I cannot remember if I had eaten something odd that night, or if I
had seen or done something that day to recall a memory hidden in the back
of my mind. Whatever it was, food or occurrences, something triggered the
dream I held within me. A dream I have had several nights before and always
welcomed. A dream that both confuses me, yet at the same time fills me with
wonder and a deep, calming comfort.
I do not know where this dream will lead, for it has not yet come to an end. Each time this dream chooses to come to me, it always ends in the same, memorable spot. A spot that never fails to escape my thoughts the following day. It leaves me in a void, a dark place that leaves my heart and soul yearning, begging, for more. I apologize if I leave you with the same feeling, for I do not intend to leave out the smallest detail, the smallest feeling that I can in this, the story of my dream within.
******************************************************************
The wind blew cold, stinging the skin and burning the eyes. It picked up salt from the ocean in front of me and filled my nostrils with the strong, unavoidable scent of it. My eyes stung both with the fierceness of the wind and with the tears filling them, my salt mixing with the ocean's.
The ocean; a sight that until this day used to fill me with such wonder, such pure joy. Wondering what's going on under its calm waters, what beautiful creatures are swimming their lives away under the waves. The way the water sparkled under the sunlight during the day, how it reflected the moon and stars during the night. All this I loved, and all this set me in a state of calm, wonderfully relaxed feelings. But today was different. Today they were transferring the high security prisoners onto the executioners boat. The boat that carries the over flow of death row inmates to the middle of the ocean where they are shot and tossed over board.
As I stood on the upper dock in my long white gown, searching for the familiar walk of a man I used to know, I hardly noticed the two figures standing next to me. The two figures of my best friends standing ever faithfully beside me, the only thing I would have left after this day. But I feared that happiness would be short lived around them. You see, they were both homosexual and had found happiness with each other and I knew that their happiness would only push me deeper into a void of loneliness.
"Isn't that him?" The taller of my friends said. He had long blond hair and bright inquisitive eyes, always the first to notice anything. His name was Jason, and he had a strong, protective yet feminine look to him. He was pointing to the middle of a long line walking up the docks to board the boat.
My hands flew to my mouth as the tears came fresh to my eyes and I felt my knees shake. "It's him. Oh it's him!" I buried my face in my hands, crying freely as the shorter, more feminine Jamie wrapped his arms around me. He was always the one with the bigger heart, always waiting to comfort or inspire. I needed him now, more then I ever needed any one. "I can't stand it Jamie! I just can't stand it! They're going to take him out there and murder him and then just toss his body into the ocean!!" I sobbed then, unable to finish my thought as Jamie hushed me, rubbing my back.
"I know dear, I know. And they said he was a monster when in fact they are! Taking those poor people out there to murder them." Jamie kissed my forehead, still rubbing my back. I knew he was trying to sound like my upset feelings were justified, but I felt him shaking his head at Jason. They both thought that I was crazy, that I never should have associated myself with some one who referred to themselves as the world's most efficient assassin. They couldn't understand why I'd rather spend my time in a small home in the basement of an Opera house rather then at the movies with friends or finding myself a boyfriend to care for me in life. I myself couldn't understand why I was so drawn to this much older man, but I always longed so for his company.
"I can't take this anymore!" I pushed myself from Jamie, my heart over flowing with grief and unable to take the pain anymore. I would rather die then spend the rest of my life with out the company of my dear friend. "Erik!" I cried out pathetically as I threw myself off the upper dock into the salt water, just hoping that he saw me before I hit the water, or that he didn't see me as I smashed into one of the lower walkways.
The water was cold around me, sending a shock through my system and causing me to inhale, water invading my lungs forcefully. I opened my eyes, my tears no longer my own but belonging to the ocean. I couldn't see, the water too murky to let light penetrate through. I cried then more, not because I was going to die, but because the ocean wasn't the dream I thought it to be. It wasn't clear, there weren't any exotic, beautiful fish swimming where I was. I cried because two of my dreams were broken this day, and I would be broken with them.
