AN: READ FIRST! i do not own NCIS. *sniff* anywho. this was inspired by the first day Ziva spends at NCIS as a liason. it is not all factual. don't get too technical. hope you like it! don't forget to review! :D
It was the end of the day and Ziva was stressed, and really, why shouldn't she be? She was only to "observe" and stay out of the way. She was not respected. She was not treated much like an equal in the terms of citizenship. Sure, she was not American. Yes, she was Israeli, but up to this point she actually had respect for the brave, courageous men and women who put their life at risk for the safety of the citizens and the country itself. It reminded her of her Israeli sense of duty in a way. Now, she was not so sure.
When she came here, they questioned her knowledge, treated her badly, as if she were dirty.
She understood what it was like to lose someone close to her. Everyone thought her a cold-blooded assassin who had no emotion, but they let themselves be deceived.
She understood their pain. She didn't know Kate, and she would never think of trying to by asking everyone unbearably painful questions bringing up painful memories. She knew better than that. She knew a Mossad officer, Ari to be more specific, had shot her. It was a pointless kill, a kill of purely revenge, not justice.
She understood her sudden appearance would seem as a replacement for Kate, and she knew because she was Mossad they were going to take out all their anger they had towards Ari on her. She knew she wasn't trusted. Even Gibbs didn't trust her, even after she saved his life. then again, she didn't come to trust people very easily either.
She knew all they had against her was most likely their way of dealing with the pain, but it made taking it no easier.
Yes, she tried to keep Gibbs from killing Ari, but then again she killed Ari. Ari, her half- brother, her blood. She killed him to save Gibb's life.
And now she was here, without a friend, only one other person besides Gibbs who knew what she had done for him, and only one person who respected her because of who she was. the director was this said person, and she had only seen her around from time to time.
Agent DiNozzo had to be the worst when it came to snide remarks and insults. She had never had a problem with it before now, but now she knew how frustrating it could be to keep control of her emotions. All day she had to take every blow, no rebuttal, be friendly, playful, joking, when really she was frustrated, angry, hurt. And it truly didn't help that she was in a different job, a different atmosphere, and different country with different customs and a different way of speaking, a different world all together. She needed time to herself.
So she went down to the autopsy lab. Dr. "Ducky" Mallard and Palmer were gone for the day, at least that's what she thought that's what their names were, no matter how odd they sounded to her. Dr. Mallard had been the most welcoming out of the bunch, so feeling like she didn't belong, feeling like a misfit, was no problem down here. She went in with her coffee, sat down in the chair against the wall, leaned back, and closed her eyes. She felt a single stray tear make it's was down her face. Usually she wouldn't dare show any sign of weakness, but she didn't care now. She was alone with misery as her company. It didn't matter.
It wasn't just the job. She also couldn't get over the fact she thought she was cold blooded herself. How many people did she know that would kill their own flesh and blood to save an NCIS agent she barely knew? She could only think of one.
She took in deep breaths. She could feel the ever-growing amount of moisture in her eyes. Now was when she could mourn her dead brother. Now was when she could feel guilty.
She heard the heavy door open. She didn't move. She didn't feel like it.
"What are you doing down here?" came Agent DiNozzo's voice closer than she expected, "Don't you have somewhere else to be?"
"No," she responded unphased, "No I do not." she wished he would leave. She could only hold up the iron clad façade for so long.
" Can't get used to our American customs can you? You know, going home at night, taking a break." Anger was swelling in her. for one split second she thought of saying something about the way he dealt with his pain, but she knew that would just be cruel. After all, his partner died. If her partner had died when she was in Israel, she didn't know how she would be able to take it.
"I really don't appreciate your prejudice remarks agent DiNozzo," she said coolly but strained, "contrary to your false accusations, I am well aware of the custom here and in my country of going home after a day's work. I just came down here to relax, clear my head, that sort of thing."
"I wouldn't think you one to relax, you being an officer so used to stress and death, nothing phasing you in the least," he said bitterly, "I really don't understand why you even came here to begin with. You don't look very happy here anyways." He said this with a tone of seriousness.
" Again, Agent DiNozzo, your assumptions are wrong,' she said.
"Well are you happy here?" he asked, the curiosity evident in his voice.
"It doesn't matter whether or not I am happy here. Orders,- orders are orders." She said. Her voice cracked. Crop, she thought. Or was it crap? Same difference. Either way she did not want to come off as weak, but she'd had enough to crack two iron spirits in the past three days.
"Are you okay?" asked the Special Agent. His voice was different, like it had something like concern and curiosity mixed together in one expressive emotion. She blinked back her tears. She had too much pride to let them fall. She looked up at him and studied his features for the first time. he was sitting on the table next to her, coffee cup in hand. His brown hair was still stubbornly standing up like a porcupine. His smooth brow was creased with concern and curiosity, just like his voice had been. His deep eyes were searching hers to find the truth they were betraying. She felt the blood creep up to her cheeks. She never did like it when people started breaking her wall down bit by bit, getting down to the cold hard dirty truth of her. That was what she was supposed to do to others, and when the tables were turned, she always felt out of control, and lost.
