I weaved around throngs of teens; I was surrounded by pulsing music and a slightly suffocating atmosphere of cigarettes, weed, and stale perfume. I stopped, taking it all in. It wasn't the first party I had been to, but was definitely the biggest. This was high school. I watched a blonde move wildly to the music. Soon I will be the one turning heads on the dance floor, not just sneaking in the shadows and stealing beer.

"Astor, come on!" Cesar yelled over the thumping beat. My visions of the future dissipated. "Jamal will probably have a heart attack if we don't hurry up."

"You're right, we left them what, ten minutes ago? He's probably in convulsions at this point." We continued darting through the party goers, finally making our way to the kitchen and swiping five beers off the counter, before making a hasty retreat out the backdoor with our loot.

"No doubt. They've got this. When has Cesar or Astor ever disappointed?" The voice of Monse carried across the alleyway.

"Mmm, fourth grade. Kickball tourney. We lost." Jamal, the paranoid.

Jamal, Monse, and Ruby were staring over the wall at the scene. I jumped up behind them, wrapping my arms around J and my sister's shoulders, handing them both a beer. "Only 'cause he picked the kid with no skills."

"And I'd pick you again. Loyalty trumps victory, compa." Cesar tossed Ruby and I two of the cans and stood next to us. "Ah. Take it in. This is about to be us. This is high school."

They all took a swig of their beers and soon had disgust written out on their faces. I laughed. "What were you expecting? Amateurs." I guess that was their first time drinking alcohol. For kids who live in Freeridge, my friends are pretty naive about some things. Example A: drinking for the first time at age fourteen.

"Ruby, you think your brother's gonna marry Angelica?"

Our attention refocused on Mario and his girlfriend violently sucking face. Ruby shrugged. "No idea. Mario tells me jack."

Jamal giggled. "What about that time he said Angelica has a dangler?" Ruby gave him a look of disbelief.

Oh, Jamal. I really did love him as a friend, but subtlety was almost if not completely lost to him.

"But he said that."

"In private! Time and place, dude." He whisper shouted. His eyes slid across the crowd. "Oh, guys, check out Huerita at nine o'clock." The blonde I had noticed earlier was still dancing...no, she was closer to grinding at this point, with several of her friends. "Astor, do girls like that wear underwear?"

I raised one eyebrow and crossed my arms. "Just why are you asking me?"

"Um...well, you've been around."

Jamal started making frantic motions for him to shut up.

Monse stood behind me while I glared at him. "Careful Ruby, you're on thin ice." She said protectively.

"It was a joke! It's just that I-I assumed you know more about that stuff because of...Latrelle."

I felt Cesar stiffen next to me. I closed my eyes and spoke through gritted teeth. "Why can't everyone just forget it ever happened? That was one time, Ruby. A one time mistake, and believe me, I've been paying for it in spades."

Ruby winced. "Too soon. Sorry." An awkward silence followed and we went back to watching the party and sipping our drinks.

"Oh, my God, I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die." Jamal warily eyed a cluster of beefy guys in football jerseys.

Here we go again.

"Why are you gonna die?" Asked my sister.

"Those guys play for the 'Ridge. Did you know that last year alone over a quorum of kids-"

"Died playing football?" She finished. "You're stuck on repeat. So don't play."

He sighed. "No choice. My pops was a legend, it's family tradition."

He jumped down and started hyperventilating. "I'm dead."

Cesar and I followed him. "You're not dead." I stated.

He stuck his head between his knees and whimpered.

"Jamal, CTE is not in you future." He said stooping to eye level.

"Guys, check out my game. Huerita just gave me the nod" He imitated the look. An arm suddenly shot out from behind the wall and latched on to his neck. "Ah!" He squeaked in a mix of pain and surprise.

"Eyeing my girl, cabron?" The Santo attached to the arm asked threateningly.

That hijo de puta better get off my friend! Even if he just called me a slut. I curled my hand into a fist and moved to deck the creep, but Cesar grabbed me, no doubt stopping me from doing something very stupid.

Ruby attempted to save himself. "No. God, no. I'm not into blondes."

"Easy, he does your mom's taxes, Mrs. Guzman, right?" He attempted to talk the man down, much better than my strategy.

"Three thousand dollar refund. Schedule C, line 30, home office deduction." The poor kid gasped out.

"Seriously, dude?" Monse was incredulous.

A second Santo popped up from behind the wall to see what the commotion was. He too grabbed our short friend, before seeing Cesar. "Yo, what are you doing, ese? That's Spooky's little bro, dawg."

The first gang member immediately released Ruby, who choked and stumbled over to Cesar. "I didn't realize it was you, homie. Hey, listen, tell Spooky Sad Eyes sends respects." He gestured to his friend. "Let's get out of here."

"Thank God for your brother." The poor kid groaned, rubbing his neck.