I stopped moving, stropped waving my arms and legs through the murky water as my lungs started to burn. They begged for air, begged for me to struggle my way to the surface of the water. But my heart cried no, my heart ached much stronger then my lungs and begged me to stay below, to end it's misery. I was always one to follow my heart, so I stayed below in what I knew would become my final resting place. Mine and Erik's final resting place together. We would finally be together, away from the world and what they would perceive of us.
I closed my eyes, waiting for the arms of death to encompass me in their cold embrace, to take me in his arms as a well-known lover. And then finally I felt it, felt his arms wrapping around my now limp body as consciousness started to slip from my grasp. I opened my eyes to catch a glimpse of the mystery that is death, and what I saw shocked me back into a state of wakeful amazement. The face staring back at me was the terribly scared face of the man I was giving my life to be with. I tried to work out the problem in my head, but the lack of oxygen had made me quite dizzy and I felt myself passing out again.
The next thing I remember was lying on a lumpy mattress inside a room I was not familiar with. I used what little strength I seemed to have and I propped myself up on one elbow. A cold draft after doing so made me look down at myself. A slightly frightened gasp escaped my mouth as I realized that I was naked underneath a thin white sheet and a thick, scratchy gray blanket. I was also dry, all save my hair. A quickly pulled the covers over my exposed body and looked around. I was in a room that was longer then it was wide, and very plain and dull; the walls where concrete and there was very little occupying the space with in the room. It dawned on me then that I was in some sort of jail cell, yet I still had no idea where I was.
Footsteps came to me from down the hall and I made a feeble attempt to hide with in the blanket and my cell. I started shivering, becoming very frightened from not knowing who was coming down the hall towards my cell. My heart was beating fast, felling as if it wanted to burst out of my chest and find a new home. I apologized to my poor heart, knowing how much pain and suffering I had put it through. I didn't blame it for wanting to leave me.
"My dear? Are you awake?" My heart was calmed slightly by the soft, male voice I heard, but my head started to spin. It was a voice that was at once powerful and angelic. It sounded so much like my dear, sweet Erik but my heart and head both tried to argue with me that it could not be him. He had to be dead by now, just as I should be, but as I heard the bars creak open, and the soft steps come in, I removed the blanket from my head and face to see what fate would befall me.
"Erik!" I cried, over joyed to see the horribly deformed face of my good friend. Just as I didn't care that I was naked, or that he wasn't wearing the mask he always did, I jumped up, clasping the blanket to me, and fell into his strong embrace. I started crying, wondering how this could have come to be, how we were allowed to find each other again and to find our happiness. "I was frightened Erik. I didn't know where I was and I didn't know who was coming. I thought I had lost you forever."
He hushed me, wrapping the blanket more firmly around me. He has always been a gentile, thoughtful and polite man, and I knew the thought of the blanket falling from my body worried him and made him uncomfortable. He had never had much human contact through out his life, due to the grotesqueness of his face, and it took a great deal of time before he would even touch my hand. I had taken pity on him, and promised him that I would never leave or ever hurt him. The truth is, I had fallen secretly in love with him.
"You're safe here, My Dear. Nothing will harm you and nothing will tear us apart again." He rubbed my back, his hands straying no further then the area between my shoulders as he strived to convince me that everything was okay again. I knew he was right, my heart knew that he was right, but everything else in me was still sure that there was some unseen evil that would once again try to separate us. "I brought you some clothes, My Dear Mina." He said to me, holding me away from him a bit with his hands on my shoulders.
I looked up at him, my eyes red and the area around them puffy from the time I had spent crying. I felt a stir of helplessness with in me, though everything around me displayed nothing but hope. Erik stepped away from me and reached down to pick up a bundle of clothing dropped gracelessly on the cold ground. He handed them to me with a soft, fond look in his eyes.
