Just a quick note, I hope you enjoy this one shot tale of Joe's view of the divorce. Thanks Lanie for the extra eyes. Lanie, your title works better than my original one, thanks for that too my friend.
A Man Named Joe
The pair quietly walked in the front door, trying not to wake their two young sons. They paid the sitter and then sat together on the sofa. Neither one felt like talking anymore. They both felt that all had been said at dinner.
"Why did I think more yelling would have been involved?" Joe asked as he took Amanda's hands in his.
"What is there to yell about? Yelling isn't going to change the fact that in two days you are going to be gone again and gone longer this time than last. This is the career you have chosen for yourself, I am just sorry that the boys and I have gotten in your way." Her voice was completely indifferent.
Rolling his eyes Joe pulled her close and said, "Stop that. You and the boys are not getting in the way of anything." Hoping she would realize his commitment to her and the boys.
Nodding she agreed with him, "No, no we aren't getting in the way. We can't get in the way if you aren't here to trip over us."
"Amanda, what do you want?" His frustration was beginning to show.
"I want you home, with us, here in Arlington. Your children are growing up so fast and you are missing it. Being gone three months here, then home for six, gone six and home three, that isn't a life, Joe. That is a hotel without room service." Amanda pulled from his embrace, taking her shoes to the hall closet; she came back and said, "I am not telling them this time, you can. I am your wife not your go-between for you and your children. Good night, Joe."
"Good night, I will be up as soon as I lock up down here." He watched her climb the stairs knowing she would be checking on the boys first before heading to the room they shared.
Joe walked around the house locking the doors and windows as he went. He walked through the kitchen and stopped, looking at the pictures that covered the front of the fridge. They were drawings of the boys and Amanda; he was off to the side in both. Even in a drawing by his children he was absent to a point, he knew Amanda had her reasons for wanting him home. He loved his family, he really did, but his job, his career was what paid the bills and provided the life that they had.
Amanda knew when she met him in college that it was his goal to work with the EPA. That job had him home and located in Washington. That was why they had chosen the house they did. When the opportunity came for him at the EAO, he was torn with the decision. He talked it over with Amanda and they decided that the money was better, but the travel was something Amanda didn't agree with. The boys were too young and needed something stable. She wouldn't cart them all over the globe to countries that were obviously in dire circumstances of their own. He convinced himself that he wanted the best for his family and the money would help with that.
Joe had been home almost two months since his last assignment ended. He wasn't supposed to fly out for a new assignment for at least another six weeks. That was until his boss called a few days ago. He and Amanda had been fighting almost continually since that call. He had taken her to dinner tonight in hopes of making it up to her. It apparently didn't work.
Climbing the stairs, he checked on the boys as well before walking into their bedroom. To his surprise, Joe found his wife lying on top of the covers in a very sexy nightgown.
"Amanda?" Joe asked at seeing her in a different mindset from a few minutes earlier.
"Joe, give me this last night, please." She reached for his hand and led him to her.
Two days later, Joe sat reading files on the plane as he recalled her words that night. She wanted one last night with him, one last time to make love as husband and wife, one last night of his married life. He remembered back to the conversation that next morning after the boys went to school.
"Joe, when are we going to admit that this isn't a marriage anymore?" Amanda calmly asked over coffee.
"I don't know. I am pretty sure that last night proved we are still in a marriage."
"Making love isn't a marriage, it is an expression."
"What was it that you were expressing to me last night?" Joe snapped.
"That as good as we are there, it isn't enough to make you stay with us. You are still going to board that plane in the morning and leave for how long this time?"
Shaking his head he answered, "I am not sure. The situation in Africa is harsher than most of the places I have been."
"Well, let me say this before I lose my courage. I think we should get divorced."
"Divorced? I love you, why would I want to divorce you?"
"Joe, it has nothing to do with our love. I love you too, I always will. You are one of my best friends, but I want a husband. If you really think about it when was the last time this felt like a marriage and not just two old friends playing house and catch up. I just want what is best for all of us, Sweetheart. I have cried and cussed to the point that I am blue in the face. I have come to realize this, why haven't you?"
