"He weighed a hundred and fifty pounds, a galling ten pounds more than I did, which flowed from his legs to torso around shoulders to arms and full strong neck in an uninterrupted, unemphatic unity of strength." I was overwhelmed by a strong urge to touch him. Brushing against him as we walked down the halls was not enough anymore. I jumped forward and tackled him to the ground, enjoying the sensation of our bodies pressed together and legs tangled. In my dreams it was a different story. Our bodies were pressed together in a different fashion, and we were connected as we had never been connected before. All my tension was released into Finny, and I was thirsty for him. It got to the point where I couldn't control myself around him anymore. I would slide my hands up his thighs and tell him I was brushing dirt off of his pants. One day as we were sitting side by side studying, something came over me. I'm not sure how it happened. I was telling him how to conjugate "avoir" and suddenly our lips were brushing together. At first I was shocked. I couldn't believe that my wildest fantasies were coming true. We continued kissing as I ran my fingers through his silky hair and down his sculpted body until I reached what I really wanted. My fingers fumbled with his belt and zipper. I got down on my knees and let the taste of Finny fill my mouth. I swallowed because I loved him and I knew it made him happy. He reached down and stroked my hair. But he didn't return the favor. I was devastated. He promised he was just tired and concerned about the foods I ate today and he would the next day. But the next day came, and let's just say I didn't. The days passed and I grew more and more anxious. I couldn't stop thinking about his muscles bulging as he ran, his confident smile, and the way his chest rose and fell as he slept. I loved him with an intensity that kept me awake at night, wanting him to satisfy me the way I had done for him. School was getting stressful. While I was studying for exams, I blatantly asked Finny to return the favor I had done for him weeks ago. He told me he was busy and wasn't in the mood. Suddenly, I loved him and I wanted him but I hated him, despised him. My whole body burned with sexual frustration, which gave way to anger. Phineas was teasing me, tempting me to want something he was clearly never going to give. I began to despise the idea of him going about his school life, flaunting himself right in front of me, and engaging with the other boys as if I didn't matter. I came to the conclusion that if I couldn't have him, no one should. The next fateful night I asked Finny again if he would pleasure me as I pleasured him. He again said he was busy, and told me to come to the Super Suicide Society with him and maybe he would consider it later. I knew he was lying, that he would never taste my seed, nor wanted to. I blew up at him, hoping he would channel his anger and worry into the sexual act I desired. Alas, he did not. As he climbed the tree branch by branch, I vascillated between anger and lust. I hated him. He was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen, but I hated him with every bone in my body. When we finally reached the top, something came over me. He asked if we could jump together and in waiting for an answer he gave me power in the situation, the power he had always had over me. My body reacted before my mind and I bounced the branch. One hard push, and he was gone.