"Thank you Erik." I said, smiling as I felt with in me the same fondness I saw in his eyes. I gazed at him, feeling his eyes staring at me with nothing but admiration. I knew he loved me as I loved him, but neither of us had dared to mention our feelings to the other, though I knew with out a doubt that we would spend the rest of our lives together. I took the clothes from him and laid them out on the bed, carefully keeping the blankets around me. The clothes weren't the quality I usually received from him, but they felt warm and clean. I smiled at him over my shoulder, feeling my face flush a bit, suddenly seeming to realize that I was only wrapped in a blanket.
"You're perfect, Mina." He said to me, a soft smile of admiration on his lips as he looked at me. I wasn't sure at all what to say, only for the first time hearing him say something that may even be the slightest bit in connection with my body. Erik had never been too comfortable with human contact, or talk of such things as making love. I knew one day we would though. One day we would have a family of our own.
"Thank you, Erik." My voice was quiet, wavering a little bit out of embarrassment. I was about as used to complements as Erik was to my soft kisses on the cheek. He chuckled a bit as he turned to leave the cell we were both in at the moment, for that's all it could have been, a cell. This raised a question in me. "Erik," he stopped and turned to look at me. "Erik. Where are we?" He came back to me, putting his arms gently around my shoulders and holding me close to his hard, muscular body.
"I will tell you everything, My Dear, once you are changed and have had some food." He slowly leaned down towards me, and before I was able to think about it, he had given me a soft, quick kiss on my lips. I drew in breath, looking wide-eyed at him as he walked away and out of the cell. I stayed that way for quite a while, shocked at what he had done. I never thought that he would be the one to make such a move, such a step forward in our relationship together.
I smiled then, turning back towards the clean clothes lying on the bed and I dropped the blanket. I had always been very self-conscious of my body, and would never have thought of exposing myself like I just had if I knew some one was watching. But the thing is, I didn't know. I thought that I was secure, alone and safe in the peace of this cell. The sound of a woman clearing her throat told me other wise.
A gasped both in fright and embarrassment, turning quickly to face the sound and pulling the blanket once again around my body. There was indeed a woman standing there, outside my cell. She was taller then me, and much skinner with thick, dark black hair and piercing gray eyes. It was also quite obvious that she was upset about something. Though what, I could not yet at this moment guess.
"Oh don't worry about covering yourself up, dear." Her voice was cold, hateful and it bit at my heart. "I want to see what it is that has Erik so infatuated with you. I want to see what you have that I don't." She spoke harshly, not at all wishing to be kind, or even considerate towards me. There was a deep hatred with in her voice, and it also held jealousy, as if I had taken something dear from her with out even trying.
"I-I don't know what you're talking about." The words stumbled from my mouth as I clutched the blanket as if it were the only thing keeping me from passing out.
"Don't give me that crap, child. You know very well what I'm talking about!" She lashed forward at me, grabbing my arm and gripping it hard as she pulled me to her. "You stole Erik from me! He was in the cell next to me and he would always sing to me!" Her eyes softened a bit as she told me her story. "He has the most beautiful voice and it always made me forget that I was there to someday die." Her eyes became cold again, and her grip tightened around my arm and caused me to cry out as warm droplets of blood started to form under her nails. "Then you come along and he's forgotten me."
I shook my head, fear welling up in me. She was a criminal, sent to death row for a crime she had committed and here she was, angry as all hell with me, a death grip on my arm. I couldn't fight her, I knew this. She was far too strong for me and with out a doubt more experienced in the fighting world. All I could do was hope for the best.
"I'm sorry. Erik and I knew each other long before he was imprisoned. And I-I didn't expect him to meet anyone in prison." I shook my head, pleading to my captor with my eyes and my voice to let me go. "I didn't mean any harm. I-I just wanted my dear friend back." She pushed me away from her, turning her back and crossing her arms, refusing to look at me.
"Well, you've gotten him back. And I hope you two have a wonderful life, living on the run." She was hurt, but angrier that she had been pushed aside for some common, plain looking girl. I knew that's what she was thinking, because it's what I was thinking. Why me? Why was I the one that Erik chose? I would ask him, but latter. Much, much later.
