Title: Parody Parade

Genre: Parody/Humor

Category: Full Story

Summary: Randomly funny story about the trio. Random things appear. And if your story is something along the lines of this, and isn't a parody or humor fic, I feel bloody sorry for you mate.

Krysta's Notes: This story is rated Mature. So, if you don't feel you can read a Mature story, leave now.

Disclaimer: Nothing but the plot. Not even the Hornylicious Song, it belongs to my friend.

Chapter includes:

Harry Potter singing and dancing in many different weird clothes that he stole.

Hermione Granger acting like a prep.

Slytherins being serenaded after Potions class.

Poker with Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Minerva McGonagall, and Albus Dumbledore.

Goldfish with Severus Snape, Hermione Granger, and Draco Malfoy.

Chapter 1: Songs Galore and the 'Hornylicious' Song

"I feel prettiiiiiiiii, Oh so prettiiiiiiiiiii Yes I doooooo Oh babiiiiii." A male voice could be heard singing, very terribly in fact, throughout the hall. Harry Potter, the-boy-who-wasn't-killed-by-a-madman-at-age-one, was skipping happily, singing. He changed his mind, decided to sing his own little horny song, for how erect he felt right at that moment.

"I don't think you're ready, for this jelly, I don't think you're ready for this jelly, I don't think you're ready for this, Cause my body's so hornylicious for ya babe." He said, dancing in front of a first year, who ran off terrified.

"You ruined the moment!" Harry cried after the first year. Harry continued his skipping and singing, until Harry tripped.

"If I was a rich girl, na na na na--ow! Damnit!" He exclaimed, tripping over a book. He looked at it. It was titled 'Damn, I wish I knew which shoes to wear with that.' He skipped up the stairs, tripping several times, because of attempting to can-can up them. He entered the common room.

"Yo yo yo!" Harry shouted entering the common room. "My niggers! What is going on for sheezy, dog! I be chilling like banana cream filling, my nizzles!" The common room stared at Harry, then turned back to their normal activities.

"Fuck y'all niggers then." Harry said, crying and running up the stairs.

"Yo, preppy prep prep, I found your book." Harry said, chucking the large book at Hermione, who was sitting on the bed, painting her fingernails an ugly hot pink color. Her hair was no longer brown, but dyed blonde, and she had fake blue eyes.

"Why can't you except me for who I am?" She said, slapping Harry. "That was for messing up my polish. Do you know how hard it is to paint you nails while snogging someone?" She said, gesturing to the smeared bright red lipstick. Harry smashed his lips onto Hermione's.

"Hmm." Harry said. "He tastes like cherries." He said, licking his lips. He flounced from the common room, this time wearing a pink lacy bra he had stolen from Molly Weasley last summer, and a black and pink furry thong.

"Can you keep up?" Harry sang, swirling around a marble pillar near Snape dungeons, where the Slytherins were leaving Potions.

"Baby boy, make me lose my breath, Bring the noise, make me lose my breath, Hit me hard, make me lose my." Once Harry reached the breathing part, the Slytherins had begun exiting the eerie dungeons. Harry had jumped on the nearest person, which was Millicent Bulstrode, and breathed in her face.

"Hah Hah." He jumped off the surprised Slytherin, onto Blaise Zabini's back, and began singing the song in his ear.

"Baby boy, make me lose my breath, Bring the noise, make me lose my breath, Hit me hard, make me lose my." By this time, he had propelled himself off of Blaise and onto Draco Malfoy, and breathed down his neck.

"Hah Hah." But the time the Slytherin's had gotten a hold of themselves, Harry Potter was skipping away, singing.

"I'll be your naughty girrrrrlllllll. Calling all my girrrrrrlllllllsssss. We gonna turrrrrn this party ouuuutttttt. Because I want your bodiiiiiiiiii." He drawled, flouncing happily and skidded around the corner.

Randomly gaining access to the girl's Gryffindor dormitory, he began singing again, forcing Hermione to dance with him. They were tangoing across the room, even though the song was a rap song.

"Sugarrrrr, on my tonnnnnnnngue, She's gonnaaaaaaaa, gimme gimme some sugarr. Right there on my tongue. Sweet Sweeeeeettttt Lover Lova! Right there on my tongue. She's turns me onnnn, Like no other!" Harry dropped Hermione on the bed, who was complaining about how Harry forcing her to dance ruined her uncalloused feet.

He began strip teasing the Gryffindor sixth year girls, by taking off the lacy pink bra and throwing it at Ginny.

"Yo, Ginnay! Holler at your mommer, and tell her I am majorly sorry for stealing that." Ginny just giggled. As Harry toyed with the thong, the girls were screaming madly. Ginny jumping up, and practically snatched Harry into a private room.

"Oh baby..." Harry moaned.

"Harry!" Ginny screamed. Many of the sixth years looked at the door in revulsion.

"No! Ow, that hurts Harry, be gentle."

Hermione shoved them away with her freshly filed nails, and picked the door, chipping one and screaming in horror. Finally getting over the nail (and herself) she turned the doorknob, to see Harry and Ginny sitting on the bed, watching the Paris Hilton sex tape. Harry looked aroused by it, and kept clinging on to Ginny every few minutes, digging his manicured nails into her skin, making her scream.

