Living In The Past
So yeah this is my first fanfic ever. And this story is a mix of some of my past and fiction. So plz review and tell me what you think
MY PLOT LINE IS THE ONLY THING THAT'S MINE! THE REST IS STEPHANIE MEYERS!
Chapter 1
Dear Diary?
People always told me that it was a good idea for me to keep a diary, so I'll listen to them for once and try this out. This is my life story. It sounds more like book but, hey you can write whatever you want in your diary can't you? Anyway here's my first entry and I hope many more to come.
May 1st 2004
My mom finally made me realize how worthless I am to her family. I don't count myself as part of the family anymore because of what she did. Don't know why she even kept me this long. Maybe she thought I would change or something, but it's obvious that no matter how hard I try I'll always disappoint her. Trying to fix myself is a mistake. Seems I can never learn that lesson. Only reason I try is not to end up like my dad. Guess I didn't believe in myself enough or had the right type or amount of support I needed. Just like in the song by Linkin Park "In The End"
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
Or maybe " Numb" by Linkin Park.
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take
[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you
[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
It explains me so well or at least I think it does. Sure I also know that I relate to a bunch of other songs but I think I relate to these songs the most. Linkin Park really knows how to relate to some people. Thank god for that! At least something I can relate to. This is my life so screwed up and stuck in denial. I am Isabella Marie Swan the ugly girl with such a messed up life. Can anyone save me from myself?
Sure I looked average from the outside to anyone around me but on the inside I was a hopeless wreck. Everyone around me was blind as to what was really happening. Sometimes it was really hard keeping on the mask and shell I've created around me but, when I had an emotional break down, it didn't last long.
Everyone always thought I was the strong one the one who wouldn't give up. That was until it happened. My day started out the way it always did. Crappy. This day started out with my usual routine. Waking up at six, taking a shower then leaving for school. I knew that process so well that I could do it with my eyes closed. That was no joke.
My walk to school was short, it took me no longer than twenty minutes. Even though I lived so close I liked to get there early so I could escape to the library and forget the horrible reality that was my life. As usual the librarian was there to greet me as I walked to my usual seat in the corner away from the public eye. Grabbing a random book off the shelf to render me helpless.
Knowing the bell would ring in ten minutes I left the library and went to my first class. My first class was Spanish then world history followed by English. That was when I then went to P.E. followed by biology and trigonometry. I did well in all my classes sometimes exceeding in some but with trig I was just barely making an A.
Though my "parents" didn't care about my grades I did. If I wanted to get somewhere in life I had to try harder until I got to where I wanted to be happy and away from my "parents".
Snapping out of my thoughts, I started on the worksheet that was laid out in front of me. Not really paying attention to what was happening around me, I did everything in a robotic state answering when spoken to and doing what was asked of me. The day passed by quickly at first for me. Usually I knew what was happening around me but there was something occupying my mind. I couldn't put my finger on it but I knew something was going to happen.
As I walked into the door I noticed the house was unusually quiet, so I went to the kitchen where there was sure to be note. Sure enough there was a note on the counter from my "mom". It stated so:
Bella
Went shopping up in Port Angeles. Be back around eight. Make dinner for you and Charlie
Mom
Sighing I went to the fridge to find something to make for dinner. Finding a few starters for a meal I picked a simple one knowing Renee wouldn't eat any dinner. Putting some chicken in an Italian style marinade, I then started to cut vegetables and the lettuce. After that was all done I went to set the table, knowing he would be here any minute. Popping some rolls in the oven while a skillet heated up on the stove for the chicken, I waited until it was fully heated to drop two chicken breasts.
Paying no attention to anything but the food on the stove I didn't notice Charlie come into the kitchen. Once he made his presence known I plated the meal and grabbed Charlie a beer while I grabbed my usual water. There was very little conversation between us. After we both finished I picked up the dishes and started to clean up the kitchen.
Charlie I could tell was not in a good mood so I finished as quickly as possible so as not to be in his way. Doing my homework and taking another shower I was just about to go to bed, when I heard yelling coming from downstairs. Knowing this was not going to end well I just sat in my room quietly.
The voices didn't lower they only got louder and louder traveling up to my room door. Then suddenly my door burst open to see a very angry Charlie and a terrified Renee standing at my door. Instinct told me that it was not going to end well.
Doing what I could in my immobilized state, I tried to grasp reality so I could escape. But my attempts were hopeless. As feeble as they were all they did was hurt me more.
I walked by my "dad" as my "mom" tried to distract him, to spare me for only a second. At that minute I knew Renee finally noticed how much of a bad mother she really had been.
Running down the stairs as fast as I could go, only having gone half way down before I felt Charlie's hands push me down the stairs.
The rest happened in a blur.
I remember getting up and screaming from the amount of pain I as stood up to get to safety. I limped as fast as I could to the phone. Dialing 911 to see if anyone could help me. When the operator picked up I started to tell them what was happening, when Charlie came up from behind me and pulled me away from the phone. I screamed at the sheer amount I was feeling. The pain was so unbearable. I felt myself start to lose consciousness and I welcomed it like a friend. Something had finally come to save me from the amount of pain and fear I felt.
So yeah don't forget to tell me what you think and Ill try to post soon!
-jezel