DISCLAIMER: I do not own Teen Titans or the characters within. The name of the resturant was something I thought of, but if it turns out that it is a real place I do not own that either.
I also do not own I Love Lucky or The Paper Chase.
It was 7 am Titans Tower kitchen area on an atypical day. Cyborg was cooking his usual breakfast fare. Bacon strips covered in pancake batter, sausage patties, and his Aunt June's home fries. He was eating light today. Robin had opted for the breakfast of the champions, toast and coffee. Starfire had yet to show for her morning meal which meant she was probably still sun bathing in her room. Solar powered abilities after all. After several minutes the youngest member of the team sauntered though the door looking like death warmed over ... twice.
Cyborg had turned surprised to see his best bud up so early. The saucy remark he was about to make died on his lips when he saw BeastBoy's condition. Surprised, confused, and more than a little concerned he forgo his breakfast preparations to check up on the teen.
"Yo! BB man you OK? You look terrible dude."
Maybe it was the question or the evident concern in Cyborg's voice that caused Robin to put his paper down and turn around. A slight eyebrow rise was all the reaction he would show which meant what he was looking at shocked him totally. BeastBoy looked really tired. His eyes had dark bags under them. His shoulders slumped as did his whole body indicative of fatigue and exhaustion. His skin looked a pale green rather than it's usual brighter shade. But what got him the most were the eyes dull, sunken, void of that spark of life BB was so well known for. As Robin pondered the meaning of his teammate's physical state , BeastBoy gave a reply to Cyborg's query.
"Yeah ... I'm fine dude. Just ... just a little tired is all. Not the best sleep I've had in my life." he chuckled a little "So no worries guys. I'll be OK."
The two older boys could do little other than share concerned looks. As they were about to question him further the dark sorcereress entered. She floated over to the counter where she poured herself a small glass of orange juice. Making quick work of her beverage she placed the empty glass in the washer then turned towards the three boys. All of whom were watching her with a cautious interest.
Basically she ignored them with the exception of her green teammate. Giving him what Cyborg could only describe as a slightly interest gaze she floated over to the group. Before anyone could say anything she grabbed onto BeastBoy and pulled him towards the door with a mumbled.
"It's time again."
With that they were gone in an instant.
All Robin and Cyborg could do was stare at the door which the pair had departed through a moment ago and wonder what in the name of all that's holy was that about. They did spend a good deal of breakfast discussing it , but failed to come up with anything plausible. Heck they couldn't even think of a reason at all no matter how absurd.
A couple hours had passed and being a quiet day Cyborg had taken up residence on the couch to play video games. The tell tale noise of the doors opening and closing told him someone entered the room. Hitting pause he turned to see his green bud looking even worse than the morning. Putting the controller down he jumped up and went to his comrade. Grabbing the lad and looking him over he found no injuries nor any physical signs explaining his conditions. The boy just looked ... drained.
"Hey man you look terrible ... are you OK?"
"Sure thing dude. No worries here." the green bean answered with his trademark grin which Cyborg noticed had lost some of its shine.
Not really buying the answer Cyborg had to wonder what could possibly be going on, but before he could get very far into it Raven entered the room. She said nothing simply floated over to the fridge for a drink. Once finished she floated over to BeastBoy and said "It's time.". Then grabbed BB's arm and lead him from the room. Cyborg wanted to protest , but the pair were gone before he could form the words.
As the day progressed this scene played itself out over and over again. Every couple hours BeastBoy would show up looking more drained than before. Cyborg and/or Robin would question his ragged state and BeastBoy would reply with the same answer as before. Raven would arrive soon thereafter grab a drink then lead BeastBoy off with a "It's time.". Each time Cyborg wanted to stop them , but was always a second too late. By the time night had fallen this had happened more times than he could recall.
It was late evening as BeastBoy entered the common room for the umpteenth time that day. This time Cyborg jumped up and ran to grab hold of BeastBoy with both hands. He shook the green bean and asked over and over again what was going on and if he was really all right. BeastBoy replied with the same answer he had ben giving all day long with his trademark grin. Not believing what he was hearing Cyborg held on the tighter. As before Raven entered and floated to the fridge to grab a drink. After she placed the dirty glass in the sink she floated over to BeastBoy.
"It's time."
She reached for BeastBoy, but this time Cyborg yanked him away. Taking several steps back he turned around only to find Raven staring at him.
"It's time."
