This story is a crossover between Doctor Who and House MD.
All characters, places, quotes you recognise are not mine.
Set in the episode Smith and Jones of DW.
Un-beta'd. if you'd like to let me know.
It was an ordinary day when House limped into Wilson's office.
The sun was shining through the clouds, people were bustling about getting to work and House was grumpy, yep, perfectly normal.
"Do you realise how many people are out there waiting for a doctor to listen to them complain?" House stated as he sat in the patients chair and gestured in the vague direction of the door.
"Well this is a hospital; I can see how you got confused with all the medical equipment and nurses. But that would be why you're in here I imagine. Haven't got a case?"
Although Wilson sounded interested his body language told otherwise. Even as House came unceremoniously into his office, his eyes never left the paperwork in front of him.
He actually sounded bored.
"Nope, no-body dying of a weird and wonderful, painfully complicated, or otherwise hard to diagnose illness."
Wilson looked up at that. His eyes studying House for all of four seconds before a knowing look took over.
"So you're hiding from Cuddy. You do know she will look for you in here."
"By the time she gets here I shall be gone." Wilson wasn't paying enough attention; House didn't like that, as if paperwork could be more interesting than him! Time for a change of subject anyway, he didn't want to think about Cuddy and the, admittedly well earned, abuse awaiting him.
"It's like a never-ending line in the clinic, I know we have a revolving door but there's no need to abuse it. No matter how many patients I treat-"
Wilson finally looked up, putting his pen down, arms finally resting in front of him on the paperwork that had previously held his attention so. While he knew House had no actual reason to be here, he also knew that he wouldn't leave until he was acknowledged, so cutting off the beginning of what was sure to be a long rant about past patients Wilson finally joined the conversation properly.
"-By treat you mean insult continuously, sometimes making them fear for their life, before prescribing something that may or may not be the correct medication."
"Anyway… I treat one, another comes in! I'm staying away on principle."
Wilson chuckled lightly. Although this had happened many times before it did not cease to amuse the oncologist what the man would come up with to annoy their boss.
"Yes well I can't wait to hear you explain that one to Cuddy."
Wilson went back to updating patient's records while House sat alternating between staring at Wilson and checking his own office for traces of Cuddy. After a couple of minutes pondering and annoying Wilson, by pounding the floor with his cane without any discernible pattern, House decided Cuddy would be coming after him soon and he wasn't about to make it easy for her.
"Wilson! How about we go for a walk?"
"Unlike you I actually have patients and paperwork to do, so no thank-you but feel free to limp on your own."
"Actually I have a patient want you to see-" At Wilson's sceptical look house decided to continue on.
"Well I'm not going to take on his case if it's just cancer, how boring! I heard you're an expert in all things cancerous, was even told you're and oncologist! Can you believe it, just what I need?!"
Wilson sighed and stood up, House wouldn't leave him alone if he didn't go, so there really was no choice.
"One consult, that's it, then I go back to my patients."
"Sure thing, grandpa! Can't you move any faster? This man could be dying!" He shouted over his shoulder, the idea of a new case and avoiding Cuddy motivating House into action, or as much as he was willing to take, sarcasm included.
In the ER, patient John Smith watched the busy doctors and nurses rushing around and smiled at their ability to cope. He wasn't really sick but for all intents and purposes let's just say he is.
After a while of observation Mr Smith started shifting, getting restless, he was never one to stay in one spot for a prolonged period of time, especially in an uncomfortable hospital gown. Oh how he missed hi pin-stripped suit and converse, he felt practically naked! It didn't help that he was also without his sonic screwdriver and jumped every time someone shouted 'Doctor!'
After John had alphabetised all planets within travelling distance for humans by the year 21002, he decided maybe it was time to go for a wander. Before Mr Smith could fully put this idea in practise his curtain was drawn back, rather rudely, by a black cane with flames on it, revealing two middle-aged men.
The one with the cane and stubble proclaimed –"The bane of my existence!" as the curtain settled from being thrown hastily to the side and passing nurses shot him annoyed looks.
"A patient? Well you are a doctor, I thought you would have seen this coming, it is in the job description." The younger, and nicer looking, man spoke with the air of someone who has dealt with this kind of thing many times before. "Do you even know this guy?"
"Nope and he doesn't know me."
The men were standing at the end of John's bed, the younger slightly closer, while holding this conversation, John just smiled politely.
"Well then you finally have a chance to make a good impression." "Bit late for that." John muttered, the nicer man apparently heard and gave him an apologetic smile.
"I'm Doctor James Wilson, and this lovely man is also a Doctor, a good one, if you ignore his blatant disregard for rules and other people."
Wilson was prevented from finishing his introductions when the other Doctor moved towards the head of the patient's bed, leaned over and shouted- "YOU ARE NOT SICK!"
To Wilson's surprise the patient casually turned to the man and offered his hand. "I'm John Smith, pleasure to meet you. I've heard a lot from the nurses, so you must be Doctor Gregory House."
House ignored the offered hand, choosing to study Mr Smith's eyes more closely.
"Really?" The question was said so casually anyone who didn't know House better wouldn't have picked up the sarcasm. It appeared that John did but refused to acknowledge it, opting to smile instead.
Wilson broke the silence first. "Have you even read his chart?" "Nope." "Well of course you haven't, you already know everything there is to know about his current state of health. Maybe we should start from the chart and work up?"
Wilson reached for the patient chart only to drop it on the bed after being zapped by static electricity. "That's the forth time that happened to me this morning!"
Without missing a beat House replied- "maybe you should use more gel in your hair."
Wilson chose to overlook that comment and consulted the chart, while the patient looked on, bemused by his situation and the conversation going on around him.
"Patient came in with sever abdominal pain. Well it isn't exactly the mystery illness you're looking for. Maybe I could give him some experimental drugs? Or a cocktail of medicine that should not be mixed, would that suffice?"
House looked up at this and smirked, then decided to plonk himself down on the free chair and waved his hand to indicate the patient, "You're the expert, you find me the cancer."
Wilson took out his stethoscope and checked John's heart. When he lowered the scope to the patient's chest he distinctly heard one heartbeat as well as an echo. Going out on a whim Wilson moved the stethoscope to the other side of John's chest and found a second heartbeat. Startled he look at the patient who just grinned and winked cheekily.
"I know it can be confusing when his left is your right from that position but I thought you would know which side by now."
Wilson flinched slightly at House's interruption and put his stethoscope around his neck. "You're right; besides the pain he seems perfectly healthy."
"Good I'll tell Cuddy. I just solved another case, time to earn my pay check!"
As House got up to leave, Wilson went to write on the chart but dropped it again when he was zapped for the fifth time. "Aww come on Jimmy, its just static electricity. Ben would be disappointed in you."
For the first time since introducing himself, Mr Smith spoke up. "Benjamin Franklin! Ah my mate Ben, that was a day and a half. I got rope burns off that kite and then I got soaked-" "Interesting" "-and then I got electrocuted!"
House had paused as soon as the patient started rambling, shooting an amused, side-long glance at his friend.
"Maybe we should keep him, might be fun."
Wilson rolled his eyes. "Would make a difference from Coma guy…"