Hey. How's it been?
I know it's been a long time since I've written anything, besides my little rant about my fear of the community possibly disappearing one day a couple of months ago. I want to thank everyone for all their support and kind words after I posted that, and for all the kind words I ever receive. I really appreciate it. Once again, sorry for not writing in so long!
Enjoy! Or don't. I won't try to control you.
Emily Fitch still remembers the first time she ever met Naomi Campbell.
It was during the summer, when they were children. Because that's when all the exciting things in life happened for children.
The Fitch family car, customized with cheesy bumpy stickers and a dancing hula girl that always made Mr. Fitch laugh, rolled to a stop in front of a home that looked like something Emily had only had nightmares about.
The house had a look that screamed family adventure. Or maybe it screamed rundown and in desperate need of any and all maintenance that one could offer. She couldn't really tell.
Emily hated the town from the minute she opened the car door.
It was the kind of town Emily had only read about, the kind of town where everyone knew each other, the kind of town where the mechanic was the same guy who sold you a new car (which seemed a bit suspicious to her), and the same town where your electrician doubled as a dentist.
This was a town where the kids played in some dumpy lake, and there were rumors of the fifth house down McCreery street.
This was the town where Naomi Campbell lived.
Emily was about 14 at this time, and all she wanted to do was read and be different from her twin sister. She longed for independence, but resolved herself to getting none, and thus launched and drowned herself in make believe worlds, where she could be anyone she wanted.
She rarely, if ever, was herself in these worlds.
And as the summer began, and Emily tried to accept her fate of an entire summer at this place, and Katie found herself latched on to some older boy who had, "the most amazing muscles," and James, her little brother, helped her dad try to fix the house (he proved to be no help at all), the kids grew more curious about Emily, the only member of the Fitch family who had yet to become known to the locals.
The kids of this town, where everyone knew each other's names, grew panicked at this stranger invading their town, and not supplying them with her name in the process.
One girl was especially curious.
By now you've probably worked out just who that girl was.
And all it took was one summer day, when Emily finally had enough of staying inside, and took five dollars and left on a mission to find some ice cream.
Because this town must have ice cream. It must have at least one thing Emily might enjoy.
She marched into some shop, where kids lounged about, most seeming to be either slightly younger or just her age.
Her cheeks burned as she felt the eyes of every kid in the room, and heard the rush of whispers about "the mysterious Fitch twin."
Emily paid for an ice cream, she couldn't remember which one in her desperate rush to exit that place and that situation as soon as possible, but quickly found that this is not how that would happen.
Instead, what happened was a large boy who looked her age stood over her and cocked an eyebrow.
"A tourist? Is that what we got here?"
The kids grew silent. This was clearly a boy not to be messed with. She was about to make some retort, possibly a sarcastic question about why being a tourist could possibly matter so much, when she felt the ice cream cone being taken from her hand.
"Is this for me?" The boy flashed a malicious grin as Emily watched helplessly.
She decided she did not like this town at all.
"You tourists should know by now where to go, and this town is not the place for you. Especially you, the twin that's a total shut in. What do you-"
"Leave her alone Baxter." The voice came out both strong and squeaky, as if the person who said it was shaking and knew the consequences of messing with this so called, "Baxter."
The boy turned violently.
"Awww. Does little Campbell have a crush?"
Emily tried to find the voice of her defender, and finally found it in the body of a girl who looked a couple of years younger than her, with bright blue eyes that were absolutely terrified at this very moment.
"Just leave her alone." The girl was skinny and her voice had yet to go through puberty, and she was dressed in clothes with holes.
The boy marched up to her and grabbed the girl, "this Campbell girl," Emily made a note, by the collar.
"You wanna play tough? I'll bash your face in. You know I will. But say I leave this tourist shut in alone. What's in it for me?"
"A week of my allowance."
The boy seemed to consider this.
"Your mom's so poor that a week's allowance for you is probably a nickel. Make it a month."
The girl sighed.
"Deal."
And thus the boy let go of her collar, and Emily was relieved, but not before the boy took a quick stride towards Emily, and grabbed her own collar.
"I'll leave you alone, but I think I'm gonna have to make you know just exactly how much we hate tourists 'round these parts."
Emily braced herself for the blow the boy was clearly about to deliver.
"Baxter!" Emily opened her eyes at the sound of the small girl's voice yet again.
"You wanna take her beating for her too?" He laughed in the slimiest way possible.
"Yeah… yeah, okay."
And sure enough, before Emily quite knew what was happening, the kids has gone outside, with screams of a fight and she watched the boy bring his fist down several times to the ground, where she assumed "Campbell" must be laying.
When all was done and the group of children had scattered at the insistence of some adult (the scariest thing to a child), Emily went over to take a look at the bruised girl.
Her face was bloodied and she lay on the ground clutching her sides, but the first thing Emily thought was that this girl would be quite the looker when she got older, and that this town wouldn't know what hit them.
Emily ignored the thought that said that this girl was quite the looker now, even in her current bloodied state.
The first thing Emily actually did was reach down to extend a hand out to her little protector, who took it graciously.
"You didn't have to do that," Emily said, feeling guilt at seeing what kind of effect leaving her house once would have on this poor girl.
"Yeah I did. Baxter is mean and doesn't fight fair. It's better I deal with it than you. You're much too pretty."
And the girl gave her a smile that made Emily feel like a million butterflies took flight right there in her stomach.
She cleared her throat.
"I'm Emily."
