Show: The West Wing
Pairing: Abbey/CJ
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Don't own the show, just having fun.
Title inspired by Idina Menzel
In a perfect world
CJ Cregg and Abigail Bartlet were together in CJ's office. They were having a much needed heart to heart and thing were not going well.
"Abbey I know you love Jed and I know your love for him is stronger than your love for me, I can accept that I really can, but what I'm having a hard time dealing with is your ice maiden act when the three of us are in a room together. Abbey you act like I'm nothing to you, you never used to make me feel like nothing, you used to make me feel like I was the only person in the room, that everything I said was music to your ears. You made me feel like a million dollars. But now, now I feel like the ignored change at bottom of your purse."
CJ reaches over and takes Abbey's hand,
"I love you more than I can possibly say and if this is the end of us, well I wish you would just have the balls to let me know".
Abbey pulls her hand away and walks over to the other side of the room. "Claudia things have gotten so confusing and mixed up, I used to know exactly what I was feeling and was in complete control of everything. I was married to a wonderful man whom I love and adore, but I was also having an affair with his female chief of staff, whom I also love and adore". She turns to face CJ and sighs "You make me feel things that I never thought possible, when I'm with you it's like the world seems new and everything is exiting again", but it's just not going anywhere, we steal five minutes here and there when we can but I can't remember the last time we spent a whole night together let along a weekend.
CJ joined her at the other side of the room, "Is that what all this has been about? Spending time together?"
"Well no not exactly CJ, it's...She gasps in frustration "like I said confusing
"Okay then how do we un- confuse it?"
Abbey smiles and says while laughing "That's just it, I don't know, I just don't know". "I'm usually the one with all the answers, when we need to see each other I always know exactly how to achieve that, but now CJ I'm not sure I want to"
CJ looks scared "Want to what Abbey?"
"To see you Claudia" "I mean I want to see you, I really do but it's going nowhere It can't go anywhere" "I'm the first lady and the first lady can't be found out having an affair, let alone an affair with a Woman"
CJ walks to the couch and sits down; she takes a deep breath and exhales "So you want us to break up?"
By now Abbey is in tears she sits by CJ and takes her hand "I don't want us too but we need to" "CJ my heart is getting ripped in two and I don't think I can take the pain much longer"
CJ rips her hand away, stands up "So it's all about you?" "What about my pain Abbey?" "Do you think it easy for me to see you go off to the residence night after night, especially after we've made love?" "Do you think it's easy for me to look the President in the eye? A man whom I also adore Abbey, to look him in the eye day after day knowing that I'm involved in helping his wife cheat on him?" Knowing that I would gladly break his heart, if it meant saving mine" "None of this is easy for me"
Abbey let out a sigh of exasperation, "I know, I know it's not Claudia. But we're still going nowhere fast. There are three of us in this relationship CJ and unlike Princess Diana I'm not prepared to tolerate it.
CJ replied "What are you saying" her voice got a little shaky with fear in what could possibly be coming, she continued "you sound like you suddenly have solution and I'm scared that I'm not going to like it"
Abbey leaned forward and brushed the side of CJ's hair from her face; " Honey, you won't like it but it won't be for the reason you think"
CJ got up from her chair and went over to the window, hoping that whatever was coming will be a little less scary if she was looking out at the garden. "Go on" she asked.
Abbey joined her by the window "I'm going to leave him CJ" "I'm going to leave Jed" she went on to say "My husband" as if to stress the enormity of the plan "For you!"
Claudia turned round with a look of shock on her face. "Abbey, do you realise what that would mean? Do you realise the implications of this? "This is not just your regular affair, you're the first lady, and he's the President of the United States for Christ's sake! Granted you're not the first, first lady to have a lesbian affair, but at least Eleanor Roosevelt kept them quiet"
Abbey looked confused "I don't understand your reaction at all, I thought this is what you wanted, and I thought you would be happy"
CJ started to move over to the sofa at the side of her office "come sit with me Abbey"
They both sat down and CJ started to explain her thoughts. "In case you hadn't noticed Abigail Bartlet, I'm head over heels in love with you. And I loved hearing that you would leave Jed to be with me. But I can't let you do that, and it's because I love you that I need to let you go. I want history to remember the great things that President Bartlet and his first lady have done, not the salacious details of your private life. I would be one of those Salacious details; our relationship would be one of those details. Do you understand?
Abbey was crying and with tears streaming down her face she replied "No, no I don't understand, I offer you what you want but you don't take it, and you use some misguided loyalty to the president as the excuse" Abbey was getting angry, more due to grief than actual anger, Well where was your loyalty to Jed when you were bedding his wife? "Where was your loyalty when stealing kisses when ever his back was turned? She got up and made for the door and as she did so she turned to CJ and said "your only loyalty is to yourself, now You've had your fun, your casting me aside and that hurts CJ that hurts' so goddamn much."
CJ rushed to the door and blocked Abbey from opening it "Don't leave like this Abbey, don't let our last minutes as a couple end like this, you know what I said is true and I know what you said is just the anger talking and that you don't mean any of it. We've had four great years together, it's time Abbey you know it and I know it" When you first started this conversation I was scared of what I would hear, I was scared that it was the end of us but now I see that, that is exactly what needs to happen as much as it pains me to admit it."
"But why does it need to be the end CJ? If you don't want me to leave him, then fine I won't. But we need to carry on; I need us to carry on."
CJ could barely see her lover for the tears in her eyes
"Abbey, we can't, it has to end tonight" She kissed her one last time, opened the door and walked out, leaving Abbey and leaving the past behind. A new chapter was starting for both of them, it remains to be seen whether this is a good thing or not.
The End