"I'm sorry." That was all I could say, all I could choke out of my constricting throat as I struggled not to cry. I felt sorry for her, knowing full well what it felt like to be rejected by some one you loved for another person. It hurt so much, leaving a hole with in your heart, putting a dark cloud over your life. At least, that's what it did to me, and that's what I felt it was doing to her.
"Delilah! I didn't expect you here." My reveries were cut short as Erik returned, carrying a small tray that seemed to carry a bowl of hot soup, some water, and some crackers. "I'm sorry, my dear, that I cannot offer you much more then this." He smiled sadly at me, putting the tray down on the floor next to the bed. The left side of his face was turning a bit red, and I knew that under his mask, his right side was too. He was nervous from me still being wrapped in just the blanket. He had counted on my being dressed by the time he returned.
"It's alright Erik!" I smiled, making my voice soft and straining to keep it under control, still very afraid of this Delilah woman. "I'm sure it's wonderful and very filling." As I sat down on the bed beside the soup, prompting to take a bite, I looked up to see Delilah leaving.
"I have to go." Her voice echoed a bit as she called back. I knew she was only talking to Erik, ignoring me. She wished I didn't exist, and so she planned on pretending that I didn't, hoping that I just disappeared.
"Oh Erik." I stood up, tears over flowing in my eyes as I forgot the towel I was in and threw my arms around his neck. My blanket made an attempt to crash down to the floor, but Erik's quick hands saved it. He wrapped it, as well as his arms, around me and just held me close to him, hushing me and rubbing my back. I was trembling, and I could feel that he was too, but for a different reason. He had never had much physical contact, and I knew that this was making him uncomfortable. I didn't care, though I did think about it. I just needed him to hold me so much then. I had almost lost him, more times then I knew or had dared to guess. And it frightened me; it frightened me so much that I just couldn't bear leaving him again. I had to tell him how I truly felt.
"Erik.. I..." I turned my face up to his, looking deep with in his yellow eyes to see if I could find the same feelings I knew I had. But it was always so hard to read him and his feelings, so I had to risk it, to risk everything. "I love you."
And I am afraid, my friends, that that is all this dream has allowed me to see. I hope by telling this to you all, that the ending will be revealed to me.
I do not know where this dream will lead, for it has not yet come to an end. Each time this dream chooses to come to me, it always ends in the same, memorable spot. A spot that never fails to escape my thoughts the following day. It leaves me in a void, a dark place that leaves my heart and soul yearning, begging, for more. I apologize if I leave you with the same feeling, for I do not intend to leave out the smallest detail, the smallest feeling that I can in this, the story of my dream within.
******************************************************************
The wind blew cold, stinging the skin and burning the eyes. It picked up salt from the ocean in front of me and filled my nostrils with the strong, unavoidable scent of it. My eyes stung both with the fierceness of the wind and with the tears filling them, my salt mixing with the ocean's.
The ocean; a sight that until this day used to fill me with such wonder, such pure joy. Wondering what's going on under its calm waters, what beautiful creatures are swimming their lives away under the waves. The way the water sparkled under the sunlight during the day, how it reflected the moon and stars during the night. All this I loved, and all this set me in a state of calm, wonderfully relaxed feelings. But today was different. Today they were transferring the high security prisoners onto the executioners boat. The boat that carries the over flow of death row inmates to the middle of the ocean where they are shot and tossed over board.
As I stood on the upper dock in my long white gown, searching for the familiar walk of a man I used to know, I hardly noticed the two figures standing next to me. The two figures of my best friends standing ever faithfully beside me, the only thing I would have left after this day. But I feared that happiness would be short lived around them. You see, they were both homosexual and had found happiness with each other and I knew that their happiness would only push me deeper into a void of loneliness.
"Isn't that him?" The taller of my friends said. He had long blond hair and bright inquisitive eyes, always the first to notice anything. His name was Jason, and he had a strong, protective yet feminine look to him. He was pointing to the middle of a long line walking up the docks to board the boat.
