Lust over Phai, Love for Alex
The great doors appear before me and there is a feast being heard on the other side. I can already hear the laughter from drunk Cleitus. My gods…he exaggerates. I push open the heavy doors and I'm glad to be back home from another mission I was sent on. It was awfully loud in the room and I needed the time to adjust to the sound of Dionysus. As I smiled to myself from the mention of the god I hardly noticed, after the doors had shut behind me that the all kinds of humans were looking my way. I was feeling a bit uncomfortable and before I knew it I was walking slowly in a crowd that looked like they wanted to eat me. Not the food hunger. It was crazy to believe people were hungry for things other than food. The companions of my King were lusting. Why? I tell myself over and over. Why must they behave like desperate fools over one man. I'm not going to lie, I am beautiful but I believe I am only because my King believes it. Would I rather be looked upon as unattractive? Maybe yes. Then people would not treat me as a whore who just found his way into the kings' bed. They are stupid fools who will never learn. Alexander told me that they are fools who chose not to learn. I stand by what I said.
I am walking almost as slow as a little girl who lost her way and knows she won't be found. But unlike that little girl I was found and my eyes had met Cassanders. He gave a stern glare, the glare that he always gives me when my eyes seek only one thing. That thing is not him. I liked him better when he despised me. What a hypocrite.
I turn my gaze away from him and there is Black Cleitus, with a dark haired woman laying her head in his lap. I can only think of one thing and he "is" thinking of one thing as he glances quickly at my strong tanned thighs that they say only gods could have. So I've been told. I knew that man always wanted to be the one to wrestle with me and lose by me…and my thighs. Freak.
Leonnatus and Perdicas are two that I like and respect but as I walk nearer to them I see them drooling and I can only imagine it is because of my lean body. They give me hugs just to touch me. Friends yes, but they will never have me.
To my left side I see Parmenion. That dirty old man is glancing at my legs with rape in his eyes. He has always wanted to bed me when I was just a youth under King Phillip. I suggest you go find someone who won't tear your sons throat out. And speaking of your son, Philotas is looking drunker and hornier than ever. Legs wide open, sitting on a couch. I glare at him and he knows exactly what I am thinking so he looks away slowly hoping I would change my mind and go to him like a wife and sit in his lap. I feel bad for him. The couch is the only thing that would allow Philotas to take advantage of it.
Now I see Nearchus. He once told me I was the most beautiful man he has ever seen. Then along came Alexander, got angry and dragged him away from me. I just smiled at Nearchus then and I'm going to do it now as he blows kisses and whistles at me. The only thing I love about Nearchus is his personality.
It seems like forever now and I can't find him anywhere. He's not even in his royal chair. I look around once more hoping I see atleast a crown of golden hair but to no avail. But there she was. He finally brought her to Babylon. Damn the gods, what is she planning. Her eyes stab right in to mine and from that moment I Know she never took here eyes from me the moment she saw me. I form a little smile because I know that she knows I took her son from her but that's not what is clouding her wicked mind. It's the fact that I look more divine than she is today. Olympias jealous? After I look away I can still see her from the corner of my eye fixing her hair and straightening herself. You can not surpass me tonight, my queen.
Polyperchon is possibly older than Parmenion. I laughed at the thought of who was older. It should not had mattered to me. They are both old. I can tell that he is fantasizing about something. He senses someone staring at him and immediately looks away from me after I smirk at him. I am honored but not that honored.