She reached again and this time Cyborg jumped back with his bud in hand who had did nothing in reaction to the situation. Walking backwards while keeping an eye on Raven Cyborg was determined to get them both out of there. Making it to the doors he checked on Raven's position on the other side of the room. Satisfied they were safe enough away he bolted through the doors that should have lead to the hallway only to end up in the common room again with Raven standing in front of them both.
"It's time".
Once more she reached for BeastBoy and once again Cyborg jumped away. This time he unleased his sonic cannon then proceeded to blast a hole through several floors. Giving Raven a smirk he threw BeastBoy over his shoulder and jumped. Falling for what seemed like forever the rooms and floors just flashed by as they fell. Landing in a darken room with only the hole above providing minimal lighting he sighed in relief. A small click and his shoulder flood light moved into place. A flash of illumination reveled that they were once again in the common room and once again Raven was standing in front of him staring.
"It is time." she mono-toned then reached for BeastBoy.
Being too stunned to act Raven was able to get a grip on his green friend, but he did have just enough state of mind to not let go of his own grip on the other arm. What followed was a tug of war between the largest and smallest members of the team with a lanky teenager in the middle. Cyborg had shouted all kinds of questions and demands trying the get Raven to back off. Raven, for her part, only answered with "It's time."
As Cybrog's voice grew louder and louder , so loud that it hurt his own ears , a flash of color interrupted the event. Blinking at the empty space before him Cyborg turned to find Robin holding onto BeastBoy and Starfire holding onto Raven.
'Finally!' Cyborg thought. 'Now we'll get some answers. Robin will get to the bottom of this.'
"Alright ... what's all this then?" asked Robin in a British accent.
?
Cyborg wasn't sure if he heard right and under different circumstances he would have called Robin on it, but he was to preoccupied with the BB situation to question any further. As such Cyborg explained everything that had been transpiring all day long. During the whole exchange everyone, with the exception of Cyrborg, had a blank and emotionless expression on their face. Again Cyborg would have questioned this , but all his focus was on the BB & Raven thing. When he was finished with his heated story he stared pointedly at Robin.
Robin quirked a brow then blew out an annoyed sigh.
"Raven ... you have some X'plainin to do." This time sounding like Ricky Ricardo for "I love Lucy".
Raven turned to look at him then at each teammate before she answered.
"You know how BeastBoy insists on annoying me at every opportunity he gets?"
They all nodded in agreement even BeatBoy.
"Well I've decided it's time for it to stop. Since none of my previous attempts to get him to leave me alone have succeeded I've decided to end it once and for all."
"End it?" Cyborg blurted out. He did not like what she had just said, but told himself he misheard.
"Yes. End it. I've decided that BeastBoy must die."
"Whoa!" Cyborg roared. How could she possibily be serious. He looked to his friends for their reactions and was startled to find them lacking. Robin looked wholly unaffected. Starfire looked perplexed. Cyborg was certain she should have been freaking out by now. BeastBoy ... well BeastBoy looked tired, but happy. What the hey?
"Raven ... what makes you think you have the right to kill BeastBoy?" asked Robin sound like that old guy from "The Paper Chase".
"The Laws of Azarath gives me the right plus I have a signed permission slip from him and three others loosely connect with someone he once knew, but only briefly." Raven said as she pulled a small stack of papers from her cloak which she handed to Robin. Robin took a couple of minutes to look over the papers while Cyborg just stared slack jawed.
When he was done reading Robin put the papers down and took off his 'old lady reading' reading glasses.
"Well ...everything looks the be in order. I guess Raven gets to kill BeastBoy. Star let her go she's on a schedule." Robin said plainly as he let BeastBoy go. As soon as he was free Raven had him by the arm pulling him towards the door. They only got a few feet before Cyborg was able to grab onto both of them.
"Just one cotton pickin minute here folks! What in the world is going on? Raven can't just kill BeastBoy!" he yelled.
"Ahh ... yes she can Cyborg. See? This paper says she can execute him. See? Right there in technicolor ink." Robin held the papers in front of Cybrog's face so he can read. Looking over the materials quickly his expression dropped when he realized that it was an order for BeastBoy's execution at Raven's hands. Plus the permission slips were done in the most vivid crayon he had ever seen. If that isn't offical, then he didn't know what was. So stunned his grip loosened and fell letting the two go. Raven resumed leading BeastBoy away when Cyborg's brain snapped back to attention.
"Wait! Raven?" he called out just as the door swished open.
Surprisingly she stopped and turned to look at him.
