A/N: This fic comes out of a very dark place for me. My boyfriend and constant companion of 3 ½ years left me last month, and now he is dating my best friend. I found out today. Am I confused? Very much so. This is writing from my pain and trying to connect it to someone else's. Please review.
"The rest is silence." –dying words of Hamlet from the play by William Shakespeare
On his lips, he tastes betrayal. It is harsh and unfamiliar in his mouth. He likens the feeling to eating glass, but somehow it is much worse than that. While he is acutely aware of the pain in his heart, it is the pain in his head that he is most concerned about. The world swims in a pulse of purple-silver light, and he tries to take a step back, away from the glaring harshness of his own mind.
It is something he was never able to do. Even now, in his last moments on earth, he cannot disengage from his own mind. It is a time like this that he wishes he could, wishes for anything to stop the pain of memory.
He swallows the bile that threatens to choke him. His brain is throbbing at the speed of Light. Unable to receive release from this madness of memory, he stares up into the eyes of his murderer, his own personal angel of death. He is scooped off the linoleum floor and into the arms of his benefactor, both the Darkness and the Light.
That is how he thinks of him, even now. He cannot place blame on anyone but himself. L is nothing if not paranoid, and yet this beautiful and inscrutable boy could pierce his very walls. He still can. It is evident in the way Light cradles L, with reverence and with laughter unseen.
L's psyche crumbles under the fluorescent lights. He feels his heart slowing down; he cannot fight destiny. Fate has been intertwined into his whole existence, from his birth into a lonely world to his death as a martyr. L has no illusions; he knows he is dying for the one true God: Justice. Without justice, L is nothing but a period, the very end of a sentence. Now he is but a comma, his death a pause from the real action of the plot. His story tragic, but in the end, ineffective against the greater power.
Light Yagami was more than a man; he is an idea. He believed he was God because he was more powerful than a regular human, but L knew he was a sociopath with delusions of grandeur and a God-complex. L knew that Light was fallible better than anyone. Watching him breathe, that alone was an experience in accepting reality. Watching him sleep was another. An idea housed inside such a delicate boy was absurd, unrealistic, and a precarious situation.
L knew that he, himself, was destined to be a martyr. From the first moment L looked into Light's unfathomable amber eyes, he knew. "This boy will be the death of me." A prediction, a look into the future. And for all his foresight, he couldn't have imagined how it would turn out.
A guttural moan as he pounded into the childish murderer.
A soft kiss as Light leaned down next to his office chair.
A warm hand to hold his as he questions suspects through the voice changer.
A strong arm wrapped around him as he lays down to sleep
All flashes of memory, things he thinks about now, now that he has no hope left. He is to die now, a martyr for Justice.
Someday soon, Light will die. Unlike L, he does not know that he is human, that the idea will consume him. Maybe it already has. Light will writhe, the same way he now writhes, in the depths of his last breath. Light just doesn't know it yet. A complacent smile curiously manifests itself onto L's already strange countenance.
Somehow dying isn't as hard as he thought.
With a prayer on his lips, he flies to Lady Justice. The taste of betrayal no longer lingers as it once did.
Although Light smirks at his win, he gets an unexpected premonition. It is unsettling to suddenly feel that his idea will die, only not as gracefully as this peculiar and beautiful man.
Thank you for taking the time to read. This is probably the most optimistic thing I have ever written (HA!). Review.