To an individual there is nothing worse in this world then the feeling of betrayal from everyone in the world who you loved and trusted.
Or so thought John Watson.
John's life was full of betrayal, and he soon learned how to cope, but he never learned how to forgive.
Here are five different times that John felt betrayed by someone he loved, and the one time he forgave the betrayer.
1-
His mum had died not two weeks ago. He still hadn't cried yet. The first few days he just...shut down. Went through the motions on school, socialization. He ate without tasting. But one day, at the quiet dinner table he looked up and he saw.
He saw his sisters face, blotched red and raw from crying and drink.
He saw the empty place his mother usually sat, an empty plate and glass sitting there as if waiting for her to come home.
He saw his dad sitting with only a scotch glass in front of him, glaring at him. He saw disdain and accusations in his gaze.
He didn't understand. He was only 11, and in his fading innocence asked that man he trusted most in the world, "Why are you looking at me like that, Daddy?"
His dad scoffed and growled, "You know exactly why, you little bastard."
"No, I don't. That's why I asked." There was no sarcastic inflection, no sass or talking back tone to his voice. He was honestly confused.
His father yelled with anger and his hand flew, backhanded John across the cheek.
John flew to the floor and stared up at his father in disbelief.
"You haven't even cried yet, you little shit! And it was all your fault!" His father broke down, "It's. All. Your. Fault."
John stood and ran to his room. He locked the door behind him, climbed under his bed and cried. He was alone, isolated, betrayed. His mind couldn't process what his father had done, he knew that it wasn't his fault.
But the person he trusted most in the world, the one he needed the most now, had purposefully hurt him.
He withdrew into himself. Later his father apologized, begged for forgiveness. John just nodded and turned away. He didn't forgive him.
2-
Several years later, at 17, John found a trust and love in someone new. Her name was Elizabeth. She went by Eli and she was exactly what John needed. She was the most trustworthy person, sweet, caring and funny. She made John truly laugh, laugh without inhibitions.
A year and a half into their relationship Eli caught the flu, and was bedridden. The second day into her sickness John decided to come around to her house and keep her company and make her tea.
He knocked on the door and hearing no response made a plausible assumption that she was sleeping. He went in using the key she had given him for their one year anniversary and entered quietly so as not to wake her.
Walking up the stairs to his bedroom he thought how lucky he was to have found someone he could trust, he knew he didn't trust easily.
He crept into her bedroom and stood, shocked at what he saw. There was his Eli, hands up some other guys shirt, moaning breathlessly as he kissed down to her breasts.
John did the only thing he could do, as it was obvious that she was enjoying this far more than she had ever enjoyed anything with him, he turned and walking out.
The two on the bed only noticed him when he slammed the bedroom door shut.
"Please, John. Forgive me."
He shook his head and walked away, wondering how he could trust someone again if betrayals like this keep happening.
3-
Three years into University. John hadn't had a serious girlfriend since Eli. He had had a few boyfriends, each ending on decent terms. He was never too emotionally invested into his relationships but did discover that he was more fond of men then women.
He had a friend, made on his first day in Uni. A person he had grown to trust after he stood up for John to one of the bully teachers in his second year.
"Why don't you try her, Johnny?" His friend asked.
John looked over to a petite blond and shook his head, "Not really my type, thanks all the same, Ty."
"You know what Johnny? I've never seen you walk out with any girls longer then a few days. What exactly is your type."
John shrugged, "I don't know, mate." He lied.
His friend laughed and nudged John with his shoulder, "C'mon Johnny! What are you hiding?"
John though, he had never told anyone of his friends about his sexual preference before, but he trusted Ty. And it was not easy to earn John Watson's trust, he looked down, "It's nothing, I just prefer men is all."
Ty nodded and stood, clapping him on the back. "Well now that we have that cleared up, I have to go study or a Econ test tomorrow."
John nodded with relief and watched him go.
The next day people stared. Men walked past him quickly and laughed as he passed. Girl's consoled their friend who looked about to cry as he made his way to his classes. He turned a corner and saw Ty standing there laughing with a few of the guys from the local rugby team.
When his friend turned and saw John he laughed, a cruel expression on his face and pointed him out to the guys he was talking to.
They all laughed and started making to cruel gestures at him.
John turned away. So much for trust.
4-
He was in the army now, and making his way up the promotion ladder. He had to trust his comrades. And he did, with some stuff anyway.
He trusted them enough to watch him back, but only when they were under fire.
He trusted them enough to eat with and laugh with them.
He didn't trust them with his secrets.
He didn't trust them with his trust.
Except for one. Seb was perfect. Strong, but intensely caring. John was drawn to him the minute they met, and it seemed mutual. For a while it was perfect. They shot together. Ate together. Practiced their shooting together and talking.
They kissed, and slept together when they could.
Roughly six months after John made captain him and his squad, including his Seb, was called out on a rescue mission. They ran into a bit of trouble and John made sure Seb was at his side at all times while he called out orders, helped the wounded and shot the enemy as often as he could.
He turned quickly to make sure that Seb was doing all right and all he saw was the sniper leveled at him and Seb's cruel eyes looking at is through the scope.
"Seb?" Was all he said before the man fired the gun.
Being hit close range with a gun that heavy hurt and should have killed him.
The betrayal from the man he had loved hurt more.
He heard later that Lt. Sebastian Moran was MIA. He didn't cry or bring himself to care.
5-
Sherlock was amazing. fantastic and completely untrustworthy. Spewing out secrets that weren't his like he didn't care. (Because he didn't.) And able to see practically everything with a glance at you.
John trusted him at once.
And for 18 months he had no reason to stop trusting him. He grew fond of, and fell in love with this impossible man.
Not that he ever told him.
Then Sherlock jumped from that damn building. And John was heartbroken, his heart was shredded and it dripped red with a love not expression.
But the trust held in. After everything, he still trusted Sherlock with him entire being.
Then Sherlock came back.
it was disbelief coupled with an almost overwhelming red wall of rage. His fist flew. When it made impact the rage drained and the disbelief vaporized, leaving in its place a wonderful sense of relief and hope.
John wished the feelings stopped there but relief and hope were soon covered and drowned in the all to familiar feeling of betrayal.
1+
"I am so sorry I had to lie to you, John. I had to, to save your life I had to."
And with that, John realized that he could forgive Sherlock. For Sherlock had his very soul in the palm of his hand, and he realized that he had Sherlock's in the palm of his.
Forgiving Sherlock would be as easy as forgiving himself, easy once recognized that he was blaming himself in the first place.
John nodded and pressed a kiss to the stunned detective's lips.
"I will forgive you, Sherlock."