Roller-coasters and Sharp Turns
Here I am sitting in my room. Feeling sorry for my pathetic self. "You think too much", "You're not in the action", "you're just being a drama-queen", "you're nothing but a spoiled brat". And the migraine that comes back to nag at me, on and on. My eyes burn, my brain and my skull cripples on itself, my body feels weak, and I want to throw up. I think of the quote "Life is a roller-coaster, and I'm about to throw up.". Well I wouldn't have done something so simple…I would have jumped off once it reached the highest point. I sigh. I know that tomorrow I'm going to have to go back to school. And it's one of the big tests in sports. Great… Death, come to get me now…please? My other homework jumps on my weakened mind: a whole essay in English, a pretty big "home test" in maths, a meeting with a teacher that's probably going to probe at my mind and try to set me to work, another teacher that's going to ask why I wasn't here today for the big test (she's probably also going to think I was sick on purpose) another teacher that's going to say how much he's disappointed in me for last week's test, and nag and nag and nag…
I look up at myself in the mirror. Slumped in my bed, ugly granny/receptionist glasses, still in pajamas, coat slung over my shoulders to keep from the cold, computer in my lap to type, tea by my side, and the look of someone that's about to shoot herself. Yup. That's me. Death please come and get me…Even if it's just to take my soul away… I couldn't care where I would go. Anywhere but here would be fine. This world ended up disgusting me more than anything else. Humans are nothing more than hideous, selfish and arrogant creatures. Blank. I let my mind wander over things for a minute. I see myself riding over a grassy field, on a magnificent black charger. Then I'm a hawk, flying over the tallest mountains. A water dragon, exploring the deep oceans. A warrior, proud, victorious and dangerous. A mage, old, wise and mysterious. A star, watching over the worlds. I sigh. Damn reality…or as the Cat would say from Red Dwarf "Reality sucks!" For the first time, today, I carved into my arm. For some reason I feel proud about it. It won't leave me. It shows a part of who I am.
A shake has me stop typing for a second. We have mini earth-quakes here. It's fun from time to time. Another shake. I look up, puzzled. We don't usually have them twice in a row… Then another. And another. A flash of light screams deafeningly past my window, followed by an earth-quake. My father bursts in my room: "we have to get out of here, NOW!" Before I could move, the building collapses, and everything went black.