My hands flew to my mouth as the tears came fresh to my eyes and I felt my knees shake. "It's him. Oh it's him!" I buried my face in my hands, crying freely as the shorter, more feminine Jamie wrapped his arms around me. He was always the one with the bigger heart, always waiting to comfort or inspire. I needed him now, more then I ever needed any one. "I can't stand it Jamie! I just can't stand it! They're going to take him out there and murder him and then just toss his body into the ocean!!" I sobbed then, unable to finish my thought as Jamie hushed me, rubbing my back.
"I know dear, I know. And they said he was a monster when in fact they are! Taking those poor people out there to murder them." Jamie kissed my forehead, still rubbing my back. I knew he was trying to sound like my upset feelings were justified, but I felt him shaking his head at Jason. They both thought that I was crazy, that I never should have associated myself with some one who referred to themselves as the world's most efficient assassin. They couldn't understand why I'd rather spend my time in a small home in the basement of an Opera house rather then at the movies with friends or finding myself a boyfriend to care for me in life. I myself couldn't understand why I was so drawn to this much older man, but I always longed so for his company.
"I can't take this anymore!" I pushed myself from Jamie, my heart over flowing with grief and unable to take the pain anymore. I would rather die then spend the rest of my life with out the company of my dear friend. "Erik!" I cried out pathetically as I threw myself off the upper dock into the salt water, just hoping that he saw me before I hit the water, or that he didn't see me as I smashed into one of the lower walkways.
The water was cold around me, sending a shock through my system and causing me to inhale, water invading my lungs forcefully. I opened my eyes, my tears no longer my own but belonging to the ocean. I couldn't see, the water too murky to let light penetrate through. I cried then more, not because I was going to die, but because the ocean wasn't the dream I thought it to be. It wasn't clear, there weren't any exotic, beautiful fish swimming where I was. I cried because two of my dreams were broken this day, and I would be broken with them.
I stopped moving, stropped waving my arms and legs through the murky water as my lungs started to burn. They begged for air, begged for me to struggle my way to the surface of the water. But my heart cried no, my heart ached much stronger then my lungs and begged me to stay below, to end it's misery. I was always one to follow my heart, so I stayed below in what I knew would become my final resting place. Mine and Erik's final resting place together. We would finally be together, away from the world and what they would perceive of us.
I closed my eyes, waiting for the arms of death to encompass me in their cold embrace, to take me in his arms as a well-known lover. And then finally I felt it, felt his arms wrapping around my now limp body as consciousness started to slip from my grasp. I opened my eyes to catch a glimpse of the mystery that is death, and what I saw shocked me back into a state of wakeful amazement. The face staring back at me was the terribly scared face of the man I was giving my life to be with. I tried to work out the problem in my head, but the lack of oxygen had made me quite dizzy and I felt myself passing out again.
The next thing I remember was lying on a lumpy mattress inside a room I was not familiar with. I used what little strength I seemed to have and I propped myself up on one elbow. A cold draft after doing so made me look down at myself. A slightly frightened gasp escaped my mouth as I realized that I was naked underneath a thin white sheet and a thick, scratchy gray blanket. I was also dry, all save my hair. A quickly pulled the covers over my exposed body and looked around. I was in a room that was longer then it was wide, and very plain and dull; the walls where concrete and there was very little occupying the space with in the room. It dawned on me then that I was in some sort of jail cell, yet I still had no idea where I was.
Footsteps came to me from down the hall and I made a feeble attempt to hide with in the blanket and my cell. I started shivering, becoming very frightened from not knowing who was coming down the hall towards my cell. My heart was beating fast, felling as if it wanted to burst out of my chest and find a new home. I apologized to my poor heart, knowing how much pain and suffering I had put it through. I didn't blame it for wanting to leave me.
"My dear? Are you awake?" My heart was calmed slightly by the soft, male voice I heard, but my head started to spin. It was a voice that was at once powerful and angelic. It sounded so much like my dear, sweet Erik but my heart and head both tried to argue with me that it could not be him. He had to be dead by now, just as I should be, but as I heard the bars creak open, and the soft steps come in, I removed the blanket from my head and face to see what fate would befall me.