His gaze darkened at the mention of Oscar. "Don't. Thank God for better things."

"BANG!" A gun fired. We ducked low behind the wall and bolted, you don't want to end up just another kid caught in a crossfire.

"That was a .38." Monse started.

"No." Jamal disagreed, "It was a .45."

"It sounded like a .44." Added Ruby, as we fled in a crowd of teens.

"Wrong!" I yelled.

"BANG!"

".357!" We shouted.

"Angelica is pissed!"

Ruby rolled his eyes. "She's always pissed." He wasn't the biggest fan of his brother's girlfriend.

"You would be too if you had a dangler."

I jumped off the couch to watch the drama unfold. "She's making Mario cry."

"My brother doesn't cry." He said disbelievingly before glancing back to his older sibling. "Dude, he's crying."

I felt bad watching poor Mario get dumped by his bitch of a girlfriend. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing, he deserved better. Still, he loved her. I got up and filled a glass of water for myself in the kitchen. I turned to rejoin the group and saw Cesar sitting really close to Monse and give her a notebook. I felt a twinge of jealousy. Does he like her? If I was being honest with myself, I have a crush on Cesar. I thought he liked me back, but it might have just been wishful thinking.

"Here comes Waterworks!" Jamal called, causing us to all rush to the couch and pretend to be minding our own business.

He bursts through the door and sighs. "Were you guys spying on me?"

We all shook our heads, except for Jamal, who could not keep a secret to save his life.

Mario lets out a muffled sob and begins crying again. None of us were quite sure what to do, Ruby's brother had always been our mildly crazy role model, he had never cried before.

"You okay, homie?" Cesar asked tentatively, almost as if he was afraid he would shatter if he spoke to loud.

"Yes...no...I don't know." He gave a bittersweet chuckle. "Look at you. On the verge of high school. All the excitement. All the firsts. First parties, first football games, first love." He paused and looked at us each in turn. "Want me to drop some knowledge?"

"Not really." We said in unison, shaking our heads vigorously.

"High school, it's the foundation for the rest of your life. Any false starts could lead to your own dead end. Now sure, you guys are smart, setting curves and all that, but you still have to go hard!" He yelled suddenly, causing us all to jump. "'Cause there's only one chance at a first impression. So, do you want to sit on the sidelines or play in the game?"

"I just don't want to die." Jamal said, probably thinking of impending football doom.

Monse voiced what we were all thinking, "Is Mario high?"

"Yes, he's high on life and memories and some seriously good indo." He answered with a laugh. "What I was saying is work hard, put your heart out there, even if it's broken by some bitch you've known since Mr. Estrada's seventh grade social studies. Anyway what I was saying, and you may want to write this down, Don't go into high school without back-up. You guys need to stick together to survive. Got it?"

We nodded, slightly stunned by Mario's erratic behavior.

"I'm going to college, mofos!" He yelled jumping up in excitement. He stuck his hand out infront of me. "Now, kiss my class ring."

I crossed my arms. "Bite me."

He moved on to Ruby, who was sitting next to me and complied. He began to walk away, and we immediately fell into hushed discussion over him. Mario popped his head back into the room "Damn, I almost forgot. One last thing: don't bone Astor."

I threw my head back and groaned. "I am never having sex again!"

Everyone burst out laughing. "At least next time choose someone better than Latrelle." Said Monse through her giggles. "That's just nasty."

I couldn't help but start chuckling. "He's tiny, too."

Jamal put his hands over his ears. "Too much information! I'm leaving before I'm scarred!" He jumps off the couch and starts heading home.

"Me and Astor should get going too, it's getting late, and we both have to leave in the morning."

The walk home was short. Dad was away on another long haul and by the time we got home, Our sitter was fast asleep. We sat on Monse's bed, my blowup mattress on the floor. It was my turn to have Mrs. Ruiz bunk in my room. The place would smell like mothballs for days. "I don't understand why she has to stay with us, and why she gets payed to do it." was about 110, maybe 111. Most of what she did was sleep, and we always ended up taking care of her instead of the other way 'round.

"Beats me. I guess dad figures if there's someone around we won't get into trouble. Even if that someone probably should be in an old folks home."

I scoffed. "Like that would stop me. Trouble is my middle name."

"No, it's Ramona."

I smiled and gave her a playful push. "Shut up."

She lay back onto the bed. "Is it bad I don't want to go to writing camp?"

"Wait, what? You don't want to go?" The camp in question was super exclusive. Monse had to send in one of her stories months in advance, plus get a bunch of letters of reccomendation from teachers. She's been so excited for so long, what changed?

"I won't see you, or the guys for two months. I'm just afraid it'll be lame and I'll have wasted my whole summer."

I pulled her back up. "No no no no no. You do not get to complain about having your summer wasted. You aren't the one who's being sent off to Nonny's." I said, speaking of my grandmother, a very strict woman, with old fashioned views.

