Sscargo
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.
Inspired by recent Pixel movie whose title character's name annoyed me. Now I feel better.
Magica was bored. Magica was experiencing what might be called villain's block. Magica couldn't think of a new plan to steal the Lucky Dime from the Money Bin. So, Magica watched TV. Magica soon was zoned out, so Poe started poking around their hideout since Magica wasn't paying attention.
Poe the Raven flew to Magica's magic room. Poe had been a "normal" talking duck once, he was Magica's brother. Until Magica "accidentally" changed him into a raven so she could steal his magic. And so he was forced to work for her, in the hopes she would someday change him back to normal.
It wasn't ALL bad, being a raven. Poe could fly. Poe could still talk. But, except for Magica, he was alone. Poe could not live a normal life, he had no hands and he was the size of a wild raven: tiny.
Poe sighed and flew and landed on a new book of magic Magica had recently "acquired". It's pages fluttered and two pages that had been stuck together, came apart. Poe knew witches often stick pages in their books of magic together on purpose, in case their books are stolen. Their most special spells are hidden that way.
The witch who had once owned this book had done that, and she didn't unstick the pages before the book somehow ended up in Magica's possession. In between the two once stuck together pages was a spell that might change Poe back to normal and it did NOT require hands to cast the spell. A spoken incantation would work this magic.
Poe quickly decided to try the spell. He figured the worse thing could happen was nothing,. That's what usually happens if you do a spell wrong: it doesn't do anything.
However, the spell did something...it changed Poe into a huge raven. About 40 feet tall. Not exactly what Poe had in mind. And since Poe has no hands and the vast majority of spells require hands to work the spell, Poe was stuck as a giant raven.
Which gave Poe an uncomfortable choice: be stuck like that forever or ask Magica for help. And unfortunately, there was no way to hide his condition from Magica. Poe asked Magica for help.
This gave Magica an idea: why not use this raven monster to attack the Bin?
"Go to the Money Bin! Steal the Lucky Dime! And I shall return you to normal!" Magica promised.
"Normal? You mean you'll turn be back into the duck I originally was? NOT a raven?" Poe asked. "If I have to stay a raven, I might as well be a giant one."
"HMM. That could come in handy for me ruling the world, if that's what you REALLY want." Magica replied.
"I won't do ANYTHING until you promise to turn be back into a duck." Poe replied.
"I can't DO that! My magic isn't strong enough!" Magica lied.
Magica wanted Poe to remain her slave. By keeping him a raven, he had to do her bidding.
"Find a way. Or I stay put." Poe said.
And he pointed his now huge peak at Magica, threatening her.
"If you can steal the Dime, I could change you back to normal, now. Part of the problem was you were too small. Even magic has trouble creating something out of nothing. You didn't have the mass to be a duck, now you have too much mass- so with the Dime, I could do it." Magica claimed.
"Swear to me you will change me back into the duck I once was. By your witch's honor and I will steal the Lucky Dime." Poe promised.
"Very well. By my witch's honor, I will change you back to the duck you originally were." Magica vowed.
Magica was planning to turn Poe into a baby duck, young enough to bend to her will.
Now, unknown to Magica and Poe, the spell had also effected a teeny tiny snail that was innocently eating a leaf near Poe's foot when Poe cast the giant spell. Being very, very, very small at first nobody noticed it as it slowly (1) grew. And grew.
Luckily, as it grew, so did it's appetite. It left the magic room and went outside where their were plenty of green growing things to eat. The weeds were so high it took a while before the huge snail was noticed.
Meanwhile... (2)the Beagles were trying to rob the Money Bin. Again. They had somehow snuck in and had disguised themselves as sharks as Mr. McDuck swum in his money.
The sight of fins swimming after him startled Mr. McDee for a minute. Then, he realized that it must be the Beagles since sharks can't swim without WATER.
So, Mr. McDuck called Launchpad. Launchpad brought surprise #9, as per Mr. McDee's instructions. Launchpad loaded surprise #9 onto the cargo loader (used for getting money in and out of the bin).
Soon, Launchpad was driving a "boat" as Mr. McDee manned the spear he threatened the Beagles with.