Joe looked out the window and watched the world pass by. That is what Amanda had been trying to tell him. They weren't living; they were just passing along each other in life. He didn't want to lose his family, but if he was honest with himself, he didn't know how to be there in a day-to-day faction of his own family. His final thought before he fell asleep was that he loved a family he didn't really know.
Joe had been in Africa for three months. He wrote letters every week to the boys and one a month to Amanda to see if she had changed her mind about the divorce. She hadn't. He continued to try in his latest letter to his wife. He once again asked her to change her mind and to let her know that he would be home for Christmas. Walking into his apartment, Joe noticed that his mail had been slipped under his door. The letter from Amanda was a welcome surprise. He hadn't even had a chance to mail his latest letter telling her about his trip home in a few weeks. Opening the letter, he sat on his bed then began to feel the tears form in his eyes as he read her words.
Joe,
Jamie received his birthday presents and seems to really love the books you sent. Phillip was just as excited about his letter and present that you sent him. He said it was really cool. I know that last time we spoke on the phone the connection wasn't that great but I just need you to know that I have filed for legal separation with special circumstances. Normally we would have to wait for you or I to be away from one another a full year. Since your job is set the way it is, then I was granted special circumstances. I have a copy of the paperwork following this letter. It states that since you are out of the country most of the year they will grant the separation and proceed with the divorce, but that will still take quite a bit of time.
We have a lot of decisions to make when you come back, whenever that may be. I will need to know ahead of time so that I can go to Mother's and stay while you visit with the boys. I haven't told them yet about the divorce. I wasn't sure if you wanted to be here or not. Just let me know.
If you have any questions please just call me and if the connection is good enough we can talk about it. I hope you are doing well and work going well for you.
I love you, Amanda
Joe dropped the letter then sat and cried. He knew that some of this was his fault, but he wasn't taking the full blame. They both said those vows and promised to love each other forever.
Picking up the phone, he dialed Amanda's number in anger. He shouted his hurt and anger through the phone as Amanda sleepily said, "Hello?"
"Damn you, Amanda Jean King, damn you to hell for doing this to us."
Sitting up straight in the bed Amanda was suddenly wide-awake at Joe's words. "Me? I didn't do all of this. You helped in this destruction."
"Me? How in the hell is providing for your family an act of destruction?" He spat out.
Feeling the anger rise in her she said, "I am not the one leaving all the time. I am the one here taking care of this house, a house you picked out, two children, that you helped bring in to this world. A world I might add that you want to save more than your family."
"Everything I have ever done has been for you and those kids. I am not the one that stubbornly refused to come with me and keep our family apart. That was you!"
"I will not apologize for not wanting to take our children to some heat and bug-invested, disease-ridden country so you could play hero. These boys don't need a hero they need their father."
"In all your arguments, I hear what the boys need and how they need me, don't you need me?" Joe asked
Taking a deep breath Amanda did the only thing she could she lied to him, "No, no Joe I don't need you. I need you to comply with the separation order. We can sit down and work out the particulars of the divorce later. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
Feeling spiteful he said, "Yeah, you can go to hell." Joe slammed the phone down.
That was the last verbal communication he had with Amanda unless he called to talk to the boys. He only spoke to her for as long as he had to at those times.
His visit with the boys took place at his folks' house that year. He picked the boys up the afternoon of Christmas day and took them back to Amanda on New Year's Day.
"They may want to nap a little today. We were up playing cards way after the ball dropped. Did you do anything?"
"I went over to Mother's. She is thinking of selling the house. She said it is just a big hassle with just her there. She wants something smaller." Looking down and rubbing her hands over her jeans Joe noticed for the first time that her rings were off of her left hand. He controlled his urge to ask where they were.
"That makes sense. I mean, Carl has been gone for a few years. I mean we even offered for her to move in here."
"I offered her the opportunity again last night. She said it sounded like a good idea. She would consider it this time. She just wasn't ready before."
Nodding he said, "Well, I just need to get a few things. I am going to take them to my parents' house for now."
"Joe, when do you fly back out?" Amanda asked.
"I leave in three days. I am being relocated and they have to finish the plans for my accommodations."
She walked up to him and gave him a hug. "Have a safe flight, Joe." Turning from him, he climbed the stairs to the room they had shared and found most of his things were already in boxes. He knew she had been doing that for him; he just wasn't really prepared to see it.