"I know what you're going through," she said. A heavy sigh came up out of his chest.
"yeah?" it came to her ears in the form of a question.
"yes," she said. She turned and looked forward again. Away from his face.
"You lost your partner too?" he couldn't believe that he was actually having a deep conversation with a Mossad officer that had been in allegiance with the same bastard that shot Kate. He didn't think he would actually ever speak to the enemy as if they were a friend, but she was working with NCIS now, so he had to let go of his grudge and initial thoughts of this woman Ziva. Who knows? Maybe she would surprise him one day.
"No,' she said, "worse." He chuckled.
"Worse, huh?"
"yes, worse."
"Worse than losing your sister Officer David?" she looked up at the agent.
"You remember me telling you that? The day you followed me?" she said incredulously.
"yes. Why would you think I forgot?"
" I just didn't know you found it to be valuable information to you."
"When a stranger starts talking about her sister's death to you as if she's known you all your life, you don't really forget that moment easily."
She nodded. "there is much truth to that, but yes, Special Agent DiNozzo, worse than losing my ."
'Oh,' Tony said with cold bitterness, "Ari again." Just the sound of the slime ball's name made him squirm.
"Yes, Ari."
"He was a monster. Even if he was a Mossad officer, why would you even want to associate with him? The guy was nothing but trouble. Why all the trouble to try to keep him away from danger?"
"I found it my duty to protect him."
"Why?"
"He was my responsibility. He was my brother."
"Your brother?"
"Half-brother to be exact." Tony knew there had been a reason to dislike her. he knew it wasn't fair, dislike by association, but what else was he going to do? Step all over Ari's grave cursing him for shooting a good person? Unless he wanted to get picked up by men in lab coats and women in starched white outfits. The women wouldn't be too bad, but then again, you never know what they might do to you if they think your crazy and dangerous. He didn't want to find out either. Plus, the nurses they probably sent out to retrieve the nut cases were probably not the attractive ones.
"I came to Gibbs to avoid shooting Ari. I did not think Ari deserved to die. He was my flesh and blood after all. I found it to be my sisterly duty to protect him."
"Well, I'm guessing that didn't work out to great."
" I know."
"do you?"
"Yes. I was there."
" I Thought Gibbs was the only one there. That and whoever shot him, considering Gibbs wasn't armed. How could you have been there?" he asked perplexed.
Ziva swallowed hard.
"I shot him." There was a silence in the room, as well as an elephant. DiNozzo was shocked. She was the one who had saved Gibbs. But why? Ari was her blood. Why would she do such a thing?
"Why would you do that?" he asked in shock. Ziva's assumption that Anthony was one who was quick to hate and quicker to love had been correct. She looked up at him.
"Have you ever been in a situation, Agent DiNozzo-"
"Tony," he said, "please, call me Tony."
" Okay, Tony. Have you ever been in a situation Tony where you knew what the right thing to do is, but the right thing is the last thing on earth you want to do?"
"yes, I have."
"Then you know what it's like."
"But Officer David-"
"Ziva, please, call me Ziva." She said.
"Alright, Ziva, he was your brother. How could you have killed him?"
"It was what I had to do. That person in Gibb's basement, that wasn't Ari. It was Ari, but it wasn't the sweet caring boy that I had grown up with. He was a hollow killing monster." She said, her voice trembling.
"But you still loved him?"
She hesitated. This was hard to say without showing her weakness, but she and Tony were on the same side now. She could trust him. "Yes," she responded.
"That must have been hard."
"Well, you've been in that position, yes?"
"Yes,"
"Didn't you do the right thing?" It was his turn to hesitate. Had he done the right thing? The truth was he hadn't. he had never had that kind of will power.
"No."
"Really?" Ziva said, absent-mindedly getting up from the chair she was sitting in and sitting down next to the agent on the table. "when was this?"
"When you came." She was shocked. She didn't really understand what he was getting at.
"Well, Kate hadn't died too long ago, you know. Not even a month has gone by. I still expect her to walk into the bullpen from the elevator, sit down at her desk and make some comment about my laziness or my movie fetish, but this morning when I walked in and I saw you sitting at her desk, I just didn't know how to handle it. all kinds of anger swelled in me. I knew I couldn't treat you like dirt. It just wouldn't be right, but all that misery and anger bubbled to the surface. And when I saw how oblivious you were to the pain everyone was going through, I just couldn't be nice. I felt you had to feel miserable with us." He sighed. She was quiet. He looked at her. she was looking down and away from him. He wished she would say something, anything, but she didn't. When he couldn't take it any longer, he broke the silence.
"I guess you were going through your own misery, huh?"
"yeah, I guess you could say that."
"I'm awful sorry Ziva."
"it's okay."
"no, no it's not. I had no right to treat you that way."
"well, there must be something else you've done that was worse than this."
"Maybe, but nothing really comes to mind. Anyway, There's nothing worse than making someone feel as if the don't belong. I know what it's like to never have something in the first place but still feel like you've lost it. It's the worst feeling in the world."
