"Shit" thought Jac, I cannot be pregnant, this cannot be happening! Mo's taunt echoed through her head "your bum's changed, I knew you were pregnant"
"shit, shit, shit, shit, shit" she mumbled pacing up and down her bathroom, where only weeks ago she had admired the dimples in Jonny's back as she watched him step into the shower, his pale Scottish skin shining in the white bathroom light. These were exactly the kind of memories Jac wished she could stop remembering, she tried to shake some sense into herself!
"you've got to stop thinking about that Scottish rat" she murmured to an empty room.
Still in a state of utter disbelief she wondered what the hell she was going to do. She didn't want a kid, you couldn't strap a kid onto a sidecar on the bike, she'd have to get a sensible car like a Golf or a Polo!
"Oh God" she thought, this was bad- really bad. But it was probably everything that annoying Scott would have loved. She thought he'd probably be over the moon at strapping a screaming child into a navy Volkswagen, there was literally nothing that could crush that optimistic soul of his! Jac wondered was she about to give him a small part of his perfect life, a house, a green garden and- a kid.
Since finding out the news Jac had replayed that night over and over again in her head, cursing herself for that one second of hesitation she'd had and ignored- she should have listened to her gut and then she might not be in this mess! Though she did also replay, somewhat accidentally, the feeling of security and contentment she'd felt when she'd woken up with his arms around her shoulders.
When she thought about telling Jonny her stomach flipped, she thought she was going to be sick- morning sickness doesn't start until five weeks- too early for that, it must simply be the nerves. Jac thought of Jonny's face, those deep brown puppy dog eyes of his, and how she was sure they would light up in a way hers never could about a child. She guessed he'd be shocked but she couldn't imagine him being even remotely ok with a termination. She'd either have to keep the baby or never tell him- she wasn't sure if she could do either!
She sure as hell didn't want a kid right now, but with the endometriosis complicating her fertility chances, this might be the only time it happened for her. Another string of expletives passed through her taught and worried lips
"What the hell have I done?"
Jonny was lying in bed trying to forget the day he'd just had. He'd been rushed off his feet at work, Mo had found out about the night he'd been foolish enough to share with Jac after Tara died, and the ice queen herself was doing her best to freeze him out completely. He just didn't get her!
"Moody cow" he thought
Whenever he was alone like this he still replayed the conversation they had had in the theatre after her accident. He thought about the sheer panic and heart stopping fear he had felt when he'd heard she was hurt. He thought of the way he'd brushed her hair behind her ear and gently cleaned the congealed blood from her forehead. And best and most painful of all, he remembered how his heart had beaten so fast he thought it would jump out of his chest when she said the word 'love'. He hadn't thought that word would ever come out of her mouth, least of all to him! But there it was- uttered and still lingering around in his mind, burying itself into the little section of his heart he'd roped off to contain any hope still left for their relationship.
Angry with himself for allowing himself to remember he rolled over and slammed his head into his pillow- the pillow upon which he's once stroked Jac's hair until she fell asleep in his arms. She wasn't the ice queen when she was here, she was just his Jac and he was her Jonny.
"Feck" he thought and smashed his head into the pillow once more.