"Erik!" I cried, over joyed to see the horribly deformed face of my good friend. Just as I didn't care that I was naked, or that he wasn't wearing the mask he always did, I jumped up, clasping the blanket to me, and fell into his strong embrace. I started crying, wondering how this could have come to be, how we were allowed to find each other again and to find our happiness. "I was frightened Erik. I didn't know where I was and I didn't know who was coming. I thought I had lost you forever."
He hushed me, wrapping the blanket more firmly around me. He has always been a gentile, thoughtful and polite man, and I knew the thought of the blanket falling from my body worried him and made him uncomfortable. He had never had much human contact through out his life, due to the grotesqueness of his face, and it took a great deal of time before he would even touch my hand. I had taken pity on him, and promised him that I would never leave or ever hurt him. The truth is, I had fallen secretly in love with him.
"You're safe here, My Dear. Nothing will harm you and nothing will tear us apart again." He rubbed my back, his hands straying no further then the area between my shoulders as he strived to convince me that everything was okay again. I knew he was right, my heart knew that he was right, but everything else in me was still sure that there was some unseen evil that would once again try to separate us. "I brought you some clothes, My Dear Mina." He said to me, holding me away from him a bit with his hands on my shoulders.
I looked up at him, my eyes red and the area around them puffy from the time I had spent crying. I felt a stir of helplessness with in me, though everything around me displayed nothing but hope. Erik stepped away from me and reached down to pick up a bundle of clothing dropped gracelessly on the cold ground. He handed them to me with a soft, fond look in his eyes.
"Thank you Erik." I said, smiling as I felt with in me the same fondness I saw in his eyes. I gazed at him, feeling his eyes staring at me with nothing but admiration. I knew he loved me as I loved him, but neither of us had dared to mention our feelings to the other, though I knew with out a doubt that we would spend the rest of our lives together. I took the clothes from him and laid them out on the bed, carefully keeping the blankets around me. The clothes weren't the quality I usually received from him, but they felt warm and clean. I smiled at him over my shoulder, feeling my face flush a bit, suddenly seeming to realize that I was only wrapped in a blanket.
"You're perfect, Mina." He said to me, a soft smile of admiration on his lips as he looked at me. I wasn't sure at all what to say, only for the first time hearing him say something that may even be the slightest bit in connection with my body. Erik had never been too comfortable with human contact, or talk of such things as making love. I knew one day we would though. One day we would have a family of our own.
"Thank you, Erik." My voice was quiet, wavering a little bit out of embarrassment. I was about as used to complements as Erik was to my soft kisses on the cheek. He chuckled a bit as he turned to leave the cell we were both in at the moment, for that's all it could have been, a cell. This raised a question in me. "Erik," he stopped and turned to look at me. "Erik. Where are we?" He came back to me, putting his arms gently around my shoulders and holding me close to his hard, muscular body.
"I will tell you everything, My Dear, once you are changed and have had some food." He slowly leaned down towards me, and before I was able to think about it, he had given me a soft, quick kiss on my lips. I drew in breath, looking wide-eyed at him as he walked away and out of the cell. I stayed that way for quite a while, shocked at what he had done. I never thought that he would be the one to make such a move, such a step forward in our relationship together.
I smiled then, turning back towards the clean clothes lying on the bed and I dropped the blanket. I had always been very self-conscious of my body, and would never have thought of exposing myself like I just had if I knew some one was watching. But the thing is, I didn't know. I thought that I was secure, alone and safe in the peace of this cell. The sound of a woman clearing her throat told me other wise.
A gasped both in fright and embarrassment, turning quickly to face the sound and pulling the blanket once again around my body. There was indeed a woman standing there, outside my cell. She was taller then me, and much skinner with thick, dark black hair and piercing gray eyes. It was also quite obvious that she was upset about something. Though what, I could not yet at this moment guess.