A cloud suddenly overshadows me as I get a little sad and impatient. Next thing I know Macedonians and Persians bump into me on purpose and laugh and lick their lips. Who the hell do they think I am? Even the Persians? Who in Hades do they think they are? I become annoyed and angry at myself. Why did I come looking my best. I only suffer and everyone else is rewarded. Damn men for all that they are worth. Sex, alcohol and fighting is what keep these men moving. Whatever happened to love? I looked up and saw Ptolemy chewing on some grapes and sucking the juice from them. It was he that did not eye me the way others did. He smiled at me and I gave him a sad smile in return and he knew exactly what I was looking for. Bagoas was next to Ptolemy so my love had to be close. How would he feel though now that Bagoas is looking at me and not him? Damn Alexander for taking this little whore to bed and damn the little whore for doing this to my king. And damn me for not being able to kill him and damn Alexander again for being the reason why I can't. I was glaring at the boy and he put his head down and walked away from my sight slowly. I will never lust over you and share my heart with you. Where is Alexander? I ask my self over and over again. I moved through the crowd pushing and shoving and the more I quickened my pase more and more bodies press against mine. I felt like I was in the middle of a massive body of naked people. Ofcourse they had clothes on. Just barely. My mind was about to explode. I needed him and I felt like he wasn't in the room at all. I have not seen him for three months. I need him. I want him. I will only feel safe with him. I keep becoming more desperate to touch him. I want to scream his name but I don't as I see a bright light. I push my way closer and the light is getting brighter. Then I see a golden head of hair. No man within this palace has a mane that shines as bright as the sun. My gods his hair has grown longer. Then my smile fades as something big blocks my view. Damn it's Craterus. Other times he can be intimidating but now he had better get out of my damn way because I am on a mission in which I will not fail.
"Well you're looking as pretty as the earth itself Phai" he teased and laughed as if it was the funniest thing to say. It was the silliest thing to say but I said nothing.
"Don't you think you try to hard for your King boy? You already know the King thinks you divine, sweet, beautiful. You look as if you wish to bed everyone here. You make them lust over you. You wish to take them to their rooms and you want them to hold you down, run their hands up your strong god like thighs and put our tongues in places Alexander has never been. We only see you as a whore Hephaistion, who owns our king."
My anger is probably showing but it is not something I can hold back. My anger is pumping through my veins and my hands are in fists and my body tense. I could have taken it as a compliment and left but I did not. Then Craterus rambled on some more. My anger lessoned and I became annoyed. Why won't he shut up? I actually feel sorry for the big bad bear. Now he has called me about every bad name I could think of and yet he is still talking. I give him the deadliest look I can manage. "Craterus" I said as I smiled wickedly. "It is perfectly okay to be jealous of me and if I really wanted to bed everyone like the whore that I am, do you not think I would already have done so. It is only jealousy and lust that lurk and haunt you men. You've become so blind and you forget what truly counts. Now if you do not move out of my way in the next five seconds after I am done speaking, I will take from you the only thing you have that makes you an actual man because aside from that you bitch and complain like a woman. I glared at him once more. If I were drunk Craterus would definitely be missing his manhood and tongue. Everyone knew when I was drunk I was always in a dangerous mood. Never was I the same man when drunk. I was feared even by my Alexander. What? He is still here. He looks speechless so I push by him and I damn everybody. The sun is gone. Damn the gods, damn Craterus and damn the damn party. I started cursing everything and to everyone. I just wanted to touch, smell and see my god. I could have asked where he was but it was simply to big of a horny crowd. I decided it wasn't the right timing and the gods were messing with me. They were mad that Alexander worshipped me now instead. I made my way out of the dining hall. I need rest anyway. The things I do for that man. I made my way to the exit and I hear people laughing and see people pointing at me. What a fool I must be to look my best for someone I can not even seem to find. I walk quickly down the hall taking my hair down from the pontytail it was in. I start tearing up like a little girl.
Phai?
"NO ONE IS ALOUD TO CALL ME THAT ACCEPT FOR ALEX….." I angrily voiced out and shoved past the man.
I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to the man. My perfect other half was standing before me with a small smirk and dark eyes fixed on me.
"You look uncertain Phai" he said smiling widely.
The truth was I was uncertain. I looked at him for awhile He reached a hand out to my face. "Phai?" he said again and I still couldn't respond. Way to go Phai. The man you wanted for three months was standing right in front of you and you can not say anything.
My uncertainty now turned into lust when Alex gave me a smile that was only a smile he and I knew. I smiled back. He grabbed me and pushed me against the wall right before my room. He kissed me like he has never done before.
"Hephaistion you look absolutely beautiful" he managed to say through the deep passionate kisses. He ran his hands through my hair and smiled.
"Your hair grew longer. I like it."
"Yours did too, and I love it."