A/N: I don't think I have much to say about this. Thank you Florence + The Machine for inspiring this...and making my tear (all right, cry) in the process. I still feel its effects. I'm forgoing homework time for this. That's weird...skipping depressing stuff to make myself slightly depressed. Awesome.
Consider it a prelude of sorts to Can You Save Me? if you'd like, but those two could definitely stand alone. Reviews/favorites show me how much you liked this! I'd love to hear your feedback about this!
Disclaimer: Covert Affairs belongs to its creators, Matt Corman and Chris Ord. Inspiration came from experience. Lyrics/song set the mood.
Cosmic Love
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out.
You left me in the dark.
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight.
In the shadow of your heart.
Cosmic Love, Florence + The Machine
They arrive at the nearest hospital, one that's CIA certified (if that's even possible), and almost immediately Ben's removed from Annie's hold. Her jeans and hands are stained with his blood but she pays no mind to it.
She's stunned for a moment, but immediately comes to when Jai grabs her hand and pulls her out of the helicopter with him. They follow the medical personnel up until that little area where they're no longer allowed.
Jai sees how shook up she is and instructs her to sit down. She complies without even thinking, now more of a shell than her usual self.
He can't be . . .
Her mind can't possibly fathom the end to that thought, so she leaves it at that. A nurse exits the area and informs the two of them that Ben's been rushed directly into surgery.
"What are his chances?" Jai asks, being the strong one for both him and Annie. He's shook up by the whole ordeal, yet masks it better than anyone can imagine.
The nurse shakes her head. No words are needed to explain that.
Annie immediately begins shaking in her seat. She can faintly hear Jai asking her questions (Wanna go clean yourself up? Need me to get you anything?) but her mind's fixated on Ben and all of the memories bombarding her mind.
The last thing she recalls is their night together—one that was probably just as good as their past in Sri Lanka or perhaps even better due to the raw emotion the two of them conveyed towards one another—before running off to the bathroom. She's in full-blown tear mode by now and the fact that his dried blood remains on her hands doesn't help one bit.
By the time Jai arrives and finds her, she's furiously scrubbing her hands, trying to get the blood out of every inch of skin possible. Her hands are near raw at this point, and instead of grief a sudden bout of anger has taken over her being.
"Annie," Jai says, shocking her just a bit.
Instead of accepting the comfort he's offering, she brushes past him and heads back out. She can't think straight and doesn't know whether to hate Jai for everything he's done or thank him for possibly saving her life.
She finds another bathroom, this one with a lock, and steps inside, keeping everyone out. The moment she clicks the lock on the knob, she loses it. She pounds on the stalls and kicks the door and as soon as all of her energy is depleted she falls to the ground, face reddened due to tears and a heart aching more than she could ever possibly imagine.
Simply thinking about the wonderful times they shared in Sri Lanka, both past and present, make her feel as though her heart is going to shatter into a million pieces at any second. She remains in the bathroom, allowing all of the tears to fall while giving herself a little breather.
Before she knows it, an hour passes. She doesn't bother with composing herself, simply heading out and hoping to hear some news about Ben.
She arrives back to where she and Jai were first sitting and sees him speaking to the same nurse who spoke to them when they first arrived. Both she and Jai look over at Annie and her frazzled nature. After a hushed conversation, the nurse departs, leaving Annie and Jai together in the waiting area.
"The nurse . . . she just . . ."
She can read his features perfectly, knows that he's hiding something. "Jai, spit it out," she commands him, skipping all formalities.
"Annie . . . Ben didn't make it."
First, there's silence. Then there's a loud, heart-wrenching scream that follows the statement. Before she knows it, she's collapsing into Jai's arms, willingly accepting the comfort he's providing her.
And as she soundly cries into his chest and her heart shatters into a million pieces, a single thought roams around her mind: they never got to say good-bye to each other.
Perhaps their last night together in Sri Lanka was their good-bye.