"I'm Naomi."
And that was the first day in an entire summer of friendship. They did everything together, despite Naomi being two years younger than Emily, and only about three quarters of her height.
They went swimming in the same dumpy lake Emily had once made fun of (she decided it was much more fun with Naomi), and they spent the nights looking up at the stars from Naomi's front yard.
They told each other everything. Everything basic, like favorite colors, and everything complicated, like feeling like outsiders and wondering about self-worth.
Emily told Naomi about her longing for independence and her very own identity. Naomi told Emily about her longing to leave this town.
And it was sometimes in these moments that Naomi looked at Emily, and Emily looked at Naomi and-
Nothing. It was nothing. That's what they told themselves.
They continued to spend every day together.
Everything they did, they did together.
And she remembered one day in which she laid down on the grass at night with Naomi, and they looked up at the stars, pointing out various constellations to each other. And at one point, Emily looked at Naomi, and found herself to be transfixed by this girl.
"Hey Naomi?" She said finally.
"Yeah?"
"When you leave this town, where will you go?"
"That depends."
"On what?"
"Where you are." Naomi had breathed the words so quietly, Emily had almost not been sure she heard them at all.
"Naomi." The words were said as almost a warning, for talking that way, for implying something, for implying anything.
"I'm not sure where I would go. I'd love to leave. But maybe I'll stick around for a bit."
"I thought you wanted to leave as soon as possible? Ya know, find better things and get your mom out of here too?"
"Yeah, but… since you've come along, this town's been a lot better. Maybe I'll stay for a bit longer than I planned on."
And it was almost impossible not to notice the way they looked at each other, and deep down, they both knew exactly how they looked at each other.
But that was left unsaid.
And so when Emily left at the end of that summer, and they exchanged hugs and promised to meet next summer, Emily couldn't help but feel a bit disheartened.
But the school year came quickly and went, and soon Emily found herself back at this house she once despised.
The car rolled to a stop and the whole Fitch family climbed out, the fifteen year old twins running into their rooms, setting them (yes, them, because this was a house that contained enough rooms for everyone, which meant, not having to share) up exactly how they wanted them, as James clung to his father, asking him questions about girls.
He'd discovered girls.
What a summer of perving he would have.
Emily set up her room and then ran straight out of her house and down three blocks to a small, rundown home that contained her.
Naomi.
She didn't even have to knock. Naomi opened the door before her fist even met the wood, and Emily found herself enveloped in a tight hug.
"Still short I see," Emily laughed, leaning her face down slightly, condescendingly.
"No," Naomi squeaked.
"Ooooh, is someone's voice changing?"
"Oh, fuck off! I haven't seen you since last year and this is the first thing you wanna talk about?"
"A bad word? Naomi's growing up," Emily laughed, but slung her arms around the girl again.
"I missed you, Naoms," she whispered in the shorter girl's ear.
"I missed you too."
"Now come on! Let's go, let's go, let's go!"
And they took off running to the lake, and into another summer.
Their days passed by easily and much too quickly. But yet there was that unspoken something, that something that cried, "there's more than just a friendship here."
They ignored it.
Or at least they tried to.
But they couldn't exactly help it.
Did Naomi notice Emily's smile, the one that lit up her face?
Did Emily notice Naomi's eyes, the ones with such passion?
No… well, maybe yes.
Okay, definitely yes.
But they tried to ignore it, but finding it to be impossible in certain situations. So thus, it was not unlikely to see the girls holding hands, or maybe sharing a drink.
And it was the one time they went swimming in the lake at night, and Emily had been so very scared of not being able to see anything around them as they swam, and Naomi had held her and the world was quiet but Emily could hear everything. She felt like the world may actually be quite small, despite knowing how vast and infinite it truly was. She couldn't really figure that out. But in that moment, all she knew was that no matter the size of the universe, for Emily, there was only one other person there with her.
And it was the night that followed, when Naomi's mom had told Emily it was much too late to walk home after the girls had found themselves looking at the stars much later than usual, that Emily almost kissed Naomi. They had laid down in Naomi's twin bed, their bodies pressed close together. And Emily watched Naomi very carefully, and Naomi kept looking solely at her, and Emily started to move forward and-
She inched back and closed her eyes and pretended that she had never moved forward in the first place. Had she opened her eyes, she would have seen the hurt look on Naomi's face.
They didn't talk about it.
And life settled into a pure bliss and happiness for Emily. At least until Katie noticed.
"You and that Campbell girl are awfully close."
"We're friends."
"Yeah, like George and I were just friends?"
George was the boy Katie has just lost her virginity to. She took every opportunity she had to mention this.
"No." But even Emily could hear just how unsure she sounded.
"There's half of summer left. Don't waste it with that little shit pining after you. Not only is she a girl, but she's way too young, too poor, too shit for you. You're not gay, you're not in love with someone like her, and you will not be doing this to me."
"To you?"
Katie laughed.
"You really have no idea how much shit I'd get if you really were gay or in love with her, of all people."
Katie's words hit Emily right in the heart, but she tried to continue on as though it had never happened. She still spent the nights looking up at the stars, her cheek almost touching Naomi's as she did so. And sometimes she'd even spend the night there, watching the younger girl as she dozed.
She was happy here. Wasn't that what mattered?
But Katie told her no. Told her to stop wasting her time with this little "child."
And Katie tried to make her think of Naomi as just that: a child.
Short.
Squeaky voice.