Phillip and Jamie came in and asked, "Dad, do you need help?"
"Dad, do you really have to leave?" Jamie asked.
Sitting on the bed in between the two boys Joe began to explain, "Jamie, I hate to say it, but I do really need to leave. My job is waiting for me."
"What about us? When do you come back to us and Momma?"
"I know you don't understand but this whole thing, but this thing between your mom and me is just that, between us. We both love you and we will both be here for you two as much as any parents do."
"Do you still love us? Tommy says that when parents leave they stop loving the kids." Jamie asked. Joe knew he was always what his mother had called an old soul.
"I love you both more than you know. You two boys are the best thing I have ever done."
"What about Momma? Do you still love her?" Phillip asked.
"I do love your mom; I will never stop loving her. Sometimes the best way to love someone is to let them go. Do you two think that I stop thinking about and loving you when I am not here?"
Jamie looked at him and he said, "A friend of mine said that we were out of sight and out of mind."
Shaking his head Joe pulled his boys close to him and said, "You are never out of sight and most definitely not out of mind. I close my eyes a thousand times a day and see your smiling faces. I say a prayer for you when I wake in the morning and when I go to sleep at night. You and your brother are the first and last thing I think of every day. Why do you think Momma always has a way to get a hold of me? Call anytime means call anytime."
As Joe pulled away from the house, having no idea that Amanda heard his conversation to the boys and was now in their bedroom crying her eyes out over the loss of her marriage. She knew it was better if he thought she didn't care anymore. She would rather hurt herself than to ever ask him to stay.
Returning to Africa, Joe took as many assignments that he could handle at one time. Every week he would write the boys. Finally he got enough courage to write Amanda to tell her to start the divorce proceedings full force. He asked her to send any copies to his office. He would look over the papers, make his suggestions, and then when they came to a complete agreement he would return to sign the final papers without issue.
Joe received his first draft of the divorce within two months. He read it over and was surprised to see how reasonable it seemed to be. It didn't have many issues that he wanted to talk over. The only thing he wanted to personally discuss was his child support and the house.
His next visit to the States was in July of 1982. Amanda had agreed to meet him at a little restaurant in DC to talk over the finalization of the divorce. Joe sat in the booth waiting as he watched the people on the sidewalk pass by in their own world, never guessing that his was about to come to an end.
"Joe, Sweetheart, sorry I was late. Traffic was terrible on the bridge." Joe stood and Amanda kissed him on the cheek, which he returned in kind.
"I ordered you an iced tea. With this heat I didn't think you would want wine this early in the day." Joe said smiling at her.
"That was very kind of you and completely accurate. How have you been?"
"Busy actually, work is really busy. How about you, how have you been?"
"The boys started baseball this past year. They didn't have a coach. Thank goodness you showed me how to play so I was able to be their coach."
"Glad I could help. Are you ready to order?"
"Sure, the chicken salad sandwich sounds really good." The waitress walked up while Joe placed the order for two chicken salad sandwiches. The waitress left leaving Joe and Amanda in a strange silence for a few minutes.
"Amanda, I just wanted to say thank you for meeting with me today. The last few months haven't been easy for either one of us. I know that this whole thing has been a strange ride. You seemed to have handled it better than me. I have drunk, cussed, blamed, pointed fingers, put the bottle down, prayed, and then I looked in the mirror."
"Oh, Joe, I never wanted to hurt you. I am sorry; I was just doing what I thought was best for us." Amanda reached over and took his hand in her own.
"Do you know what I saw when I looked in the mirror?" Joe seemed determined not to let her see his tears forming in his eyes. "I saw my family in pictures. I wasn't in them and I wasn't even the one taking the shot. I want you to know everything I did I really did it for you and the boys."
"I know you did. We both did what we thought was right. You thought leaving was right and I thought letting you would bring you home. Joe, I meant what I said all those months ago, I do love you and always will."
