Trigger Warning
Trigger warning. Sirius lay in bed next to Remus all was quiet. The war was over and they were safe.
It had been six months since the battle. In that time he had moved into a nice cottage where you could see the stars with Harry, rekindled his relationship with one Remus Lupin and told his godson he was gay successfully.
Harry was a cool kid he hadn't really cared that Remus and he were together. After a few days he admitted he suspected it all along.
The room was dark and Sirius was comfortable his head against Remus' chest but sadly he was awakened by the urge to pee. Damn his getting older.
Sirius got up careful to not wake Moony. Sirius then managed to stumble and hit literally every wall on the way to the bathroom. He uttered a few curse words and swore he heard laughter coming from Remus and his room but decided to ignore it.
Sirius found the light on in the bathroom which was odd but he figured Harry had probably just accidently left it on.
Sirius did his business. Then went over to wash his hands, contrary to popular opinion he did do that. There on the vanity he found a bloody knife.
"What the hell?" he cried.
Without thinking he took the knife down to his and Remus' room.
"Moony," he said waking him up.
"hu, what," Remus said woken from a nice sound sleep. He rubbed his eyes and cried, "Padfoot what happened? You promised you'd tell me if you were feeling low," he looked devastated.
"Oh shit, no Moony!" Sirius cried realizing how this looked to the love of his life. "I found this in the bathroom!"
Remus reached for his wrists and checked them over the old scars still remained but there was no trace of new scars.
"Sorry I didn't believe you," Remus whispered.
"That's ok I wouldn't trust me either," he replied and looked at Remus' wrists, nothing there though unlike him Remus had no history of self harm, he wanted to make sure.
"That only leaves Harry," Remus whispered.
They exchange looks and Remus takes the knife from Sirius' hand. It was a trigger and he didn't need that not after all the battles and twelve years in Azkaban.
They shut the lights off and lay there listening with the door open. Sure enough Harry got up and went into the bathroom.
Sirius took a deep breath as Harry walked back past their room. Then he heard Remus mutter a stunning spell and a jet of light escape his wand.
Remus got up and went over to Harry's now immobile body.
"Anything you'd like to tell us," he whispered.
"That you have really good aim," Harry dead paned.
Sirius held his breath as Remus rolled up Harry's sleeves. He heard Remus sigh.
"I promise I won't do it again just please don't make a big deal about this," Harry pleaded.
Sirius got up from the bed and came to the doorway.
"Harry I'd like to believe that but from all these cuts I don't think I can. Please let us help," Remus said in his calm teacher voice.
Harry whispered, "Ok," but would not meet Remus' eyes.
"I think you need to have a chat with your godfather," Remus whispered and looked at Sirius.
Sirius understood and nodded. He could handle this he knew it would come out to Harry eventually.
"Harry come here and sit down," Sirius said.
"Aw, I would but I'm kind of stunned," Harry replied.
Remus laughed, "I'll be downstairs if you need me."
"Couldn't he have just asked," Harry said feeling some movement coming back in his neck.
"Ya but would you have told the truth," Sirius replied, "I know I wouldn't have."
"What do you mean?" Harry asked.
"This isn't Rem's first time dealing with self harm," Sirius replied.
"Did he?" Harry asked.
"No, I did and he had the bad luck of catching me in the act on our dormitory bathroom floor," Sirius replied.
"What? You but," Harry cried in disbelief sitting up.
Harry had always thought Sirius was so strong. Maybe he wasn't the only one who felt weak from time to time.
Sirius helped him up and sat him on the bed.
"Yes in fifth year I started cutting," Sirius said.
"Prove it," Harry replied in disbelief.
Sirius rolled up the sleeve of night shirt to reveal old faded scars on his wrists.
Harry's eyes got wide.
"Why?" Harry asked.
"Well it was right after I told Snevil…Snape Remus' secret. My parents hated me, my best friends weren't speaking to me, I was in love with the one I hurt the most and my family where at that point known death eaters," he replied. "Cutting helped…well, at the time it seemed that way."
Harry just stared at him.
"But Harry it was the worst possible thing I could have ever done, the first words Remus spoke to me in two months were why Sirius just why. I have never seen him in such pain. I made him promise not to tell."
"Did he?" Harry asked.
"Yep for about five minutes and then he went and told Pomfrey," Sirius replied.
"Weren't you mad?" Harry asked.
"At the time, but it was the best thing he ever did, because I probably wouldn't be here now." Sirius explained.
"I remember I started getting the help I needed and you dad comes up and says 'you can't be mad at Moony because you're even you both told each other's secrets.' He was right too."
Harry smiled sheepishly. He felt tears rolling down his cheeks.
Sirius sighed, "Do you want help?"
"Do I have a choice?" Harry replied.
"If you don't want help the help won't work."
"I guess I do," Harry whispered. "I just don't know how I can face everyone." He would not meet Sirius' eyes.
Sirius tilted his chin up and met his eyes they were filled with pain and regret, "Kid you defeated the Voldemort and you can beat this and if they really love you they'll stick by you, trust me."
"But for you it was different," Harry said.
"Really because Ginny is just as tough as Remus, please Ron is a lot like you're dad and well I'm pretty sure that Hermione would give your mum a run for her money."
Harry smiled through his tears.
"You got me too," Sirius said, "I know how you're feeling, trust me."
At this Harry broke down sobbing, "It's all my fault they're all dead. I can't even look at Mrs. Weasley anymore I killed her son."
"Harry no you did not! Last I checked you didn't make that wall fall."
"But I did indirectly!"
Sirius just hugged him and whispered, "little one you can't hold the whole world on your shoulders.
Harry sat there in Sirius' arms sobbing for a long time. Remus came back upstairs and took Harry from Sirius.
Sirius left the room to get some air. He felt like he was being stabbed.
"See I hurt everyone," Harry whispered.
"Really, because you saved Sirius, Harry. He had nothing to live for but killing Peter but you changed that. You reminded him that he had a godson who needed him. Trust me you were the only thing that kept him sane during you're fifth year."
Harry said nothing.
"You saved Draco he would be dead if it weren't for you."
Still nothing.
"What about Ginny in your second year, Flur's little sister in your fourth, and me in your third."
"What do you mean?" Harry asked.
"Harry I thought that the only person I'd ever loved was a traitor and my friends were all dead, my life meant nothing when I came to Hogwarts. You and the other students gave me a reason to live, really live, not just survive between full moons."
Sirius came back in and sat on his other side.
"I want help, please" Harry whispered.
"We love you," whispered Sirius.
Remus nodded in agreement.
For the rest of the night Harry lay there between Sirius and Remus like a small child. He was taken to St. Mungo's in the morning and given help.
Sorry about the awkward placement of the trigger warnings but I don't want anyone feeling pain from my writing like that. I felt a call to write this please no flames.