"I'm also not the one who banged Latrelle, so you can have fun explaining how that happened to Nonny before spening the rest of the summer doing Hail Mary's."

It was my turn to slump back onto the bed. "Haven't I suffered enough? I'm sorry, I regret it, and I sure as hell won't do it again!"

"Well, what's done is done, and you can't exactly undo it. We should get some sleep, it's late.

'The Incident' as I referred to it, took place a few weeks ago, and it was literally two minutes. Of course two minutes was all it took for the whole world to know. Honestly, I'm pretty sure everyone else knew before I had even processed what happened. It wasn't like he raped me or anything. Actually, I'm pretty sure he asked me if I wanted to stop five times. It was at a party, the last week of school. I had just found out I was Monse was leaving for almost the entire summer. Without me. I was mad and just wanted to do something rash. Latrelle was there and...well, I went a bit too far. It wasn't fun or nice. It wasn't that bad either. When I got home my dad already knew, having heard from Ruby's mom, who heard from Mario, who heard from Angelica, who saw me go upstairs with Latrelle. You can guess what happened next. I still don't think it's fair, I make one mistake, an BAM! First class ticket for a ten week trip to Nonny's.

I lay in bed, unable to sleep. Everything just kept running through my head. It wasn't even facing my grandmother that had me worried, it was Cesar. I really did like him, and I wanted him to like me back. I had meant to tell him my feelings tonight, before I left so if everything went off the rails we would both have sometime to cool down. But then I saw him with Monse. I tossed and turned, listening to the deep breathing of my twin. Fuck it. There was no way I would be able to sleep. I knew what II needed to do. I quietly got up and slipped on a sweater over my tank top before slowly making my way out of the open window.

It didn't take long for me to reach my destination. Everyone in the neighborhood knew the house, and avoided it like the plague. The dilapidated, mustard, one story house, with the dusty yard containing a couch that had seen better days, a barrel that was suspiciously labeled acid, and god knows what else. The Diaz house. The home base of Los Santos. I opened the fence to the back yard and crossed to the side of the house. The window was open, Cesar's window. "Cesar? You awake?"

There was a muffled noise and he appeared a the window. "Astor? What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night." His hair, usually gelled back, flopped in his eyes.

"I've got some stuff I need to say before I leave. Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure, I'll go unlock the door."

I quickly made my way to the front of the house, arriving just as Cesar opens the door. I followed him back to his room and we sat on his bed. "So, what did you need to tell me about?"

I took a deep breath. This might change everything. "Do you like Monse?" I blurted out.

My words caught him off guard. "What?"

"I saw you at Ruby's, you guys were sitting really close, and it kinda looked like you had a thing for her." I looked at the floor.

"Monse and I are friends. I don't like her in that way. There's another girl..."

My hopes were dashed, and I felt stupid for even thinking he might like me. "O-oh. Is it Heather Smith?"

He looked confused. "No. I don't even know Heather. It's you."

It was my turn to not understand. "Huh? What do you mean? I don't ge-"

He leaned in and kissed me, cutting me off. I just sat there to shocked to move. I had hoped for this exact moment for months, now that it was actually happening I couldn't do anything, my body was frozen.

He pulled back, embarrassed. "Sorry, I thought you were into me. After you got jealous over Mon-"

I gathered my nerves and kissed him. He stiffened in shock, then wrapped his arms around my waist, while mine went to his neck. Butterflies exploded my stomach as he reciprocated my kiss. I was pulled closer into his embrace and I pressed against him, threading my fingers through his hair. I felt his tongue tentatively slide over my bottom lip, asking for entrance, which I quickly granted.

Leaning back, I pulled the boy down with me; he half fell on top of me, pinning me to his bed. My his hands snaked under my shirt, running his hands over my back. I pulled at the hem of his fitted t-shirt, wanting it off. Cesar sat up for a moment and discarded the clothing item. I took a moment to admire him before he leaned back down to me and slowly kissed along my neck. I moaned at the feeling. He continued his path down to my collarbone and paused to help me pull off my top. He stared at me.

"What is it?" I asked, sounding a bit breathy.

"You're beautiful." He continued staring at me, and seemed a bit unsure of what to do. I took his hand and placed it on my breast. He inhaled sharply, then got the idea and pressed into me lightly. "I-is that okay?" I gave an affirmative noise and he continued.

I could see his erection through his jeans and I placed my hand on him. He groaned and I felt him become harder. I fumbled with the button the pants, undoing it and pulling down the zipper. "Do you have something?"

"What?" He asked between the light kisses he laid on my neck.

"A condom."

"Oh. Yeah." He backed up. "I've never done something like this before. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I want to. Do you? We can stop if you aren't ready."

"I'm okay. Better than okay. But, you're certain?"

"Yes. I want you, Cesar."