"The paper said you get to executre BeasyBoy, but it doesn't say how. So ... so how are you going to kill him?"
She studied him for a moment or two then said.
"Azarathain Law states that the condemned choose their own method and I am bound to comply if possible." she stated.
"Really? BB! Choose something she can't do and you can live!" shouted Cyborg. BeastBoy looked at his friend and shook his head 'no'.
"What? Why?"
"It's too late. I've already chosen. But it's OK dude. Everything is alright." BeasyBoy said with s smile.
Cyborg looked crestfallen. Letting out a long sigh in defeat he looked at his friend, clasped a hand on his shoulder in a gesture of 'goodbye ... nice knowing you', and asked.
"So ... what did you choose?"
"Sex."
...
"Excuse me ? ... Could you repeat that I don't think I heard quite right."
"Sex. She asked how I wanted to die and I said by having lots and lots of sex ... with her of course because I heard that you can die from having too much sex. Since it was something she could do she agreed and we've been going at it ever since." BeastBoy stated plainly.
... ... ?
"Been going at it since ?... Since when?" Cyborg asked flabbergasted.
"Oh let me see... What day is it?"
"It's Tuesday." Robin interjected.
"Then we've been at it since Thursday before last." Raven monotoned.
?...
"That's like 12 days!" shouted Cyborg. "You guys been doing it for the last 12 days and I'm just noticing now!" In mid rant something registered in his head. Pausing to think on it's implications he hesitated before asking his next question.
"How many times have you two ... um ... done the deed?" he finally droned out.
"Umm ..." BeatBoy looked a little confused as he started to count off on his fingers.
Raven shook her head slightly then said "Depending on what some people define as sex ... taking the most excepted behaviors ... I believe we have had sex at least 187 times."
Somewhere on the other side of Jump City a strange noise was heard. It was a combination of a startled scream accompanying the sound of something hitting hard against a solid object. Some would swear it sounded like a jaw hitting the floor. Who would have know how right they were.
BeastBoy looked up "Are you sure ? What about those ..." he started to say while making a suggestive gesture, but she cut him off.
"They don't count. At least not according to a former President of the United States." she stated with a head nod.
"Well what about when I ..." BeastBoy asked again with a suggestive gesture of his hands.
"No ... that's foreplay. Now we are wasting time ... Ooh look ... damn it, we're off schedule." she complained. "Well there's only one thing to be done. We have to do it right here right now." As she finished she whirled out of her cloak to reveal an incredibly sexy outfit complete with high heeled thigh high boots. BeatBoy reached down and pulled off his entire jumpsuit with one quick motion to reveal nothing but a pair of tiny form fitting bikini briefs in the shape of an elephant's head.
Have a guess what the trunk was.
Jaw still on floor, all poor Cyborg could do was watch as the two slammed into each other in a display of heated passion that could shame the raunchiest pornography known to modern man for its graphic sexual content. Shocked and disgusted as he was he was he managed to break away from this naughty scene to seek help from the last two Titans standing. Unfortunately he was out of luck since Starfire was standing over a mostly naked Robin who was laying on top of the kitchen counter on a large silver platter. Star had a yellow bib with a Robin insignia around her neck and was licking her lips as she proceeded to cover the Boy Wonder in a spicy mustard blend.
'Oh that is just so wrong.' he thought.
Turning again to the writhing bodies on the floor before him he was wholly unprepared when the tentacles popped out of both teens.
"Noooooo!" Cyborg jolted awake with such a start he rolled off the couch he had been napping on.
Pausing his game to check on his metallic buddy now laying on the floor "Dude? You alright?" BeastBoy asked.
"What? Where? When?" Cyborg cried looking around frantically trying to regain his bearings. It only took half a moment to realize that he must have been dreaming those ... things. Things that were thankfully fading fast. Breathing a sigh of relief he hoisted himself back onto the couch and settle into a comfortable position. "Ah man what a messed up dream!"
"Seriously dude you OK?"? BeastBoy asked again.
"Yeah I'm cool. Man that was total and utter weirdness. Definitely taught me a lesson." Cyborg breathed out a long sigh.
"Lesson? What lesson?" the green bean asked as he returned to his game in progress.
"That Taco Jack's Mega Meaty Three Cheese Mondo Insanely Spicy Burrito is not my friend!"
A/N: THat's all folks! Didn't come out as funny as it seemed in my head , but I was bored so here it is. Thanks for reading. Thanks for reviewing if you are so inclined. Have a good one!