"I feel the same way. That is why I am making some important changes to the divorce. I know you don't want alimony, but I don't want to sell the house. It is the home you made sure was the one constant in the boy's life. I know that you can't make the mortgage payment all alone. So what I am proposing is, so they don't have to be uprooted, that I continue to pay the full mortgage payment until you are able to pay half and then when you are able to take it over completely you can. After that time I will take my name completely off of the title and it will be solely in your name. I agree to the amount of child support as well. You are going to need that for two growing boys. Everything you suggested is very gracious in the divorce. I don't have a problem giving you as much notice as I can before coming home. I would like continued communications and access to their school records so I am able to check on their progress."
"I think that is more than fair, but Joe the house payment isn't so much, especially with mother there now. She has been helping."
"The bank isn't going to care where the payment comes from but there will be fees in transferring it into just your name. I am not sure the costs of that but I can find out and you can just have that billed to me as well."
"Joe, it seems like you are cutting yourself completely from the picture. That isn't the case, you will still be allowed to see the boys whenever you want and come and visit."
"I promise I am not taking myself from anything, it is just a court thing, the legality of it all, if you will."
Their sandwiches arrived and they ate in virtual silence. The conversation they did have if anyone was listening would have no consequence. It just sounded like two friends having lunch, not two people walking away from the last ten years of marriage to one another; Joe catching up on the boys as Amanda complaining that her sandwich had way too much mayonnaise on it.
As the two began to leave the restaurant, Amanda bumped into the man at the end of the bar. Looking up she apologized to the man before moving on. "Not a problem." He said to her as he then went back to complaining to the waitress that he had ordered extra mayo on his chicken salad sandwich.
Over the next couple of years Joe made sure that he called if he could be home for birthdays and holidays. He stayed in his children's lives as much as he could. Returning home was not the way he had imagined it. He was under suspicion of murdering a Prime Minister.
Sitting in his old college room with his ex-wife, he tried to explain the situation as best as he could. She seemed to really trust Lee Stetson. It was funny how trusting she was of a man that worked for an agency that wanted to bring him in. Her trust seemed to pan out as Lee Stetson had saved his life as well as his children. He was grateful for Lee Stetson.
The change in Amanda was apparent. Joe couldn't just let their night end without mentioning it to her. "You're not the woman I married, hell you're not even the woman I divorced."
"I've just developed some outside interests," Amanda explained.
"Whatever they are, they suit you." He paused for a beat and asked half-jokingly, half-seriously, "You don't wanna go back?"
"I want to go forward." He knew that she wanted both of them to move forward. He thought it was a good time to do just that. On their way back to Amanda's house he told her, "I told the boys today at the game that I am coming back to the states. I am coming back to stay. The EAO offered me a job in DC to help clean up the mess that was made here and offered me an office with no traveling."
"That is great news. I know the boys must have been thrilled to hear that." Amanda said beaming at him.
"They were but they both asked me if that meant we were getting back together." Joe informed her while blushing slightly in her arms as they continued to dance.
"Oh, Joe, that isn't going to happen. You know that, don't you?" Amanda placed her hand on his cheek.
"I know that, I want to move forward too. I spent the last few years throwing myself into work. The separation and divorce really shook me up. I think I remember you telling me most of your pain was before the divorce, while you tried to fix what I didn't realize was broken. I want to apologize for that that, for all I did. I am like you and really want to start living again, but better than before. I don't want you to think you weren't worth it. It just took me a while to get what you were saying. Is there someone special in your life?"
Blushing at his question thinking of Lee she said, "I think so. I hope so, but I am in no hurry to rush in to anything. I did that with Dean and I don't want to do that again."
"Well, just promise me that when you find him, you make him work for it better than me. Don't let him take advantage."
"I won't and I don't think he would."
The next few weeks Amanda and the boys helped Joe move into his new place. Joe felt at peace in those few hours with just Amanda and the boys. When he was alone later in the apartment, he reflected back on his decision to move home and smiled. Leaving was right but this was a much better choice. He knew Amanda would always be his family but most importantly, she would be his friend.
The next morning he showed up at the EAO and was immediately shown to his new office. He was unpacking when he heard a knock on the door. He turned to see a very beautiful woman in his doorway.
"Can I help you?" He asked.
"Hello, Mr. King, my name is Carrie Gilmore. I will be helping you getting settled in the office until you have a handle on the job."
"Well, then I guess you should call me Joe, Ms. Gilmore."
"Please call me Carrie."
"Carrie it is." Joe said welcoming her into his office fully.