"Oh don't worry about covering yourself up, dear." Her voice was cold, hateful and it bit at my heart. "I want to see what it is that has Erik so infatuated with you. I want to see what you have that I don't." She spoke harshly, not at all wishing to be kind, or even considerate towards me. There was a deep hatred with in her voice, and it also held jealousy, as if I had taken something dear from her with out even trying.
"I-I don't know what you're talking about." The words stumbled from my mouth as I clutched the blanket as if it were the only thing keeping me from passing out.
"Don't give me that crap, child. You know very well what I'm talking about!" She lashed forward at me, grabbing my arm and gripping it hard as she pulled me to her. "You stole Erik from me! He was in the cell next to me and he would always sing to me!" Her eyes softened a bit as she told me her story. "He has the most beautiful voice and it always made me forget that I was there to someday die." Her eyes became cold again, and her grip tightened around my arm and caused me to cry out as warm droplets of blood started to form under her nails. "Then you come along and he's forgotten me."
I shook my head, fear welling up in me. She was a criminal, sent to death row for a crime she had committed and here she was, angry as all hell with me, a death grip on my arm. I couldn't fight her, I knew this. She was far too strong for me and with out a doubt more experienced in the fighting world. All I could do was hope for the best.
"I'm sorry. Erik and I knew each other long before he was imprisoned. And I-I didn't expect him to meet anyone in prison." I shook my head, pleading to my captor with my eyes and my voice to let me go. "I didn't mean any harm. I-I just wanted my dear friend back." She pushed me away from her, turning her back and crossing her arms, refusing to look at me.
"Well, you've gotten him back. And I hope you two have a wonderful life, living on the run." She was hurt, but angrier that she had been pushed aside for some common, plain looking girl. I knew that's what she was thinking, because it's what I was thinking. Why me? Why was I the one that Erik chose? I would ask him, but latter. Much, much later.
"I'm sorry." That was all I could say, all I could choke out of my constricting throat as I struggled not to cry. I felt sorry for her, knowing full well what it felt like to be rejected by some one you loved for another person. It hurt so much, leaving a hole with in your heart, putting a dark cloud over your life. At least, that's what it did to me, and that's what I felt it was doing to her.
"Delilah! I didn't expect you here." My reveries were cut short as Erik returned, carrying a small tray that seemed to carry a bowl of hot soup, some water, and some crackers. "I'm sorry, my dear, that I cannot offer you much more then this." He smiled sadly at me, putting the tray down on the floor next to the bed. The left side of his face was turning a bit red, and I knew that under his mask, his right side was too. He was nervous from me still being wrapped in just the blanket. He had counted on my being dressed by the time he returned.
"It's alright Erik!" I smiled, making my voice soft and straining to keep it under control, still very afraid of this Delilah woman. "I'm sure it's wonderful and very filling." As I sat down on the bed beside the soup, prompting to take a bite, I looked up to see Delilah leaving.
"I have to go." Her voice echoed a bit as she called back. I knew she was only talking to Erik, ignoring me. She wished I didn't exist, and so she planned on pretending that I didn't, hoping that I just disappeared.
"Oh Erik." I stood up, tears over flowing in my eyes as I forgot the towel I was in and threw my arms around his neck. My blanket made an attempt to crash down to the floor, but Erik's quick hands saved it. He wrapped it, as well as his arms, around me and just held me close to him, hushing me and rubbing my back. I was trembling, and I could feel that he was too, but for a different reason. He had never had much physical contact, and I knew that this was making him uncomfortable. I didn't care, though I did think about it. I just needed him to hold me so much then. I had almost lost him, more times then I knew or had dared to guess. And it frightened me; it frightened me so much that I just couldn't bear leaving him again. I had to tell him how I truly felt.
"Erik.. I..." I turned my face up to his, looking deep with in his yellow eyes to see if I could find the same feelings I knew I had. But it was always so hard to read him and his feelings, so I had to risk it, to risk everything. "I love you."
And I am afraid, my friends, that that is all this dream has allowed me to see. I hope by telling this to you all, that the ending will be revealed to me.