She had a sense of déjà vu as she got into her car that morning. Maybe it was the song playing on the radio that reminded her of a specific moment in her life, or maybe it was the specific color of blue that she saw in a flash on a passerby on her way to the car. She looked to her passenger seat and frowned; it seemed even emptier today than it usually did.
It had been almost 2 years and yet here she was, still reminded of him. She almost hated him for it. Almost. It would be easier to move on if she actually did hate him. She shook her head in disappointment and annoyance at herself and the situation, and drove off to work.
It was a rare occurrence that she allowed herself to reminisce, but she knew that if she didn't indulge in it now, it wasn't going to get any easier throughout the day. The building itself is riddled with memories of him, and she wanted to have a clear head for the new faces that were supposed to be joining the team today.
It was less reminiscing and more getting into her head, thinking about what ifs that turned into regrets, and convincing herself that she did something wrong to have this radio silence directed toward her. No texts, no calls, no emails, not even any responses when she contacted him. In fact, it actually took a couple of weeks for her to notice it. She started off with a "How's Daisy?" text to which she got no response, so she assumed it might have been a sore subject. She texted him when she got her job back, and the excitement of that day wore off quickly as minutes turned into hours turned into days, and she heard nothing. Then she emailed him, making sure that he didn't change his number and forget to tell her, and also to gripe about some of her new coworkers, to which, again - not a thing. She knew it would be all over the front page if he was dead, so she concluded he was still alive. Alive, and ignoring her.
Because even when she left to Devon and he stayed in Broadchurch, he kept in touch. So what was different now? Was it because he knew that he would never have to see her again afterwards? Because he didn't have Claire keeping him in Broadchurch nor the trial looming over his head? She knew he hated it here, but she didn't expect that hatred to extend to her as well.
Maybe she should have stayed that half hour and waited for his taxi with him. Maybe she should have been nicer to him at the end of it, even though she felt like her behavior was justified after the shit she had just gone through. Maybe she should have given him that hug.
But would it have even made a difference? She had one idea of what their relationship was like in her mind, but maybe he thought something different.
One weekend, she contemplated going up there, taking the drive she had made often enough throughout the trial, to try to find him and give him a piece of her mind. She gave up on that idea fairly quickly as she had her job, a teenager, and a toddler to worry about at home, and she knew it was probably a lost cause anyway. Eventually, she just resigned herself to the fact that she would probably never hear from him again, and she pretended not to care.
She got a flash of a memory from years ago, from before she met Joe, of the last man she felt something for. It was such a strong feeling during their first meeting that she thought she was going to marry him. But she never told him how she felt about him, and just like that, he was gone. The eerie similarity she felt between the two situations made her uncomfortable in her seat and she didn't like the comparison. She tried to shake off the feeling when she parked her car, physically shaking her head to try to get in the right mindset for the work day ahead, but she doubted that it was effective.
She walked up into the building, fumbling a bit with her bag as she went through the doors. She cheerfully smiled at everyone in the office as she went by, having another bout of déjà vu, remembering when she came back from holiday bearing gifts before she was told that the job lined up for her was given to someone else. She sat down and settled in to her desk.
"Miller. Come here."
She thought she was hearing voices with the weird day she was having, but she looked around anyway to see none other than Alec Hardy walking into his old office. She stayed seated with her mouth agape until she noticed everyone staring at her, so she got up and hesitantly made her way to the office. Her cautious footsteps made it seem like time was warping around her, and she thought she was in a dream. At the very least, it felt like a very strange memory of a dream she's had before.
She closed the door behind her, noting the fact that it was a real door, while she heard him wittering on about some new case they just received this morning. She turned around to look at him, her eyebrows furrowed and head cocked, before she went up to him and pinched his arm.
"What the hell did you do that for?" He shouted in his distinctive timbre.
She let off a scoff and slapped him before turning around to hide her smile.