"See? All you like, pervs need, like, a life, cause, like, they were watching a, like, movie." Hermione said, now concentrating on her complexion.

Suddenly horrible music floated up the stairs, and Harry and Hermione looked at each other, and ran quickly to the source. It was a monkey. You know, one of those monkey's that play for money, except the monkey was singing like a screeching opera man. The Gryffindors glared at it, while Harry was doing the macarena.

Hermione stomped on the monkey with her once white, now blood red stilettos.

"Herrrrrrmiiiiiiiiiiooooooooonnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Harry cried, holding the monkey's head in his head.

"It was, like, totally annoying!" Hermione said to Harry, placing a manicured hand on her hip.

"Well, how would you like when you get annoying I took on of your boots and killed you with it?"

"It depends on which one. The green would, like, so totally work." She said, waving her green stilettos at Harry.

Harry took Hermione's hand, and led her from the common room, into the halls. People passed, staring weirdly at Harry's new get-up. He know had on a blue and red tie around his head that he had stolen from Seamus Finnegan, a fellow Gryffindor, what looked like Ginny's black suede mini skirt around his middle, and down below, he had on a pair of Hermione's bright pink bell bottoms. He was walking beside Hermione, who was avidly filing her nails.

"Come on, Hermione! It's teacher's poker night!" He cried, grabbing the artificial blonde and leading her towards Professor Albus Dumbledore's office.

"Vodka and Rum." He said to the statue, and it opened. Inside, the office which was normally a bright red with red chairs, and a fireplace all round, was now splattered with paint on the walls, party decorations from Christmas and Valentine's Day were hung up, and the fireplace was moved into the middle of the room for a bonfire.

Albus Dumbledore came from his office, wearing a pink tutu, and orange slippers, which clashed horribly with his dyed purple hair.

"Harry, my boy, glad you could make it, Hermione, you look gorgeous." The headmaster said, smiling at them.

"I know." Hermione said modestly, sitting herself in a red chair, that had a mistletoe cover draped over it.

"Hey, Hermione, what's up, my main squeeze!" Minerva McGonagall said, appearing from behind a door in the office. She was wearing a rainbow colored tee shirt that said 'Fight the Power' on it, and on the back it said 'After I Eat My Vegetables' and a pair of red jeans with paint on them, obviously being her who splattered the walls.

"Hi." She said, waving her hand.

"Come on, man, and ladies, let's play poker!" Harry said, sitting down, and dealing cards.

"Okay, here are the new rules. If you win, you have to switch articles of clothing. For example, if I won, I could switch my tie for Hermione's stilettos, but Hermione can't switch back for the tie and stilettos, she has to keep the tie and switch something else." Harry said.

Harry looked at the cards. "I won." He said, placing down a pair of twos and three aces.

"Not yet." Hermione said, placing down four aces and a king.

"Flush." Dumbledore said, putting down Ace of diamonds, a King, a Queen, a Ten, and a Jack.

"I don't know what I got, I just got an Ace, King, Queen, Jack, and Ten, all of them with this weird heart thing on it." McGonagall said, putting her cards down.

"McGonagall!" Harry said, standing up.

"That's a royal flush, m'dear."Dumbledore said.

"I'm switching my hat with Hermione's shirt." She said, rubbing her hands together. Hermione looked nervously around.

"Man, she said, pulling her hands out. Just as she was pulling it off, the door shot open.

"Yo, Granger." Draco Malfoy said from the doorway. His blonde hair was spiked up, and his pale face was covered in black marks. He was wearing a white shirt, with a black jacket over and jeans.

"Me and Sevvie are gonna go play a game of extreme goldfish. Wanna come?" Hermione jumped up.

"Later Harry." She said, seeing Harry frown at Malfoy's interruption.

She followed the real blonde down the corridor, and into the dungeons. A door opened, and a pink cladden robed Severus Snape was seen.

"Nice color on you Professor." Hermione said, tossing her dyed blonde hair over her shoulder.

"Why thank you Granger, I like the white shirt." She smiled at the Professor.

"Okay, we're started. But, I must tell you, I using my most prized cards, they cost 150 galleons. So be gentle." Malfoy said, brandishing a pack of Winnie the Pooh playing cards. He dealt them and they started.

"Hey Malfoy, do you have a 4?" She asked, looking at the flaxen haired Slytherin.

"Damn." He said, handing her all three of his fours.

"Yay! Ha, I'm creaming you guys!" Hermione said, piling up her fiftieth matchup. "Ketchup!" She squealed, taking the bottle of tomato squeezed substance and poured it in her mouth.

"Hmm." She said, licking her lips.

"Granger, you animal. Your making me aroused." Malfoy said, looking at her like a sadistic rapist. He pounced on her, snogging the daylight out of each other. Snape stepped back, as the white tee he admired from the young girl landed inches in front of him. Other clothes were thrown around and Professor Snape backed up against the yellow painted walls. With a headstart run, he landed in between the two teenagers, his pink robes being discarded of soon after.