Certain features still not completely fitting just right yet.
That skinniness of a small kid.
Emily was a woman. Or at last, this is what Katie tried to tell her. Emily was a woman, and Naomi was too young and too awkward, and it was time to find people her own age. Maybe even find a boy.
And with three weeks left in the summer, Emily did what she didn't want to, and had never imagined doing.
She stopped hanging out with Naomi.
She spent her days with Katie, being the permanent third wheel to whatever guy Katie had clung to that day (George had been "a short love affair, nothing more." Katie's words, not hers).
And everyday at dinner her mom would tell her about "that young Campbell girl. She was looking for Emily." And everyday, Emily would try not to feel guilty.
She never felt worse than the day Katie and Baxter had gone to that ice cream store, and Naomi had seen her there. Naomi had tried to wave, and Emily was tempted to do it back, but Katie had sent her a look.
And so she did nothing. She could see the smile fade off of Naomi's face.
It was when the Fitch family had one day left until they would have to leave that Naomi finally confronted Emily.
Emily can still remember the banging she heard on the door, knocking that asked for authority rather than demanding it. Knocking that asked to be listened to for once.
Emily remembers smiling at that thought, reminding her of just how great of a listener Naomi is, the way she could sit and listen to Emily for hours and make her feel sane, make her feel important and-
Emily had opened the door just a crack, knowing what was coming.
She still remembers the look of seriousness on Naomi's face.
"Naomi I-"
"Everyday," Naomi squeaked out. Emily found it rather adorable. She wanted to kiss the smaller girl's cheek. She decided against it at the moment.
"Everyday I came to the door and I knocked and I'd ask where you were. 'Out,' they told me. And everyday, sure enough, you were out."
"Naomi I-"
"Were we not friends, did I get that wrong? You just started to ignore me. Instead you hang out with people like Baxter! Were we not friends? We told each other everything! I trusted you with secrets."
"Naomi I-"
"I love you." The words were out there now. The words that described how Emily had felt every moment she was with Naomi, the words that described how Emily felt about Naomi.
And they had been said by the very girl she loved.
And Emily wanted nothing more than to tell her the truth, and tell her how she felt, but she couldn't.
For as strong and independent as Emily was, the fear of Katie's judgment was even worse. And ultimately, Emily decided this was for the best. They only saw each other during the summers. They were young and it wouldn't work. Well it could-
No. Emily didn't let herself think about that.
"End this," she told herself.
"Naomi… I'm sorry."
The young girl looked up at her, fear in her eyes, as if knowing just what Emily's next words would be.
"I don't feel the same."
The minutes the words came out, Emily wished she could just swallow them, take them back and never let them out again.
Naomi looked up at her with so much hurt in her eyes, Emily wished she could simply fade away.
She practically did.
But Naomi's eyes bore into hers, and Emily could see the small tears forming there, and watched the way the young girl held them at bay, forcing them to disappear.
"It's funny how I don't believe you," the young girl said, looking down and off to the side before looking her in the eyes once again. "It's funny how I can't believe you. I know the truth Emily. I know you must feel what I feel. I know-"
"I don't love you."
Emily choked the words out, fighting them, trying to make them stick in her throat, but ultimately they came out.
Her brain told her that this was best.
You wouldn't want your family and Katie to judge you.
They might stop loving you.
Naomi was much too young, anyways.
And with these thoughts, there was another one of a different kind.
You don't deserve her anyways. And if you told her you loved her, if you told her the truth, she might be destined to stay in this town forever.
Naomi's tears had fallen, but she remained steady, and it was if Emily was watching her grow up into an adult right before her eyes.
"Don't say that."
Emily shook her head. She didn't want this either, but she decided there were some things a person just had to do.
"I could never love you."
It was quite possible that they were the worst words she had ever uttered.
Naomi moved forward, trying to look at the girl closer, as if trying to inspect that this was the same Emily that she had known. Or at least she thought she had known.
Emily backed away, making her final resolve. This had to be it. No more. She couldn't.
Naomi looked hurt, so much so, Emily almost engulfed the short girl in a hug.
She didn't.
Naomi took another step forward, putting her hand on Emily's arm.
"Emily-"
"Get your hand off me."
Emily could not tell you where this was coming from, and deep down, she could not tell you why she decided to do this.
Why hadn't she just given up, why hadn't she just rejected the girl (even though she didn't want to), and continue being friends?
And she knew, but she also knew that is wasn't a good enough reason: she knew that Naomi would never get over her otherwise, if she just left that tension between them.
"Emily…."
Naomi made a move towards Emily again, only to be lightly shoved backwards.
The shove was the last straw. It was the final change that ended their friendship. There was no coming back from that.
For the millionth time that day, Emily was horrified by her behavior. She could not believe she had put a hand on Naomi and hurt her. She had never done such a thing before.
Naomi for her part, took the shove and stumbled back only a bit.
Emily decided that if Naomi moved towards her again, she wouldn't shove her again. She just couldn't do it.
She didn't have to worry about that though.
Naomi only moved backwards.
And finally Naomi looked up at Emily and Emily knew that that was it.
The next words Naomi spoke hurt Emily more than any words she had ever heard before.
"You think you're so great, Emily. And hey, I did too. But the truth is, you're no different than anyone in this town. And deep down, you know it too."
Emily didn't know what to say.
It turns out she didn't have to say anything because by the time she looked back up from where her gaze had dropped, Naomi was gone.
Emily was different from then on.