The Beagles scrammed but not without a little something.
"Well, THAT didn't work! What a waste of time!" Big Time groused.
"Yeah. Even this dumb gumball machine I swiped from the Bin don't got no gumballs in it. Just a dumb dime." Burger said.
"Burger ! That ain't no ordinary dime! That there is the Lucky Dime! Mr. McBucks would give his whole fortune to get that back! And he will, too- now that WE got the Dime!" Big Time said.
At about this time, Poe headed towards the Bin. Poe waited until it was late at night before he attempted to strike at the Bin. Poe wanted to cause as little notice as possible, which is difficult when you are big. Fortunately, Poe was a raven, and as such he was jet-black. At night, he was next to invisible. Even when huge.
However, being that big has disadvantages. Flying was a lot harder than normally. Poe stopped to rest at the Mansion before flying onto the Bin. Hardly had he landed did he hear a phone ring. Mr. McDuck, working late, answered it. Poe heard Mr. McDuck (it was kinda hard NOT to) screaming into the phone.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU HAVE MY DIME?" Mr. McDuck bellowed. "You'll give it back if I give you ALL MY MONEY? We'll see about that!"
Mr. McDuck headed to his Bin posthaste. Poe was still pooped and decided to wait. He wanted to know it the Dime was IN the Bin before he bothered flying there. And certainly before he tried to steal it. Poe knew if the Dime was in the bin, Mr. McDee would find it. And freak if he didn't. (3 )
About this time, Launchpad got a call from a friend of his who is a control tower watchdog at a local small airfield.
"No, Sam, I wasn't at the Mansion tonight. Why do you ask?" Launchpad inquired.
"Because I saw this weird blip flying towards the McDuck Mansion, that's why! No plane or copter was supposed to be there! And it looked like it landed ON the Mansion! I thought it might be the Beagles up to no good yet again but I thought I'd check it wasn't YOU before reporting it!"
"The Beagles tried to rob the Bin again earlier today. Not like them to try again THIS soon. I'll check it out and get back to you. Mr. McDee may be up to some new money making scheme." Launchpad replied.
Launchpad has seen Mr. McDuck doing highly unusual stuff that has made mucho lira enough times to want to check this out before calling the cops. Launchpad attempted to call Mr. McDee, nobody answered, so he spoke to me.
"What do you say we take the kids on a little plane ride to the Mansion? If nothing weird is going on, they'll be back soon enough. If something's up, Mrs. Beakly or even the Trins can keep an eye on them while we check it out." Launchpad suggested.
"It's a good idea for them to get used to being in planes and copters young in THIS family." I replied.
So, we loaded our Quads in the plane (took a while). We put our kids in a cargo bay originally intended for carrying live animals so it was safe to put them there. Then, we left for the Mansion. Luckily, it's a short flight so that didn't take long. Soon we were circling the Mansion when I spotted it.
"Launchpad, what's that long yellow thing on the Mansion roof?" I asked.
I didn't know it yet, but I had caught a glimpse of Poe's beak. In the black night, on the black tar roof of the Mansion, that's all I could see.
"HUH? I don't see...wait a minute, I DO see something yellowish...but it looks like two overgrown pick forks than something long." Launchpad replied.
Launchpad had been looking at the landing field, not the roof and hadn't noticed anything until I said something. Now, he saw Poe's crow's feet on the roof. Since Poe was so big and since Launchpad could not see the rest of Poe, he didn't realize what it was.
Neither of us could figure out what it was, but we both agreed there was SOMETHING odd on the roof of the Mansion. Launchpad landed perfectly as per usual. Never mind what Disney says to the contrary.
Why they refuse to make money off of Launchpad is beyond me. Their job is to make money off of "fictional" characters, yet some they "push" beyond their ability to sell and others they suppress by putting them in a bag and sitting on them . Don't get why.
Just then, Mr. McDuck got back from the Bin. Mr. McDuck was so upset he forgot to accuse Launchpad of crashing.
"Launchpad! For once, I'm glad to see you! The Dime is GONE! The Beagles say they stole it earlier today and are holding it for ransom!" Mr. McDee screamed. "Why didn't I check that nothing was missing? I could kick myself!"
