How a Badger and a Dragon Survived Christmas

In which our heroes hatch a cunning plot.

Charlie marched down to the Quidditch pitch, broom over his shoulder and letter crumpled in his left hand. He grunted, thinking it over in his head. Was she really serious? He loved his mother dearly, but he'd never met a more meddlesome person in his life! So what if he didn't have a girlfriend? So what if he didn't want some stuffy desk job at the Ministry? It was his life! He could do what he bloody well pleased after Hogwarts.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts he nearly got brained by a Bludger.

"Bollocks!" he yelped, dropping to the ground as it whizzed past. He looked up from the dirt and saw a lone figure zooming around the pitch. Whoever it was had all six Quidditch trunks open, and was pelting all twelve Bludgers with the sort of ferocity that one normally associated with jungle cats and Veela. As he got closer, he could see the yellow and black of a Hufflepuff uniform. "Of course. Only Tonks would be crazy enough to train with twelve Blud—ack!" he yelped, ducking again.

She'd noticed him by now, and pulled out her wand. With a brief wave, all of the airborne Bludgers floated slowly back to the ground. "Chuck."

"Tonksy-wonksy."

She rolled her eyes and began Summoning the Bludgers back into their crates.

"Hard day?" he asked, helping her.

"You could say that. You?" she asked, nodding to the crumpled wad of parchment in his hands.

"Letter from my mother."

"Source of all our troubles, it seems."

"You got a letter from my mum?"

"No, Chuck. I got a letter from my mum. Complaining about the fact that I apparently won't be married or engaged by the time I make it out of Hogwarts."

Charlie laughed at this and flopped down on the ground. "I sympathize. So what's your Christmas going to look like, then? Lots of hiding in your room, trying to perfect your Patronus for Professor Greenly?"

"Interspersed, of course, with Mum's desperate attempts to teach me to cook."

Charlie looked quite horrified at the very thought. "You…? In a…in a kitchen? With knives and fire and things?"

"Terrifying thought, right?"

He shook his head. "Merlin…."

"What about you? Your family is kind of hard to avoid."

"I'll have Ron to look after. Apparently he's missing me something awful. Otherwise I just tune out all of the bits about," he did an uncanny impression of Molly Weasley in full fuss mode, "'I just can't believe a good looking boy like you doesn't have a young lady in his life! Is it because you think I wouldn't approve of her? Are you dating a psychopath? We've taught you better than that, young man! Do you think your father and I will embarrass you? I know you're hiding something Charles Arthur Weasley! I don't know how you could be embarrassed of your honest, hard working, loving family!' And that's around the time the tears start," he finished in his regular voice.

Tonks was, literally, rolling on the ground laughing. Her hair flashed from bright pink to baby blue to neon green and back again. "Oh, that's priceless. Maybe they had some sort of witches' finishing program when they were here in the 60s…." Tonks speculated.

"That would explain it."

They sat quietly for a few minutes, watching the Snitch buzz around above their heads. Suddenly, Tonks sat straight up and looked at Charlie, eyes wide. "Merlin's greasy gym shorts! I've had an idea!"

"No," Charlie said firmly. "Absolutely not."

"You don't even know what it is yet!"

"Don't care. Anytime you tell me you've had an idea, we end up in detention for at least a month."

"You're exaggerating."

"Second year, we were in detention for exactly four weeks, and there are still spots of the Prefects' bathroom where the paint didn't come off. Third year, we got chased by Thestrals and Hagrid had to come rescue us out of the Forest. Detention for five weeks and three days. Fourth year, detention for a record making two months because I couldn't get out of that damned suit and the house elves got a look at my nibbly bits while I was stuck to that statue of Gregor the Flatulent. Fifth year—"

"Okay! I get it," she said, laughing. "No, this is a good one, I swear."

"That's what you said last year, and we ended up suspended from the ceiling tangled in Christmas lights."

"Let me rephrase—this isn't something to get us into the Hogwarts Ledger of Infamy. It's a perfect solution to our Christmas problems. We pretend to be together."

He let that sink in. Really swirled it around his head for a moment before responding. "The hell are you on about?"

"Look, both of us like being young and awesome and single, right? But our mums don't want to accept that. The single part, at least. So…we pretend to be each others' special schmoopy for a few weeks, and survive the holiday season without going round the twist."

"…feels a little underhanded…."

"Does that mean you're in?"

"I'm going to regret this…I know it. Yes, I'm in."

Tonks's hair turned an ominous shade of silver and hot pink. "Fantastic. Time to plan, Chuck."

Molly was reading the morning paper the next day when she heard a tapping noise from the kitchen. She hurried in to see an owl perched smartly on the windowsill. It was a Hogwarts owl, but she immediately recognized Charlie's handwriting.

Hello Mother,

I'm dead chuffed to be coming home for Christmas! Tell Ron and Ginny that I miss them too, and that I'll play Gobstones with them when I get home.

I also wanted to tell you something. I am seeing someone. And no, I didn't keep it from you because I'm ashamed of the family. We just weren't sure about our feelings for each other, and were taking it a bit slow. But I'd like her to come to the Burrow for Christmas lunch, if that's all right. She's invited me to New Years with her family. I think you'll like her quite a lot. Her name is Nymphadora, but she goes by her last name, Tonks.

Looking forward to see you! C.A. Weasley