All the good Naomi had done for her being, the way she felt confident about herself and the way she felt important vanished.
And Emily knew Naomi wasn't to blame.
No, it was the people she had given Naomi up for.
Katie with her rude, biting comments.
The people Katie hung out with, that gave Emily crap for doing anything, anything at all.
Her mother with all her snide comments and her side eye glances.
And it was herself. The way she went from thinking that this Emily Fitch person was pretty great, to believing she was nothing.
The school year passed by slowly with nothing for her to look forward to.
No summer plans and excitement at thinking of Naomi.
Instead she spent the year with no real friends, (Emily had always had difficulty making friends) and with no real happiness.
It was an average period of time for what, Emily had decided, was a terribly average person.
And so when the days had finally passed by in their painful slowness, Emily found herself at that damn house.
She stayed inside for the first week, only coming out to sit in the backyard and read a book.
She was alone and she felt it with every bit of her being.
And all she could think about was Naomi, and how much fun she would be having if she was around.
And it was the second week of staying inside when Emily's father came to her as she sat out reading some book.
"Love, you can't spend the whole summer without leaving the house."
"I'm fine dad."
"I know love… but what about that Naomi girl? Maybe she'd like to hang out?"
"She wouldn't."
"How do you know this, Emsy?"
"I'm fine dad. I don't want to hang out with her. I don't need to hang out with someone. I'm fine where I am."
Rob sighed and gave her one of his smiles. He knew when his Emsy was lying. He also knew that she would never admit to when she wasn't fine. Maybe she was too proud, maybe she was too stubborn. He couldn't really tell.
"I know you are love. But… your old man isn't. Could you go knock on her door for me? And see if she'd there and wants to hang out with you? She might be lonely. And… I know you're fine, but… could you do this for me? It'd be doing me a big favor."
And despite protesting and trying to argue, Emily found herself at the door of a house she once knew very well.
She knocked.
She had to knock this time.
No answer.
She tried again.
And finally Ms. Campbell opened the door.
"Emily? Hello love! How are you? I haven't seen you in ages!"
And so a quick hug followed.
"How old are you now?"
"16, Ms. Campbell."
"16! You girls are getting so big! Naomi is 14! Can you believe that?"
Emily flinched at the mention of Naomi.
"About Naomi… is she home?"
"Oh sorry love, she's not."
Emily couldn't help but feel disappointed.
"Do you know when she might get back?"
"She'll be gone for quite some time actually. She's working at some friend's uncle's farm or something weird of that matter. She doesn't get back until the end of summer."
"A farm? Why?" Emily was extremely confused. She almost wondered if this was some elaborate lie, but decided that Gina might not actually be capable of lying.
"It pays well apparently. Believe me, I'm just as confused as you. My daughter is quite a mystery sometimes. It seemed like she just wanted to get out of here this summer."
Gina began to chuckle softly at this, but then it seemed as though she remembered something, something that brought a frown to her face.
"Oh… I had… forgotten about…."
She trailed off apologetically.
Emily gave a forgiving smile, bid Gina a good-bye, and resolved herself to a summer alone.
Katie, of course, had different plans, and dragged Emily to anything and everything. None of Emily's protesting could stop her.
And it was one night in particular when Emily sat on someone's couch at someone's house at someone's party, and felt so incredibly alone, that she realized just how much she missed Naomi.
Of course, these thoughts were interrupted.
Baxter, large and mighty, with a triple chin beginning to form and a look that oozed confidence and basically asked to be hated, sat down next to her.
"Well if it isn't the shut-in Fitch!"
Emily looked around desperately only to find all those around her too interested in what was the next bit of alcohol they could consume without puking everywhere.
He slung a heavy, sweaty arm around her.
She moved away.
"Oh I see. Hard to get, are we?"
He clamped an arm back down around her.
She was trapped and she felt it.
"Baxter. Leave me alone."
He laughed, showing his ugly teeth.
"Oooohhh. Feisty! Too bad little Campshit isn't around to fight your battles, Fitchy." He moved even closer to her.
"Baxter." She had said the words warningly and started to squirm under his grip.
"The loser of the town! She'll be like her mother when she gets older. She'll be insane and stay in that house all day, and she'll be all hippie and poor. You know," he said, as if letting her in on a little secret. "They're the poorest ones in this town by miles!" He began laughing hysterically.
"Should have seen her when we were kids! 'Johnny got the new Hot Wheels!' 'Karen got a brand new doll!' 'Naomi got… oh yeah… nothing!'" He snickered.
Emily only became angrier and angrier.
"Or maybe," he said with a malicious smile forming. "Maybe she'll be just like her father."
He laughed as though he had just invented the very concept of a joke.
And that's when Emily snapped.
Naomi's father was a topic left unsaid, and only once before had Emily learned what had happened to the man.
They had been at the lake one late afternoon, where the sun's colors dripped and melted into each other lazily, the oranges and reds pooling at the sky surrounding them, basking them in these colors of beauty.
And Naomi had turned to her and told her that her father had left when she was a child.
"A junkie and an alcoholic all wrapped up in one neglectful piece of shit." Had been her words on the subject.
She continued to look straight ahead at the lake.
"Died a couple years ago."
She shrugged.
The matter was dropped.
And watching Baxter laugh about a subject that caused the girl she… the girl she…
Emily almost couldn't even think it.
The girl she loves…
"Loved!" Emily corrected in her own head, all the while knowing that it wasn't in past tense.
Loves.
