Prompt: ( anonymous ) "I didn't agree to this" for blue team but maybe the characters from back in blood gulch if you don't mind?

A/N: One more square fill we've got "role playing" ;P

Red vs Blue and related properties © Rooster Teeth
story © RenaRoo

Nat 20

"Seriously? Seriously? That is what you're going to do with your one action this turn, Tucker?" Church half screeched.

"Let him, Church," Tex snapped. "What else are we going to do? Spend another hour bitching at each other? I have better shit to do. Like… anything. Anything would be preferable to sitting on my ass surrounded by all of you for another couple of hours."

"Church, Church! Is it my turn yet?" Caboose asked excitedly, rocking his seat back and forth in a way that should have been dangerous for him but Church was certain he'd somehow find a way to kill him with instead.

"Caboose, you insisted that your turn is after me. Even after you rolled highest initiative," Church snapped, waving to the dice over top of Caboose's notebook. "And I can't go until Tucker goes. And he's currently wasting our time being an asshole!"

"I'm being very productive with my turn!" Tucker countered, waggling a finger in Church's face. "You're the one who's wasting time by debating shit with me! Just let my character pinch the tavern wench's ass!"

"You're a paladin!" Church screeched.

"You're all pissing me off!" Tex growled. "Let him roll, Church!"

"Yes, c'mon, Church! I want Tucker's turn to be over. So you can have a turn. Then I can have a turn. And speak in my character's voice," Caboose reminded them all for what must have been the twentieth time in the past half hour. He then cleared his voice and half-sang, "She sounds like this."

"We know, we've all been annoyed by it," Tex remarked.

"That's because none of you know what it's like to be a lady at Hogwarts!" Caboose argued.

"This isn't Harry Potter!" Church roared.

"CHURCH!" Tex and Tucker harmonized.

"Fine! Fuck it! Make a persuasion role, Tucker!" Church growled.

"Why wouldn't it be Charisma?" Tucker asked, shaking the dice in his hand.

"Because you put all of your stats into Charisma. My bar wench is reacting to how persuasive you are," Church snapped.

"Sounds like you'e metagaming, Church," Tex pointed out.

"More like metacheating!" Tucker replied before rolling. "Sixteen!"

"You fucking liar," Church said before leaning over the board to examine the dice for himself. "You know what!? This shit shouldn't even matter because it's not about what the bar wench is going to do after you pinch her ass, it's the fact that all of you have forgotten the goddamn point of this mission!"

"Was it to tell Church's character he's the best? I can still do that," Caboose remarked.

"No! It's to get the sacred flag!" Church cried out. "That's why we hired Tex's bounty hunter orc character!"

"Yeah, despite my best efforts, you idiots are not getting anywhere close to grabbing a flag," Tex joked.

"Yeah, which is why my quest is to pinch that ass! Which, I might remind you all, due to my charisma and persuasion combined means we immediately start fucking on that table," Tucker said, cracking his knuckles contently. "Sorry about the drinks. You're welcome for the show."

"You all suck," Church hissed.

"And, so, art imitates life," Tex chuckled.