Sorry this was delayed; I've been extremely busy. I'm surprised I've been able to update Dear Bastard as much as I have! I'm usually up typing into the early morning these days I'm so jam-packed.

Here is the full summary:

It's the story of a stoner girl, Nicolla, with who moves in with her anger-managed cousin, Lovino, in the city of Miami to live closer to the university she wants to attend. Lovino lives in a strange neighborhood where anarchy rules and the neighbors are always clashing and battling each other. And they are all suspicious of Lovino's neighbors, the Clauses. No one ever sees them leave the house or return home. In fact, no one has ever seen then in general. Most believe they are serial killers or hiding from the law, but there's no proof besides the fact the family who lived there before the Clauses left the home, supposedly moving away without a moving van and their car was found three miles away in a river. Being their neighbor, everybody insists Lovino get to know them, but he'd sooner beat himself up with a sledgehammer. So who are the Clauses really? No one knows, but one thing is for sure: hilariosity will ensue as Nicolla, the fraternity boys, Antonio, Kiku, Vash, Feliciano, ex. Marine Ludwig and Lovino attempt to uncover the truth, and somehow get Nicolla to say no to drugs.

There's the full summary! I couldn't fit it into a paragraph, there's a lot going on. I plan for this to be a pretty big story with a ton happening and a huge plot that branches who knows where. There will be some pairings here, and, obviously, human names are included. I can definitely say Spamano will be included, and probably USUK. But anyway, here's the prologue to Dear Bastard, The Novel! It's short and sweet. Review! :D

-Cappy

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Prologue

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Dear Feliciano, You Bastard,

You better tell me you're fucking joking, you bastard. This better be a fucking joke!

Did you just send me a long ass letter-12 pages-and then tell me Nicolla is coming to visit? Nicolla, that son of a bitch cousin who wrecked her paraglider last year into a fucking 'UFO' of fucking nothing? Nicolla, the cousin with that annoying as fuck laugh, who listens to fucking Vitas and sings the lyrics even though she has no fucking clue what she's saying, and who smokes cigars and thinks she's Chuck Norris, THAT cousin?

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU THIS IS FUCKING INSANE THERE IS NO WAY SHE'S STAYING AT MY PLACE GO TO FUCKING HELL IT'S NOT HAPPENING!

Fuck that! If she steps within ten feet of my house I'm gonna fucking tie her to a train!

This better be a joke!

Lovino Vargas

PS: I'm not even fucking kidding, I'll make her sleep in the damn shed!

Lovino threw the pen against one of the study walls and scrunched the letter into a small envelope. He grew increasingly frustrated when it wouldn't fit.

"Dammit, you bastard!" He roared, throwing the envelope on the ground and stomping it. "Fuck you! I'll find another damn envelope."

As he exited the study he stumbled over the turtle on the floor.

"That damn brother of mine said that bastard, Nicolla is coming to stay!" Lovino told it, pushing himself back up onto his feet. "Dammit, Lovino Jr., can you fucking believe it?!" He stormed into the kitchen to grab a tomato and his .46 pistol. "She's staying in the dog shed! Don't fucking argue with me, you bastard!"

The turtle waddled underneath one of the bookshelves.