But watching Baxter laugh about a subject that caused so much pain to Naomi only angered her further, and for the first time in a long time, Emily took a stand.
While some shitty music played and kids did all the things they did at that age, Emily wheeled around to look head on at Baxter.
He, shocked at her sudden action, fell back a little, and tried quickly to regain his composure and his arrogant smile.
Before he could do so, however, he felt a hard hand smack him straight across the face.
He'd be lying if he said he hadn't started crying a little bit.
"Don't you ever say that again! I swear to god that if I ever, ever, hear those words come out of your mouth I will smack you into next Tuesday!"
Emily was seething with anger.
Baxter looked terrified.
"I… I uh…"
Emily shoved his arm off her and made her way past the drunk kids who had begun staring at her and whispering, and walked straight out the door.
She walked home, and she found herself to be halfway there when she began to cry, for she had remembered something.
She remembered a night before she had begun sleeping over at Naomi's, and when she had begun staying later and later on Naomi's yard.
She remembered she started to walk home, late in the dark, dark night, when she heard footsteps behind her.
"Emily? You're not going to walk home alone, are you?"
"Well… yeah," she was almost embarrassed by the admission, but she wasn't sure why.
"Let me walk you."
And despite protests of, "You don't have to," and "I'll be fine," Naomi walked her home anyways, and Emily would never admit it, but she never felt safer on a walk than that night.
And so Emily began to cry softly, quietly, alone in the street in which she had once walked with someone else.
Emily did not go out again that summer.
She thought of every conversation she had ever had with Naomi, replayed them in her head so many times it was bordering on the edge of insanity.
She thought of every moment, every touch.
She thought of every missed touch.
Emily regretted not kissing her that night.
The summer ended and the Fitch family retreated back to their home and their normal routines.
And Emily spent another year the same way. No real friends, no real happiness, nothing to make an exceptionally interesting life or one that she particularly enjoyed.
And one day after spending all day inside the library, she found herself waiting at a bus stop.
She had thought she was alone, and so imagine her surprise when she saw a petite, elderly woman sitting next to her, smiling at her.
"Hello, love."
Emily gave a tight smile and a slight nod.
"Hi," she said back.
"Where are you coming from?"
Why would she want to know this?
Emily could feel a lie starting to form on her lips, but she decided that for some reason that she did not know, she had no desire to lie to this woman.
"The library."
"On a Saturday?"
"And now she's judging me," Emily thought.
"Yeah."
"Saturdays are for adventure! Family, friends, a little more than friends." She gave a coy smile.
"I… I don't really have much of those."
Emily was more shocked at her admission than the old woman, who simply smiled.
"And why is that?"
And Emily decided that she might as well just tell this woman the complete truth, it wasn't like she'd ever see her again.
"Well… I had a friend once… maybe a little more than that… but my sister told me to stop talking to them."
"And you listened?"
Emily nodded her head, ashamed.
The woman sighed a knowing sigh.
"Love, I was just like you. I always did what I was told, and what would make everyone else happy. Sometimes I just disregarded the way I felt. I suffered a lot because of this." Her eyes shone into Emily's.
"Love, I'm 73, and I'm so happy and you know why?"
Emily shook her head.
She did not know why.
"Because I live my life for me. If I'm judged, so be it. If people don't like it, so be it. I don't give a damn!"
And with that the woman sat up to catch a bus that had arrived, while Emily sat there simply contemplating her words.
By now she was 17, and she was done lying to herself.
And so when she got home, she marched straight into the room she shared with Katie.
"I'm gay."
And once again, Emily wished she could take those words back, but they were there, floating in front of her, taunting her, out there.
Katie didn't even look up.
"Oh really? I had no idea!"
Sarcasm.
"You knew?" Emily was incredibly surprised with how little Katie seemed to care.
"Yeah. Duh."
"But… but you… but… you're homophobic!"
Katie finally looked up.
She didn't even really seem to know what to say, she just looked around apologetically.
"I was dumb. I thought the world was one way when I was little and… I was wrong."
Emily was floored.
"So… you're… okay… with this… with me?"
Katie sat up and embraced Emily, who didn't respond in pure shock.
"I'm sorry for how I used to be, Ems. It's totally fine."
And with that she sat back down, and went back to painting her nails.
"I don't even know what to say."
"Emily, it was obvious… you were always a little too close to that Campbell." Katie laughed until remembering what had happened between the two of them.
"I'm sorry for that too, Ems."
"It's okay… it's my fault. I shouldn't have listened to you," Emily said, and she was about to go into some long rant about her loneliness and longing for Naomi, but she realized Katie had stopped listening, and left the matter alone.
Emily went to sleep that night, happier and more content than she had been in a while.
And soon the summer crashed into her, and she had made her mind up.
This would be the summer of love for her.
And there was only one person that she would have that with.
And so the Fitch family car pulled up in the driveway, and Emily went through the usual routine of setting her room up as Katie left to go to the beach, and James asked some stupid question about girls.
And Emily walked down to Naomi's house, finding herself at the door she hadn't been at for months.
She was about to knock, but her hand wouldn't hit the door. She was shaking. She was… nervous.
She was so nervous, that she psyched herself out.
And so Emily walked back to her house, went back to her room, and decided that tomorrow would be the day.
"This way," she told herself. "I can think of what I want to say to her… even though I've been doing that for over a year now…."
Tomorrow came, and Emily walked up to the door.
Tomorrow went, and Emily walked back home without having knocked.
