to handle things without anyone guiding
us. I think that's part of growing up too, isn't it?
And maybe that's the last part of being a good person.
Doing good things even though someone else will think that you're wrong
or even though nobody'll realize what you're doing. Doing good things
even if you've done something wrong in the past. Or if you can't
do anything good, at least not doing anything bad.
We can trust Oshisho-sama because he left when he
thought he should. I kind of wonder if I'd be able to run away even
if it meant being lonely all the time, if it'd be better for everyone else.
Or if I'd even know if it were better. But part of doing good things
like that means being confident in yourself. So I'll try to be more
confident, too, and learn that from Oshisho-sama even though he isn't here
to teach me.
I wanted to be his student. So now that he's
gone, I need to make sure everyone knows what a good person he was, by
being the best person I can be.
___________________________________________________________
Wow, 4 AM.
I'm just pumping out the fics lately, aren't I? ^^; Well, I wanted
to do a good Bukichi piece, and even though I still haven't finished (and
rewritten) Fishing, here's a little non-yaoi bit of the Bukicchan.
Hope you liked! Reviews idolized.
-- Mearl Dox