Summary: If Kyon thought giant shinjin attacking the school was as bad as it could get, he was sorely mistaken. For when some idle inter-net surfing unleashes an intergalactic parasite capable of Armageddon, there's no telling how "hairy" the situation can get. Itsuki Koizumi called her a God, but when faced with life, love, death, and above all, weakness…just how Mortal is Haruhi Suzumiya?

The Mortality of Haruhi Suzumiya

Chapter 1: Click

It's been a year since I met her and I still get a headache every time I look at her. Maybe that says something about me, maybe that says something about her, but it certainly says something about our relationship, which up to now had been fairly stable. I keep her from destroying the city, and she gives me a headache. That's the way it works, and so far I'm content with it. I've gotten to know her pretty well, which basically means I know how to keep her from trying to hurt me on a daily basis (I should probably write a novel called "How to survive life with Haruhi Suzumiya". I'd make a killing.)

I suppose, in a way that makes what happened my fault. I know what happens when Haruhi gets bored, so I should have at least tried to prevent it. Sometimes I end up feeling pretty guilty about it. Then again, what could I have done? I mean, she wasn't bored in the sense that any moment she would go storming around entering random contests or forcing miss Asahina into a variety of animal costumes. All she did was turn on the computer. Unfortunately, that was enough.

I suppose you could call it a normal day (I use the term very loosely given the persons involved). After class I headed straight for the clubroom (Haruhi would kill me if I didn't) and found the usual scene of miss Asahina at the table, Nagato at the window, and Haruhi at the computer, her face aglow with an expression of intense excitement…

Wait…what?

Okay, this was definitely a bad sign. Haruhi is almost never interested or exited about anything, and when she is, it's nearly always something anyone with an ounce of sanity would want to stay as far from as possible. Closing the door as gently as I could, I tiptoed over to the corner in an attempt to be as inconspicuous as possible.

Alas all my efforts were in vain. Two feet away from my destination, I was revisited by the all too familiar sensation of being dragged backwards by a hurricane with legs.

" You're finally here! Come quick I just found the coolest thing!"

Oh God no!

Before I knew it, she had shoved me down in front of the computer and was waving enthusiastically at the screen.

" See! Isn't it the greatest! This will revolutionize the future of the SOS brigade!"

It was a website. Upon closer inspection, a website entitled, "Down dark Alleyways: A Collection of the worlds most thrilling…"

"Urban legends?"

"Not just urban legends you idiot! They're bone-chilling tales of supernatural phenomena! Real eyewitness accounts of cool weird happenings!"

"So?"

"So! Think about what we have here! This is a treasure trove of potential mysteries just waiting to be solved! The club will never be idle again!…"

No way! Don't tell me she actually…

"… We can solve a mystery every week! We won't have to wander around waiting to find aliens; we can go straight to them just by following these clues! We'll be an unstoppable force of justice hunting down aliens, exorcising ghosts and saving the world from ultimate destruction!" She struck a pose that was probably meant to look cool and dramatic, but ended up giving the impression of a monkey wrench with a bad back.

Yes she does! She actually believes in this crap!

With a sigh I rose from my seat and regarded her skeptically.

"Suzumiya, you can't seriously expect these ghost stories to have any credibility. I mean they're called urban legends for a reason. They're not real, they're just stupid fables made up to scare people into following a certain behavior pattern."

I could almost see the sparks in her eyes as she glared at me.

"How dare you talk back to your sacred leader you lower life form!"

Scowling she roughly shoved me aside and sat down so hard I thought she would definitely break the chair.

"And they're not stupid ghost stories," she said, furiously scrolling down the page, " they are detailed predictions of upcoming supernatural and potentially disastrous events and shouldn't be taken lightly. Just look at this one!" with a flourish she selected one of the many bright blue links on the screen and clicked.

Nagato looked up from her book and began gazing at us very intently.

" 'Armagedon369'!" Haruhi exclaimed with a dreamy expression. "It tells of a deadly intergalactic virus that uses the computer network as a medium to spread itself across the entire world and wipe out the human race as we know it!"

When she paused to inhale I took a moment to glance at the web page in front of her.

The top of the page was sporting a very low quality image of what looked like the northern lights photoshopped over a computer monitor. Below it was some text that began: "Every happening in this world begins with a non physical, seemingly insignificant force. An action begins with a thought and a life begins with energy. But what if that insignificant force could also generate destruction? If the simple combination of intelligence, emotion, and opportunity could-"

" Don't zone out while I'm talking to you!"

I sighed, " Look Suzumiya, have you ever considered that the more trouble you go looking for, the more trouble you're going to get?"

"So?" She scowled, "That's exactly the point! I need a little trouble! We've done absolutely nothing of any significance in the longest time! I'm dying of boredom here!"

" Unfortunately, I am not." I stated matter of factly. "If you want to make a nuisance of yourself then I'm not going to try and stop you, but you can count me out of this little venture."

Go me! That's the way to do it! I refuse to be pushed around anymore!

She didn't seem to have an argument for that. Odd, but certainly welcome for a change. She glared at me for a moment, then stood up and stomped toward the door.

"I'll be doing a serious review of your behavior tomorrow." She said on her way out, "You'd better watch it or I just might see fit to remove you from further club involvement." Then she slammed the door and was gone.

Yeah right, kick me out and the club will have to disband anyway. It needs five people remember? No of course you don't, you don't make serious note of anything that isn't to your advantage do you?

Moving right along, it seems that Haruhi leaving the room was Itsuki's cue to pack up and leave for his "part time job" (What is this job of his anyway? He always seems to leave at a different time.) After which miss Asahina announced that she was going to change, which was my cue to get the hell out.

Hurriedly, I picked up my bag and started out. After opening the door I turned my head to see if Nagato was leaving to.

Nagato had risen from her seat but had otherwise not moved an inch. She was now staring persistently at the lifeless computer.

" Hey Nagato, You coming?" I inquired.

Her head snapped up and she stared at me for a moment. Then after one final glance at the computer she nodded once and slowly made her way out the door.

I wonder what's up with her now.

Shrugging off the thousands of possible issues that could be plauging the inexplainable depths of Nagato's mind, I waved goodbye to miss Asahina and followed her out. Closing the door softly behind me.

End of chapter 1

A Few notes:

Kyons point of view for now. might switch later

Italics are his thoughts which are slightly different from narration.

I apologize for mistakes in layout and grammar. I welcome corrections.

This is the first fanfictionI have written but not the first to be concieved in my mind.

I would apreciate reviews but please keep all non constructive negative comments to yourself.

that's all