And this went on for about a week, until one day she walked up to the door, and preparing to leave again, the door swung open.
"Emily?"
And was the short, squeaky-voiced Naomi there? With features that didn't fit quite right and the skinniness of a child?
No.
Instead, there stood a tall girl, about 5'9, who towered over Emily, with features that fit perfectly, a deep, soothing voice, and a lean body.
Naomi.
"Naomi?" Emily was shocked and couldn't hide it.
Was this really the same person?
"What are you doing here?" There was nothing accusatory in her tone, but there was hurt.
Emily chastised herself for being the cause of that pain.
"I… I… Hi." Emily couldn't believe the way all her words seemed to stick to her throat and betray her.
Naomi raised an eyebrow and folded her arms.
"Emily… I don't… last time you came here and last time I opened the door, you hurt me pretty badly. I think that… maybe you should go back to your house."
Emily could feel herself slowly start to panic and become upset, and began to try and force the words to come out of her.
All her preparation could not, and could never, truly prepare her for this.
She wanted to tell her about her struggles with Katie and her need of her sister's acceptance. She wanted to tell her about all the loneliness she felt without the young girl. She wanted to tell her what she meant to her, and she wanted to hug her.
"I missed you."
That was what came out instead.
"Emily-"
"I missed you, and I missed seeing you, and I missed when we would go to the lake and swim together and I've never felt happier than I did that night. That night, you know that night, when we swam alone at night in the lake. I miss lying in your bed, and I miss knowing I was safe because I'm with you. I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry I was such a dick, I… I was a different person and back then, I thought that if I didn't have Katie's acceptance then life was over. But it's different now, and I really just want to be here with you."
Emily was panting by the time she was done.
She was glad she had not said the one thing that she wasn't sure Naomi would want to hear from her anymore:
I love you.
Naomi leaned in the doorway for a second, and then gave a small laugh and shook her head, as if telling herself what would happen next was crazy.
Naomi enveloped Emily in a hug, and Emily felt herself enjoying the height difference between them. She was enveloped in Naomi, everything around her was Naomi. It was like a little cocoon of Naomi and she wished to remain there forever.
"I missed you too Emily," the taller girl whispered in her ear.
When they finally moved away from each other, Emily just continued to stare at Naomi.
"You're fifteen now, right?"
"Yeah. And you would be… 17?"
"That's correct. It's just… you're so tall!"
Naomi laughed a laugh that said this statement was common in her life.
"Yeah, over the last two years, I kinda just… shot up." She laughed again.
There was a silence that fell between them, but it was comfortable, and Emily felt happy for the first time in a while, a long while.
"So… what's the first thing you'd like to do?" Naomi asked with a beaming smile.
"I'd really like some ice cream."
And so the girls found themselves walking to that same old ice cream place from all those years ago, and they told each other all the things that had happened in their lives since they last talked.
Emily felt boring, the way her life seemed to have been full of almost nothing, while Naomi could tell story after story, all of them exciting and amazing and making Emily smile.
When they got their ice cream and sat down, Emily looked straight into Naomi's eyes.
"Am I on a date with Naomi?" She let herself get excited at that thought.
She reached a hand across the table, and grabbed Naomi's.
Naomi looked up, surprised at this action, but didn't retract her hand, making Emily's heart sing.
Well… she didn't retract it at first.
But she did eventually, when a brown haired girl marched into the shop.
The girl was about medium height, with jean shorts and a look of crazy about her.
She turned to look their way, as Emily tried not to be hurt at Naomi removing her hand.
She failed miserably.
"Naomi!" The girl shouted. Her tone was unbearable.
Naomi seemed to flinch at the very sound.
"Where the fuck have you been?" She said as she pulled up a chair and sat down.
"Sophia…"
"And who the fuck is this?"
The girl gestured furiously at Emily, and Emily hated this girl immediately.
"This is Emily," Naomi said it, but Emily watched the way she said it, like she was scared of what would happen.
"Emily. As is… that Emily?"
"That Emily?" Emily asked.
"The Emily who hurt her," Sophia spit, glaring at her.
"Who the fuck are you?" Emily spit back.
"Her girlfriend." Sophia took pleasure in the words and the way Emily's face fell.
"You guys are dating?" Emily said the words, pained.
"Why the fuck do you care?" Sophia laughed.
Naomi seemed to want the ground to swallow her whole.
"Because…."
"What, are you in love with her?"
Emily froze at those words and looked up at Sophia, who only stared at her with knowing eyes.
"Sophia, that's enough," Naomi said, putting an end to the exchange, the exchange Emily decided was both heartbreaking and awful at once.
"We're friends. We're old friends, Sophia. We were just catching up. She doesn't love me. I don't love her. End of."
"This is how it feels for your heart to break," Emily decided.
She wanted to curl up into a little ball and die.
"Well, if you excuse me, I should be going," Emily stood up and walked out.
"Emily… goddamnit." Emily could hear Naomi scoot her chair back and chase after her.
"Emily… wait!"
Emily turned around, barely keeping herself from crying, but somehow managing to do it.
"What?" Emily couldn't look her in the eyes.
"Stay." Naomi moved closer, but not too close, Emily noted.
Not close enough.
She was too far from her.
"Naomi…."
"Sophia's just jealous, alright?"
Emily paused a moment.
"Does she have something to be jealous of?"
Naomi seemed confused by the question.
"No? We're friends, aren't we?"
