A/N: The song Tourniquet belongs to Evanescence, the words of the song are in BOLD, ITALICS andUNDERLINED
TOURNIQUET
'I tried to kill the pain,
But only brought more.'
Who knew that ending my suffering would hurt me even more? I understood why I had done it; I only hoped that everyone else will understand why.
'I lay dying
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal'
As I lay there, blood gushing out of the slits in my wrist, I started to regret cutting them. I had betrayed all he had made me promise him, but then, hadn't he done the same to me. Wasn't it he who said 'I shall never leave you' and then, he goes and gets himself killed. No, I am breaking no promises that have not already been broken.
'I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?'
The pain is enough to make even the strongest of men cry but I do not shed a tear. For the pain caused by these wounds, is not nearly as strong as the pain caused by grief.
'My God, My tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation.'
I tried to be strong, I tried to move on, but I couldn't live without him. My life was so empty and worthless. Not even God can save me now. And my salvation left long ago.
'Do you remember me?
Lost for so long
Will you be on the otherside?
Or will you forget me?'
I can't wait for this pain to be gone, to see him once again. I hope he remembers me and is waiting for me. The only worry I have at the moment is if he has forgotten what its like to be with me. Does he still love me? Or has he moved on, like I was told to?
'I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?'
I know what shall be read by my mother at my meager funeral. She shall say 'If only she had come to us, we could have saved her, but now she is lost and never will her smile brighten up the darkest of nights.' But as I lie here a thought hits me, is she right? If I had gone to them for help, could they have saved me? Or was I lost from the moment, on that fateful day, when the love of my life died in that train accident? Was my smile put out when I got the call? For surely I had nothing to smile about afterwards. My smile never brightened up the darkest of nights.
'My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation'
Its ironic really, in the end he did not die from a magical cause, he did not die, as we all thought he would, at the hands of an evil wizard, but at the hands of a muggle contraption. I remember that day, when he kissed me goodbye before he left to get on the train to Birmingham, all for that stupid training course. I remember feeling as though I would never see him again, and guess what? I was right! That same day, the day I received my last kiss from him, his train ran off the rails. The driver had seen a child run onto the railways and tried to stop. He skidded on the rails and slid of them. Everyone on the train, including the child playing on the rails, was killed. And as he was dying, I was angry at him, for leaving me for six whole weeks while he went off to his stupid course. Especially after I had just received news that I was with child. I gave birth to a healthy lad not long ago; he looked like him exactly him, down to the very last detail, excluding that scar of course. That lighteningbolt scar caused by Voldemort.I tried to be strong for him, but in the end I couldn't, I had to leave this world.
'My wounds cry for the grave
My soul cries for deliverance'
My eyes are dimming; I can feel death upon me. My body cries to be left to rest in peace for all eternity. My soul cries to go to the place that is best, to be with him, the one my weak heart pounds for.
'Will I be denied Christ?
Tourniquet
My suicide.'
The darkness surrounds me and I pray one last time for God to forgive my sins the biggest of them all being suicide. To not deny me entrance and let me rest with my one true love, my soul mate the way it should be, forever and for always. The pain increases 'till I'm blinded by it and suddenly, I feel no more for I am gone.
Hermione Jane Potter
1980-2003
A devoted, caring wife, daughter and mother
In the end, grief over came her.
She lived and died for love.