A/N::: Before I begin this story I have something very, very important to say. I would really like to thank two people. Number 1, Courty-Court! Thank you so much for being my very first reviewer… ever. After reading your review I just wanted to smile forever and ever. And secondly I'd like to thank born-to-be-a-shocker. It was his story, Oh Please, that inspired me to write this fanfic, and then when he reviewed my fic saying he liked it… I don't even think I can express how happy that made me. I wanted to cry, but not because I was sad, but because I was filled with a wonderful happiness that I have only felt once before. So thank you so much, because of your reviews, I just want to smile until my very last days! And so I dedicate this fic to you!

A/N #2::: I'm sorry, but I felt that I should say something about the story itself! Please forgive my ramblings. blushes and bows The story can be read as a one-shot (the beginning anyway) but I will continue it as an on-going fic. The intro is a song fic, but the rest will be just a regular story. This chapter is meant to be a sort of prequel of sorts. (I'm not sure if prequel is the correct word though… please forgive me!)

Also, I'm sure some of you are wondering why this story was posted and then deleted three times, so I'm going to take a quick second to explain. The first time was because after posting it, I realized I forgot to edit and there was a lot I wanted to change. The second time was when I realized I wrote one shot in the intro, but this isn't a one shot! And the third time was when I realized I posted at 11:00... on a Saturday. I realized no one reads fanfic at 11 on a Saturday (except me who is sick at the moment) so... I decided to repost at a time when more people read. So please forgive me again!!!!!

:::♥And so I give to you… On My Own♥:::

And now I'm all alone again

Ryan hated it. He absolutely hated it. He was always alone- he had no one. He had no friends, just people who hung around him because Sharpay was there. They didn't care about him, much less notice him half the time. Even if he were to talk to them, they'd just ignore him, as if he were some fly that'd go away if you swatted at it. Sharpay was their goddess and all he was to them was another worshiper who had no significance to them or anyone else at all.

Sharpay. She didn't care about him, not really. Her heart was cold and she was vain, the only one she'd ever care about was herself. The pain she could cause, the lives she had ruined... don't think for one second she was oblivious to it. She knew quite well what she had done; it just didn't matter. Her happiness was most important, and if someone where to get in the way of that happiness, she would destroy them, without a single after thought.

And their parents, their parents worshiped at Sharpay's feet, just like all of her friends did. Ryan didn't mean anything to them, just an extra child that happened to pop out when she was born. For all they cared, he was just another one of the house servants who happened to eat dinner with them and go places with them. As long as he went unnoticed, they didn't care what he did. He could have become a twenty dollar man whore, and they'd pat him on the head and say "good job" and then go back to what they were doing, completely forgetting they even had a son

Nowhere to turn, no one to go to
without a home, without a friend
without a face to say hello to

For as long as he could possibly remember, he had kept everything locked away in his heart. Any pain he felt, he kept it hidden because he had no one to share it with. Whenever he felt sad, he was forced to keep it to himself because no one cared. No one would ever care. He was just Sharpay's shadow and he meant nothing- not to anyone.

But now the night is near
And I can make-believe he's here

All he had was his fantasy, a little dream of his that he hoped would one day come true. It wasn't the kind of fantasy that most teenagers had- a new car or getting into a good college. He didn't care about those kinds of things. It wasn't anything silly either like becoming the richest man in the world or being on the cover of every major magazine in the world at once; he didn't care about those kinds of things either. Pretending that that person was beside him with the hope that this small dream would one day come- that was what he really wanted... more than anything in the world.

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping

No one ever knew... no one ever really cared to know, but in the dead of the night, Ryan would leave the house, and go for long walks. Even the street lights would be shut off, and he had only the moonlight to guide him to wherever he was going. The only problem was, he didn't know where that was. He had no destination, no place to finish after he had begun. Ryan desperately wanted that place to be his home, that he could just run away and fling himself into his arms and everything would be okay.

I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

But he knew that that would never happen. His house would never be a place for him to go. Even so, imagining he was here with him, walking side by side, sometimes hand in hand- that was good enough. During those late night walks, even just the thought of his smiling face was good enough.

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him 'til morning

Sometimes… no… almost always… he'd spend hours walking. He'd walk through the empty streets without anyone to disturb him. And he would imagine the two of them laughing, sometimes at everything and other times at nothing; maybe at a stupid joke one of them had told that really meant nothing. Ryan could picture his smile, full of joy, or his blushing face when Ryan smiled back.

Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me

And when Ryan would get cold, and shiver in the winter breeze, he'd picture him putting an arm around him and pulling Ryan closer until their bodies were touching, causing Ryan to turn a scarlet color. When he'd get lost from wondering aimlessly in his dream and ended up in a place that he didn't know, he'd close his eyes and there he was waiting to lead him back home again.

In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight

Just the thought of him being along side of him made everything seem beautiful. The pavement that had faded from its original color shone with a silver luster in the moonlight. The moonlight- its reflection blurred in the clear waters of the river that Ryan frequently walked along side of. Little specks of stars shone through the leaves of the trees, leaving spots in the shadows they created on the ground.

And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And it was times like these that made Ryan feel like they'd be together. Maybe not now, but sometime in the future, they'd be together. And it would be then that Ryan knew he'd get the happiness he deserved. Their love would last until their final moments on this earth and then carry on into the after life…

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him

But as the sun began to rise, reality hit him like a speeding truck. He wasn't right beside him. He was walking the streets alone. There was no arm around his shoulder, no face with cheeks rosy from the cold smiling down at him. The conversations they'd carry on weren't real- he'd been talking to himself.


And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us

Ryan knew that he was completely blind to the love that he felt toward him. He happily went about his days blissfully ignorant to the longing that was right behind him. But Ryan held tight to the hope that one day they'd definitely come together, that it was possibly meant to be.

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers

He loved him. He loved that person with all his heart. But when morning came, and he could no longer believe that he was beside him misery descended upon him once again. The pavement was cracked and old, the river dark and boring, no different than every other river in the world. There were no stars in the sky, and the trees were bare and dead. The moon was dull and gray- there was nothing spectacular about it at all. Without him beside him, Ryan felt as if all the beauty in the world had disappeared.

I love him
But every day I'm lonely
All my life I've only been pretending

The light of the morning sunrise illuminated the truth; Ryan was alone. These long they took together were just imagined, and he would never be walking along beside him and Ryan would stop for a moment and stare at the ground in disappointment.

Without me, his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness that I have never known

And Ryan knew that just like the echoing cry of the cicadas, or even the song that was in his head, his happiness that he had only imagined to escape the world that hated him so, would come to a bitter end. If he were to die, or if he were to disappear from this earth all together, he wouldn't even notice. He meant nothing to him.

I love him
I love him
I love him...
But only on my own...

Ryan loved Troy Bolton more than anyone could possibly love a person, but he knew that it was a one-sided love that was only for him…

E/N: Did you like it? I hope you did! It's okay if you didn't… but please don't send me harsh flames! They make me want to cry. Flames are okay though, just not mean ones… Anyway… review please. Oh, I almost forgot! In case anyone was wondering, the song used is One My Own from the musical Les Miserables! It's my favorite Broadway musical! (I've seen it three times in English and once in French!) –Pucchi Lapin♥

P.s. By the way… the first chapter is already written, but I want to see what people think of this first so it's super important to review if you'd like me to continue!!! –Pucchi Lapin♥