Emily took that as her answer and gave her a watery smile.
"Yeah… friends," she whispered.
And that was how the summer was spent. As friends.
Naomi and Emily did everything together… along with Sophia, who joined them nine times out of ten.
It was one night towards the end of the summer when the three of them were at some party, and they all sat on a couch.
Naomi was telling some story, making the both of them laugh, when Sophia suddenly grabbed Naomi and kissed her, looking at Emily as she did so, giving her a look that said, "I bet you wish you were me. But you'll never be."
When they finally pulled away, Naomi looked shocked, and Sophia have her a sickly sweet smile.
"Would you grab me a drink, baby?"
"Yeah, yeah… okay," Naomi said, still in a daze.
She began to make her way over to the table, and then turned around.
"You want anything, Ems?"
You.
"No thanks."
Naomi gave her a quick smile and then continued to make her way over to the table.
"It's funny."
Emily turned to look at Sophia, who was grinning at her maliciously.
"What?"
It's safe to say that Emily didn't know what Sophia was talking about. But then again, it's hard to understand crazy.
Sophia laughed, but there was no real humor in it.
"You love her. You're in love with my girlfriend. It's pathetic, really. The way you pine over her, the way you're so obsessed. What did you think was going to happen? You'd show up and she'd just be waiting here, wanting a relationship with the same girl who hurt her?"
Emily didn't know what to say. It didn't matter though, because Sophia was already speaking again.
"She's mine. And that's how it'll always be. So maybe you should go find some other people to go hang out with, instead of hanging around someone who will never love you back."
And Emily started crying, tears falling down slowly as she tried uselessly, hopelessly to dry them.
Naomi returned, taking her seat between the two girls and handing Sophia her drink.
Sophia simply put it aside, making no effort to drink it.
What she did do, however, was grab Naomi's collar and whisper something, something that was just loud enough for Emily to hear.
Something told Emily that it was this loud on purpose.
"Why don't you and I go upstairs?"
And with those words, two of the people on the couch froze in fear.
Naomi froze, because how are you supposed to react to a question like that? When you're 15, and your hormones are raging, and the idea of sex is something you've put up very high on the list of things you'd like to do. And now your girlfriend is offering it to you, but the only bad part is… you don't know if you really want this anymore… at least with her.
Emily froze, because how are you supposed to react to a question like that? When you're 17, and the girl you're in love with has just been asked if she wants to have sex with the girl she's in love with.
Naomi stuttered a bit, and then made eye contact with a boy with sandy hair who looked about her age, and yelled his name.
"Cook!" Her deep voice squeaked.
Sophia thought it sounded weird.
Emily thought it sounded adorable.
The boy, for his part, rushed over, happy-go-lucky smile and a drink in his hand.
"Naomio!" He was much too loud, in Emily's opinion.
Sophia gave him a tight lipped smile.
"Hi Cook, great to see you, could you fuck off now?"
He threw back his head and roared with laughter.
"You've picked a feisty one, Naomio."
He laughed at this for a moment, while Naomi felt a bit relieved at the distraction Cook was providing.
Cook then looked at the other girl, and frowned for a second, trying to piece together a name to a face, but he knew that she was trouble for his Naomi.
Emily.
A light bulb went off in his head.
"Oh shitttttt," he thought.
"You must be Emily! I've heard so much about you," Cook said, realizing the awkward situation Naomi had been placed in.
"Really?" Emily felt some relief in that statement.
Cook, drunk out of his mind, started talking.
Naomi wished she had never called him over.
"Of course, Naomio wouldn't shut the fuck up about you last summer. 'I loved her!' 'She broke my heart.' 'Oh Emily!'" He laughed for a moment before clapping his hand over his mouth, realizing what he'd done.
"Nice one, man," Naomi said, as Sophia scowled and Emily grinned.
"Well, fuck off now, Naomi and I have plans."
And with that, Sophia sat up, and pulled Naomi up, who simply looked confused and followed.
Up the stairs.
Naomi, slightly drunk, remained confused.
They were close to a room when Naomi looked down again, and could just make out Emily sitting alone, crying softly.
And with this, Naomi tugged.
In the opposite direction.
"Naomi, she'll be fine, come on!"
Another tug in Sophia's direction, and they were both in someone's room.
Naomi did not like this one bit.
A few minutes passed of kissing, but Naomi couldn't focus.
"I'm gonna go grab a drink, okay? I'll be back before you know it!"
Sophia signed, and angry sigh that held warning, and gave Naomi a look.
"Fine… but hurry back."
Naomi took off running, or really… stumbling down the stairs.
By now, Emily was out of the house, tears streaming down with a frequency she could not control.
"Emily! Emily… goddamnit, wait!" Naomi stumbled out of the house.
Emily stopped in her tracks.
Naomi, realizing that Emily wouldn't come to her, made the journey over.
She was the one who had to make the move.
And so she did.
She was close now, but as Emily had noted many times over the summer, never close enough.
"What's wrong?" Naomi was sober now, her voice returned to it's usual calm self, but Emily could hear the genuine confusion and worry within it.
Emily still wouldn't turn around.
"Nothing," she muttered.
Naomi laughed, and looked up at the stars for a second, as if asking them if this girl was crazy.
"If it was nothing, you wouldn't be crying."
"Well it is nothing."
"I doubt that, Emily."
"Why?" Emily still wouldn't turn around.
"Because it's never 'nothing' with you."
And with these words, spoken in a gentle tone, Emily turned around.
