Men are Clueless
by iheartGibbs
Written for the NFA Road Rage Challenge
Dedicated to Cassy for another amazing hangman win.
Rating: PG
McGee/Ziva
Challenge requirements: Write a 500-1500 word scene in which two characters are trapped in a car. Dialogue only.
---
"Can you slow down just a smidge?"
"A smidge? What is this smidge that you speak of?"
"I mean, a little bit. Can you slow down a little?"
"But why, McGee? I am clearly in control of the situation."
"Ziva, it's pouring. I can't see three feet beyond the front of the car."
"Why should I slow down because you can't see?"
"It's just that you could not possibly…"
"I could not possibly what? Do not presume to know what I want, McGee."
"What you want? I was talking whether you were physically capable of seeing the road. When did this become about what you want?
"So, now you take it back."
"Take what back? I didn't say anything."
…
"Ziva, why are you upset with me? I only asked that you slow down so we actually arrive back at NCIS in one piece. I never intended to…"
"Just be quiet, McGee."
…
emits frustrated squeal "Men are so clueless."
"You asked me to be quiet; so, I was quiet. And now you're even more upset with me?"
"I'm not upset with you. I'm upset with Tony."
looks confused "You're yelling at me because you're upset with Tony?"
"I wasn't yelling."
"Why are you upset with Tony?"
"I'm upset because he got all secretive because of his big mission, but he didn't tell us anything. So I thought he was sick. I've been worried about him. Now the situation is resolved, and he misconstrues my concern for wanting him."
"You want Tony?"
"No, McGee! That's what I'm saying. I don't want Tony. But he thinks I do, simply because I showed concern."
"So you don't have feelings for Tony?"
"Of course I care for him, McGee. NCIS is my family. I care for all of you."
"So you don't want him at all? In any way?"
snorts "Of course not. He is juvenile."
…
"What?!" looks at McGee "You think I want Tony. I can't believe you think I want Tony."
"Ziva, could you watch the road. It looks like traffic is stopped up ahead."
"I see it, McGee; stop treating me like a child."
"I wasn't treating you like a child; I just don't want to die in this car in the rain…"
"With me."
"Huh?"
"You don't want to die with me. That is what is wrong. If Abby were driving, you would be okay with that, yes?"
"Of course not, Ziva. I don't want to die with Abby either. At least not today."
"Then Tony?"
"No! Are you purposely baiting me?"
…
"You are. You're doing this on purpose just to get a rise out of me."
smirks "There are easier methods for accomplishing that."
blushes "What?"
"Don't be coy, McGee. It's obvious you want me. You have wanted me since I first came to NCIS."
"How did you…? What makes you think that I want you?"
"A woman always knows."
…
"Unlike men, who are clueless."
"You mentioned that."
"I thought it was worth repeating."
"I think men know when a woman is interested."
"Oh, you do?"
"Well, yeah. Not someone like Tony who thinks everyone is into them; he gets shut down all the time. But for someone like me… yeah. I think I know."
"Answer this, McGee. Do I want you?"
chuckles "No. I think sometimes you pity me. Sometimes you want to hurt me. Other times you want to protect me – very emasculating, by the way. Just so you know. But no, you have never been interested in me in THAT way."
smirks
"What?"
"Just like I said, clueless."
…
"What's the matter, McGee? Gnat got your tongue?"
"It's cat."
"But that makes no more sense than gnat."
"I didn't coin the phrase, Ziva."
"No, but you are trying to change the subject."
"If you are saying that you want me, and you are so sure that I've wanted you since you came to NCIS, then why do you think I'm trying to change the subject?"
"Because you are scared of me. It is part of the turn-on, yes?"
blushes "I'm not scared of you. Don't get me wrong – I know you have the ability to hurt, kill or maim me, but I trust that you won't do that. Like you said before, NCIS is your family and you care about us."
smiles "Well stated."
"Thank you."
"Then why are you changing the subject?"
"I wasn't."
"Then why the evasion?"
"I wasn't evading. I was correcting your choice of words."
"Semantics."
"Exactly."
"No, I mean, you were still avoiding."
"Maybe I was just trying to find the right words to make the next move."
"There's your problem."
"My problem?"
"You're stuck in a car in a totally immobile traffic jam in a rainstorm with a woman that has just admitted she wants you, and you're searching for words."
"So, you're saying I should have just…"
"Shut up and kiss me, McGee."
"I can do that."
THE END