Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm starting yet another story and leaving my other poor stories alone and unfinished. I will finish them! I promise from the deepest part of my heart. Really.

Anywho, disclaimer time! I'll let Spock do it. Spock?

Spock: Laveycee does not own Star Trek or anything else, except for this idea. She thinks so, anyway.

Oh, and before I forget: This is dedicated to my little pain-in-the-neck brother Sam, who is eight today. Happy now, twerp?

I pass a poster on the wall, but I don't really look at it. What? My mind was on Jim and his missing the past TEN PHYSICALS that I've scheduled for him. So, the first missed one could have just been an accident. He's the captain of a starship—the Enterprise, to be exact—and he's a busy guy. The second one also could've been an accident, same with the third and fourth, but when he missed the fifth, I started to get suspicious. By the eighth, I was starting to get really, really mad. But now—oh, now I'm going to drag his butt down to Sickbay and give him the hardest physical in the history of physicals.

Oh, I suppose that I should introduce myself. I'm Doctor Leonard McCoy, nicknamed "Bones" by Jim—Captain James T. Kirk—and I'm also the CMO of the Enterprise.

Anyway, Dr. Boyd—the CMO under Captain Christopher Pike, who was the last commander of the Enterprise—had warned me about this happening. And Lord, was he right. See, captains—especially Enterprise captains—really don't like physicals. As to why…well, I'll get back to you on that. I'm still trying to figure it out myself, actually. I have a few theories: one is that the captains think that physicals will take place somewhere like Hell—as if, Sickbay isn't Hell! Well, maybe if you tick me off like that green-blooded hobgoblin of a first officer it is…but he asked for it! Well, not really, but…know what? I'm going to keep this civil. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all, right? That's what my momma always told me! …Where was I? Oh yeah, my theories! My second one is that they think that by taking a physical they'll lose the captaincy of the Enterprise.

But enough on theories. Back to Jim. The plan is to dra—wait. Let me back up a minute here…

They didn't. Oh, no. This is bad, very, very, very bad! What does the poster say?

Come and see!

First officer Mister Spock

Versus…

Dr. Leonard McCoy

Today!

Tickets on sale now!

Ask Lt. Samuel* Payne*

Deck 10

Section D

Cabin 13**

I decided to find Jim, drag him down to Sickbay for his physical, and then go kill Lieutenant Payne. What was I going to do? Death by torture was on the list, as was give him 10 physicals. A week. As long as I was CMO on the Enterprise, anyway. But first I had to track down Captain James T. Kirk: Savior of the Federation, Klingon enemy, Captain of the Federation's Flagship, and world-class coward.

*For Samuel Adams and Thomas Payne, who were both American Revolution troublemakers

**Cabin 13: because everyone knows that 13 is "unlucky"

Didja enjoy it? Didja? Well? Show your appreciation in a review!