Author's Note: Today, it's December 31. Happy New Year, everyone, but January 1st is also a very special day for our favorite Chinese shaman...Yes, it is his birthday tomorrow. I'll be out and about tomorrow, so I'll go ahead and post my little oneshot in celebration a day early. Like most of my fics, it's a HoroRen pairing, and it's also rather depressing. Told in Horohoro's point of view, but I don't know if I'll be able to match up the quality of this one for the one I wrote for Horohoro's birthday. Enjoy.

It's based on the manga and not the anime, by the way. Just telling you because the anime is way different than the manga.

You know, the first time I saw you was on a monitor screen.

And the first things I noticed about you were your eyes.

I was watching you fight Yoh way back in the prelims.

I really wanted you to lose, because Yoh was my friend, and it was only right to root for him.

When it was determined that both of you were eligible to move on to the next rounds of the Shaman Fight, I was so happy for Yoh. But secretly, I was even happier because you could move on, too. It was all because of this really weird feeling I had in my gut. I hate to admit it, but starting from that day, I knew that I had fallen in love with you.

I had never seen such beautiful eyes in my life.

Your gaze when you first looked upon me was cold and haughty, but I could see right through you. I knew you were hurting inside. I knew that something was wrong. I knew that you carried scars that would never fade from your memory.

Which was exactly why I was so pissed off when your father tortured you and locked you away just because you had let yourself open up your heart just a little for us to see.

It was all our fault.

We rushed to China straight away to save you.

I'll admit I had my regrets.

I was so weak back then, I could do nothing but watch as Yoh went ahead to free you. I couldn't even put a scratch on your father when he attacked us and threatened you.

So when we finally reached American together, I concluded that I would work my ass off so I would be worthy of protecting you and fighting by your side. That was my New Year's resolution.

Many years have passed since then, since this New Year's Day. Your birthday.

And so many things have changed.

You have no idea how happy I was when you accepted me into Team the Ren. It meant so much more to me than learning the positive values of teamwork and friendship - who cares about that?

I knew that was the day that I had finally won your heart.

But then the most heart-wrenching thing happened.

Your death.

I hated myself for not being able to protect you, or even avenge you.

I blamed it on Yoh because I couldn't bear to tell myself that you were gone. I even went so far as to threaten him and hold a grudge against him until finally, with the help of the X-Laws, Yoh somehow managed to have you reincarnated.

Your respect for me probably diminished, because my respect for myself certainly did.

How could I have let it happen again? It was killing me inside that I had just thrown my responsibilities onto Yoh. Once again, it had been him who had saved you, and I had done nothing to help except for mope around on the beach and vent my anger on a couple of Hao's minions.

I was losing you.

So, once again, I resolved firmly that I would protect you, no matter what the cost was.

And then, months later, came one of our most devastating fights ever.

The day we were pitted against shamans with god-class spirits.

Team the Ren versus Team Myooh.

We were no match for them.

You laughed in the face of death. You challenged their strength. And you took down one of their team members with the use of your wits and your intuition alone, despite the enormous differences in your furyoku and amounts of experience.

But that did not come without a cost.

Hell-bent on revenge, the others took over for their fallen comrade to beat you senseless, and you mocked them until the very end.

That was before you passed out in my arms.

I had enough of you suffering and me doing nothing more than hanging back and watching, too scared and too weak to take action. I was sick of my own cowardice, and I knew what I had to do.

I exacted your revenge on the other two of Team the Myooh.

I won victory for our team.

And afterwards, when you came up to me and asked me how you could become stronger, I knew that I had also won your heart back.

I'll never forget your eyes.

Your beautiful eyes.

Eyes that have seen death, eyes that have seen hell, eyes that have faced danger with scorn and contempt.

Eyes that I will never see again.

Eyes that are forever closed, and eyes that will never open again.

Because your beautiful eyes, along with the rest of you, have been claimed by death once again.

But this time, I know that I will never be able to bring you back.

Happy Birthday, Ren.

1.1.86.