"I'm trained not to feel, not to have emotion."
"Well, that's humanly impossible."
"Why do you say that?"
"Well, look at your eyes."
"what about them?"
" your facial expression may be a complete mask, but your eyes tell all. There's no way you can be a hard shell. After all, it would make you a hollow killing monster, and you could never be one of those, could you?" she swallowed hard. She knew he was right, she just didn't know how he had figured out so much.
"My father always had it in his head that emotion was a sign of weakness. He taught me not to feel. Emotions, he used to say, emotions are not important. They don't get the job done, they don't make the world turn. They are just an inconvenience. That was our training. Being trained by him was hard. There were times I thought him brilliant, but then again there were times I just wanted my father."
" I know what you mean."
"You didn't get along with your father either?"
"he had this thought that there was no way he could ever be wrong. if the whole world went against him, he would still be in the right. Sure, it was good for some things. It was good for the times when he had to fight for something, but then when there's nothing to fight for, he can't seem to stop. He fights old battles, stupid battles, battles that have already been resolved. It was all kind of ridiculous."
"I'm really sorry to hear that," she said. "You know, when you think about it, our stories really are not that different. I cannot believe we found so much we can relate to in one another by just sitting here for half an hour."
"It kind of reminds me of The Breakfast Club."
"What is that?"
"A movie made in the eighties."
"About Breakfast?" she asked perplexed. He chuckled.
"No. It's a great film. You should see it. Actually come to my house this weekend and we'll watch it."
"Are you sure?"
"yeah. Why not? you must be educated." She chuckled. Educated in movies. She would've never thought that a necessary skill.
"This must have been what Kate meant when she said you had a movie feetish?"
"fetish," he corrected, "obsession." He looked at his watch. "we should probably go. It's getting late." He jumped down from the table; she followed suit. They walked out to the parking garage. Before turning in the direction of their respectable cars, they stopped. Tony cleared his throat.
"Welcome to NCIS Ziva David, we're happy to have you." He held his hand out to her. she looked down at it hesitantly. She looked up in his eyes. She didn't know how or by what connection, but she somehow understood he was asking her to take it, so take it she did. His grip was strong, secure, safe. Something told her working with him would be difficult an frustrating at times, but she would grow to love it. Already her hopes for tomorrow were growing ever higher.
"Thank you Tony DiNozzo," she said with a small smile. They turned to go their separate ways.
: : : : : : : : : : : : :
The next day, Tony came in to work to find Ziva already there going over old case files.
"What are you doing?" he asked. She looked up surprised to see him.
"Oh, I was just seeing how you kept information and how you came up with your conclusions. I must say it is very impressive."
"thank you," he said, " I'm going to go down to go talk to Abby. Come on." She hesitated.
"Come on," he repeated. To his surprise, she actually got up and followed him downstairs.
"So Abby, what do you have for us on our civil war soldier?"
"Tony, it's not an us anymore remember?" she said bitterly. He looked confused.
"Abby, have you had your caf- pow yet?"
"No," she mumbled, "but it's still not an us."
"Ziva is with me. She's part of the team now." Abby looked up with a pouty glare on her face. You could tell she was miserable, sad and sleep deprived.
"I haven't got anything." She said.
"Abby, please try to be nice," he said. She was shocked. First off, how could Tony have noticed her bad vibes towards Ziva? Second, Tony had been teasing her yesterday, probably worse than any of the rest of them. Now he was being nice? What was with him?
"she's had a death in the family." He whispered to her.
"What kind of death?"
"A brother." Her eyes got wide. That was awful.
"How?"
"Shooting." Her eyes got wider.
"is she okay?"
"yeah. She's just a little traumatized." He paused. "let's just say she saw it happen." Her eyes got even wider than before, if that was possible. She looked at Ziva, but this time she looked her in the eyes, and sure enough there was the pain. Tony had been right. She didn't know how, but he had. She rushed over to Ziva and gave her a bone crushing hug.
"I'm so so so so sorry! I shouldn't have been so uptight! I should have been nicer! I should have been understanding! I mean that's terrible! You lost your brother? Oh my gosh! Now we can all relate! We can get through this together! We can be friends now! ooh! We should get ice cream after work or something. Any thing! Something fun! After the case is done maybe!" Ziva had no time to respond. Everything had come out so rushed she only caught key words and she couldn't breathe. Even though it was nice to have a sincere hug. Then it dawned on her. Tony Was not as discrete as he would like to think himself. She gave him a look that said You told her didn't you? He caught the look right away and responded with a look of his own that said Not all of it. as well as a sheepish grin.
"But wait," Abby said, "How did Tony know about all this?"
"Let's just say we had a Breakfast Club moment." Tony said.
" Like sharing strange talents like putting lipstick on with no hands?" Abby asked. "that's my favorite part!"
They all laughed.
"Yeah," Ziva said, smiling and looking at Tony with a knowing look, "something like that." She had a feeling she would like it here. After all, she was a ninja, or so they said. Her feelings were barely ever wrong.