"But that's exactly the problem! It is nothing! I'm nothing!"
Naomi could see now that what she had thought to be a few tears were actually part of hysterical crying.
"Still," Naomi thought. "This girl is so beautiful."
"You could never be 'nothing.'"
Naomi took another step forward, but with all the steps she could take, she'd never be close enough to Emily.
"But I am. Or at least, that's what I am to you."
"Who told you that?"
They were whispering now, their voices so quiet, their bodies so close.
"You did."
"I never said that."
"You didn't have to."
Naomi was confused, not for the first time in her life, and not for the last. She was a smart girl, but she could never understand these things, the way Emily felt, the way she felt.
"Emily…."
"You don't love me."
And with this, Naomi was speechless.
Emily did the talking for her.
"You don't love me. And I… and I have to accept that. But… I love you. I have since you were 12, and Baxter took my ice cream."
Their foreheads were touching now, both their eyes closed, but had either of them opened them, they would have seen the other crying softly.
"I've loved you since then. I loved short, squeaky voiced Naomi. I love tall, deep voice Naomi. I love all forms of you, all versions of you, all of you."
"Emily…."
"And I should have told you that day, I should have said it back. I've regretted it every second of every day of every…."
She didn't finish because she was crying too hard by now.
Naomi held her, and that's how they stood for an indeterminable amount of time, in the middle of a street, in the middle of a night, in the middle of a moment.
Naomi walked her home after a bit, there were no words between them, just a silence that held a thousand unsaid words.
The next day, Emily didn't come out of her room.
There was no point.
And a day turned into a week.
And soon enough, it was the last day before Emily would return home, and Emily had not spoken to Naomi, but had instead spent the week watching the wall, willing time to pass so she could go back to her average life, and continue to have an average existence.
However, sometimes, life has other plans.
Or at least, Naomi did.
And so it was the last day before Emily would return home, and the house was empty. James was out perving on girls, Katie was out with some new guy, and her parents were out of the house somewhere.
And Emily continued to watch the walls, and was content on spending her day this way, or at least she had convinced herself that she was content spending her day this way.
But she heard a knock on the door. She waited for it to go away. She willed it to go away. She begged.
It only got louder.
And so she trudged down the stairs and opened the door, fresh faced and in embarrassing pajamas.
So of course it would be Naomi at the door.
"Naomi?" Emily couldn't hide her surprise. What she did hide, however, was how excited merely seeing this girl made her. She hid it from Naomi, who saw Emily and nearly ran home, ran to the comfort of her mom.
Naomi looked up, but looked past her, into the house and slightly up, not meeting Emily's gaze.
"I broke up with Sophia."
Emily tried to hide the grin forming at those words.
"Yeah?" She asked softly.
"Yeah." Naomi swallowed heavily, trying to rid herself of the lump that had taken root in her throat.
"I… uh… I wasn't…."
"Wasn't what?" Emily was patient.
"I wasn't in love with her."
Naomi looked down now, at her hands.
She looked up again, and laughed.
"Why am I always on your door step professing my love for you the day before you leave?"
Her eyes met Emily's.
And Emily, well, Emily was shocked.
"Love?" She whispered the word. She liked how it sounded.
"Yeah. Love. 'Cause that's how I feel. I love you, okay? I… fuck… I love you."
Naomi's eyes were intense, passionate, but most of all, full of fear.
"Last time I said this, you pushed me away… literally."
Emily just continued to look into her eyes.
And this time, Emily took a step forward, and wrapped her arms around the young girl, and she placed her head onto Naomi's chest, listening to her heart.
"It beats for you… I wish it didn't sometimes."
Emily looked up and into her eyes again.
And she took Naomi's hand, much bigger than hers, and brought it to her own heart and held her hand over it.
"Well… mine beats for you. And you don't have to worry anymore… about mine remaining stagnant while yours cries out."
"You promise?"
Her eyes bore into Naomi's.
"I promise. I love you."
And they kissed.
In the three years that they had been waiting to do that, despite both having imagined it millions of times, neither of them could have imagined just how incredible a kiss could be, just how incredible this one was.
And the school year came and went, and soon enough, Emily was 18, and Naomi was 16, and the Fitch family's car rolled to a stop in their driveway.
And Emily got ready to run to Naomi's, however, there was no need. Naomi stood in her driveway, waiting for her.
And Emily got out of the car, and they walked, hand in hand to the lake, their lake.
And they watched the sunset, the colors melting together like a popsicle on a hot day.
Soon Emily would go off to college, and Naomi would be stuck in the same old town, with the same old people and the same old things.
But that wasn't important.
No, that held no importance to them.
What was important, however, was the way Emily's hand felt in Naomi's, and the way Emily rested her head on Naomi's shoulder. Or the way they smiled at each other, or the way Naomi said:
"You're really beautiful you know?"
Or the way Emily kissed her when she said that.
And so if you asked Emily Fitch about how she fell in love, she'd smile and she'd laugh and she'd tell you about Naomi Campbell.
And she'd say with a smile that only someone so incredibly in love brandishes:
"It was that damn summer…"
Alrighty then!
I have a story I've been working on for a while, and I think I might post the first chapter sometime soon, but I'm still trying to decide. Maybe I'll post the first chapter of a different story I've also been working on. I'm not really sure. I'm still trying to figure it out.
Anyways, I hope this wasn't too shitty.
Let me know what you thought if you want! Or if you have any questions or anything!