"You're probably so used to them failing to steal anything that just this once, you forgot to check." Launchpad replied. "By the way, do you know you got something big and yellow on the roof of your Mansion?"
Mr. McDuck stared at Launchpad when he said that. Just then, Poe flew down and landed near to us. THAT we saw!
" It's me! Poe! I used magic, trying to turn myself back into a normal duck. I accidentally made myself huge." Poe began.
" Magica promised to restore me to a normal duck if I got her your Lucky Dime." Poe continued.
"Magica won't change you back even if you steal it!" Launchpad said. "She can't be trusted."
Meanwhile, I was finding Mrs. Beakly (she and Duckworth had left the Mansion to see what the hubbub was ) and made sure she took care of our kids.
"How's about I swipe it from the Beagles?" Poe proposed "At this size, I can do that easy!"
"I can promise to give Magica the Dime AFTER she changes me back to normal and renege on my promise like I'm sure she would!" Poe suggested. "I can even figure out a way to trick her and technically keep my word if you prefer!"
"First, let's see if you can get my Dime away from the Beagles! THEN, we'll see about Magica." Mr. McDuck said. "I've tricked her with fake Dimes before. You should be able to do likewise, especially if the ordinary dime is in the dime case I normally keep the Lucky Dime in."
HOWEVER, Magica wondered what was taking Poe so long to fly to the Bin and swipe the Dime, so she used her crystal ball to see what he was up to. And thus found out that a) the Beagles had already stolen the Dime and b) we planned to trick her with an ordinary dime.
So Magica decided to steal it from the Beagles. Magica somehow didn't think she needed Poe's help for that and if she stole the Dime herself, she didn't have to change Poe back to normal.
BUT...when she went outside, there was this GIANT SNAIL right outside her house! This startled Magica. But snails are "harmless" vegetarians, no matter how big they are. Sscargo went right on eating weeds and ignored Magica. So Magica shrugged and took her broomstick to the search for the Beagles.
We were also looking for the Beagles. . So we could get the Dime back. Magica often subcontracts the Beagles into doing her dirty work. And uses Poe as a go-between. So Poe knew where a lot of Beagle hideouts were.
We arrived at the proper hideout in time to see Magica and the Beagles fighting over the Dime. Mr. McDuck and Launchpad quickly joined the fray. This three-way fight went on for quite some time. Then, the sight of a huge raven startled the Beagles and they dropped the Dime. Poe swooped down and grabbed the Dime. Hardly had he done so, did he start to shrink.
It's POSSIBLE, I suppose, that the spell just picked that moment to wear off. But I think there is SOMETHING special about that Dime.
Poe flew the Dime back to Mr. McDuck before he, Poe, shrunk back to normal. Meantime, Launchpad spotted a cop car and fetched the cops. Since these were the same Beagles who had recently broke into the Bin, there was an outstanding charge against them.
Magica hopped on her broomstick and got out of there. Poe followed her. Blood is thicker than water, she IS his sister, after all.
When they arrived home, Magica and Poe saw Sscargo happily eating Magica's magic herb garden. So, Poe ate Sscargo. Poe was hungry after all his exertions.
What, you expected a SNAIL to do something HEROIC? That's even more unlikely than expecting a dork, nerd or geek to do something heroic. They think anybody who does anything brave is an idiot. It's SO much easier to not and say you did. So much easier to take credit for what somebody else did or make something out to be "heroic" when it's NOT.
Sscargo had eaten a good portion of Magica's herb garden, where Magica grew the plants she used to make magic. "Harmless" snails often ruin gardens. Eating Sscargo made Magica sufficiently grateful to Poe for her to forgive Poe for giving the Dime back to Mr. McDuck.
"At least everything is back to normal." Magica said.
The End.
1)It's a snail. What did you expect?
2) Based on "Fins ain't what they seem". Disney Afternoon #4.
3)It didn't occur to Poe that Mr. McDee might not come back to his office to call the Beagles back. Mr. McD can't call from the Bin, there's no phone there and it's too thick for cell phones to get thur normally.