We were together for three beautiful years, until I messed everything up. You and I were both arguing through the phone, again. At the time, I was too stubborn to own up to my actions, but you were, too. I know I started it, and I'm so sorry. I made a big mistake, and I'm so fucking sorry. I knew that you had had enough of arguing with me when you said I was being selfish. And am I not allowed to be? I am human, after all. I guess you're right, though. I was way out of line, huh? I'm sorry I pushed you away. I miss you. I miss watching those stupid scary movies with you, just so I'd have an excuse to cuddle up next to you.

I miss the long phone calls we'd have, and how we'd tell each other horribly funny jokes, making each other cackle with laughter. I miss how I'd randomly come over, and we'd watch television with each other. Remember when we would go out and eat together? One time you made me laugh so hard, I spat out the hot fudge in my sundae. It was gross, but it only made us laugh harder.

Lately, I've been trying to get over you, but there's always a part of me that says, "Don't let go," even though you already have. It's been two months, and I've had plenty of opportunities to be with you, and I blew every single damn one. It makes me think of all the promises we made towards each other, and how the, "I'm gonna marry you someday," and the, "I'll love you forever," promises are broken. It makes me want to cry even now.

I cut myself the other day. Just three times, and it was on my arm, not wrist. I'm too chicken to do it there, in all honesty. I've felt so broken, to the point where I just feel so worthless and dead inside. I thought about calling a hotline, and when I tried, nobody answered. Isn't that sad? I felt so sad that I had to call someone for help, and they didn't even answer. That was the night I cut myself. I almost bought sleeping pills so I could just sleep eternally, but I was too afraid to do it. Besides, how would I know if you cared?

I've just wanted so bad to disappear, but I can't bring myself to. I even wanted to run away from home, but there's no way I'd survive. Where would I get money from? Who knows.

Everyday, I remember how you said you'd propose to me on graduation, but it looks like that's another broken promise, huh? I'm finally 18, the age where I'd be allowed to get married, but I guess I fucked up my chances of that to be with you, huh? I'm pathetic, I know. But, you're my soulmate. Are you even reading this letter? Or have you stopped by this point? Does it make you think more about how happy we were? Or does it only push you away even more?

I don't expect you to love me, but I want you to. I'm tired of people telling me that it's better that we've broken up; I want to prove them wrong! I want to be strong and independent for you, so you can lean on me. I need you. It's so cliche, I know. I know what I did wrong, though. I know how to fix it. Do you really feel nothing for me? Even after the three years of everything? All we went through?

No matter how much I want to crawl back to you, I won't. I respect you, and I want you to realize on your own about what we have. Or had. I still have some of your clothes. Their scent intoxicates me, and I find myself clutching them to my chest. I have that picture you drew me still. And the tiara we got from a little shop in Disney. I have the necklace you gave me so long ago. And the bracelet. Sometimes I'll wear the bracelet, even if I'm not supposed to, since you've given up on me.

I don't want this to be goodbye. I never wanted to say goodbye. Ever. You're my everything, even if you keep pushing me away with such harsh words. I'll be here when you need me, my dear. I'm always here for you.

This is my last letter to you. Please, don't let this be goodbye. Please.

With love,

Lucy.